TWO WEEKS ON—and he was almost officially a father.
Today Angus had taken Lily across to Brisbane and received the results of the DNA tests. Positive. He’d been questioned for what seemed like hours and filled in enough forms to make a braver man than he was quail. All that was needed now was a couple of government checks to come through, and for Misty to sign forms saying she had no objection to him assuming custody.
Then Lily was his.
He could handle this, he told himself as he took Lily back to the island. But despite the outward control he’d shown in front of officialdom, there was a whole lot of internal panic going on.
But surely there was no need for panic. He’d had two weeks to accept this and think of the future. Surely there was no reason that life in Melbourne couldn’t go on almost exactly as it had here.
For these two weeks had worked. There’d been few medical dramas on the island. Yes, there’d been a mass of clinical work—how Misty usually managed it was beyond him—but with four of his doctor mates taking shifts, the workload was more than manageable. What’s more, though Lily still had intermittent bouts where nothing seemed to placate her, finally she seemed to be settling.
That must be because she was seldom alone, he decided. His colleagues had taken on Lily’s care with the same dedication they applied to surfing and to medicine. Collectively they’d decided they should use Lily to practise their baby-wrangling skills for future clinical care. Having a baby in the house thus wasn’t a problem. The surf was great, their rostered medical shifts were minimal and Lily was perfect for practising their kid skills on.
It also helped that he was paying them more than the government rebates, he thought, though Misty didn’t have to know that. He guessed she’d assumed they were doing this for friendship’s sake and he wasn’t about to disabuse her. His friends thought they were being paid out of clinic funds and he wasn’t about to tell them otherwise either.
And this situation had them bemused. He didn’t do close friendships, but they were interested, intelligent and fun to be with, and they weren’t working very hard for what they were being paid. They were also a trifle stunned by the fact that one of their own had been catapulted into fatherhood.
And now it seemed his fatherhood was about to be official. It should make the path ahead simpler, but as he arrived back at the island, back to the house behind the clinic, the panic returned.
The house was empty. Misty and Alice and Forrest had been settled at Sapphire Seas for two weeks. One of his team would be at the clinic. The others would be surfing.
And there was the glitch in this whole arrangement—he ached to surf. He couldn’t. The deal with Misty was that he’d stay with Lily all the time. That had seemed okay when he’d been negotiating this arrangement, but now... He was holding his daughter in his arms and as of this afternoon he was totally, absolutely responsible for her.
And the meaning of the responsibility he’d just assumed was suddenly doing his head in.
Oh, he wanted to surf. He glanced across towards Sapphire Seas. Misty would be there, he thought. Just this once, maybe he could ask...
Was he kidding? The memory of Misty’s scorn on that first morning was still raw.
And interspersed with panic, the memory of Misty herself was with him.
Not just her scorn. Her smile?
Did he want to go over and ask her to take a turn with Lily? Or did he want to go over there to see her?
Over and over during these last two weeks he’d found himself looking across to the over-the-top holiday home on the headland and thought he wouldn’t mind being over there.
He’d been in contact, of course. He’d taken charge of the island’s medical needs and there were logistical things he needed to ask. Thoroughly approving of the arrangements for Misty’s holiday, Martin had been more than helpful, but there were things Martin didn’t know. He rang nightly to give her an update and seek her advice when needed.
The first time he’d needed her help was for the sort of case he’d normally refer to specialists, the sort of problem he’d do anything to avoid.
‘A lad called Nicholas Mickleham?’ he’d asked Misty, after one of his team—Jodie—had done a home visit. ‘Seventeen years old. Cerebral metastases? Your notes say he’s refused more chemo, but he’s drowsy and confused and his parents are understandably emotional. They’re questioning his decision. Shouldn’t we send him to hospital in Brisbane, refer him back to his oncologist?’
And Misty’s knowledge of the islanders gave him the answer he needed.
