By Lisa Scott
Something was off. Miranda wasn’t sure what, but the back of her neck tingled as she and Luke walked into the hotel ballroom. She’d had that feeling before and it was always followed by bad news. Miranda frowned. It’s not because she was crashing a wedding to check out their band; the band had said it was okay. Maybe it was the couple sitting with a little girl devouring a sundae, all three of them giddy and happy. Miranda hadn’t laughed like that in a long time. Strange.
She looked at her enormous engagement ring glinting in the light of the chandeliers. She had every reason in the world to bubble over with joy, she thought. So, what was niggling her? She tried to shake off the feeling while she and her fiancé, Luke, settled at a table to listen to the music. Luke had decided he wanted a band for the cocktail hour of their reception and this jazz group had a last minute cancellation. Everyone had expected her to be bridezilla, but Luke had taken over the role nicely. He liked to be in control; she didn’t mind letting him. They’d have a great marriage.
Miranda swung her foot to the beat of the music, aware that most of the men in the room were looking at her—even though her hand was linked with Luke’s. Too bad her best friend, Jane, wasn’t there to shoo the boys away. Sure, she’d used her looks to her advantage for years. But now it was tiresome to have men bumble around her just because they liked how she looked. If only they knew she hogged the covers, ate the cookies out of the cookies-and-cream ice cream, and hoarded magazines. She just couldn’t throw them out without reading all the articles, and that never happened. She had plenty of faults; she should have them all printed out on a t-shirt. But then that would just invite more stares at her chest.
That’s one of the things she liked about Luke. He didn’t go on and on about her long blond hair or her figure that had been called a perfect ten by one of the Red Sox pitchers the morning after they’d hooked up. Luke was the son of a rich Australian businessman and he’d certainly dated women far more beautiful than her. It was a relief, really, not to be treated like a Faberge egg.
She stared at his handsome profile. She was a lucky woman. “Do you like the band?” she asked.
He shrugged, tossing back the last of his scotch. “They’ll do. I don’t think we have much other choice at the last minute here in bloody Springfield. It’s not too late to push the date back, and move this whole thing to Australia, you know. We’d have plenty of jazz bands to choose from there, love.”
“I don’t mind having another reception there, but the wedding is going to be here. My mother wants it here.” As the band stopped for a break, Miranda stood up. “I’m going to book them.”
Luke’s eyes wandered across the room to a pretty photographer snapping shots of guests mugging for the camera. “Maybe we should add another photographer, too,” he said.
Miranda rolled her eyes and headed for the band. Luke liked to pretend he was a ladies’ man, but it was just an act expected of an attractive, wealthy heir to a fortune. She knew he loved her.
As she approached the stage, she realized someone else was heading that way, too. She and Luke probably weren’t the only couple hoping to scoop up the group. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and quickened her pace.
But before she could get the singer’s attention, she felt a touch on her shoulder. “Miranda?”
She froze. That voice cut through a thousand memories to a time when she was joyful and innocent, filled with dreams of the future. Slowly she turned to him. His curly brown hair had started receding more than he probably liked, but that just showed off his big green eyes better, she thought. His face was thinner, and he was still an inch shorter than her, but it was him. “Kevin.” Her hand fluttered over her throat as her voice barely registered.
His grin was huge. “Miranda!” He hugged her and she caught her breath. “I can’t believe it. I haven’t seen you since…” His smile fell.
So did hers. She knew the exact date she’d last seen him: March twentieth, 2002. “I know. It’s been a long time. You look great. What are you doing here?” If she were near a wall, she would’ve leaned against it for support.
He looked over his shoulder. “I’m here with my fiancée, checking out the band. We had a DJ lined up for our wedding, but she wants a band instead, and they had a last minute cancellation.”
She felt her face pale. “You’re getting married? On July fourteenth?”
“Yes.”
Miranda tottered on her heels. “So am I.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow.”
With that, Luke was behind her, slinking his hand over her shoulder. “Any problems, dear?”
“No. No. This is Kevin Fulton. He and his fiancée are getting married the same day we are.”
“We dated back in high school,” Kevin offered.
“Then I better go book the damn band before they do. Either that, or I’ll offer them double their going rate.” Luke grinned and walked up to the group while Miranda and Kevin stared at each other.
“Sorry,” Miranda said. “He really wants jazz for cocktail hour.”
Kevin waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about it. He’s an Australian? Of course the lovely Miranda would have to travel across the globe to find a worthy guy. Slim pickings here in Springfield, I suppose.” He tried to sound like he was joking, but his grin was fake, she knew it.
“Hardly. I met him at McGinty’s. He went to college here and stayed for a job.” She shrugged.
“So you’ve lived here since...”
She had to force herself to say it. “Since we broke up? Yes. Haven’t gone anywhere. What about you?”
He looked at his shoes. “I moved to Florida for a while.”
“I thought you were going to Umass?”
Laughter and chatter filled the room as he paused before answering. “I needed some space.”
From me, she wanted to say.Miranda wasn’t surprised to see the woman with an engagement ring make her way toward Kevin. She was pretty, with silky brown hair pulled back with a headband, a trim figure, and a lovely smile. And most surprisingly, she didn’t sneer at Miranda. Not a whiff of envy rolled off her. Kevin had done well.
“Did you tell the band we were interested?” she asked him.
Luke walked back over. “Got ‘em, Miranda.” He looked at Kevin. “Sorry, mate. Can’t always get what you want, right?”
Kevin squeezed the woman’s shoulder. “We’ll figure something out.” He looked at Miranda, then back at the lovely brunette. “I want you to meet someone. This is…Miranda and her fiancé, Luke. And this is my fiancée, Beth.”
After Luke said hello, Miranda held out a shaky hand. “So nice to meet you.”
Kevin cleared his throat. “Miranda and I were…”
Beth could probably conclude what Ben had meant to Miranda by her flushed cheeks and the way she was examining the floor.
