Edwin was less nervous, less apprehensive than he had been last week. But the feeling of uncertainty still weighed in his soul. This Sunday would be the real litmus test of his forgiveness. The reporters and curiosity seekers would be gone, leaving Faith Baptist with its real congregation. There were already some who had walked out, saying they would never return. Deacon Templeton left for good, saying he couldn't be part of a church with a “fudge packer” for a pastor. He said he wasn't one of those “faggy Episcopals.”
“Anyone who stays is going straight to hell with him,” Deacon Templeton said before he stormed off.
Edwin understood the confusion. He just couldn't understand the anger and the venom. There were a few others who left, more out of embarrassment than hatred. Those folks had been coming to church for appearances. They loved being a part of Faith Baptist when their pastor was featured in newspaper articles and was on the cover of Ebony. They loved being part of something that everyone was talking about. They tolerated Edwin's come-as-you-are policy, which let people show up for church in jeans or a T-shirt. They even tolerated his outreach to the prisons and the halfway house he built, which brought “another element” into the church. But this latest scandal was the last straw.
Their leaving was addition by subtraction, the way Edwin saw it. He was glad to see them go. His philosophy was that the only folks he wanted in his church were folks who wanted to go to Heaven— and if he was left with only two congregants, he would build from there. That was God's will, as he said last Sunday:
“The Lord Jesus left us with two commandments. Those two commandments cover all of the rest. And they are to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, all thy soul, all thy mind, and all thy strength. The second is to love one another as Jesus has loved you. Now, with all you have heard this morning and over the last few days, if you can't love me and love this church, then you should not be here.”
Edwin had purposely thrown down the gauntlet. What was revealed about his previous life on Ritz Harper's radio show was not just a test for Edwin. It was a test for his growing church and everyone in it. It was a test to see who was really there for show and who was there “sho 'nuff” for God.
“This experience will separate the wheat from the chaff,” Edwin said.
He prayed in his sanctuary as he did every Sunday. When he was done, he buttoned his shirt, tightened his tie. He left his robe hanging. He had decided the previous week that he was going to shake off the covering and come to the church without the pomp and circumstance, the royal garb, and all of that. He was but a sinner who wanted to become a saint.
But he was just like his flock, and he was going to show that a simple man can overcome anything and do the Lord's work.
Edwin walked out of the sanctuary and took his seat near the podium as the choir, the deacon, and the prayer leader performed their Sunday duties. He looked out at the crowd to survey what was left of his congregation. There were a few more empty seats than normal. His mother sat in the front row— her head held high, as always.
Mother Lakes, who had helped found the church with her husband, had been Edwin's rock. She and Edwin hadn't spoken much since “the event.” But they didn't have to. Mother Lakes was a prayer warrior. She was a spirtual battler. She was vanquishing Edwin's enemies behind the scenes. And she was there for him. She was always there for him. Seeing his mother gave him comfort.
As Edwin scanned the other faces in the congregation, one was still absent— his wife, Patricia. He had called her every single day since Ivan Richardson had exposed him to the world. He called her every evening. She was staying with her mother and spending a lot of time at Kim's, too. Kim was one of the few women in the church to befriend Patricia, who was ostracized by the jealous single women because Edwin had chosen her to be his wife.
Patricia wouldn't speak to him, but she was big enough to let him speak to his kids. His boy only wanted to know, “Daddy, when are we coming home?”
“I don't know, son,” Edwin said.
“Can you stay here with us, then?”
“No, son. But I love you. I'll see you soon. I promise.” That was all Edwin could say.
It was a promise that wasn't up to him to keep. But he would keep it, indeed. His God would see to that. He understood Patricia's pain, her feelings of betrayal, but she couldn't keep him away from his babies.
Kim would take the phone and tell Edwin that Patricia wasn't ready to talk. Kim had been with her in the car, listening to the radio, when that man told the world everything about Edwin's secret past. They were having a “girls' day out,” complete with spa treatment, lunch, and shopping. It was a rare time of fun for Patricia, who had a hard time making friends as the pastor's wife— especially when just about every single woman in the church had had their dibs on the very handsome, very elegant Edwin Lakes.
But Edwin chose Patricia, which made the women who wanted him— which was just about every one of them, single and married— green with envy. Patricia had poured her energies into being the perfect wife, the perfect church matron, the perfect mother. Kim befriended her and convinced her to start taking some time for herself. Ironically, on the day she finally did so— on her girls' day out— the whole day turned dark. Patricia felt more than betrayed. She felt like her entire life with Edwin had been a lie. She couldn't talk to him until that feeling subsided. She wondered if it ever would.
For Edwin, being without Patricia felt worse than being dead. She was his best friend, his confidante, the only person with whom he shared everything— well, almost everything. He was not just lonely, he was lost. The only place where he felt remotely like himself was in the pulpit.
