RAY AND JODIE were every bit as competent as Angus had promised. They arrived at Sapphire Seas the next afternoon and went straight into caretaker mode.
‘We’ve competed for the title of Best Paper Planes Maker for years,’ Jodie told Forrest. ‘And Angus says you’re practically a champion yourself. We can mark our best flight length and see if we can set a record. Then we’ll cook sausages and have a swim and tell stories on the beach until Misty and Angus get back. They said they’ll be back in three hours. Will that give us enough time to do what we want? What do you think?’
Thus Forrest’s contentment was assured, as was Alice’s—she was watching with a certain level of bemusement—and Misty and Angus were free to go. Angus drove. Lily was settled in her baby capsule, appearing as contented as Forrest. Misty sat in the passenger seat, feeling stunned. Even a bit railroaded?
There were surfboards on the roof rack. Did Angus intend surfing? That made her wonder, what sort of world did he live in where he could just head out for a surf whenever he wanted?
For a moment she imagined a world where she could spend a whole evening on the beach, surfing, with no time limit...even surfing with Angus?
As if. Maybe it was just as well Lily was with them, she thought. The idea of surfing at sunset with Angus...
Well, she couldn’t. Even tonight there were restrictions. Someone had to stay on the beach with Lily, and there went any stupid ideas of anything...well, anything stupid.
And then they pulled into a clearing at the side of the road and she almost gasped.
The beach here wasn’t known as the best surfing beach on the island, but it was one of the most beautiful. Angus must have done his homework because it was pretty much only known to locals. It wasn’t signposted and you couldn’t see it from the road. A sandy track, narrow and innocuous, wound its way through the palms to a perfect tear-shaped cove. There were no other cars here and there was a reason.
She climbed cautiously out of the car and gazed around in disbelief. She’d been here during the day, but never in the evening. ‘So,’ she said slowly. ‘Seduction Cove?’
‘Cath told me about it. It isn’t what it’s really called,’ he said, but then added dubiously, ‘is it?’
‘No, but it should be,’ she said darkly. ‘The unwritten rule is that if there’s another car here you leave. It’s off the track so tourists don’t know about it, and there are plenty of other beaches.’
‘None of that’s happening tonight,’ he said hastily.
‘You got that right.’ What had Cath been thinking? ‘So two surfboards,’ she said, cautiously. ‘One for you and one for Lily?’
‘One for each of us,’ he told her, smiling. ‘I figure we can take turns, one of us with Lily admiring the other’s surfing skills, and then vice versa.’
‘You won’t be admiring my surfing skills,’ she said. ‘I haven’t surfed for...’
‘For years,’ he concluded for her. ‘Cath told me how much you love surfing, but she also said she hasn’t seen you surf since before Forrest came to stay with you. Jodie’s lent us her board. I assume yours is under the house, but I figured you might refuse if I asked you where it was.’
Of course she would have refused. What was Cath doing, chatting about her behind her back? ‘Angus...’
‘Relax,’ he told her. ‘These four weeks are for you to have a complete break. I’d have liked to have sent you off the island...’
‘I couldn’t...
‘I know you couldn’t,’ he told her. ‘But tonight, and maybe a few times over the next two weeks, you could take time off from being doctor, parent, carer. Maybe you could just...be you.’
‘I don’t think I know who “just me” is any more.’ She sighed. ‘Sorry, that sounds dumb. I do know. I’m Misty, the woman who gets up in the morning and does what she needs to do. And what I’d like to do now is eat. Where are these Vegemite sandwiches you promised?’
There weren’t just Vegemite sandwiches. Angus had done his homework. His phone call to Cath had produced a gleeful ‘Leave it to me!’ and Cath and a couple of her friends had more than delivered. Angus carted what seemed an extraordinarily heavy basket down to the beach while Misty carried Lily. Angus headed back for the surfboards while Misty spread out the rug Cath had supplied. When he returned, Misty was squatting on her heels, staring at the basket’s contents in amazement.
‘A full crayfish, plated ready for eating? Salads? These look like Donna Irvine’s home-made bread rolls? Strawberries? Vanilla slices? And wine...and crystal wine glasses! Angus, you did know it was Seduction Bay. I should go home now.’
‘I swear I didn’t,’ he said, checking the spread with appreciation. ‘Did they not include even one Vegemite sandwich?’
‘Oh, look.’ There was a tiny, single-serve packet. ‘Yes, they did. Hooray, that’s my dinner.’ She looked again at the lobster and at the bottle of wine in its chilled carrier, and shook her head. ‘Someone has to be sensible.’
