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"May I come in? Hope I am not disturbing you?" Sharon surprises me. It is late in the evening. Not the usual time for her rounds. She is alone. Her slow, tentative walk with hands tucked inside the pockets of her white coat gives me the impression that she has something on her mind.
"No, I have nothing to do except wait for a crazy doc who keeps me confined to this bed." I wave to her with a gregarious smile as my face allows. I am alone in my room.
"Can we talk?" Her voice is feeble.
Her eyes do not have the usual sparkle. She clutches her coat tight. Something is off. She sits, facing me on the bed. We have never been this close. At least, never when we were alone.
"Forgive me, Jon, if I am interfering in your personal life. But after what happened today, I need to talk to you." The stress on her face is visible.
I should calm her down. "Before you say anything, Sharon, I wish to thank you. I am sensitive when it comes to Nate. Anything which hurts him upsets me. I can't bear his tears and often end up worsening the situation. You handled it well."
"I did nothing, Jon. Nate is a lovely child. Innocent and sensitive. He needed a shoulder to cry on. I am not sure why he chose mine though."
Her words melt my heart. Boy, can her eyes be more beautiful than this? I hold her gaze. "He chose you because you are kind to him. He likes you and is comfortable with you. In these few days, you have given him more love than his mother ever has. I appreciate it, Sharon, I do. I can never repay you for what you did today, for me and my son."
"You can, Jon. Can you spend more time with him? I understand that between your engagements and match schedules, there is not enough time, but you are the only parent Nate has." Her words make me want to hug her and never let go.
"You understand him so well, Sharon." I hold her eyes trying to convey the warmth I have in my heart for her. After a moment, she turns away and fidgets with the button on her coat.
"Not only understand, but I also relate to what he is going through. I lost both my parents when I was four."
I open my mouth but then stop myself from speaking. Should I enter this private space? The dark past she had mentioned during the operation. This is an opportunity to enter her world and become close. Someone, with whom she can share her deepest thoughts. "I am so sorry. How did it happen?"
She takes a while to respond. I let the silence be, not wanting to push her.
"My father pushed my mother down the stairs in a fit of rage. He was drunk. She died on the spot. After the funeral, he abused me. He blamed me for my mother's death. One day, one of the neighbors heard him and called the police. They took him into custody. I never saw him again. After that, I was left under the care of my uncle and his family. They were not rich, but at least I had a roof over my head and escaped the foster care system. I know what it is like to be without a parent. To live without love. Don't take your love away from Nate, Jon." Sharon chokes as she struggles to stifle the sob.
I cannot hold myself back any longer. Here is a person who works so hard to care and share her love with people, leaving aside the pain of her own life. She has opened her heart and shared a personal part of herself with me.
I lean forward, tilting her chin upward, only to find those beautiful eyes brimming with tears. A river about to break its banks. I caress the precious drops on the edges of her eyes with my thumbs and kiss her. A gentle touch, on those sweet soft lips. The kiss is sublime, and I feel her breath on my face. My heart races and my mind is on a roller coaster. I've never had this with anyone before. The moment is like experiencing heaven and I do not want to come out of this bliss.
When she pulls me closer, I am happy. The spark I suspected all along, is burning in her heart. But before I can make the kiss deeper, she pushes me away and runs. Darn, my foot. This is not the first time I curse my injury. I hate it for tying me to this bed. I would have run after her and grabbed her. Being in a hospital, I cannot raise my voice. I call her back as she runs, but she slams the door shut. Have I messed it up? Did I move too fast? Did I cross a line?
Mom, who had gone out to grab dinner, walks in, all confused. "What was that? Did you do something, Jon?"
I shrug my shoulder, but she is my mother.
"Don't mess with the girl if you are not serious." Mom holds her hand up warning me.
"Why do you think so? There is nothing between us." At this moment, I cannot deal with Mom. I had Sharon in my arms, and she pushed me away. The rejection stings.
"Quit fooling around. I am your mother and I can see how dopey eyed you go when she is around. You need to decide, Jon. Emily told me about Naomi. You need to sort this out before it messes up everyone."
"What should I do, Mom? I am confused and can't think straight with this injury."
"Sharon is a sweet girl, son. She deserves better than being treated like another fling on the sideline."
"She is not just another girl in my life, Mom. I want to know her. I have never felt this way with anyone. If only she gave me a chance. Being tied down to this bed is frustrating. It prevents me from exploring possibilities with her."
"Relationships are a constant work in progress. You can't rush them. Give it time. Give her space."
I press my hands to my head, trying to rub away the heaviness. "Hm, not sure about that. I may have acted too fast."
I spend the night restless. Send her text messages, but there is no response. Before I doze off, I pray that I can make this better tomorrow.