Chapter 43

 

Breakfast the following morning was a relaxed affair, with conversation and banter flowing easily. Than learned quickly that Wallace and Rohan had much in common, from their protective stance over those they loved, to their ready, dry wit. Conner was a little more laid back, but he also kept a close eye on his family. Yet, even with their eagle eye, Than observed that Alex’s brothers never interfered when someone within the gathering pulled Alex or one of their wives into their arms.

Alex’s words that there were many different kinds of love echoed in his mind, and he began to see that this was true among the Groabans and immortals. Affection was given freely and effortlessly. And each time Alex reached out for him, Than felt a little less ostracized. Like he actually did belong.

He remained with Alex, Gaius, and Elrick when they volunteered to clean the dining room and kitchen. They found Ganymede and Barachiel already in the kitchen as they approached and, together, they had the chore taken care of quickly. Alex washed her hands after the last plate was placed in a dishwasher, and told Than to prepare himself.

Than angled his head at her, as Gaius and Elrick laughed. He asked her what she meant, and Alex began to explain how her mother went overboard with decorations at Christmastime. And with so many hands about to lend aid, the Manor would soon be filled with scents and items associated with the season.

Again, Alex told Than he could hang back and just watch, or go for a ride on one of their horses if it all proved too much. But he shook his head in denial and asked to remain with Gaius and her. He said he could not learn unless he tried, so together they all went in search of Lady Juliana.

They found her right where Alex suspected she would be. She was in the attic with a pad and pen, talking with Rohan, Wallace, Sabina, Ahadi, and many, many more. Alex moved alongside Sabina and Ahadi while she swept her hair up and clipped it in place, readying herself for a long day of decorating. Both of her immortal sisters gave her a gentle hug, and Alex held on to each for several moments before she released them.

Soon, trees, garland, Nativity sets, candles, and wreaths were carefully being moved into place. Than helped Alex and Gaius attach the long strands of garland that swept along the grand staircase’s handrailing. Alex moved behind the two men, gently weaving tiny lights into the greenery and humming as she did so. Cara stayed close to her side, and Alex paused often to talk with her and caress her head.

When that task was accomplished, they worked toward making the foyer look like the sketch Lady Juliana had given Alex. Than paused at one point and let his eyes roam over the space and staircase before them. Alex noticed his observation and she glanced at Gaius. He winked at her as he handed her the next ornamental tree her mother wanted positioned near the base of the stairs.

“I told you she likes to go overboard.” Alex smiled, and Than turned back at her words.

“She does,” he conceded, then moved closer and touched a small Christmas tree still sticking out of a box. “Why do you place all of this out? I’ve always wondered what the point in it all was.”

“Well, there are different stories and traditions that go along with some of the items we set about the place but, honestly, I think we do it year after year because of this,” Alex said, gesturing in the air between the two of them.

“What do you mean?” Than asked, his brow furrowing for understanding.

“You see, we’re spending time together right now… as a family. And when we place our decorations out, we’re usually reminded of the stories and shared experiences behind certain pieces. Like the garland we just attached to the banister, for instance. I remember Jameason finding that on sale one year after Christmas and purchasing it from a local craft store. And I remember his smile when he brought it home and gave it to my mother.”

“That tree that you’re touching, I remember going with Mother and Father to a local country fair, and she found the tree and two others at an older lady’s booth. The lady had very few visitors at her stall, and I remember the gratitude I saw clearly reflected in her eyes when my parents not only bought the decorations, but also would not accept the change she offered them.”

“And this,” Alex said, and then turned to a box containing a large Nativity set that would grace the foyer’s round table. “I will never forget this, for it was a gift from my mother’s father before he passed away. It was her first Nativity set as a newly married lady, and it has always been a part of our family’s holiday decorations. Always.”

“So you do this to remember your history together as a family?” Than said thoughtfully, digesting her every word.

“Yes, and also because it looks so pretty,” Alex laughed, causing Than and Gaius to laugh with her.

“Do the rest of your kind do this in your homes?” Than asked Gaius.

“No, not really. I think a few of us might place some greenery out, perhaps a Nativity set or two, but nothing like this,” he said and smiled. “We usually spend Christmas in fellowship with one another, or working in one of the many shelters and centers we run around the world. We try to spread the spirit of what Christmas is about through our abilities and gifts, healing and comforting those who need that love during the holiday.”

