THROUGH TIME AND SPACE WITH FERDINAND FEGHOOT: 99, by Grendel Briarton

In 2037, the Give the Country Back to the Native Americans Party elected the President and Vice President, captured both houses of Congress, and even persuaded the Native Americans to accept.

Sweeping changes were instituted. Palefaces (who all were less than one-sixteenth Native American) were moved to remote reservations, where they were allowed to perform quaint tribal dances and sell souvenirs to tourists. However, they were strictly forbidden Native American cultural materials—eagle feathers, especially.

The first Paleface charged with this crime was one Angus MacGillicuddy, who had used three eagle feathers in what he called “a Highland war bonnet,” and Ferdinand Feghoot defended him before the Supreme Council of Sachems and Medicine Chiefs.

To their astonishment, he summoned the prosecutor himself, Melvin B. Many Thunders, as his sole witness.

“Sir,” Feghoot said, “my client denies that he feloniously obtained these feathers He avers that he picked them up from the ground in all innocence. Now, isn’t it true that a sick eagle generally molts, losing his feathers?”

“What of it?” scoffed Many Thunders. “Try proving this guy ever came anywhere near a sick eagle.”

“Prove it?” purred Ferdinand Feghoot. “You yourself have admitted it! It’s all in the record. When you denounce Mr. MacGillicuddy, you declared they were ill eagle feathers!”