Then Luke said, “A long time ago, I imagine.”
Miranda nodded.
Beth didn’t seem phased at all. “Nice to meet you.”
Miranda forced herself to look up. “Turns out we’re getting married on the same day.”
Beth crossed her fingers. “Let’s hope the weather cooperates. We got engaged three months ago and it’s been interesting trying to get everything together by next month. But we can pull it off.”
Miranda’s throat felt like it was closing. How many times had she and Kevin talked about the dream wedding they’d throw? Sure, they’d been smitten, silly teenagers, but the love had seemed real. The dreams, too. He was going to open a landscaping company and she was going to open a floral shop, and they’d live in a big house and love each other forever. Until I screwed up everything.
“We still haven’t been able to find a photographer,” Beth said.
Luke gestured to the attractive woman snapping photos. “She seems more than competent.”
“Moira Moore,” Beth said. “She’s the best in the business and totally booked up.” She shrugged. “It’ll all work out.”
“Why do you have to plan it so quickly?” Miranda asked. If a baby was on the way, Miranda might have to wobble her way to a chair.
“Beth starts a new job in the marketing department at Villa Nova in Philly. We wanted to get married here before we move.”
“Sounds like everything’s working out for you, Kevin. I’m so happy,” Miranda said, grateful she’d always been able to fake a wide range of moods and reactions as needed. But usually, people just wanted her to smile pretty.
“I’m happy for you, too, Miranda.” His smile was half hearted; Kevin wasn’t a good faker at all. Never had been.
He and Beth turned to leave, when Miranda said, “Wait!” She pulled out a notepad and pen from her purse and jotted down her number. “Call me if you need any help with the rest of your plans. Maybe I can offer some suggestions. I’ve done a lot of ground work already.” She held the slip out, expecting Beth would take it, but hoping Kevin would.
He did. “Thanks so much.” He stuffed the paper in his pocket, then smiled at Miranda like no one else was in the room. “It was great running into you. And nice meeting you, Luke.” Then he and Beth walked away.
The pit in Miranda’s stomach felt bottomless.
Luke snickered. “Should I assume you were an ugly duckling? I never have seen any photos from when you were a kid. Were you fat? Acne-ridden?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He jerked his chin toward the door. “He’s hardly in your league.”
Miranda whacked him with her purse as they walked out to his Maserati. She hadn’t been a late bloomer, but she’d been very shy and unsure how to handle the attention she got because of her looks. But she’d always been more than a pretty girl to Kevin. “Kevin was incredibly sweet and funny and creative. He was a great boyfriend.”
“Yeah, those are all the things women want in a man. He probably got that suit at a two for one sale. Doesn’t look like he’s doing that well. Lucky break for you. So why’d you end things?”
She was too caught up in a memory to criticize him for being so snide. “I don’t remember.” But she did. And she was still ashamed of what a coward she’d been just disappearing from his life without an explanation.
She put down the car window as they drove home to let the night breeze cool her flushed cheeks.
Luke hit his control and put her window up. “It’s freezing.”
Miranda had to hide her smile, remembering how she and Kevin loved to drive around on a cold night with the windows down and the heat cranked up. She’d lean against him as they drove, totally content to be snuggled at his side. All they had to do was dream up a future and it was theirs. Or so they thought.
Before she knew it, Luke had pulled into her apartment complex. “Can I come up?” Luke asked. “I hate your place, but we’re here.”
“I’m really tired. I’ll call you tomorrow.” After an absentminded kiss, she went inside hoping she could forget she’d ever seen Kevin. Instead, she stayed up, researching local photographers in case he called.
God, she hoped he’d call.
***
“Aren’t you staying over tonight?” Beth asked Kevin. They were sitting in her parking lot while he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.
“I’ve got a few landscaping estimates to draw up tomorrow morning, and how can I do that when I wake up with you? I’ll never get any work done.” He chucked her under the chin.
Beth pouted, but not for long. There wasn’t much that could knock her off her stride. “Okay. Call me if you want to grab something to eat tomorrow.” She gave him a quick smooch and climbed out of the car.
He drove home, hating himself for being a liar. He didn’t have any work to catch up on. But what was he supposed to say? I’m so preoccupied with my ex I couldn’t possibly spend the night with you?
He climbed into a cold shower when he got home, then quickly changed the temperature to hot. There’d be no washing away memories of Miranda. Even though it had been ten years, he still thought about her whenever he heard spring frogs peeping or saw a shooting star. Miranda wasn’t the kind of girl you forgot.
And not just because she was gorgeous; somehow, she’d become even more beautiful. Back in high school when they’d dated, her hair wasn’t as long, and her curves hadn’t popped yet. What he remembered about Miranda was her laugh. Her encouragement. The way she believed in all his dreams; the way she’d woven hers with his.
And then she’d just stopped calling. Wouldn’t return his calls. He went to Highland Academy across town, and she went to the public high school, so it’s not like he saw her at school to demand an answer. He’d pleaded with her mother just to let him know what he’d done wrong, but she’d never let him in the door or pass along the phone when he called. He gave up after a month and always wondered if he should’ve fought harder, or if maybe she’d finally realized he just wasn’t good enough.
The memories chased him round and round until he fell asleep just as the sun was rising.
***
The phone rang and pulled him out of a dream where Miranda was floating on a cloud while he desperately tried to grab a string dangling from it. He answered, hoping he sounded awake. “Hello?”
“Kevin?”
Was he still dreaming? It was her voice. “Miranda? How did you get my number?”
“I couldn’t sleep. I googled you, and your landscaping company popped up. I was hoping the number you left on your voicemail for landscaping emergencies was your cell.”
“I’m assuming you don’t have an infestation of Japanese beetles.”
She laughed and he had to lay back at the sound of it. Her laugh was as beautiful as she was.