“I see,” Than said. “Will there be gifts given here?” Alex and Gaius both chuckled over his question as they stared at one another, and Than watched the silent communication that took place just through their eyes. “What?” Than smiled, wanting to know what they were thinking.

“Well, the answer is yes and no,” Gaius admitted with a grin. “No, those of our kind don’t normally give one another gifts at Christmas, for our time together is usually gift enough. But, Alex’s family doesn’t always listen when we tell them not to give us something. They are from this era, and so they are accustomed to sharing a memento or offering that speaks of their love.”

“Last year, Lady Juliana and Jameason prepared a small basket for us all. In it, we found something she had learned we like to eat and a hand-written note, telling each immortal how much they meant to her. Small and personal, and very appropriate,” Gaius explained.

“That does sound simple,” Than murmured.

“Of course, Alex disregarded everything and had Elrick ride up on a new Ducati for me,” Gaius said, smirking at her now. “Sometimes, she does things her way.”

“Yes, she does,” Than agreed.

“Again, I’m right here,” Alex mumbled, pursing her lips as she turned from them both to pull another small tree from a box.

Both men laughed a little louder at her words, but Than noted Alex was smiling. Teasing was allowed; and it was good, he thought, to be able to play thusly without fear of a sword being drawn on you. New, but good.

 

Jack and Lauren found them soon afterward and offered to help finish decorate the foyer. Alex showed them her mother’s diagram and they each set about making her vision a reality. Alex asked Jack to tell them of his family’s latest visit to New York for Thanksgiving, and he happily related all of the revelry that had taken place.

She learned that while in the city, Jack’s brother, Mike, had proposed to his girlfriend, Shelby, and the family was elated. Mike was in his last year of studies to be a veterinarian, so upon graduation in May, he and Shelby would be married in Georgia. Jack told Alex his brother had already mentioned that Alex, Gaius, and the others they had met a year ago would be invited.

Alex promised him they would do their best to attend. As long as there was no danger and his family was not jeopardized by her presence, she qualified. Jack arched an eyebrow as he gave Alex a no-nonsense look and told her he had already worked it out with Ganymede. She was coming.

Alex burst out laughing at his serious stance and saluted him.

“Yes, sir,” she played, only to have Jack swat her arm with her mother’s tablet.

“Behave,” he scolded, and Alex shook her head as she giggled.

She moved closer to Lauren, asking for her protection. Lauren promised Alex she had her covered, and the two laughed conspiratorially while they began to place each piece of her mother’s Nativity set on the foyer’s large, round table. Jack smiled at the two and set about helping Gaius and Than with the wreaths they were placing on windows.

 

By lunch, the Manor was looking quite festive. But the meal offered a welcome break in the work, and many immortals from the rented properties came for the midday meal. Extra tables were erected around the first floor and the crowd spread out, laughing and sharing in fellowship. Than remained close to Alex and Gaius, sitting on her left at the main dining table as he had the day before.

Alex confessed after the meal that she was in desperate need of a nap. Conner asked Than if he would accompany several of the immortal men and himself to the stables to tend the horses while Alex rested, and he agreed. Gaius led Alex upstairs to their bedroom and soon they were both sound asleep, despite the clamor from so many in the house with them.

 

They rejoined their loved ones several hours later, finding that the last of the decorations were going up in the spacious den. Wallace and Conner called Alex over as Lady Juliana opened the boxes of ornaments for their towering tree. Alex sat on the rug near her mother as Cara stretched out next to her. Gaius asked Than to sit beside him, and they took their place next to Lady Juliana on a sofa.

As each ornament was lifted, Alex or one of her family members told Than the story behind it. Some were gifts from friends and extended family members, a few the Groaban children had made at some point in their childhood, while others carried with them memories of travels taken and friends made while in distant lands. Alex handed Than a particularly fragile decoration and asked him if he could discern what it was.

He turned it over several times and rotated it, but finally, he shook his head. “I don’t know what this is, Alex,” he said, conceding defeat.

“It’s alright, Than,” Lady Juliana chuckled as she patted his knee. “Neither did I or Errol when Alex first gave it to us. She made that when she was six, and Alexandria was so proud to add to our collection of ornaments that we didn’t have the heart to tell her we didn’t know what it was. It was another five years before Wallace finally looked at it and told her he had not a clue what it was.”