‘Well, it’s not going to be me,’ Angus told her. ‘But you can forget any thoughts of seduction, Misty. We don’t have time. We...or at least I, if you stick to your Vegemite sandwich plan...intend to wrap myself round this lot and then surf. Then I’ll tell Lily bedtime stories while you surf. Maybe if you get tired I can have a quick surf afterwards. Is that okay with you, Lily?’
Lily, still settled in her capsule, seemed bemused by the whole situation. She was wide eyed, seemingly taking in the gentle surf, the soft white clouds wisping across the sun’s last rays, the seabirds swooping overhead.
Angus was kneeling in front of her, and suddenly, amazingly, her tiny face creased into a smile in return.
She was eight weeks old and there’d been no smile until now—not a one. It wasn’t surprising considering the start she’d had, but Misty had been starting to be concerned about milestones.
Here it was, though, a huge smile, and it was directed straight at Angus.
She saw Angus’s eyes widen in astonishment and then he smiled in return, and she saw Lily’s smile broaden into almost a chuckle.
She felt her eyes well with stupid tears. Tears of happiness that finally Lily was smiling?
Tears of relief that here was the bond she’d hoped so desperately for and now seemed to be possible?
Tears of...regret? Tears that she couldn’t keep loving this little girl who’d needed her so much?
Angus glanced at her and maybe he sensed the emotions because he turned Lily’s capsule. ‘A smile! You want to share with your Aunty Misty, sweetheart?’
But Lily didn’t. Her gaze tracked back to Angus and held, and Misty sniffed and thought that this was good. No, this was great.
Why was her stupid heart telling her otherwise?
The meal was gorgeous. Of course she abandoned her dumb resolution to only eat sandwiches—though she did eat a corner just so she could assure Forrest that that’s what she’d had. Angus did, too. ‘Because we’re in this together,’ he told her and why did that make her feel even more strange than she was already feeling?
But oh, the crayfish and the custard-filled slices—the island baker’s specialty—and the strawberries... She even succumbed to temptation and had a glass of wine, and that left her sleepy and sated and wondering why couldn’t she feel like this for ever.
Then Lily’s patience came to an end and she opened her mouth and squawked.
‘I’ll feed her,’ Angus said. ‘You go surf.’
‘I didn’t bring my swim gear.’
And the man had the temerity to smirk. ‘You might as well know I’m an ex-boy scout,’ he told her. ‘I was raised with “Be Prepared” as my motto. Alice and Cath sneaked your stuff into a bag—give me two minutes and I’ll fetch it from the car.’
‘They sneaked...?’
‘They agreed you’d be too chicken to bring it yourself,’ he told her. ‘So it’s collusion. I even thought of getting Forrest on side.’
Which meant there was nothing for Misty to do but surf, while Angus sat on the beach and fed her...no, his baby.
She was surfing!
Misty had been on the island often enough as a kid to have surfing in her bones. The island kids had accepted her as one of their own. A younger and healthier Alice had brought her to the beach when she was small, and, as she got older, one of the locals would drop by and pick her up whenever the surf was up.
But she hadn’t surfed for ever. Since she’d got custody of Forrest there’d never been time. But even before that, well, while she was a med student, while she was working as an intern and then when she was here as the island’s sole doctor...there was always something more imperative.
But tonight there was nothing but warm seas and glorious, curving swells, not too challenging for a surfer whose skills were rusty. Forrest and Alice were being cared for. Other doctors were on call, absolving her of all responsibility, and on the beach Angus was feeding his baby. His.
She was hardly game to look at him as she caught wave after wave. The surfing, the magnificent feeling of catching and riding the easy swells, should have commanded all her attention, but Angus was watching her and that did something to her insides, something she could hardly understand.
The DNA was proven. He was taking responsibility. Her overwhelming problem was solved, but it wasn’t that that was causing this strange feeling. It was the sight of him, a man feeding a baby while she had fun.
The sight of Angus Firth watching her?
She could see why Jancie had targeted him. Skilled, gorgeous, rich...
Vulnerable? Wounded? Scared?
Why did those words spring to mind? They certainly hadn’t been on Jancie’s desire list.
They shouldn’t be in hers either, she thought. She didn’t need to go deep into Angus Firth’s mind. For now, all that mattered was that he was Lily’s father. And there was another wave to catch.
And that was all.
Half an hour saw Misty done. ‘Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve caught a wave?’ she demanded of Angus. ‘My knees are jelly!’