“No, no beetles or pruning mishaps. I hope I’m not bothering you. I just wanted to pass along the names of a few photographers who might be available on our wedding day. I mean your wedding day. Well, technically it is our wedding day since we’re both getting married on the same day, but it’s not our wedding day—you know, you and me.” She paused. “I just thought it might be helpful.”
He thought he heard her gulp. “That’s really thoughtful of you.” He checked the clock. It was twelve-thirty in the afternoon. He should’ve reached for a pen to write down the contact information for the photographers, but he didn’t. “Why don’t we meet at The Sundowner for lunch, and you can give me the names.”
“The Sundowner. Haven’t been there since…well, since I last went with you.”
“They still have your favorite: the barbeque ranch burger with extra onion rings.” He’d ordered it every time he went there for two years after they broke up.
“Great. I’ll see you there.”
After he got dressed, the phone rang again and he hoped she wasn’t changing her mind. “Hello?”
It was Beth. “Just checking in. Want to grab a bite to eat?”
Damn, he was a shit. He rubbed the back of this neck. “I’m still not caught up yet. Better count me out for today.”
“Okay. I’ll try searching for another band. And a photographer.” She sighed. “It’ll all be worth it. Just four weeks away! Love you, honey.”
“You, too.” Love you so much I’m meeting up with my ex. He closed his eyes and sighed. For closure, he told himself. Closure. He had to find out what had gone wrong.
Yeah, couldn’t have asked that over the phone.
***
Miranda was waiting at a table in the far back corner of the restaurant. He held his breath just looking at her. What were the chances they’d reconnect right before they were both getting married? What kind of sign from the gods was that?
She spotted him and waved. There was probably no chance anyone in the place thought they were together; a guy like him didn’t end up with a girl like her. He felt bad for Beth thinking that. Beth was great in so many ways. But Miranda had been his first.
He slid across from her and his chest ached. This was kicking up a lot of old emotions that had never been properly settled.
She swept her long blond hair over one shoulder and propped her chin in her hand. “Can’t believe we’re both getting married on the same day.”
“Way back when, we both thought July would be the best month.”
She nodded. “Because of the fireflies. We decided there were more in July.”
“I still think that’s true,” he said. He didn’t tell her he thought of her every time he spotted one. Even though he hadn’t seen her in ten years, she was often on his mind.
Miranda reached into her purse. “Here are a few photographers I’d called for our wedding. I checked this morning and Heritage Photography has an opening that day.” She passed over a slip of paper.
Their fingers brushed as he took it from her, and he tried to hold back all the memories of the times those fingers had grazed his face. Twirled his hair. Curled in between his. He shifted in his seat and set the numbers down. “Thanks so much. Beth’s been handling everything, but she’ll appreciate this.”
“She seems great. Where did you meet?”
“My company was installing a landscape project in her office complex. One of our trucks was blocking her car and here we are.”
Miranda closed her eyes, shaking her head. “Your own landscaping company. I’m so proud of you for following your dream.” She smiled and opened her eyes. Nearly knocked him over.
He took a long drink. “With all that gardening knowledge from my grandma’s nursery, it would have been a waste not to use it. But I love what I do and the business keeps growing. What are you doing these days?” Besides marrying movie-star stunt-double foreigners….
“I’m a kindergarten teacher. It’s great, but Luke’s been talking about Australia quite a bit. Not sure what I’ll do if we move there.” Her lips twisted, just like they used to when she was unsure about something.
He wanted to reach across the table and grab her hand and tell her she could do anything there. But he reached for the menu instead, even though he knew what he was going to order, because Miranda would never order her own burger and onion rings, but loved to pick at his.
He swallowed the knot in his throat. He was going to get ambushed on this trip down memory lane. He was remembering all the good times, and forgetting that she’d just up and walked out of his life. When someone really loves you, they don’t do that, he reminded himself. It was the mantra his mother had repeated over and over when he couldn’t shake the sadness for months after she’d been gone. He closed the menu. “Sitting here with you, it’s easy to forget all the time that’s passed.”
“I know.” She folded her hands on the table and looked away. “And I need to apologize to you for ending things the way I did.”
His heart pounded and he sucked in a breath, ready for her explanation. Then the waitress came to take their orders. The spell was broken as he grabbed the menu, fumbling through it even though he knew what he wanted. “The barbecue ranch burger with extra onion rings on the side,” he said.
A slow smile crept across Miranda’s face. “I’ll have the same.” She looked at him. “I don’t want to settle for just a few of yours.”
He shifted in his seat. Was she trying to keep things friendly but not too friendly? Afraid they’d brush fingers again when she reached over to his plate? God. Of course she was. She was engaged. And so was he. He cleared his throat. “So what were you saying, about ending things?”
She looked down and stirred her straw in the soda the waitress had dropped off. “I’d been keeping a secret from you, Kevin.”
His stomach dropped. Which was stupid. So what if she’d cheated on him? They were kids, it was over, and they were both about to get married. He forced a laugh. “Who was it?”
Her head snapped up and she blinked at him. “No. I didn’t cheat on you, Kevin.”
He spread his palms on the table. “Then what could’ve been so bad to end things between us without even telling me?” He sounded angrier than he meant to.
She looked out the window. Her eyes were slick with tears. “I was sick.”
His throat tightened and he could barely get out the words. “What do you mean?”
“I never told you that I had leukemia when I was a little girl. It consumed most of my life, and I thought it was behind me. You were the first person in my life who wasn’t linked to my illness. I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me like every one else. I didn’t want you to know.”
He reached for her hand, knocking over the salt shaker in the process. “So why did you just cut off contact with me?”
She looked at him and took a deep breath. “Because the cancer came back. March 20, 2002, the doctor called me with the test results.”