“So no one mentioned it, for fear of hurting her feelings?” Than asked, smiling down at Alex and noticing the now familiar playful grin on her face.

“Nope,” Wallace said, bending slightly to ruffle Alex’s hair. “But you should have seen her face when I finally asked. She was a little put out that I didn’t know.”

Alex laughed as she cut her eyes up to Conner. He shook his head and turned back to hand Lord Errol the next ornament for the tree.

“Well, what is it?” Than asked, watching the interaction among the family closely and feeling his smile grow along with Alex’s.

Gaius leaned a little closer and gestured to the top of the shape. “Not a what, but a who. This is supposed to be Wallace’s hair, and these are his ears. Those are his eyes, and that’s his chin,” he said, chuckling softly. He had heard the story the Christmas before, and Gaius delighted in the blush now spreading across Alex’s face in earnest.

“I was not the best artist at the tender age of six,” she said, laughing at her own attempt. “But I wanted to surprise him. Only to learn that he never realized I had tried to capture his face at sixteen. I was crushed.”

“So you are ten years older than Alex?” asked Than, looking to Wallace.

“I am, and Conner’s eight years her senior,” he replied.

“Ah, so that explains the watch you keep over her. Elder brothers are often quite protective,” Than said as he gently handed the ornament back to Alex.

“Well, it’s an ingrained part of our nature. I’m trying to step back a bit and let Alex be the adult and spouse I know she is. Ganymede helped me with that before Alex had to leave a few months ago, when the game to take her erupted,” Wallace confessed.

“What?” Alex asked, turning to look up at him. “You never told me this.”

“No, because honestly I was a little embarrassed,” Wallace said, looking self-conscious suddenly.

“You should be,” said Conner, chuckling and shaking his head.

“What did you do that prompted Ganymede to come to you?” Alex pressed, glancing across the room at her angelic father.

“Well, Gaius is actually the reason he came,” Wallace said, smiling down at his brother-in-law.

Gaius leaned back on the sofa and stretched his legs out, smiling at Alex with the grin she knew meant he was completely in on a secret that she was not privy to.

“Alright, someone explain,” Alex said, looking only at Gaius. But he shook his head and pointed at Wallace, to indicate he was the source of information she should seek. She heard Jack chuckle from a nearby chair and Alex looked around the room, to see many an indulgent grin. “Does everybody know about this, except me?”

“Looks like it,” Conner smirked, seeming none too worried that she was out of the loop.

“Spill it,” she said to Wallace, looking back up at him.

He caved and sat on the rug next to her. Wallace reached out and took one of Alex’s hands in his, and explained the conversation he’d had with Conner and Jack the night she had called to cancel her birthday dinner. He then admitted that he had gone to the airport, despite his promise to Conner that he would do no such thing.

And that somehow his presence had resonated with Alex, for she had felt something touch her heart, there on the tarmac of Heathrow before they boarded the plane. Gaius had ushered her up the stairs, but called out to Ganymede to help soothe Wallace’s unease and trepidation. Wallace said that he was moving forward to ask where the plane was bound, when Ganymede touched his shoulder and halted his plan.

Alex covered her mouth as she drew in a deep breath. She listened to Wallace tell her about the words he and Ganymede shared, and she shook her head over the emotion that was still just at the surface for her older brother as he recounted the conversation. When Wallace was finished, Alex moved onto her knees and shuffled across the small space between their bodies to hug him tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I never meant to hurt any of you. I was just so desperate to protect you, to keep you safe. I still am, you know?”

“I know,” he said tightly. “But don’t you leave again. The bigger battles are over for now, and you can be here for Christmas. Don’t leave, Alex. I mean it.”

“I’m here,” she promised softly. “I’m here, Wallace.”

“And don’t go thinking that you hurt us before, because you didn’t,” he said earnestly, pulling back a little to cup her face. “I know the whole story now, and it’s me who should apologize. I wanted answers, and I wanted them bad enough to go to that airport when I knew I had no business there. I couldn’t stand the thought of you in danger and not knowing where you were. But I’ve learned since then why you all made the decisions you did, and you were right to take flight and not tell us.”

