19
Gavin pried another cabinet from the kitchen wall. He was making progress, both in removing goods and selling them, but not concerning the stolen shiplap. He’d done all he could, but there was simply no proof who took it. The whole money issue was on his mind, but mostly what held his thoughts captive was Tara.
Because of her memory and health issues, maybe he’d caught only a glimpse or two of the real Tara, similar to the first time he saw her that night on the beach. It was dark and rainy, but he saw her. And she was unforgettable.
At breakfast time Hadley had walked over with a plate of food, and he’d asked how Tara was. “Much better,” she’d said. “Our evidence is that she’s grumpier than a trapped bear at the end of winter.”
Of course she was, but that was a good sign.
He heard a noise and glanced out the window toward his mom’s house. Tara. She was dressed and rushing from the house. She went to a lawn chair and plunked down. This was his first real glimpse of her in five days. He wasn’t at his mama’s very much, but when he was, he saw Elliott and Hadley going in and out of her room, taking food and medicine. He could hear muffled voices when they talked to her or read to her, trying to nurse her mind and soul back to health.
Elliott flew out the back door, her hands under her round belly, holding it as she went to Tara, voice raised. Tara looked up at her, responding. He couldn’t hear the words, but the movements said they were in a heated argument. That’s what trapped bears did—growled and jerked about.
Should he intervene? Right now no one was home except Tara and Elliott. Hadley’s and Elliott’s husbands had flown home yesterday to get back to work, leaving their wives the vehicle. Hadley had taken her girls to a water park, and his mamas were at their shop, working. They should be free within the hour, and all of them were coming to his mom’s house to cook a meal for everyone. He wasn’t sure why other than they were enjoying being good hosts, but he was glad to see an improvement in his mom’s attitude.
Tara stood, said something, and then walked off, heading for the road. A minute later Gavin’s cell phone rang, and Elliott’s name was on the screen. He accepted the call. “Hey.”
“She ran off, and I’m too pregnant to keep up.”
“I see her cutting through Sapphira’s driveway going toward the road. I imagine she’s ready for a little space to herself.”
“Yeah, she says we’re smothering her.”
She’d been sharing a bedroom with Hadley’s family, all five of them. She and Elliott were sharing a room now that the husbands were gone. But with Elliott and her husband in the medical field, they’d taken the most stringent, cautious path to healing—mandatory bed rest.
“But we’re arguing.” Elliott drew a deep breath. “It started last night when we told her we have to go back home in two days—all of us. We can’t stay any longer. She accepted that, but then we told her she has to go with us.”
Gavin was sure the notion of going home was agonizing to Tara, but Hadley and Elliott had missed a lot of work since the incident. Odd as it seemed, he would miss her, but everyone had to be realistic. “She’s better. I know she is, but her emotions are bound to surpass her ability to reason just yet, and you can’t change what needs to be done because of her reaction.” He went out the front door and watched as she walked toward Gould’s Inlet.
“Thanks, Gavin. That helps. Maybe she does need a little time without Hadley or me breathing down her neck. But she left her new phone here.”
“If she’s not back in thirty minutes, text me. I’ll come get her phone and take it to her. It’ll be easy to find her in broad daylight.” He was watching her as she got to the end of the road where it connected with sand that led to Gould’s Inlet. She ducked under tall shrubs on the back dunes and would probably follow the footpath until she came out the other side of shrubs and beach grass onto the sands of the beach.
“Thank you.”
Tara sat on a large piece of driftwood. If Hadley and Elliott needed to return to North Carolina, they should go without insisting she leave with them. She focused on her surroundings. Maybe that would calm her.
There was nothing but sand between her and the edge of the ocean, but that distance was the length of a football field. The ocean gently rolled onto the beach. Sunlight sparkled on the unceasing tiny ripples. Beyond the inlet the vastness of the water stretched way beyond her ability to see where it led or where it ended.
Several families and pets played on the beach and in the water.
What should be an endearing thing to watch now ripped her apart.
What did Tara have? Memories. And each one broke her heart anew.