‘Angus, Nick’s been battling this for a couple of years and he’s had enough. He’s facing this with a maturity way beyond his years and after his last trip to hospital he swore he’d never leave the island again. I’ll ring his parents. Tony and Chris know I’m on a break—so does Nick and they all support it—but if Jodie can’t sort it or if Nick wants to talk to me, then I’ll go.’
‘We can sort it,’ he growled. ‘But if you want, we will tell him the offer’s there. Meanwhile, let’s talk about the medications Jodie needs to keep him comfortable.’
And then another case two days later. ‘Misty, Dan’s seen Nora Wilkins with tummy cramps, but her mum says her cramps clear up at the weekend. Dan’s offered to send her to the gastrologist in Brisbane, but her parents reckon she’s making the whole thing up, she just doesn’t want to go to school. Dan’s worried about legal repercussions if we ignore it. Any hints?’
And back came the answer, ‘Oh, no, poor Nora.’ There’d been a moment’s silence while she’d obviously considered what she knew of the twelve-year-old. And then...
‘Angus, Nora may well be being given a hard time at school. Nora’s dad employed her best friend’s older brother as crew on his fishing boat, but word is that Jason kept turning up drunk and he was sacked. Jason holds a grudge like you wouldn’t believe. What’s the bet he’s pressuring his sister to give Nora grief? Donna would be too scared to stand up to him.’
‘That’s so unfair.’
‘Life is,’ Misty said briefly. ‘I’ll give the school counsellor a ring—Pete’s great. He’ll deal. He knows Jason, too, so things can be sorted from the top down.’
‘I don’t like you having to ring.’
‘Angus, these are my people. I might be on holiday, but I can handle the odd phone call.’
These are my people? What sort of statement was that? It meant a lifetime of overwork and emotional grief, he thought, realising again how much she’d needed this break.
But now there were only two weeks to go. Two weeks before he became the sole carer of Lily.
A nanny had to be the answer. A trained professional would be better than he was at caring—besides, he was missing medicine. Watching his colleagues share the load around their surfing, he’d been starting to feel envious. That was the life he wanted. Part-time doctor suited him perfectly.
As it would surely suit Misty. In two weeks Misty would resume her role as the sole doctor for Kirra Island, a job that was far too big for her.
She could leave, but her words kept echoing.
‘These are my people...’
How could she feel like that? Didn’t she understand the way to sanity was to keep yourself apart?
Then he looked down at the sleeping Lily, and at the sight of her tiny face the panic welled again. He was scared, he conceded. He felt...alone?
But he liked being alone—he’d designed his life that way. Yes, he needed friends, but his friends were like him. They knew his boundaries. If they were here now, the panic would ease.
If Misty was here now the panic would ease.
Misty.
He glanced over towards Sapphire Seas and saw two figures on the beach. Misty and Forrest. Taking time out to be together?
Surely it wouldn’t hurt to walk over. Misty would want to know today’s results. He could take Lily in the carry pouch Misty had found for her. She was more settled when he was carrying her, and talking to Misty...it might well make this panic subside.
And as well as that, a small voice was prodding. If Misty was sympathetic, if she was missing Lily but she knew he intended to take over permanently, she might even offer to mind Lily while he surfed. Maybe? That wasn’t in the deal, but if she offered...
Why not?
‘Let’s go tell your aunt and your great-gran that you have a dad,’ he told Lily. ‘And if, just occasionally, your Aunty Misty wants to share, surely that has to be fine with everyone?’
Misty and Forrest were messing around in the shallows. Just that, messing. There was no pressure to do anything.
Alice was watching from the terrace and Cath was with her. Doozy was dozing beside them, healing nicely, supremely content to be snoozing in a spot where he could occasionally open one eye and look out almost to the mainland. Sharptailed sandpipers were foraging on the sand as the tide came in. Normally Doozy would be seeing the seabirds off, but Doozy was in convalescent mode.
Maybe that’s what she was, Misty thought.
For two weeks she’d done nothing.
Okay, she had done some things.