His shoulders sagged. He’d never felt this strange mix of anger and regret and sympathy roiling inside him at the same time. He was glad he hadn’t started eating yet. It was possible he might have hurled it back up. “You should have told me. I could have been there for you. You shouldn’t have gone through that alone.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t want that to be part of our relationship. You’d never look at me the same way. I’d always be something weak or damaged in your eyes; because there’s no guarantee it won’t come back. You wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“You didn’t even give me a chance! You didn’t give me a choice.”
“Kevin, the doctors said my leukemia, since it kept coming back…” She took a shuddering breath. “They said most kids in my situation don’t live past age forty. It wouldn’t be fair to you to end up with someone who probably would only have half a life. Who didn’t want kids, because I wouldn’t leave them without a mother. Yeah, I know we talked about having kids, but after I got sick again, I decided I never wanted anyone I loved to see me like that again.”
He couldn’t help it. He was angry. “So you decided for me.” He slowly blew out his breath. “What does your fiancé say about this?”
She pulled her hand away from his. “He doesn’t know.”
“You didn’t tell him?”
She shook her head. “If I die, Luke will be fine. It’s complicated. He loves me, but I know I’m not the center of his world. And that’s fine. I know he wouldn’t be destroyed without me.” She shrugged. “And maybe I’ll beat the odds. But tell me. Would you really have wanted that to be part of your future?”
He turned his hands up. “Miranda. Yes. Hell, yes. There’s never been anyone like you. Even if we only had another twenty years together, I would have wanted that. I spent all those years wondering what I did wrong.”
She reached for him, but he didn’t take her hand. “God, Kevin, I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was me, not you. I’m sorry. I thought it was for the best. I thought you’d forget me.”
“That’s impossible. I was never able to. And I never will.”
Silence settled between them. “At least you found Beth,” Miranda said.
“Right. She’s a great girl.” But she’s not you. “And you found someone, too.”
She nodded. “Yep. I think Luke and I should be happy.”
He locked eyes with her. “I think we could’ve been happy, too.”
Her cheeks flushed and she looked away. “We’ll never know. That’s the worst part. What might have been.” She reached for her burger and took a small bite.
He did the same. The conversation was over. That was all he was going to get. But what more did he expect?
They ate in silence and Kevin knew he should go home, grateful for finally understanding what happened, and then call a few of the photographers she’d listed. But he didn’t. “Wanna go for a ride?”
She paused, then nodded. “That would be nice.”
***
Miranda knew she should just go home. Say goodbye and good luck. But she just wasn’t ready to leave him yet. This was probably the last day she’d ever see him and something still felt unsettled.
“Where should we go?” he asked.
She thought about suggesting Forest Park. That had been their place. They’d taken picnics there, snuck in at night and laid out a blanket to watch the stars. They’d lost their virginity together there. No, that would be a very dangerous place to visit. Instead she said, “Have you see how big the roses are you planted at my old house?”
“I haven’t driven by in a while. How is your mom?”
“She’s good. She’s in an apartment now. We were just renting that house, but the roses are still there. I can’t believe it.”
“Let’s go look.” He turned down Main Street and still knew exactly where he was going.
How many times had he made that trip to her house from his across town? Hundreds? They’d been together over a year, and saw each other nearly every day, even if for only a few minutes after her chorus practice or his job at his grandmother’s greenhouse.
He parked across the street from their old house. The paint was peeling off the tiny ranch and the porch sagged, but bright, coral-pink roses crawled up the side of the house where Kevin had made a trellis for her eighteenth birthday. “You should always have roses,” he’d told her back then.
Staring out the window at them now, she set her hand on his shoulder. “The Dream Weaver.”
He placed his hand on top of hers. “You remember?” Grinning, he shook his head. “Wow. It’s still one of my favorite climbing roses to plant.”
“Look at how big it is, and it’s loaded with flowers.” She sighed, thinking how much their relationship would’ve grown, too, if they’d stayed together. Surely they’d be married. And they’d probably have their own house with their own Dream Weavers climbing up the side. When he’d planted it, he’d promised her there’d be enough to make a bouquet for their wedding.
She pulled her hand away and looked down at her lap. She didn’t want to see if Kevin looked as disappointed as she was feeling.
He opened the car door.
“Where are you going?”
“I meant what I said all those years ago. You should always have roses.” He dashed across the street and knocked on the front door. When no one answered, he darted around to the side of the house and picked a few blossoms.
Her heart trembled. Luke had sent her vases filled with 365 roses to celebrate their one-year anniversary. He always liked to include the final price tag of the flower bill when he told the story.
But watching Kevin walk toward the car with a fistful of roses touched her more than all those vases. He got back in the car and handed them to her, the sweet scent flooding the space between them. “To think that was just a scraggly little bush when we put it in ten years ago,” he said.
“They’re beautiful.”
“Like you.”
She set the flowers on her lap and swallowed hard. “Kevin, it’s too late.” Her voice was thick.
He dropped his head back against the seat. “I know. It just feels so easy, like we’re right back where we left off. I always thought you were the one. But then I just wrote that off to youthful naivety after you left. But seeing you again, and knowing what really happened…” He sighed.
“It doesn’t make sense. You should hate me. What I did to you was horrible.”
He reached for her hand and pulled it to him, pressing his lips against her knuckles. “I can’t be mad at you, Miranda. You were going through something awful and you didn’t make the best decision. But I know now you didn’t mean to hurt me.”
She looked over at him and smiled. “Of course you understand. Because that’s the kind of guy you are.” This was bad. She shouldn’t be feeling what she was feeling right now. She pulled her hand back. “I should get home.”
He nodded and drove back to the diner. They sat quietly in his car, while she fiddled with the flowers in her lap. She’d done what she came to do—tell him the truth about their breakup. She needed to get home and focus on her own wedding, on her own future. A future without him. She swallowed a cry.
“I’m glad we ran into each other, Miranda. I’m glad I know the truth.”
