Chapter 18

 

Alex sensed something wet touch her face, and sheer adrenaline and fear flooded her system in response. The oppressive water must surely be upon her, Alex thought, and she began to fight in earnest to come out of the waves. She felt something far greater holding her down, and she fought even harder. Alex wanted to cry out, but she was so afraid of inhaling the tar again.

Voices began to cut through the nightmare she was living in, and she heard Gaius and then Ganymede. Alex became aware of their auras, and the Light and warmth from two whom she loved so much completely surrounded her. She felt their power, rather than the Fallen’s auras, and slowly she came back to the place where they existed.

Alex’s eyes fluttered open, and she beheld Ganymede sitting on the side of the bed to her right, holding her hands in one of his. His other arm lay over her legs. Gaius was on her left, gently smoothing a cool cloth over her brow. Her eyes turned to Gaius and she felt such shame engulf her that it rolled thick and heavy through her aura.

“Shhh, sweetheart. It’s alright, we have you. You are safe, Alex,” Gaius whispered.

She closed her eyes while tears streamed down her face. Her whole body shook from the despair she felt at the moment. She had been fighting against them, Alex realized now, and she could not meet their gaze.

Ganymede released his hold on her hands and legs, and then he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her back. Without a word, he lifted Alex’s torso up off the bed and cradled her head against his heart. He kissed her forehead and began to slowly rock her as he gently caressed her back.

Alex’s silent tears became a river as she buried her face in Ganymede’s chest and let the torrent run free. She sobbed aloud while he held her. Alex let the full store of hurt and emotion work its way out, which she had soaked up from all the malevolent scenes she had witnessed. She could feel Haniel in the room then, and Gaius’ hand on her leg.

A knock sounded on their bedroom door, and she felt Ahadi and then Elrick enter as Haniel called them inside. But Alex could not face anyone, so deeply ashamed was she at present. So she held to her angelic father, in the hope that he would forgive her for striking out at him.

Haniel quietly asked Ahadi and Elrick to give them a few minutes of privacy. The three talked with one another briefly, and then the door opened and her two fellow immortals were gone.

“Alexandria, look at me now,” Ganymede said softly, as he slowly leaned away. She did as he asked and silently raised her wounded eyes to his.

“There is no need for this shame that is billowing away from your body in waves, daughter. You were not in the same realm with us, and you did not know that it was me holding you in place. I know you thought you were fighting the waves again, and that means your struggle was a good thing. For it shows me that you were giving the effort to return to Gaius, and all of us, everything you had. Be not ashamed, Alexandria, for you have done nothing wrong,” he said, love and truthfulness flowing on the currents of his power.

“I’m so sorry, Ganymede,” she cried, though she tried to fight the onslaught. “I never meant to strike you. Never,” Alex breathed as fresh tears sprang forth from her confession.

“No, of course you did not,” he said and smiled tenderly. “Gaius, may I hold the cloth?”

He took it in hand and gently wiped her face clean. Ganymede murmured words of reassurance and love as he did so. Alex finally felt the deluge of her tears lessen, and she turned her eyes back to Gaius.

“Did I hurt you?” she whispered, so afraid that she had.

“No, sweetheart, you did not touch me. Ganymede had you before I was even awake.” He smiled reassuringly, reaching out to smooth her hair back. “Alex, we aren’t harmed, so let that worry leave you now. Believe us, and trust us. We are fine.”

Alex reached out and took Gaius’ hand in hers. His thumb began to sweep across her skin, and she looked down at the tender touch. She sensed no anger or disappointment from his aura, and it caused her breathing to become a little more relaxed. She felt his other palm glide over the top of her head again as he sought to comfort her further.

“Alex, can you tell us what you were seeing?” Gaius asked softly.

Her eyes flickered back up to meet his, and she slowly nodded her head. “I saw Asterron again, and the moment Anot’s mother found him. Banafrit finally located him, after years of searching, and she entered his home. She confronted him, Gaius, wanting her son and he hurt her so badly,” Alex said softly as her voice caught on her last words. More tears began to flow, and Alex did not try to rein them in. Rather, she mourned the loss of a life that should never have been cut low before its time.