She’d slept, long and gloriously, untroubled by the telephone, by call-outs—or by nightmares.
The master bedroom had a bed that seemed big enough for a small army. The first night here she’d suggested to a nervous Forrest that he might like to share. For the first three days he’d thus slept for longer than she had, his hand tucked in hers.
During the day they’d played—actually played!—in the horizon pool that overlooked the sea—it seemed a waste to have such a pool just for them, but who was arguing? Or they’d wandered down to the beach to play in the shallows.
Forrest was too nervous to do more than wade, but he’d collected shells and made sandcastles and buried his toes in the sand—every now and then glancing at Misty as if he was expecting her to say, Sorry, Forrest, I need to do...
But she didn’t need to do anything but snooze herself, or read to Forrest, or play and swim and reassure him that she was there for him.
On the fourth night, a beach-sated Forrest had suggested that he might like to sleep in the little room opposite hers because it had a bed that was shaped like a car.
‘If you like,’ she’d said, diffidently. ‘Come back if you get lonely.’ They’d left the doors between them open, but he’d decided that’s where he’d stay and Misty had the further luxury of her amazing bed all to herself.
Alice, too, was gloriously happy. Cath spent most of the day here, the two women sitting by the pool with a recovering Doozy, happily gossiping about the new order of things on the island.
There was a lot to gossip about. Four qualified doctors—Jodie, Molly, Dan and Ray—all young, all devoted surfers, each of enormous interest to the islanders. There were reports of patients thinking up more than one complaint so they could try out all four.
And late every afternoon Angus rang to update Misty on patients the team had seen that day, to assure Misty that things were going well and that Lily was finally settling.
Currently she and Forrest were building a sand castle. They were also burrowing out a moat, with a channel to the sea they hoped would fill with the incoming tide. The magnificent edifice had taken over an hour to build and how indulgent was that?
When she’d been landed with Lily she’d thought, This is a disaster. Right now it was so far from disaster that it almost took her breath away.
Thanks to Angus.
More and more, the emotions in her head when she thought of Angus had her confused. She’d forced him into fatherhood and his reaction had made her angry. She still wasn’t sure that he was accepting responsibility, but he was giving her this.
Plus, his spur-of-the-moment medical team was giving the islanders the most immediate care they’d seen since for ever. Misty was usually booked out for weeks, cramming urgent cases into the edges of her already long days. Now there were fresh young doctors, seemingly ready to drop their surfboards and pay attention.
‘Wouldn’t it be great if we could keep them?’ Alice had said wistfully the night before, but of course they were transient. When the autumn surf turned to cold winter swells they’d be gone and Angus—and Lily—would be gone, too.
Why did that make her heart lurch? And why did her heart race every time the phone rang and it was Angus checking in?
If he was to stay...
Yeah, as if that was likely. She’d handed him a baby and that was enough. She could hardly hand him half a medical practice, a remote island and a lifestyle that wouldn’t include his friends.
Why was she even thinking that? Was it that stupid kiss?
If it was, she had to get over it. The stupid niggle that the kiss had caused, the tiny embryo of a fanciful dream...well, it was just that.
Angus had given her the gift of time out, time to recover, time to spend with Forrest. That alone was a gift without price, so why was she wasting any of it dreaming of the impossible?
It took him fifteen minutes to reach Sapphire Seas, walking along the beach path with Lily in a carry pouch on his chest. For most of the walk he could see the two figures on the beach, but even when he rounded the last rockface they seemed oblivious to him.
Misty was wearing a plain black swimsuit, built for practicality rather than style. She looked good in it, though, he decided. No, she looked great. Her curls were damp and tangled from the sea. Her skin was bronzed from the sun.
He’d thought Jancie was the gorgeous sister, but as he walked down the beach towards her, he thought, Define gorgeous.
And then came the thought, I don’t want to ask her to take care of Lily while I surf. What I really want is to surf with her.
Could she surf? If she’d spent much of her childhood on the island she probably could.
