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The door slams into my face. I freeze, my feet stuck on his porch. I want to break the door to get him to come out and listen. Why does he not trust me? I have done nothing wrong. I would never betray him.
My mind screams, give me a chance Jon, please give me a chance. Hear me out. But nothing comes out of my mouth. There is so much I want to say. So much I want to yell at his face, but he has shut me out of his house and his life. The words, 'I never want to see you again' keep ringing in my ears as I gather the strength to walk away.
Breathe Sharon, breathe, my mind keeps telling me. My feet tremble, all my energy has drained. You cannot let this destroy what you have built for yourself. You cannot let this love, lust, mistake or whatever it is, burn your world.
I want to punch someone in the face. Let out my rage. I cannot do anything of this sort. My training as a doctor has trained me to absorb every shit that happens around me. My mind is experienced in controlling my emotions even if my heart is twisting in turmoil. No, I won't cry. My eyes have been dry since my father abandoned me. I rub them, smothering any drops gathering in them.
In my mental haze, I must have walked a few blocks. I don't recognize my location. It takes a few minutes to come out of my mental fog and realize I am standing in a park. I cross the street and find a bench to sit on, clutching the edge to pull myself together. My heart aches as beads of sweat trickle down my forehead. Nausea hits me.
He was my rock-solid support a few days ago, but now, in his time of need, he has pushed me away. My chest is heavy, weighed down by layers of hurt. My mind swirls at so many thoughts. I call an Uber. The next five minutes standing alone on the sidewalk till the cab arrives are the longest of my life. The whole scene is on auto replay as I sit in the back in solitude, clutching my arms around each other.
By the time I reach my apartment my eyes burn but I will not let tears roll out and douse them. I call Betsy and inform her I am taking the day off. She tries to ask me about what has got me so worked up. I don't have words to describe. I disconnect the call and scream in the solitude of my apartment.
His career is important for him and I understand why he freaked out, but it does not justify his reaction. His rejection of me, for no fault of mine, without giving me a chance to speak—the hurt is causing a storm to rage in my mind. Even in my wildest dreams, I would do nothing to harm him. I fall on my bed and cover my head with my pillow.
A loud bang on my door startles me. It is persistent. My mind is foggy. It must have been a while. I dozed off, drowned in my hurt and pain.
"Sharon? Open the door!" Betsy shouts at the top of her voice. I get out of bed and let her in. "My god Sharon, what has happened? Your eyes are all swollen and red."
I lunge forward and hug her. The ache in my chest comes back. I embrace her tighter keeping my head on her shoulder for a long time. Betsy keeps rubbing my back as we stand there. She tries to calm me down. "Honey, why don't we sit and you tell me about what has got you so upset?"
I move back to my bed. I lie down again, not having the strength to sit. She gets a glass of water for me.
"Now tell me. Who has hurt you?"
I give her my phone with the news article on Jon's suspension.
"He blames me for this. He says I did it and that he cannot trust me any longer. Jon slammed the door on my face, Betsy. I don't know how to tell him that all this bullshit is not true. How do I let him know I love him and I would never do such a thing? He doesn't want to look at my face."
Betsy puts the phone down and gathers me in her arms. "Calm down Sharon. I am sure it must be a shock to him. Once things settle, he will realize his mistake."
"No, he won't," I narrate to Betsy all that happened at Jon's house. "Betsy, I am like poison. Everything I touch dies or gets hurt. My dad was right. I am a curse on people who love me."
"Now don't you go there, Sharon. You are the most loving person in this world."
Nothing that Betsy says wipe away the hurt and the longing to get Jon to see the truth. In the last few days, I realized how much I loved him and did not care what the world thought about it. I would have even given up my career. But Jon needs to trust me. On a day I should've been happy, spending time with Jon and Nate, he took away everything from me.
My eyes land on the bundle of bubble wrap covered in a gift paper with panda faces, lying on the table. A gift from Jon. It arrived the day when I returned after meeting him at Kevin's office. The bold letters in Jon's writing stare at me. "Wring my neck"
Yes, Mr. Hayes the moment we see each other again, but will it be enough?