Gaius looked from Alex to Ganymede. Haniel walked around the bed and stood next to Alex and his brother so he could be closer to all three. Gaius turned his eyes to his own father.

“Was she back in your waters watching this?” he asked, finding his own voice slightly strained now.

“No, son, she was not,” Haniel said, as he settled a hand on Alex’s back. “She was in her own waters, looking into the access Alexandria has to this world’s past. Though Asterron was part of that memory, Banafrit was human and, therefore, the memory belongs to the mortal world’s history, too.”

“Do you all want to see what I witnessed?” Alex asked hesitantly, looking again at Gaius first and then her father.

“Yes, Alexandria. Let us see what you did. We can help you bear the distress and unease you’re feeling, if we understand it all,” Ganymede said, taking her right hand in between his.

Alex held on to Gaius’ hand with her left and let her eyes roll closed again. She connected with the three minds in the room with her and took them back through each harrowing moment. When she reopened her eyes at the close of the memory, she found that Ganymede was gently cleaning her newest tears away with the cloth again. But Alex also noted that he had fresh tears gathering in his eyes as well.

“I’m sorry, Father. I know all of this is so painful for you, Haniel, and the other angels. I’m sorry you have to keep witnessing your former brothers committing such violent sins over and over. I wish there was some way to stop it all,” Alex said, taking her hand from between his and smoothing his tears away.

Ganymede smiled affectionately at Alex, despite his own grief. “Daughter, remember what I told you in your parents’ garden when you called on me for answers after Bertrand came? I explained that there are those of the Light and the darkness. I said that this is a struggle and a battle that has been waged for longer than any mortal can fathom and, though our hearts might want it to end, the darkness is not going away anytime soon. But neither is the Light,” he countered.

“As I also told you last night in the library, evil does not like to lose, nor does it lessen its hold on another easily. Once that darkness invades a mind - a soul - it is very, very hard to combat. Just as the metal bearing that energy, Dalkeenan, is difficult to fight against when it slides into a body. The cold spreads out, as you know, and it works with a will of its own to destroy,” Ganymede said gravely.

“That, Alexandria, is why I wanted you to feel what their metal could do to your aura in form, and what, subsequently, you could do to it. For when you are in that form, you are Light, daughter. His Light. And the Light shall outshine the darkness every time. I needed you to see that you can never be felled by such malevolent intent, if you face your opponent in the way the Lord fashioned for you in this lifetime. He has no intention of letting you fall to His exiled usurpers, ever again.”

“I understand, Ganymede,” Alex said, nodding slowly.

Ganymede paused briefly and studied Alex’s face before he spoke again.

“Alexandria, I know you have been pondering how you might save the Fallen’s children, and I must caution you to be very careful as your mind travels in this direction. It would be exceedingly dangerous for you to challenge them all, and try to take their children from them. There would be no holding the horde back then, for all of our banished brothers would fight your initiative. It would bring war and bloodshed down on you and all of your kind, the likes of which you have never considered,” Ganymede said somberly.

Alex’s eyes grew larger as she stared at her angelic father. He slowly nodded and she nodded once in return. She felt Gaius’ hand tighten slightly around hers, as if he wanted to hold her at his side, far away from the Fallen.

“You’re right,” Alex conceded. “I’ve already thought several times that I wanted to save their children, take them away while they’re still young and give them back to their mothers. But it has only been a thought, a hope, not an actual plan of action.”

“Yes, it is a desire that we have all felt across the ages,” Ganymede agreed. “No one wants to see a child hurt in such a way, Alexandria. No one, angel nor Nephilim. But, consider what your touch did to Kronis, Alexandria. And he was the one lone child of a Fallen who allowed such a touch from one born of the Light,” Ganymede gently explained.

“It seemed to be tearing him apart from within,” Alex said sadly. “As though the Light and darkness within him were waging a battle of their own, and all Kronis could do was try to function around the war within his body and mind.”