How could he organise it?
Um...why did he want to? This situation was complex enough as it was, but as he walked down the beach towards her, the idea stayed.
She and Forrest had dug a moat around their castle and both were whooping with excitement as small waves swept in to fill it. But their castle was in peril. Forrest was desperately trying to shore up his side of the moat, before shouting a warning to Misty. Too late. Misty’s side caved in—and then a bigger wave than normal swept up and half the castle crumpled into sand.
Forrest squealed in dismay, but Misty rose from where she’d been kneeling and lifted Forrest and spun him in the shallows. The skinny little kid was whirled in her arms and then hugged tight.
‘That’s Ocean three, Us none,’ Misty said, setting him down and chuckling. ‘The odds are against us, Forrest. My suggestion is that we build our next castle higher up the beach and fill our moat with our buckets. What do you say?’
‘Yes!’ he said. ‘We don’t have to go inside yet, do we? I’ll go get buckets.’
‘There’s no hurry,’ she told him as he raced off and Angus heard the note of satisfaction and thought...he’d done that. He’d given her this month...
Smug R Us? He couldn’t quite manage a full-scale chest expansion though, not with a sleeping baby on his chest.
That brought him up with a jolt. It was the arrival of his baby that had put her under such pressure.
His baby? Argh.
He could cope, he told himself. Surely he could cope.
And then Misty saw him. ‘Hey,’ she said, with a smile that lit her eyes and made him glad all over again that he’d been able to give her this break. And then her eyes narrowed. ‘How long have you been here? Have you been spying?’
‘I was thinking of calling up the cavalry and storming the battlements,’ he said, grinning as he surveyed the soggy heap of sand that once was a castle. ‘There doesn’t seem to be much left to loot and pillage, though.’
‘There’s a lump of seaweed under this mess,’ she offered. ‘We used it for bulk. If you really want to pillage...’
‘Thank you, but I’m not sure of the black market price for seaweed. My on-selling opportunities seem a bit slim.’
That brought a chuckle and when the chuckle faded, her smile remained.
Oh, it was a great smile.
‘So? How did it go on the mainland?’ she asked.
So now he had to say it. Out loud. He took a moment to steady and finally the words came out.
‘DNA conclusive. One hundred per cent sure, so officially, as of today, I have a daughter. Or almost. They need to run background checks to make sure I’m not an axe murderer or the like. There are a couple of documents you’ll need to sign, but after that the thing’s done.’
‘Oh, Angus...’ She stood silent for a moment. Her eyes welled and she blinked back tears. She was smiling, though. Happy tears? Relief for him, or for her, or for Lily? he wondered. Or all three? ‘That’s...that’s wonderful,’ she said. ‘At least...’ She hesitated. ‘I think it’s wonderful. Is it?’
‘Yeah,’ he said. And with the sun on his face, with the approval of the social workers still in his mind, with Misty beaming mistily at him, and with Lily warmly cocooned against his chest, maybe it was.
Certainly it was, he told himself. He had to believe it. ‘It’s working out fine,’ he told her. ‘And Lily’s settling grandly. I told you, it takes a village and that’s what my friends and I have. With five of us in the house, baby-wrangling’s a piece of cake.’
With five of us in the house, baby-wrangling’s a piece of cake...
Why did that statement make something lurch in her insides? Why did that spoil her sense of jubilation?
Why should she even care? Just shut up, she told herself. Your problem’s sorted. Lily has a dad.
But this was her niece. This was Alice’s granddaughter. How could she shut up?
‘Really?’ she said slowly. ‘So baby-wrangling... How does that make you form attachment?’
‘Do I need more attachment?’ He was craning his neck so he could see his sleeping daughter. ‘We’re doing okay. Once my friends aren’t around I can hire people in Melbourne—a nanny—whatever she needs.’
‘So you’ll be one carer of many?’ Still, she felt uneasy. ‘Angus, you’re her dad.’