“So, I’m sorry, Alex, for placing you in such a position. You don’t ever have to choose between Gaius and the others or us. Never. We’re all learning to strike a balance here, and I’m learning through all of this to be more patient. No, don’t cry, squirt,” he sighed, using his thumbs to wipe her tears away.

“You’re crying, too,” she breathed, smiling through the stream that was flowing steadily from her eyes.

“Can’t help it,” Wallace said, while she began to wipe his tears away.

“Are you still mad that I chose all this?” Alex asked, now that she knew he had confessed to Ganymede that he had been angry over her choice the night she transitioned.

“No, Alex,” Wallace said sincerely. “That was another selfish moment on my part. You are exactly where you belong, and don’t ever doubt it.”

“Who would have been there to save Mathew, Belvie, and Tobias if you hadn’t accepted this life? Who would have rescued those poor women in New York who were being kept as slaves in kennels? Who would have helped Kronis go home and know peace? Who restored Jack, healed Jameason’s failing heart, and even cured Conner from the cancer invading his body? Who helped keep my daughter free and safe from oppression? You, kiddo. You and all your immortal family. So who am I to say that they don’t deserve you as much I do?”

“Thank you,” Alex whispered as her bottom lip trembled terribly.

“No, thank you. Our family is richer than ever before, and it’s because you chose to think outside yourself and take on this mantle. And that helps me too, because I know in another year, you won’t be alone when you step away from us. And with Gaius, you’ll always have a home and helpmate. It’s all going to work out in the end.”

“I love you, Wallace.” She sniffled and leaned back against him for another tight hug.

“And I love you, Alex,” he said quietly, closing his eyes as he held her to his heart.

Gaius leaned forward a bit to take out his handkerchief, and he passed it to Lady Juliana in front of Than, who sat between them. She thanked him and began to clean her face, as did most in the room. Than felt moisture on his own cheeks, and was startled once again to find himself crying. He had never shed tears as he had since he met Alex, yet they seemed never ending at the time. Silently, he lifted a hand to dry his skin, but he felt Lady Juliana touch his arm.

He looked down at her and saw that she gestured to his face with the cloth. Than said nothing, only considered her offer for several moments. Finally, he inclined his head, giving Lady Juliana permission to wipe his tears away in the motherly gesture. Than watched the compassion and tenderness in her eyes while she dried his skin. When Lady Juliana was finished, she smiled at him and Than gave her a small smile in return.

He turned his eyes back to Alexandria and saw that she was just coming out of her brother’s tight hold. As they each wiped the other’s tears away, Alex began to chuckle softly. He noticed Gaius out of the corner of his eye smooth his hand over his own cheeks, wiping tears away too.

Public displays of emotion, Than saw, were also okay. Raw, gut-wrenching emotion that spoke of complete honesty. The kind of honesty that never presented itself among his kind, as each sought advantage over another. But this cathartic interaction was filled with such selflessness that it took his breath away. It was a lot for him to process.

“Are you laughing now?” Wallace asked, narrowing his eyes playfully at her.

“No,” Alex chuckled.

“Sounds like laughter to me,” Rohan muttered dryly.

Alex giggled a little more as she shook her head at the two. “Oh, you two are so alike.”

“I count that as a compliment these days,” Wallace said, looking over his shoulder at Rohan.

“Really?” Rohan asked in surprise, chuckling lightly himself. “You are mellowing in your old age, aren’t you?”

“Old?” Wallace asked incredulously. “Who are you calling old?”

“Just wait. A few more years, and you’ll look older than me.” Rohan smiled, finding great delight in baiting Wallace.

“Yeah, well, age is just a number,” Wallace muttered, turning back to Alex.

“Sure, it is,” Rohan teased and laughed a little more.

“Rohan, stop,” Alex chided, though she was grinning. “You’ll always be that young handsome devil I tried to capture in this ornament, Wallace. Come on. Let’s put the rest up before we go to bed.”

“Alright, kiddo,” he agreed.

Wallace gained his feet first, then extended a hand for Alex. She rose beside him and quickly found herself in Conner’s arms. He kept her there for several moments, needing to hold her after such an emotional conversation too. When he released her, Lord Errol did the same, pulling her into a loving hug against his heart. Alex smiled as she stayed tucked in her father’s arms, until he was ready to move back a step.