She nodded and turned to him, cupping his cheek in her hand. “I hope you and Beth are happy in Philadelphia.”
He grabbed her hand. “And I’m sure you’ll have a nice life with Luke.” He kissed her hand again; then she pulled it away, dropping a rose on the floor as she got out. She dashed to her car before she did anything stupid.
***
“Boss, I thought we were planting Arborvitaes? Aren’t these Junipers?” Martin asked Kevin, gesturing to a row of evergreens.
Kevin shook himself out of his daze. “You’re right. Thanks. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
Martin grinned, leaning on his shovel. “Like a wedding. Don’t blame you. I’d be nervous, too. Which is why you won’t see me getting married anytime soon. Not that anyone would want to marry me. I know nothing about women. Ask all my exes. I always say the wrong thing, do something stupid.” He sighed. “But Beth’s a great girl. You’re lucky.” Jim clapped him on the back. “I’ll go get the Arborvitaes out of the truck. And what about those roses? I didn’t see them on the plans for this job.”
Kevin felt his cheeks flush. “I grabbed those by mistake.” Which was a lie. He saw the Dream Weavers at the wholesaler, and scooped them up without asking why he was doing it. He didn’t even have a project in mind for them. But he knew why. It’d been two days since he’d seen Miranda and he couldn’t stop thinking of her. This was bad.
Martin grinned. “Those are the ones you planted for an old girlfriend, right?”
The blood drained from Kevin’s face. “I told you that?”
“Yeah, couple years back when I asked why you always use that variety.”
Kevin pretended to study them. “I forgot about that. They’re just a good climber. Nice color, that’s all.” His phone rang, snapping him out of his daze. “Hello?”
“Hey, you.” It was Beth. “We’ve got to finalize the cake tonight, so we’re doing a final sampling at the bakery. Can you pick me up at seven?”
“Sure. Of course.”
“Great. Love you.”
“You too.” He blew out a breath and told himself to focus. He had a job to do. And a wedding to finish planning. And a life to keep living without Miranda.
***
When Kevin picked up Beth, he realized he hadn’t seen her since Saturday.
“Hello, stranger,” she said, as she climbed in his car. “Can’t wait until we see each other every day. It’s just over a month away.”
“Wow. Is it that close?”
She looked at him, narrowing her eyes. “You’re not nervous are you?”
“Just nervous that we can pull this altogether.” He flipped on the radio. Aerosmith of course. Miranda’s favorite.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s all going to come together. I’ve worked on more involved corporate events. This is easy.” She patted his hand. “I booked one of the photographers you told me about, and I’m just going to settle for a DJ instead of a band.” She set her purse on the floor by her feet. “What’s this?” She picked up a limp rose.
Kevin’s heart pounded. “Oh. That’s a climbing rose I like to use on my jobs. The Dream Weaver.” He sucked in a breath.
“It’s beautiful.” She sniffed the droopy flower, which still gave off a lovely smell. “I love the name, too. I want to use these in the wedding. Can you get me some?”
He rubbed the back of his head. “I’ve got some on the truck. But they don’t have long stems for a bouquet. It’s a climbing rose. I don’t think it would work.” Any hope of not thinking about Miranda on his wedding day would be gone with those in their ceremony.
An hour later at the bakery, he was still thinking of her.
Beth snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Red velvet or chocolate ganache? It’s not that hard of a choice.”
Kevin ran his hand through his hair. “Whatever you want, honey.”
***
The next morning he stared into the back of the truck at the half dozen pots of roses. He had to get rid of them. He plucked a flower and rubbed a silky petal between his fingers. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out Miranda’s number and called her. “I’ve got something for you. Can I stop by?”
He got her address and drove across town. Knowing it was a bad idea he pulled out two rose bushes and went up to her apartment. He shifted back and forth waiting for her to answer the bell.
Then she opened the door. And he sucked in a breath, just like he had the time he picked her up for the homecoming dance. Miranda had always taken his breath away.
Her eyes widened. “What’s this?”
“An early wedding present.”
She smiled at the flowers and gestured for him to come inside.
He set the plants on the floor. “I can’t stay long, I’ve got to get to the jobsite. I just had a few extras, and wanted you to have some, too. I want to be sure you always have roses.” Because I’m not so sure that jerk will see to it.
She wrapped her arms around her ribs like she was cold. “I’ll find the perfect spot for them. Thanks.”
He wanted to say more. But he wasn’t sure what. “Let me know if you need anything, Miranda. I’ll always be here for you.” I would’ve, if you’d given me the chance. He let himself out the door.
When he pulled up to the jobsite, his heart dropped. Beth was there.
She waved to him as he got out of the car. “I wanted to check out those roses. Martin opened the truck to show me.” The sunlight glinted off her hair and her smile was dazzling. She deserves better than this.
“I thought we had a few more than this, boss,” Martin said, peering inside the cool, dark cargo area.
Beth picked a bloom and sniffed it. “You’re right, the stems aren’t that long, but I think I could tuck a few in on the sides of the bouquet.”
Jim laughed. “You sure you want to do that?”
Beth scrunched her eyebrows. “Why not?”
“Those are the same flowers he planted for some girlfriend way back when. Might be bad luck.” Martin shrugged.
Beth blinked and turned to Kevin. “What’s he talking about?”
Kevin opened and closed his mouth. Then he said, “Back when I was dating Miranda, I planted one of these for her at her mom’s house. Turned out to be a great climber, and I still like to use them.”
She stared at the pots in the truck for a few moments. “Why did you have a blossom in your car?”
Kevin opened and closed his mouth, saying nothing.
Crumpling the flower in her hand, she tossed it to the ground. “You’re right. These probably won’t work.” She strode back to her car and drove away, leaving a swirl of dust in her wake.
Martin scratched his head. “I told you I always say the wrong thing, even when it’s not my girl.”
Kevin tipped his head back to the sky. What the hell was he doing?