No matter how perfect this set up seemed for him, she still sensed trouble.
But maybe she needed to butt out, she told herself. Angus was now officially Lily’s father, which meant Misty would have no ongoing responsibility.
Why the unease?
Maybe she would have felt more comfortable with this situation if they hadn’t kissed, she thought. That had been a huge mistake. It had woken something in her that she didn’t have time or room for. Watching him now, casually dressed, baby asleep on his chest, looking at ease, a man with his problems sorted... It made her feel...
As though she had no business feeling. It was two weeks since they’d exchanged a meaningless kiss. Surely she should be over it by now.
But was that the reason for her unease? Was she seeing him as a playboy, a Peter Pan who refused to grow up? Would she be more comfortable with him taking on Lily’s care if he didn’t seem...
So dangerous?
He wasn’t dangerous for Lily, she told herself. Dangerous was surely a dumb description.
‘I need to be getting back,’ Angus said, seemingly unaware of the tension in her voice. ‘The guys are setting up a firepit, which means we can have surfer fare, get the guitars out, enjoy ourselves. Jodie—you met Jodie?—sorted some sun damage on Ron Giddie’s arm last week and today he presented her with half a dozen snapper.’ He hesitated, then said, ‘Would you like to join us?’
Her? Join him? Was he kidding? What would it be like to live in a world where she could accept an invitation like this?
‘Thank you, but no,’ she told him. ‘You know I can’t leave Forrest.’
‘He could come with you. Come to think of it, you could bring Alice as well. We have plenty of fish.’
Oh, the siren song—but she couldn’t. Because there was that word again, flashing warning signals in the back of her head.
Dangerous...
Or should that be...impossible?
‘We’ve been on the beach most of the day,’ she said. ‘Forrest will crash by seven and Gran won’t be long after.’
‘Could he stay with her while you come?’
She shook her head, resolute. Someone had to be sensible.
‘This time is all about getting our relationship sorted. Mine and Forrest’s,’ she said firmly. ‘I need to keep that front and centre.’ How hard was that to say? But she’d said it and now she struggled to find something else to talk about.
A grievance?
‘You do know that I’ve coped with Ron Giddie’s damaged skin for years and he’s never given me so much as a sardine,’ she said darkly.
‘Something to do with our Dr Jodie looking like a sun-bronzed Vogue model?’ Angus suggested. But then added hastily, ‘Not that you don’t look great.’
‘Yeah, right.’ She was now also having to fight back the image of the gorgeous Jodie. She’d met them and they all looked gorgeous. Young, carefree, joyous.
Except, she reminded herself, that’s how Angus came across. But she knew his background now. Who was to say that every one of the team didn’t have a backstory? Maybe there was no need for her to feel jealous.
No reason at all?
Oh, for heaven’s sake, she was struggling with feelings that were altogether inappropriate. Finally she decided that what she was justified in feeling was annoyed. Lily’s arrival didn’t seem to have impacted on Angus’s life at all. He was the same playboy surfer, surrounded by his mates, sharing his responsibilities.
He did have his responsibility in his arms right now, though, she had to concede, and she had to accept there were more ways than one to parent. So was it jealousy making her feel judgemental?
But he was watching her and the expression on his face had subtly changed.
‘When did you last have a night off?’ he asked suddenly. ‘Without the threat of being called out?’
‘I’ve had the last two weeks off.’
‘But before that? When did you last have a night without worrying about Forrest or your gran or your patients?’
That was an easy question. ‘I can’t remember,’ she told him. ‘That’s why I’m so grateful.’
‘But I don’t want you to be grateful.’ He sighed. ‘Okay, it’s time for Lily and me to go home, but tomorrow night... What if I organise someone to care for Forrest and keep Alice company? If they were settled...maybe you and I could have a date.’
‘A date?’ Was he out of his mind?