Everyone she knew had family. She could hardly look at Elliott and Hadley without crying. Their lives were filled with love and happiness and expanding families.
What had she done so wrong in life that she was once again left without family? What had any of them done so right that their lives were filled to abundance?
Her heart thudded with pain that never let up. Sean and Darryl were gone, now and forever. How would she survive? Emptiness had taken root, and it was growing with each passing day, painfully so, forcing her heart to make room for it just as Elliott’s womb made room for her growing child.
“God?” she whispered again, and with every mumble of His name, she felt more betrayed and less comforted. How could He let this happen? Why would He ask her to raise her brothers and then snatch them away like this? She lifted her chin, staring into the heavens. “It’s too much. I’m broken. Is that what You wanted?” She looked at the horizon. “Was I an experiment of some kind? Let’s see what this one lonely girl can take throughout life and still be able to breathe?”
She continued to pour out her pain in silence, apparently to the One who’d caused it. When a shadow fell across her, she turned to see why.
Gavin…with a bottle of water, a woman’s straw hat, and her silk scarf in his hands.
He sat on the log and held out the bottle of water. She didn’t want anything from him, but rather than tell him what she thought, she took the bottle.
“Thanks.” She opened it and guzzled more than half of it.
He held out the hat and scarf.
She took them. “I keep wishing I could go back to not knowing.”
He stared at the water. “It’s an unbearable thing, and I’m sorry.”
Words came easily for him. Sounding sincere and thoughtful seemed second nature. She should be grateful for all he’d done, but she didn’t care that he’d provided food and a safe haven in his home or that he’d held the secret until Hadley arrived. Did the pain inside her have her numb to every other emotion? “Why are you here?”
“Elliott’s concerned.”
“We’re fighting.”
He nodded.
She took a sip of water. “I’m not wrong.”
“You may be. I’m not sure you’re well enough to tell yet, and you’re not either.”
Maybe he was right. “Could you go away now?”
He put his hands on his knees, looking as though he was going to spring to his feet, but he didn’t get up. “I can. Don’t forget that the Glynn Girls are fixing a big meal tonight for you, Hadley, Elliott, and the kids. It’ll be ready in less than an hour.”
“It’s a goodbye dinner, but I…I can’t go back to North Carolina. I’ll go crazy if I have to see all the places where Sean, Darryl, and I went together. The three musketeers—that’s what Darryl called us.” She chuckled, but fresh tears broke free. “They were so full of life and love and goodness and kindness. Why did they have to die?”
Gavin sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, sure,” she mumbled. He wanted her out of his house and life, but that was no reason to be snide. The need to apologize hung thick between them. While fighting with herself, she wove the scarf through the holes at the crown of the straw hat and tied it. But she still didn’t have it in her to say she was sorry.
She rose. “Look, I’m in no shape to be civil to anyone, so I’m going for a walk…alone. And I’m not coming to the dinner.”
He stood. “I assured Elliott I would find you, and I have. If you insist on time alone, do it in a way you can be reached.” He held out her phone.
“I need time without people or a phone.”
“Can’t have both. Not yet.”
“If I take that, I’ll feel tethered to my past. Something in me starts waiting to hear from Sean and Darryl.” She didn’t take it. “I’m doing well, and I promise I can handle a night on my own.”
“A night?” His eyes held disbelief.
“I need to walk, think, try to sort through things. I can’t breathe with Hadley and Elliott hovering.”
“This conversation is circular, Tara. Bottom line, it’s too soon for you to be wandering around by yourself for hours without a phone. And a night is entirely out of the question.”
“Did my staying at your place and eating your food brand me as your property or something?”
He studied her, and his eyes reflected sincerity. “That’s not what’s going on here, and I think you know it.”
“Look, you’ve been generous and kind. I know you have, although my emotions seem incapable of feeling gratitude. Still, my mind grasps it, so thank you. But I’m leaving now. That’s the end of it.” She started to leave. “Don’t follow me.”
He sighed and nodded.
She put on the hat and walked off, no clue where she was going, but the longing to disappear into nothingness was overwhelming. She could feel his eyes on her. Where could she go to disappear from the few who knew her?