Lily had drifted to sleep. ‘Go surf yourself,’ Misty ordered and Angus didn’t need to be told twice. Resisting perfect waves was like fighting himself.
Misty settled by the fire he’d made with the driftwood collected from the high tide mark. The night was still and warm, but she wrapped herself in her oversized towel and then used it as a modesty wrap while she dressed.
He was aware of a stab of disappointment as she did. He’d liked seeing her in a bathing suit instead of sensible work clothes, he decided. He’d also enjoyed seeing her surf.
No. He’d loved seeing her surf, he conceded. Cath had told him she was good, but until he’d seen her catch her waves with a skill that told him her love of surfing was bone deep, he hadn’t realised...what she’d given up.
What sort of life was he leaving her to?
‘Surf for as long as you want,’ she told him as she settled by the fire. ‘I’m warm and happy and I can’t believe I’m here, on the beach with nothing to do. If you want to surf until our Forrest-set curfew, it’s okay with me.’
So he surfed, but as he surfed he watched the beach. He watched her. She looked content, the firelight showing her face as almost dreamy. How rare was this moment of peace?
And he thought...how could he help her?
How wonderful was it that they took turns caring for Lily while they surfed? How excellent an idea was it to share?
And then he thought...
A thought so perfect it almost blew his mind.
Angus strode out of the shallows and Misty watched him come. The fading evening light accentuated the outline of his body, the man and his surfboard a beautiful silhouette against the waves.
Oh, that body...
‘Well, that’s Jancie talking,’ she told herself, but she managed a smile as he dumped his board, spread his towel and sat down beside her. His body glistened in the firelight and oh, wow...
No! Get yourself together, she told herself. Life’s complicated enough already.
And then he said, ‘Misty, I’ve been thinking. I was wondering about the possibility of you moving to Melbourne, sharing my house.’
And her world seemed to still.
‘Sorry?’ she managed to say at last, staring at him in bewilderment.
‘I know,’ he said, hurriedly now. ‘You won’t leave Alice. My house is big enough for all of us, but how could we persuade her to leave the island? But then I thought about how you feel about family. How Alice feels about family. So here’s a plan. It’s tentative at best, the plan needs finesse, but I want you to think about it.’
‘Think about...what?’
‘How about we become...almost a family?’
She’d thought her life was complicated. Life was suddenly so much more complicated it was all she could do to breathe.
‘What...what?’
Who knew how she got the word out? She was lucky to have even got it out at all.
But he didn’t seem perturbed. Nor did he seem conscious that what he’d just said was preposterous.
‘I do my best thinking while surfing,’ he continued, seemingly unaware of her breathing problems. ‘And this thought is a ripper. Misty, you need to be able to surf.’
‘I can surf,’ she said, thinking some sort of hallucinogenic drug might have been in the vanilla slices.
‘And do other things,’ he continued. ‘Have coffee with friends. Go shopping. Go kayaking. I bet you’d like kayaking.’
‘I have kayaked.’ She was still cautious. Should she back away? Call for a straitjacket? Or had she misheard that first statement?
‘I’m not nuts,’ he said, pouring himself coffee from the thermos in the picnic basket. ‘Thanks for leaving enough for me, by the way. I’m not sure I’d have been that noble.’
‘You said...’ She took a deep breath. ‘You said...family?’
‘I did.’ He sat, drinking his coffee with appreciation, as if he was considering a totally reasonable proposition. ‘You know I’m taking on Lily? You know my house in Melbourne is huge? It’s a great place to raise kids, I know it is.’
He hesitated then, staring out to sea for a long moment, but then he regrouped and continued.
‘My brother and I loved it—we had the best childhood and I’m betting Forrest and Lily would feel the same. The house would be great for them. And, Misty, my clinic’s always looking for new doctors. You’d fit in there magnificently. That’d give you free time to spend with the kids. But also, by raising the two kids together, we could employ excellent childcare and household help. Your gran would get the best medical care, too, and I’m betting she’d enjoy having time to have fun with the kids, but with no responsibility. And for us... Misty, we’d still be free to do what we want—what you want, Misty. A life where you have time for you.’
She stared at him, dazed, boggled by the whole concept. ‘And...and you?’ She could still barely get the words out.
‘I’ll be the dad.’ He said it proudly, as though it was the natural conclusion of a neatly laid out plan. ‘Maybe even to both kids. I can teach them to surf—you can, too,’ he added generously. ‘You’re a great surfer, Misty. With practice you’d be amazing.’
‘No, we’re talking about you.’ This was sounding more and more ludicrous. ‘So you’ll teach them to surf? What else?’