***
Miranda set the flowers out on her balcony so she didn’t have to see them—so she didn’t have to think about Kevin. If only it were that easy. Seeing him again had stirred up feelings like muck at the bottom of a pond. Once that muck started floating around, it took a long time to settle. She needed to talk to someone about this, so she called her mother. Not that she’d ever been lucky in love; Miranda’s dad had left her and her mother when she was little. Her mother had never remarried again and was waiting on the happily ever after for her daughter, instead.
“What’s up honey?” her mother asked.
Miranda sighed. “I’m not so sure I should marry Luke.”
“What’s going on, Miranda?”
She paused. “I saw Kevin.”
“Kevin Fulton? That was so long ago. He was just a high school sweetheart.”
“He was more than that, Mom. Back then, I really thought he was the one.” I still do…
“But Luke is everything you could possibly want. He’s handsome, he’s rich, and he loves you.”
Her mother was saying all the right words, but it didn’t help. “I know.”
Her mother sighed. “Honey, everyone gets last minute jitters. It’s just cold feet. This is normal. But you and Luke are meant to be together. Kevin is just a reminder of your youth, that’s all.”
Miranda blew out a breath and nodded. “You’re probably right. Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re going to be very happy with Luke. I promise.”
Miranda hung up and flopped on the couch. She grabbed one of the bridal magazines piled up on the floor. The ads for dresses and rings and favors only made her feel ill. She tossed it aside, rolled off the couch, and headed for the one person who would set her straight.
Her best friend, Jane, lived across the hall. They’d been friends since they were kids and went through chemo treatments together. Jane had spent the past few years keeping away obnoxious men who always seemed to swarm her when they went out. Jane knew everything about Miranda. She knocked on her door, and when Jane answered, she started crying.
Jane’s eyes widened and she held out her arms, folding Miranda into her embrace. “Did gas prices go up again?”
Miranda shook her head.
“Shit. The giraffe at the zoo died? He’s my favorite.”
Miranda cried harder and pulled away. “Your jokes aren’t going to work this time. I’m not sure I should marry Luke.”
“Damn. My jokes always work. This is serious.” Jane marched her to the couch. “Sit down. We both need a drink.”
After Miranda downed a beer and poured out her sorrows, Jane said, “I think you’re just worried I’m going to upstage you in my gorgeous bridesmaids’ dress.”
Miranda laughed through her tears. “You’re right. That’s what this is all about.”
“Maybe you’re just worried you’re going to start saying ‘mate’ and grilling stuff on the barbie. Honey, you can keep your New England accent even if you do move down under.” Jane patted her hand as they sat next to each other on her couch.
“Janey, you know what Kevin meant to me. You’re the reason we met.” Jane had gone to school with Kevin, and dragged Miranda to a school dance. When he first saw her and dropped his glass of punch—then hurried to clean it up—Miranda was smitten.
Jane’s smile fell. “Then why did you break things off with him? You never told me. I figured you were just ready to find someone new.”
Miranda rubbed her temples and groaned. “I was stupid. When my cancer came back senior year, I didn’t tell him. I just stopped talking to him.”
Jane’s hand went to her mouth. “You’ve never stopped loving him.”
Miranda looked up at the ceiling. “But Luke is so great. Right?”
Jane grabbed her hand. “You met Luke because hooking up with an Australian was on your dating bucket list. And I hate to say it, but I think you’re just the finishing touch for his picture perfect life. He doesn’t love you enough, Miranda. Look at me and Brady. We’re not engaged, but if he asked me, I’d say yes. I know we’re right for each other. You can’t say the same thing about you and Luke.”
“But that’s why it’s perfect. I don’t want someone who loves me too much. Someone who’ll be devastated when I die.”
Jane narrowed her eyes. “Stop it. First of all, you don’t know that you’re not going to live a perfectly normal, long life. And second, you deserve someone who’s crazy enough to fall into the lotus pond at the park trying to pick you a flower. Or mail you love notes. No one does that anymore. I was always so jealous when you told me about Kevin. Kevin will take care of you no matter what happens. What does Luke say about your leukemia?”
Miranda frowned. “He doesn’t know.”
“Are you kidding me? And what if it does come back? Do you really think he’s going to hold your hair back while you puke during chemo treatments—if you even have any hair? How do you think he’d like that?”
“Then he could leave me. I don’t care.”
“So why are you getting married?”
Miranda shrugged. “To make my mother happy?”
Jane rolled her eyes. “Oh, good. I thought you were doing it for the lovely china you registered for.” She sighed. “Tell Kevin how you feel. And tell Luke, too. At least tell him about the cancer and see how he reacts. Don’t settle, Miranda. You of all people shouldn’t settle.”
Miranda rolled her eyes. “Right. Because I’m pretty,” she said with disdain.
Jane touched her arm. “Because you’ve had so many rough spots in your life. You deserve nothing but the best husband who adores you. Someone who still makes you tingle in all the right places.”
Miranda blinked back her tears and shook her head. “I’m not ruining what Kevin has. He found a great woman, and they’re going to start a new life after their wedding. I don’t want to confuse him. He deserves to be happy, too.”
“How do you know he wouldn’t be happier with you?”
Miranda shook her head. “I’ll talk to Luke to give him fair warning. But I’m not talking to Kevin.” Because, really, how many times could she torture herself?
***
After work, Kevin thought about sending Beth her own bouquet of roses, but he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t pretend he was sorry because he wasn’t. And if she asked about Miranda, he wouldn’t be able to lie. If he were lucky, she wouldn’t ask. But was that fair? Didn’t she deserve to know that he still had feelings for someone else and decide for herself if she wanted to get married? He had to tell Beth what was going on.
Without calling, he drove to her apartment, took a deep breath, and knocked on her door. When she opened it, she frowned. “Anything else I should know about your old girlfriend?”
“Can we talk?”