“Yes,” he said regrettably. “And if you touched another with the intent of wiping all that darkness away, even one as young as the age of six or seven, it would feel the same to them. Torturous. You know this, for you have witnessed the pain they feel when you lay a hand on them and search through their memories.”

“Their children are half of what they are. They are made of that darkness, just as you are made of the Light. And though they have a few years with their mortal mothers, their fathers call to them, just as I and my brothers call to you and your kind, Alexandria. There is a pull toward the darkness for them from birth.”

“The one fact that has always given us hope that the children of the Fallen might overcome their fathers’ darkness, is that they are also born to human mothers. And that portion of humanity within them does make them feel and remember. No matter what their fathers do, they are half of this mortal coil, and they have minds of their own. They can choose a different path,” Ganymede said with a slight twinge of hopefulness in his voice.

“But, Ganymede, I touched Anot as he lay dying from my sword cutting into his chest, and he was not hurt from my aura. The Light cascaded over him, and it took all of his pain and hurt away. It soothed him, just as your Light ended Kronis’ pain as he drew his last breaths. Why were those moments different?” Alex asked, deeply curious about the variation.

“You already know the answer, for you have said it several times since your transition, Alexandria,” he said, smiling gently at her.

“I have?”

“Yes, you have. Your Light gives them what they need, not what they want. And it adapts to the need of the soul you are working with in the moment. In those two instances, there was nothing left for the Light to combat. For both Kronis and Anot chose to come home in their last moments,” Ganymede said, and Alex drew in a deep breath.

“Anot did come home?” she whispered. Alex had wondered, but not known for sure that he had called on the Lord as she implored him to.

“He did, Alexandria. I, nor Haniel, have yet to tell you or Gaius, but it is true. Anot repented and asked that he might spend eternity with the one who had given Banafrit and Nakhti life. With the one Father who loved them all, and who would truly shelter and care for them for all time. Through your Light, Anot and Kronis found a way out of the darkness, and we are all greatly encouraged that such came to pass,” Ganymede said and smiled.

“But, Alexandria, your Light sheltered them as they died, because they were coming home to the Lord. They were beating back the darkness themselves, of their own free will. And it was wholly their choice, not yours. Not something your Light forced on them,” Haniel said, still lightly caressing her back as he looked down at her.

“If you were to do that to a child, one who was not reaching out to you, then you can clearly see what a mistake that would be. Imagine if Ganymede had not come to you when you were eight to give you a reprieve, but rather Rangor had found you and touched you,” Haniel said solemnly.

Alex stared at him in stunned silence, for she had never contemplated the alternative to what truly happened that night so long ago.

“What would that internal battle have felt like to your young mind, and how could such a young consciousness understand what was happening and combat it? You have also thought over the last two years that you were glad your father postponed the choice you had to make to return to the Nephilim. For you’ve admitted to yourself that you would never have made it through to adulthood if he had not intervened,” said Haniel, smiling gently at her.

“Did my soul do that to Kronis? Did I force my touch on him?” Alex whispered, seeing clearly back into the memory of her soul as Arianna stepping closer to him and laying her palm alongside Kronis’ cheek. “He was railing against me when I touched his face.”

“Alexandria, Kronis knew why you and he were standing on that cliff top,” Ganymede replied. “Now that we all have access to those memories, and we have had time and distance to think through it all and see it clearly, his path and his choice was obvious. He came to meet you there, with no one forcing him. He wanted to hear what you had to say and offer.”

“And when you approached him physically, Kronis may have used words to resist you momentarily, but he never once reached out to stop you. Never did he touch you to ward you off, and never did he lift his sword. Kronis knew what you were about to do, and he allowed it.”

“Alex,” Gaius said softly, and she turned her eyes to his. “Think back to that specific memory of your soul on the cliff top, just after you touched Kronis and the Light traveled within him. You told him that you had seen many a child indoctrinated as he was. Abused and reared to believe that their path lay in the direction his life had been traveling – one of pain and suffering. You also said that he could surmount it all if he had the will to change, to want it so badly that he overcame that which he had been taught to be.”