For the next hour, the tall Christmas tree in the den was covered by the ornaments that spoke of a family’s journey together and of shared, happy memories. Than listened to the conversations around him, and when Lady Juliana or Alex called him into what they were saying, he willingly joined in. Conner invited him to do the honors of connecting the last strand of lights to the power outlet, and Than inclined his head.

He rose and attached the strand for them, and watched Lady Juliana’s smile spread as the tree lit up for the season ahead. Several others around the room turned lamps off, so they could enjoy the glow coming from the tree and the fireplace. Alex reached out for Than’s hand and gave his fingers a squeeze as she smiled up at him.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“No, thank you,” he said sincerely, staring at her again with the look she had seen constantly shadowing his handsome face. One of a starved soul, desperately pleading for a chance to survive and a reason to feel worthy of affection.

Alex released his hand and turned to offer Than a hug. She patted his back and smiled as she felt him mimic the motion on hers.

“Come, let’s take our seats again,” Alex said softly, after holding him briefly.

Than gently released Alex and she walked by his side to the sofa where her mother and Gaius still sat. Alex took her place between Gaius’ legs, so Than could have his original cushion back. But that did not last long, as she prompted Gaius to sit on the floor in front of her so she could massage his shoulders. He grinned and immediately settled himself there.

Conner saw her start the massage and he smiled as he took a chair next to Helen. “Alex,” he called to her, “I want one of those and my check-up before Christmas rolls around.”

Alex and Gaius laughed loudly as they shook their heads at him.

“I’ll check everyone out, don’t you worry,” she said playfully.

“It sounds like there is another story behind that comment,” Than said, settling back on the sofa and hoping to hear the tale related. Cara moved to sit in front of him, looking expectantly toward Than. But Gaius just patted his leg and she stretched out next to him for the attention she was seeking.

Alex proceeded to tell Than of the massage that turned into a diagnosis of cancer for Conner when the family gathered in New York. She explained the healing that took place, and how everyone had rallied around him and Helen in their moment of need. And, she stated, that moment alone was worth her return to immortality. That and the moment she was able to restore Jameason after his heart attack, Alex added.

“I know what you told me about healing at your home, Than, but we look at it differently. Each time I place my hands on a human, I never heal them without asking God if it is His will that the mortal be restored. I always let His plan for that soul work through my aura. And, sadly, that means there are times when I cannot save someone. Their journey here is over, and when I feel that, I use my aura to see their soul safely on without pain or torment. Like I did for your brother,” she added softly.

Than looked thoughtfully at Alex, then down to his fingers for a few moments as he chose his words to her. “I was taught to keep it all to myself,” he began hesitantly. “What I have woven into every fiber of my being was for me, and no other. But I did, um, use that ability for healing a few times. Though not to help, as your kind does,” Than said breathlessly, glancing at Alex now and only her.

“I think I understand what you’re telling me,” she said delicately.

“Do you?” he asked, trying to keep his aura in check, but it was beginning to waft away in heavier waves due to his distress.

“In the way Kronis and Hauras did, with the deacon in Valencia centuries ago?” she asked, and he nodded tightly. Alex swallowed, thinking of the way in which the two had repeatedly healed an injury they had inflicted, just so they could go back to that same place on Vincent’s body and mete out the damage again. Methodically tearing him apart and putting him back together again, so the pain could continue indefinitely.

“Well, you just told me it was what you were taught. And now, you can learn another way, if you choose. Maybe you can try it our way, and see which feels better to you.” She smiled gently at him, and then leaned closer so her arm pressed against his. Alex’s aura billowed out and rolled his power within her cloud, pulling the darkness back from the room.

“I want that,” he said thoughtfully. “I do.”

“So do I, Than,” Alex said, with a reassuring nod. “Let’s allow the new voices you’ll encounter to silence those from the past. One day at a time, friend.”

“Yes,” he breathed, leaning into her arm a little more to soak up the warmth from her aura.

Alex smiled and looked across to her father who was sitting beside Ganymede and Haniel. The three were giving her such a tender smile at the moment, and she winked at them. She saw Lord Errol return the gesture and it made her aura warm slightly more.

 

Later that night, when everyone had turned in and Alex was snuggled against Gaius’ side, she let her mind wander through each of the conversations she and Than had engaged in since she met him. Her fingers trailed through the light hair on Gaius’ chest as she silently mused over the change Than was actively fighting for. Alex felt Gaius shiver slightly when her hand passed over his abdomen, and she tilted her head back to look into his eyes.

