Later that night Tam sat outside under the boughs of the spreading peppercorn tree, staring into the night. The air was warm and scented from the nearby jasmine that climbed over the front fence. The sound of frogs croaking happily in the dam wafted through the night air along with the occasional hoot of an owl.
Tam was shattered after the break-up with Dylan but sitting here, listening to the night, eased the pain enough for her to breathe. She watched the moon’s reflection in the water and tried to find a little peace from the turmoil within her.
What she’d done was for the best, she reminded herself, at least for Dylan’s sake. But the more she sat quietly with her thoughts, and the realisation of what her life would be without him, the more she doubted her decision.
Dylan had always stood by her, even long before they were together. She closed her eyes and remembered walking down that dusty road from the Hendersons’ place. He’d been with her then, supporting her. He’d stayed with her on the worst day of her life and had never turned away; not even when she’d tried to push him.
She wanted him and loved him, so why was she so scared to have a full-blown relationship with him? It didn’t make any sense. Her hand reached for her pendant and she rolled it between her fingers.
A gentle breeze blew across the water, making it ripple. With a sigh she sat back against the garden seat. Perhaps she should follow Lix’s advice and find someone she could talk to. For the past couple of years, she’d wanted to pretend that everything was okay. She’d kept telling herself that she hadn’t been all right in the past and that her parents’ deaths had profoundly affected her but, with therapy and the help of a loving family, she’d made real progress. And that was true, or at least partially so. The problem was that there was still a tiny voice inside of her that would reach out through the darkness and snare her. It happened when she didn’t expect it, often when she was at her happiest. The voice condemned her, blamed her for the accident and whispered that she would never deserve happiness because of what she did.
Tam tried her best to ignore it but more often than not it sowed a seed and she would end up sabotaging herself, or her happiness. With Dylan it had been a little different. When they had just been sneaking around, the voice was held at bay but any time Dylan suggested going to the next level, it would hiss its vicious words in her ear. Then the nightmares of the past would plague her sleep until she started to pull away from Dylan. It was only when he would drop the idea that the voice would fade and the bad dreams dissipate.
Tam pulled her knees up and leant her arms on them. If she allowed this guilt and fear to control her life—she would end up not having one and she deserved more than that. Aunt Maddie had told her that and so had Lix and Dylan. Maybe it was time that she started to listen, before it was too late.
* * *
The next afternoon, Seb pulled into a car space in a high-rise parking lot in the middle of the city. He made his way to the lift on the far side of the building. It had taken him about an hour and forty-five minutes to get to Melbourne from Kangaroo Ridge as the drive down the Calder Highway had been pretty clear and he was able to make decent time. That had been the easy bit, it was meeting Gemma that would be … challenging.
Seb headed down Bourke Street, deciding to stop and grab a coffee to fortify himself before his encounter. The heady aroma of the coffee was mixed with the smell of exhaust fumes in the warm air. He’d always liked Melbourne, you could lose yourself for hours, and he liked being anonymous, not like in Kangaroo Ridge. Once, long ago, he’d toyed with the idea of moving down here, just for a couple of years. But things changed.
He kept going, over Elizabeth Street and through the Bourke Street Mall. There was a rumble as a tram ambled its way past him and Seb caught the faint scent of perfume as he walked past the front doors of Myer. Turning left at Swanston Street he walked about a block before he came to a small lane. He paused and looked at the dress shop that had a double window; one that faced the main street and the other that looked out into the busy lane. It was decked out with several mannequins modelling different styles as well as some handbags and other accessories. The sign above the window said Sweet & Savage Boutique. Seb frowned. Well, the savage part described Gemma, he wasn’t so sure about the sweet bit.
He started walking towards the busy shop. There was no point putting this off, even though he’d like to. He pushed open the door and stepped inside. The air smelt of white flowers and there was soft barely audible music playing in the background. It appeared to be quite busy and it was a bit difficult for him to navigate his way deeper into the shop. He glanced around but couldn’t spot Gemma, so he walked up to the counter.
‘Hi, can I help you?’ a girl with red shoulder-length hair and a quick smile asked.
‘Maybe. I’m looking for Gemma—Gemma Allen,’ Seb said. ‘I’m Seb Carrington, a friend of hers.’
‘Oh, okay. I won’t be a minute—Gem’s out the back,’ the girl said before she turned and disappeared through a thick curtain.
Seb waited by the counter. He gave an apologetic smile to the women behind him waiting to be served then looked straight ahead. The girl reappeared after a couple of minutes.
‘Gemma will be down in a moment,’ she said with a smile.
‘Thanks.’ Seb stepped to one side to get out of the way.
Before long, a slim blonde walked out from behind the curtain. A frown danced across his brows for a second. She looked different somehow, maybe it was because she’d grown her hair out a bit and it was pulled back in an updo.
She looked around the shop and then her pale blue eyes pinpointed him and she strode over.
‘God, what’s happened? Is Tam all right?’ she asked in a low voice so she wouldn’t be overheard.
‘She’s okay,’ Seb answered quickly.
Gemma narrowed her eyes. ‘Then why are you here?’
‘Can we talk somewhere?’
‘Is this an emergency?’ Gemma asked. ‘Or can it wait until I close the shop?’
‘It can wait.’
‘Okay, good,’ Gemma said. ‘We close at five thirty, come back then.’
Seb nodded and started to turn away until he felt her hand touch his arm. He looked back at her expectantly.
‘You’re sure she’s all right?’ she asked.
‘Yeah, I promise,’ Seb replied.
‘Okay.’ Gemma let go of his arm and took a step back. ‘I’ll see you later.’
‘You can count on it,’ Seb said before he wound his way back through the shop and out the front door.
* * *
Seb made his way back towards Gemma’s shop around five o’clock. He’d already killed a couple of hours having a look around and doing a little shopping and he figured he could have a coffee at a cafe he’d seen near her shop until she finished work.
He sat by the window nursing his coffee and glanced across the street to the Sweet & Savage Boutique. At least she’d been willing to talk to him, he supposed that was something. He took another sip of the coffee. It was probably mostly his fault that he didn’t get along with Gemma. Like Maddie had said, he had to own that.
Over the years he had tended to blame Gemma for leading Tam astray. It was easier to be mad at an outsider rather than his twin sister. But maybe that had been unfair.
Maybe it was because of his attitude that Gemma had become cold and sometimes downright argumentative whenever they were in the same room.
He just hoped that she could put all of that aside and tell him what had really happened at the Henderson party. Seb took another sip of his coffee. Maybe he should apologise to her as well—it wouldn’t hurt.