“The same is true for all the children of the Fallen, sweetheart. There must come a point for them, where they no longer want the darkness or evil, but rather they want the Light and deliverance. And they must want what is right badly enough that they overcome it all and reach out of their own accord. They know we’re here, and that our kind always comes bearing the choice. They’ve only to reach out a hand, and we will be there to take it,” Gaius said, his eyes softening as he saw Alex’s do the same.

“I do understand,” she said. “And I want all three of you to know that I am not planning any secret crusades, nor any action that would put my fellow immortals in jeopardy. For as much as I want to save them all, I can’t sacrifice my own, or open the door for the demons to just march in and take everyone.” She exhaled and shook her head slowly, as she looked from Gaius to the two angels.

“No,” Ganymede chuckled, “we are not thinking this is your plan, Alexandria. But we do know you, and we know how your kind and loving heart works. Even if you cannot save them all, you still want to. We are only trying to help you look at it all logically, so your heart is not leading your mind, and placing you and your brethren in an untenable position. We want you all to survive, and calling the Fallen in total down upon you, would not make that possible.”

“Yes, I know,” Alex breathed, suddenly feeling so very tired. “What time is it?”

“Just a little after seven,” Gaius answered, as he looked briefly at the mantel clock. “You slept peacefully throughout most of the night, and I was so glad to see most of your slumber uninterrupted. You needed that after yesterday.”

“If you were watching me, did you get any sleep?” she asked as a slow grin spread across her face.

“I did sleep, when your stomach was not grumbling and waking me up,” he chuckled and smoothed his hand back over her hair.

“Oh my goodness!” Alex chuckled with him. “I’m sorry.”

Gaius only shook his head at her and smiled.

“Why don’t we leave you to rest a little longer? But I think breakfast is called for sooner, rather than later,” Ganymede said. He leaned forward and hugged Alex, then he turned and did the same for Gaius. “Thank you, Gaius, for taking such good care of my daughter.”

“What else would I do?” he asked, grinning over the impromptu embrace.

“Indeed,” Ganymede said as he stood.

Haniel bent and gave Alex a warm hug, then he reached out to touch Gaius’ hand. Both angels departed together, stepping back and out of sight. Alex let her eyes drift over to Gaius and she found him still smiling at her. Her smile grew, and a soft chuckle escaped her lips. He arched an eyebrow at her, wondering what was setting her off at the moment. Alex read the question on his face clearly and it made her laugh a little more.

“I was just thinking, that it was a good thing I was so cold when we went to bed.”

“What?” he asked, furrowing his brow.

“Well, we were both dressed this time when our fathers came into the room, and you didn’t have to slip your pajama pants back on in front of them,” Alex said innocently, though she was grinning impishly at him as she said the words.

“Come here,” Gaius growled, and reached out for her so quickly she yelped.

They both fell back against the bed laughing and holding to one another. Gaius moved to settle Alex at his side, and he stared down at the mischievous glint playing in her eyes. He shook his head at her and then leaned down to settle his lips on hers. Alex wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. She giggled against his lips until he began to deepen the kiss, and then she was lost to his touch.

“Are you still cold?” Gaius asked as his lips moved over to her ear and neck.

“No,” Alex breathed, turning her head to give him better access. “Why?”

“You’ll see.” He smiled, and then set about unbuttoning and removing her flannel pajamas in the wake of the path his lips and hands charted over her skin.

Soon, they were carried away on the currents of a different kind. He rolled over and brought Alex with him, settling her atop his body and giving her control of the love they shared. They smiled at one another and held to the gift of their bond, as passion moved through them and their auras.

Gaius could not seem to touch or kiss Alex enough, nor she him, as they tried to savor all of the love flowing from their power and bodies. And as Alex found her surrender with Gaius, she allowed herself to be completely swept away. Swept away by love, compassion, and honesty, not the tides and images that had been pulling her under of late.