+@Nadine: great first task for you! This ad copy came back from the freelancer; see if it can be salvaged. Thx, Serena.
When the other universe first appeared, access to the universe beyond the rift was for scientists only. Us normal people, we couldn’t go. But the scientists needed coffee and food, so Starbucks made its move. Starbucks is the great equalizer of course.
+@Serena: suggest striking above paragraph; nothing new here, not related to product, overly focused on Starbucks brand (or do we have a collaboration with Starbucks?)
Next, the novelty of doing research in another universe began to wear off and the scientists got bored, despite living right across from the stunning aurora borealis in the rift. Casinos, movie theaters, strip clubs and their employees were allowed across the rift to entertain the scientists.
+@Serena: suggest striking mention of strip clubs
Funding for science is always caught in an uneasy relationship between the greater good, the abstract idea beyond monetization, and the product that can be sold to another being in late capitalism, who is just bored out of their fucking mind and has no other way to ease their ennui than to self-improve by shopping. Mattress stores and fountain-pen subscriptions entered the as yet bare market of the other universe.
Because science found that the other universe was pretty much just a slightly emptier copy of this universe, there weren’t that many monetizable research findings: who wants what they already have? Research was declared pointless and ceased.
The universe across the rift opened to tourists. It started to look a bit like Las Vegas over there. These days, there’s Little-Las-Vegas inside a hotel in the other universe, and there is Little-Paris-Las-Vegas inside Little-Las-Vegas and we at Dimenso-yarn understand that our entanglement with an inexplicable other universe full of meaningless copies can be overwhelming. So we have created a product, obsessively engineered to help you disentangle your life and create something truly real.
+@Serena: ‘ennui’, ‘monetization’, ‘late capitalism’ are big words, don’t read easily, suggest striking for readability
+@Nadine: you don’t see anything else wrong with the three (!) paragraphs above?
+@Serena: ‘truly real’ is redundant; passage is a bit ranty, long sentences; includes ‘fucking’, may need to test re: target group / Dimenso-yarn branding
+@Nadine: we do not use the words ‘late capitalism’ while trying to generate revenue. Let’s discuss in person at earliest convenience
We know that to live your best life in any dimension, you’ve got to transcend your ennui, so place yourself back in control of your universe and create something meaningful that will weave a beautiful thread to connect you and your loved ones.
+@Serena: again, strike ‘ennui’, replace with ‘self’; good emotional appeal to ‘loved ones’
Father’s Day is coming up, so sign up today and receive your first yarn bundle complete with instructions at fifty percent off. Go on, knit Dad that sweater he has always wanted yet never just bought for himself.
We are Dimenso-yarn: the first inter-dimensional online personalized yarn subscription service for the rift-traveler who has it all twice. Put a twist into the known universe.
+@Serena: love the catchphrase, ‘Put a twist…’ genius, definitely keep that. Move this paragraph to beginning?
+@Nadine: please flag this freelancer as ‘will not hire’ in our database
With thousands of patterns and colors you can create something unique with your own hands. The universes may be folding into one another and we may be losing our grip on what’s real, but you can tangle a twist of yarn into an intricate knot that’s definitely your own. Ease your existential anxiety! Master the chaos! Dimenso-yarn!
+@ Serena: ‘Master the chaos!’ another great catchphrase; advise keeping
+@ Nadine: come see me in my office right now
Anna Ziegelhof grew up in Germany and has lived in a succession of other countries. She holds degrees in English, Jewish Studies, and Sociology and has worked as a teacher, translator, and editor. She currently resides in Northern California where she works in tech, devours fiction, and occasionally writes, too.