She gestured for him to come in and he sat on the couch. She sat in a chair across from him and crossed her arms.
He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “Miranda called me after I saw her this weekend and I finally found out why she broke up with me back in high school. It wasn’t what I expected.”
“What was it?”
“She had cancer and didn’t want to put me through it.”
Beth pursed her lips and nodded. “So you still have feelings for her.”
“I do. And I thought it was only fair to tell you in case it changes anything for you. She’s getting married, so it’s not like we’re getting back together.”
“But if she wasn’t, what would you do?”
He rubbed the back of his head and didn’t say anything.
She laughed. “So basically, you’re letting me be the bad guy and call off the wedding because you’ve decided you still have feelings for someone else.”
“No! I wanted to be honest with you and give you all the facts first in case that changed things for you.”
“But it’s changed things for you! I don’t want you settling for me when you really want someone else—even if you can’t have her. Of course it changes things.”
“I love you, Beth.”
“But you still love someone else. Probably more than me.” She sighed. “Fine, are you going to make me do it? Make me tell all my friends and family that I called off the wedding?”
“No, I’ll do it.”
“Good. Because this is all your fault. So go ahead. Say it. I want to hear it.”
“Beth…”
“Say it.”
“I have to call off the wedding.
“Thank you.” She held up a hand. “And don’t worry. I’ll get over it. I’ll move on. That’s what I do. Maybe I can move to Philly sooner and put this all behind me.”
And he had no doubt she’d be able to. He looked down at his feet. “You can keep the ring.”
She slid it off her finger. “No, you take it and see what you can get for it. You’re going to be losing a lot of money on deposits.”
“Always practical.”
“You knew that.” She walked over and dropped the ring in his hand.
He reached for her but she pulled back. “Please leave. I’ve got one-hundred fifty people to call and inform about our cancelled wedding.”
He walked out the door and she didn’t even slam it. She’d probably give herself three hours to be upset over this and then carry on. Here he’d been thinking she deserved better. Well, he deserved better, too.
He sat in his car for a few minutes, wanting to rush to Miranda and tell her his wedding was off. But just because he was still in love with her, didn’t mean she was still in love with him. He needed a night to sleep on it. To find the right words to say.
If he dared say them at all.
***
Luke was late, and Miranda paced her living room, worried that she’d lose her nerve to tell him. At ten o’clock, he finally stumbled in.
“Long day at the office?”
“Long night at the bar,” he loosened his tie. “But lots of business gets done at the bar, so I suppose you’re right.” He laced one hand around her waist and pulled her close, planting a whiskey flavored kiss on her lips.
She pulled back. “Can we talk?”
His brows knitted and he flopped onto her couch. “Sure thing, love. This about the sushi appetizers? It’s not my favorite, but go ahead and we’ll throw a few California rolls onto the menu.”
She rolled her eyes. “No, Luke. This is about me. There’s something I haven’t told you. Something important.”
He blinked a few times. “Sounds serious. Go on.”
She set her hands on her thighs, then looked up at him. “When I was kid, I had leukemia.”
He tilted his head and looked at her, like he was inspecting her for signs of the disease. “I’m so sorry, Love. But you’re okay now, right?”
She shrugged. “It came back when I was eighteen. And there’s nothing to say I won’t relapse again. Doctors say with recurring cancer like this, I could have a shorter life expectancy. Like forty.”
He just stared at her.
“And I’m not sure if it’s fair to you to marry a woman who might not be with you your whole life. And for that reason, I don’t want children. I couldn’t leave them motherless.”
“That’s fine. I don’t want kids either. And I’d be sad if you died, but I’d carry on, love. I’m strong.”
She nodded. “That’s what I thought.”
“Listen, if the cancer comes back, we’ll get you to the best doctors in the world.”
“I could lose my hair.”
“I’ll buy you a wig.”
She forced a smile. “So, this doesn’t change things for you? You still want to get married?”
“Hell yes. Plus it’s all planned, isn’t it?” He popped up and gave her a kiss on the head. “Is that it, then?”
She nodded.
“If you don’t mind, I’m off to bed.” He tousled her hair and went to her bedroom.
She sat there; glad she’d told him. Even so, the back of her neck tingled and she couldn’t figure out why.
***
Kevin waited until lunchtime to call Miranda. He’d tell her he had to talk to her, and ask if they could meet at her place. The diner was too public a place for what he had to tell her.
She answered on the first ring. “I’m so glad you called, Kevin. I have to thank you for your advice to tell Luke about my leukemia.”
He paused. “You told him? How’d that go?”
“He was more supportive than I expected. Promised the best doctors and everything if I get sick again. He understands he could be a widower at a young age, and he’s alright with that.”
Kevin’s heart fell. He couldn’t tell her now. She loved this guy and he was going to do right by her. It wasn’t Miranda’s problem that Kevin was still in love with her. “That’s great. I’m so glad. Now everything’s out in the open.”
“Yeah.” She paused for a moment. “So, why did you call?”
Shit. “I meant to tell you not to over water the roses. Want to keep those Dream Weavers alive and well. I want all your dreams to come true, Miranda.”
“Thanks. For everything. I’m so glad we ran into each other.”
“Me too.” He hung up, went to the truck, and threw the remaining roses in the dumpster at the worksite.
***
As the wedding date approached, Kevin increased his daily beer consumption from one after work, to a six-pack, sometimes more. It didn’t help. Only made him sadder. He didn’t regret calling off the wedding with Beth. He just wondered if he’d ever be able to find someone who could make him happy when he’d always carry memories of Miranda with him.
The weekend of the wedding, his mother offered to fly up from Florida so he wouldn’t be alone, but he said no. He wanted to be alone. He thought about heading down to the Cape to hide out. But then he decided he wanted to see for himself if Miranda seemed happy on her wedding day. He wasn’t sure what he hoped to see—doubt in her eyes or joy in her smile. He wouldn’t crash the wedding, but no one would notice him outside in the church in the crowd after they tied the knot, right?