“Hi,” she whispered, smiling lazily.

“Hello,” he chuckled. “Your mind has been far away.”

“Two doors down, actually.”

“And what about Than has your thoughts so occupied?” he asked. Gaius moved his palm to her face and cupped her cheek.

“How far he’s come since he took my hand. And,” she sighed, “how far he still has to go.”

“It may take him months, years, decades even before he fully embraces the Light, Alex. Prepare yourself for a long journey with him, my love. But know that we’re all in the journey with you.”

“I know,” Alex said, leaning forward to kiss his chest. “And thank you for calling Ganymede to help Wallace months ago. I must have been looking right at him when I faced the windows, but with the morning sun reflecting off of the glass, I couldn’t see him. Gaius,” she breathed, her eyes opening wider.

“What?” he asked, seeing the change come over her.

“That’s what the Fallen were doing all along. Standing just on the outside of my Light, trying to see in. The glare was obscuring their view from what was right before their eyes. Could Danyul and Abaddon be doing that still? Waiting just outside the dome of Light, because they know wherever it is, so too there am I?” she asked breathlessly.

“Alex, be calm,” Gaius said steadily, seeing her aura already climbing in intensity as it readied itself to defend them all. “You do not need to raise your aura, for the angels are currently here and sheltering us. You need to rest, not defend us all.”

“But, Gaius,” she began, and he moved his hand from her cheek to gently press his fingertips against her lips.

“No, my love. Do not let panic seize you. Have faith that Haniel’s words are true, and that the Host are actively searching for Abaddon and Danyul. If they were as close as you say, then don’t you think Ganymede would have ended them by now? Really think it through, love,” he said, moving his fingers away and threading them into her hair.

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” she sighed, only to see his eyes narrow with a devilish glint.

Gaius rolled Alex onto her back and settled himself atop her. He propped himself up on his elbows and framed her face with his hands. Slowly, he shook his head as a smile tugged at the right corner of his lips.

“Did you just apologize to me?” he asked, angling his head slightly.

“Maybe.” She smiled innocently up at him.

“No, not maybe. I heard you plainly. And,” he said, lowering his lips to her neck, “I have recently heard about a game someone played with you once, that involved your constant need to apologize.” Gaius paused for a moment, and waited for the shocked gasp that he knew was coming. He only had to wait a few seconds for Alex’s surprise to sound clearly as she drew in a sharp breath.

“Who told you about that?” she asked in a strained whisper.

Gaius lifted his head and smiled at her so broadly that Alex knew he was not upset, but rather teasing her.

“Oh, I have my ways. And many friends who, at times, accidently let things slip. I must say that Jack is a very clever and resourceful young man.”

Alex felt the rumble of laughter in his chest a split second before she heard his mirth come forth. She wanted to pretend outrage, but she only ended up laughing with him.

“You should see your face right now,” he chuckled. “It is so red.”

“Gaius, you rascal. You shouldn’t tease me about that. I had never dated anyone, never really kissed anyone before you and Jack. And we’ve moved past all that.”

“Yes, we have.” He nodded. “But I like his game, and so I think I want to play it now. And as your husband, I can do more than just kiss you,” he said, raising and lowering his eyebrows quickly in promise.

“Well then, that won’t work. I’ll be apologizing all the time, if being held in your arms and sharing our love is the end result. Your plan will backfire on you,” she said cheekily, running her hands over his back.

“You might be right,” Gaius mused and pretended to move away, but Alex held him firmly where he was. “But,” he smiled, “you did just apologize. So, I can at least play the game just this once.”

“Yes, and I’m sorry you’ll be so tired in the morning. And I’m sorry that you will have to bring me to the table for breakfast, late again. Sorry that Rohan will have to call to your mind to rouse you, because you’ll be snoring,” Alex played, as he settled his lips fully on hers.

She chuckled and felt him deepen their kiss as he laughed with her. Alex let the worries from before leave her, as Gaius kept her focus fully directed on their shared love and passion. And as she was carried away on the currents of their bond, Alex smiled up into his eyes. She whispered her love, and heard and felt it returned in full. It was all she really wanted – his love and the peace it brought her heart, mind, body, and soul.