And he must have seen her instinctive recoil, because he went on fast. ‘Whoops, maybe that’s the wrong word,’ he told her. ‘We need to talk about future relations with the kids—Lily and Forrest are half-siblings after all. We need to discuss continuing contact. If it’ll make you feel better, we can call it a meeting. I’m sure we could fill a whole meal with planning. Maybe, though,’ he said, watching her face, ‘we could also have fun?’
‘Fun...’
‘Life doesn’t have to be serious all the time.’
What followed was a pause. A long pause.
‘Misty, we do need to talk,’ he said, hurriedly now. ‘The social workers say it’ll be best for us to keep in touch—for you and Alice to have some input into Lily’s life. We need to figure out a relationship. So here’s a plan. Tomorrow evening I’ll ask a couple of my team if they can spend a few hours here. I don’t see it being a problem—they like kids and they’re competent. Alice will be here to give Forrest a sense of security. They can have a barbecue, invite Cath, cook a sausage or six. Alice and Forrest will like my friends and Ray can make better aeroplanes than I can! When they’re settled and happy, we can slip away. Maybe even take a picnic?’
‘A picnic...’
‘The café at the wharf does great take-away picnics,’ he told her, speaking a bit too fast again. ‘Jodie and Ray took one with them at the weekend and they said it was great.’
‘You’d buy a picnic?’ This was doing her head in.
‘If you don’t like that idea, we can do something else,’ he told her. ‘I can even make something—though my cooking skills are limited. I don’t think Vegemite sandwiches are very romantic.’
‘Romantic? What the...?’
‘I meant delicious,’ he said hastily. ‘This is not a come on, Misty. I don’t intend to make anyone else pregnant.’
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake! As if!’
‘Exactly, so why not come? It looks as though we’ll be sort of co-parenting for a long time. We need to figure out some form of relationship.’
‘But not romantic,’ she said, sounding breathless. ‘That kiss...’
‘Was an aberration between two stressed people,’ he said firmly. ‘I know it’s left us a bit off kilter, but we need to forget it.’
But then they were interrupted.
Forrest had obviously been waylaid by Alice, but he was now heading back down the beach, waving two buckets. ‘Got ’em,’ he called. ‘Doctor Firth, will you help build another moat? And stay for dinner? Gran says she and Aunty Cath are making hamburgers and they say there’s enough for you.’
‘That sounds great,’ he said, looking at Misty appraisingly. ‘But my friends will already be cooking my dinner. Forrest, I’ve asked your aunt to have dinner with me tomorrow, while my friends come over here to eat with you. Ray will teach you to make bigger and better aeroplanes and Jodie’s really great at digging. This moat could get humungous. If you’re happy, your Aunty Misty and I will go and eat on our own.’
‘Why do you want to do that?’ Forrest asked, mystified.
‘We both like Vegemite sandwiches.’
‘Really?’ Forrest asked, grimacing, and then decided there was a more important question. ‘So what would we eat?’
‘What do you like?’
‘Sausages.’
‘Perfect. Sausages it is.’
‘Would you rather eat Vegemite sandwiches than sausages?’ Forrest sounded incredulous.
‘No, but if that’s what Misty wants, that’s what she’ll get. What about it, Misty. Yes or no?’
‘What about Lily?’ she asked, feeling winded.
‘Lily will come with us,’ he said, imbuing his words with a tinge of virtue. ‘How can you doubt it?’ He glanced down at his chest. ‘She doesn’t eat much, though. I think our Vegemite sandwiches are safe. Come on, Misty, say yes.’
There was a loaded silence while Angus and Forrest both looked at her expectantly. And suddenly her traitorous heart said, why not?
‘Okay, yes,’ she said, goaded. ‘But only if it’s fine with you, Forrest.’
‘Can your friends bring ice-cream, too?’ Forrest demanded and Misty thought of the Forrest of two weeks ago. That Forrest would never have been brave enough to ask such a question.
But... ‘Yes, they can,’ Angus said and the thing was sorted.
And Misty thought, What have I done? I have a date with Angus Firth. And his baby.