‘Come in, Joe,’ the man said.
Joe went into the room and sat on the chair.
‘How are things?’
‘All right.’
‘Let’s have a shufti, then.’ He pulled his chair up. ‘Let’s do the business.’ He switched off the room lamp and pushed his face against Joe’s. ‘Now look straight ahead.’ He shone a bright light into Joe’s eye. It hurt. ‘Excellent. Now the other. Take your patch off.’ The light hurt more. ‘Excellent.’ He put a metal frame with round eye holes on Joe’s nose and lodged it behind his ears. He slotted a blank disc into one of the holes then walked himself across the floor on the wheels of his chair to a screen at the other side of the room. A white dot and a red line appeared. ‘The usual drill. Keep your eye on the dot. Is the line to the right or the left, or through the middle?’
‘The middle.’
‘Excellent.’ He turned the image. ‘Is the line above or below, or through the middle?’
‘The middle.’
‘Excellent.’ He moved the blank disc to the other hole. ‘Same again, please, Joe.’ He flashed lights on and off, changing the disc, asking questions. He switched on the room lamp. ‘All tickety-boo. At least we know your eyes point in the same direction.’ He moved the disc across.
‘Now I want you to look at the chart.’ There was a white board with rows of black letters, each row smaller than the one above, hanging on the opposite wall. ‘Tell me which is the last line you can read without bother.’
‘Number six,’ said Joe. ‘E, D, F, C, Z, P.’
‘Excellent.’
‘I can do the next.’
‘Surprise me.’
‘F. E. L. O. P. Z. – O?’
‘Nearly.’ He moved the disc so that Joe was using his good eye. ‘And which is the last line you can read now without bother?’
‘The bottom,’ said Joe.
‘The bottom?’
‘Yes. A, B, E, D, O, C, T, I, S.’
‘What?’
‘A, B, E, D, O, C, T, I, S.’
‘And the rest?’
‘Dead easy. Top line, H. Next, I, C. Next, L, A, P. Then I, S, E, X. Then I, L, I, S, E. Then X, T, A, T, P, R. Then E, T, I, O, Q, V, O. Then Q, V, E, V, I, L, I, S. Then S, P, E, R, N, I, T, V. Then R, A, S, T, V, L, T, I, S, A. Then M, A, T, V, R, P, L, V, S. And A, B, E, D, O, C, T, I, S.’
‘Not funny, old son.’
‘What isn’t?’
‘It doesn’t help if you faff around.’
‘I’m not faffing.’
‘Hmm.’ He changed the disc over. ‘Press on regardless. How far can you read now?’
‘E, D, F, C, Z, P. It’s the wonky eye.’
He took the frame off Joe’s nose. ‘And how do you see with both together?’
‘Squiffy.’
‘Hmm.’
‘What’s up?’ said Joe.
‘The letters you read with your good eye aren’t there.’
‘Yes they are! You swapped the board!’
‘I didn’t.’ He set the frame back on Joe’s nose and gave him a sheet of paper and a pencil. ‘Put the patch over your weak eye and write down what you see with the other.’
‘Don’t want to.’
‘Come on. There’s a good lad.’
‘Where?’
‘Come on. Just for me.’
‘It’s daft.’ Joe worked the patch under the frame and wrote.
‘Thanks, Joe.’ He took the paper. ‘Interesting. Very, very interesting.’
‘What is? What’s up?’
‘You tell me, my old mucker,’ he said, and gave the paper back to Joe. ‘You tell me.’
Joe got off the chair and went close to the chart. He read it, then moved his patch over and read again.
‘Heck.’
‘Yes?’
‘It looks different,’ said Joe. ‘Like there’s two of ’em.’
‘But there aren’t. There’s only one chart.’
‘What’s wrong? What’s wrong with my eyes?’
‘There’s not a lot wrong with your eyes, Joe. What beats me is your sight.’