He stood, ready to give his sermon.
He began his sermon with a parable about a fish:
“In nature there is a fish called the Pardachirus marmoratus,” he started. “Don't worry, there will not be a test on this later. It took me two days to practice pronouncing it. It is called the Moses Sole— s-o-l-e— as in the sole fish, not your soul from heaven. It is a small fish found in the Red Sea, the same Red Sea that Moses parted when he led his people out of Egypt. Now, what's so special about this little fish? Well, it swims in some dangerous waters, among sharks, who would just love to gobble him up.
“Now, God is a genius. He created perfect balance and perfect harmony in his universe. He armed this fish, the Moses Sole, with protection. When in danger, the Moses Sole can secrete a milky, poisonous substance that can render a shark temporarily paralyzed. This tiny fish can take out a big, murderous shark.
“We, too, have been armed with a paralyzing poison— but it is poison only to those living outside of the will of God.
It's called God's Word. See, we have Jesus's Soul— s-o-u-l— inside of us. And we can render Satan and his minions paralyzed. We have been given the power of prayer, which can stop the devil in his tracks. We have been blessed with the truth, which will set us free.
“Now, last week, I stood in this pulpit and spoke the truth to you. I see there are quite a few who found that truth to taste like poison, and so they aren't here today. I'm sure that to them the poison from the truth tastes real nasty, too.
“I want to thank those of you who stood by me during these rough times. I love those who are not with us. But I really admire the strength and the courage of those who are here, to build this church and grow God's kingdom. I love you. Let's stay prayed up, let's stay in the Word, and let's keep in touch with Jesus' soul that is within all of us. We have to swim together and protect each other. Never forget: The sharks are always hungry. The sharks are never satisfied.”
Then Edwin made a call for the altar. He asked anyone who was struggling with a problem, or who needed comfort, or who had a heavy heart, to come to the altar for prayer.
Tracee Remington got up. She needed to pray for Aunt Maddie, for her health and for God's will to be done. She also prayed for Ritz. She wanted to pray for Ritz's spiritual healing so Ritz could find her way to God.
Randolph Jordan went up, too. Tracee had called him the night before, inviting him to the service. He had gladly accepted her offer because he had so much on his heart.
He needed to confront his father about his father's thirty- plus-year-old lie without hurting his mother. He also had to meet his sister… again. He needed prayer for the fantasies he had about having sex with his sister. Granted, when it happened, he didn't know she was his sister. But now that he did, he was disgusted with himself. He was disgusted with the whole situation. He cried on his way to the altar. Randolph wasn't the only man crying at the altar.
Four people away, kneeling on the edge of the altar, was Ivan Richardson. When he had outed Edwin on Ritz Harper's radio show, he thought he would feel better. He didn't. He felt as bad as he had ever felt in his entire life. He couldn't shake the sadness, the self-loathing. All of the bitterness and anger he had been harboring against Edwin all of those years had ended up consuming him.
You reap what you sow.
Edwin's sermon that day touched him. Ivan felt guilty and convicted. He needed to see Edwin and ask for forgiveness. He no longer wanted to ruin Edwin— in fact, he had never wanted to ruin Edwin. Edwin had broken his heart. All he wanted was to get Edwin back.
Once he was in the presence of what Edwin had left him for— once Ivan felt the power of Edwin's church— Ivan understood why there could be no ties, no connections, no communications between them. Ever again.
This was a different world. Ivan told himself that he wished he and Edwin could somehow remain “friends,” but deep down, Ivan knew that could never be. He loved Edwin too much to just merely like him.
Today, Ivan was finally ready to face his demons and to face himself. The walk to the altar felt like he was traversing the length of a football field. He was nervous and scared. He kneeled with his head bowed and he shut his eyes, squeezing out the tears.
At the same time, Edwin was making his way down the large number of people at the altar. He placed his hands on their heads and said silent prayer with them. He asked God to grant them peace and to come into their hearts and allow them to have a stronger relationship with Him. He asked God to grant them strength to overcome whatever was troubling them and to find the faith to follow whatever it was that God wanted them to do.
Edwin came to Ivan and he paused. There was something familiar about that bowed head. He hadn't seen this man in this church before, but he knew him.
He placed his hands on the man's head and prayed. When he was done, Ivan looked up, tears streaming down his face. He stared at Edwin and their eyes locked.
“I'm sorry,” Ivan whispered.
Edwin froze. Ivan! Dear Jesus, Ivan!
“I am sorry, too, Ivan,” Edwin managed to say. “I forgive you. Will you forgive me?”
Ivan buried his head in his hands and cried like a baby.
Ivan understood.
To understand all is to forgive all.
Except, maybe, when it comes to a certain New York disc jockey named Ritz Harper.