So the morning he should’ve been getting ready for his own wedding, he dressed in his best suit, barely able to button his shirt the way his hands were shaking. He slid on a pair of sunglasses and drove to the church a few minutes before the wedding started.
He sat in the parking lot, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as people filed into the church. What would he do if she did look unhappy when she came out of the church, married? He’d be able to tell. When she was truly happy, the corners of her eyes crinkled, and her dimples deepened. What could he even do at that point if he didn’t see that?
If only she’d told him the truth when she got sick. They’d be married by now, he just knew it. But he didn’t know what she was really feeling, so he didn’t have a choice. And neither does she. Miranda needs to know the truth, just on the off chance she might feel the same way. And if she doesn’t, then at least they’ll both know.
He got out of the car and lingered in the parking lot. It was 2:15. The wedding was underway. Do people really bust in and yell, ‘Stop the wedding?’ Or does that just happen in the movies? Didn’t matter. He had to try or he’d regret it the rest of his life.
He jogged up the stairs to the church, and taking a deep breath, pushed open the doors. He hesitated before walking toward the aisle. He tried to find his voice. “Stop,” he said. “Stop the wedding.” But his voice wasn’t loud enough. Only a few people in the back rows turned to look at him.
He cleared his throat and thought of Miranda and the time they fell asleep under the stars and woke up in the park the next morning and he’d realized it hadn’t been a dream that she was his. And how she would look now if she really was his, waiting at the end of the aisle for him. “Stop the wedding.” His voice boomed in the church.
This time everyone turned around. Including the bride. But it wasn’t Miranda. The bride and groom looked at him, confused.
“Where’s Miranda? And Luke?” he asked
A tall brunette with a stripe of blue in her hair hurried back toward him and ushered him back out into the entryway. “What’s going on?” she asked.
“I had to tell the bride I love her and that she shouldn’t get married. Only, that’s not the bride. I know it’s the right day. I know it’s the right church.”
The girl nodded. “Wow. In all my weddings this is a first. Didn’t think people really charged in like that. Listen. The wedding that was scheduled for two o’clock was cancelled, so the twelve o’clock couple pushed theirs back to the two o’clock slot.”
“Cancelled?”
“Yep. A couple weeks ago. Trust me, it was a lot of fun calling all these guests to tell them about the new time, but the bride wanted it later in the day, so here we are.” She shrugged.
“Cancelled,” he said again, with a laugh.
She nodded. “Cancelled. I guess the bride called it off.”
“I gotta go. Thanks. Oh, and tell everyone I’m sorry.”
“Will do. Hey, you don’t mind if I blog about this, do you?”
“Not at all.” And he dashed out the door and headed for Miranda’s apartment.
***
Miranda wondered if Beth had ever found a band to replace their DJ. She hadn’t expected to feel so down the day that should have been her wedding day. It’s not that she was so disappointed to have called things off with Luke. Her mother had taken it worse than he had. She was more upset knowing she’d never have a chance with Kevin. I just hope he’s really happy.
It was a silly thing to do given her emotional state, but she drove to Forest Park and thought about all the times they’d spent there. The long talks, the long kisses, the promises and dreams. She plucked a tiny daisy growing in the grass and spun it between her fingers. “I guess I’ll have to settle for daisies instead of roses,” she said to herself.
“No you won’t.”
She dropped the flower and looked up. “Kevin?”
He sat next to her.
“Nice day for a wedding, huh?”
“And why aren’t you at yours?”
“Because I was rushing to the church to stop yours.”
Her hand covered her mouth. “Are you kidding?”
“Nope. The nice couple who took the two o’clock spot has quite a story to tell about the fool who busted in to stop the wedding.”
Laughing, she leaned toward him. “Oh, my god. You didn’t.”
He put his arm around her. “Yep. After seeing you, I knew I had to tell Beth how I was feeling about you. I wanted to make sure she still wanted to go through with the wedding, but as she pointed out, that was a more appropriate question for me.”
“And you didn’t?”
He shook his head. “What about you? I thought Luke had been supportive when you told him about the cancer? The real reason I called you that day was to tell you I’d broken off my engagement. But you sounded so happy, I didn’t want to ruin things for you.”
She wrapped her hands around her knees. “He was supportive, but not emotionally. There was no sympathy, no hugs. Just a promise of good medical care.” She shrugged. “I wanted him to react the way you did. That’s when I realized, I really wanted you. Luke was a safe choice for me. It wasn’t really about love. Not like what we had.”
“What we have. It never went away, Miranda. Not for me.”
“Me neither.”
“Maybe we can still have that dream wedding.”
Miranda shook her head. “I’ve already planned one wedding. Ours will be different.”
He lifted an eyebrow.
“We’re just going to elope. Just the two of us. Because that’s all that matters.”
“Do people really do that?”
“I didn’t think people really interrupted weddings. But apparently they do.”
He put his arm around her again and pulled her close for a kiss. “Then let’s do it.”
***
Two weeks later, Miranda stood under the gazebo in the rose garden at Forest Park in a white sundress, holding a bouquet of bright pink roses. They were able to squeeze in a quick ceremony at the last minute, but she was more excited than if she’d been planning it for years. In a way, she had been. She knew she wanted to be with Kevin when she was a teenager. She never imagined she’d be lucky enough to have him.
And when the minister said, “Until death do you part?” Kevin skipped straight to the kissing part, and pulled her into his arms, brushing his lips across hers. “I do. I will. I’ll love you for however long I’m able to have you. You’re not getting away this time.” And he plucked a rose from her bouquet, twirling it between them.
Miranda’s neck tingled. But this time it was a good feeling that sent a flush of joy straight down to her toes. “I’m not going anywhere, Kevin. Never again. We can finally weave our dreams together.”