‘Whatever else they need. It might even be fun.’
‘So...fun,’ she said, slowly now. ‘But you said family?’
‘A unit. A practical way to make this work for all of us.’
‘Is that what family means to you?’ She was having trouble getting her head around this. Anybody would.
‘I guess for you it means more,’ he admitted. ‘But for me it can’t. Emotional connection got knocked out of me a long time ago. But, Misty, you already love Lily—I know you do. This way you wouldn’t need to give her up.’
‘So what are you thinking?’ she said. ‘This’d be house sharing, with me doing the loving for all of us?’
‘I will care.’
‘But that’s not love.’ She hesitated. She should leave now, head back to the car, demand to be taken home. But his proposition wasn’t offensive. He even thought it was sensible.
And maybe it might be, she conceded. Except for the way she felt.
About him.
‘So I’d love Forrest and Lily and Gran,’ she said slowly. ‘But...family. What about you and me?’
‘We’d be housemates,’ he said and then looked at her and gave a crooked smile. ‘Okay, this thing that’s between us...this thing I feel... We could even... I don’t know...be housemates with benefits?’
‘You’re kidding.’
‘Okay, without benefits,’ he said hastily. ‘But we could try the plan out, see how it evolves. I’ve been thinking it through while I’ve been surfing. Social Services would love it—they’ve said there’ll be check-ups because of Lily’s background, but this arrangement would totally reassure them. And Forrest and Lily would have a stable home. We all would. And without the massive commitment to this island...’
‘You’re proposing I leave? Where does that leave the islanders?’
‘Nature abhors a vacuum. Some other doctor will come along.’
‘After the mining company left, no one came for almost twenty years.’
‘My friends came.’
‘For a few weeks,’ she retorted. This was like some appalling joke, and anger was starting to build. ‘I don’t know how you got them here, but I suspect payment comes into it. Angus, just how rich are you?’
‘Very,’ he confessed. ‘Which is...’
‘Another reason for me to live with you? To stop worrying about my bills?’
‘It wouldn’t hurt.’
‘It would hurt,’ she said obtusely. ‘I don’t want to be rich and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be paid to be the loving one.’
‘You wouldn’t be paid. Just...supported?’
For heaven’s sake, he was serious. He was like an engineer, she thought, a man who’d outlined a proposal and was waiting for the unskilled to see the sense in it.
‘Angus, this island’s my family,’ she said.
That brought a frown. ‘That doesn’t make sense.’
‘I guess it doesn’t.’ Heading for the car was starting to seem the only option. She rose and he rose, too. But now he was a bit too close and that messed with her mind. The whole situation was messing with her mind.
‘I care about this island, Angus,’ she stated.
‘And I care about you.’
‘Like you care about your surfer mates? Or...you talked about “this thing between us”. Is it physical? The way you cared about Jancie?’
That brought silence. He raked his hair and stared at her for a long moment, seemingly trying to get his thoughts in order. ‘I’ve never wanted to live with anyone but you,’ he said at last. ‘I never even thought about it with Jancie.’
‘Of course not. It wouldn’t be sensible. I don’t see how you can possibly think this is.’
‘It is,’ he told her. ‘Someone else can look after the islanders.’
‘Who?’
‘Is that your concern? Haven’t you given them enough?’
‘I’ve doled out their ration, do you mean?’ Anger was helping now. ‘Paid my account? They were good to me so, yep, here’s six years’ medical care. Enough, you’re on your own now.’
‘There’s no need to be angry.’
‘I’m not.’ She closed her eyes. ‘Sorry. Yes, I am. This is a weird, impossible proposition that’s come out of nowhere.’
‘I think it would work.’ He sounded a bit unsure, but stubborn.
‘How would it work when you just admitted you don’t want to live with anyone?’
‘This is different. The way I feel about you...’
And that stopped her in her tracks. Anger gave way to a sweep of confusion so great she almost felt dizzy and, when she looked at Angus, she saw her confusion mirrored back at her.
The way I feel about you...
He was afraid, she thought, and the realisation hit her like a shock. He was in unchartered territory. He did care. He’d open his house to her, open his life—but on his terms? And those terms must surely be impossible.
They were still too close. For some reason neither of them had taken a step back.
At least she was fully clothed, she thought numbly, for which she was grateful. She’d actually be very grateful if Angus was fully clothed.
Or would she?
‘So this...thing...’ she ventured, anger giving way to confusion. ‘You and me.’
‘You feel it, too?’
‘You need to tell me what it is.’
‘I can’t,’ he said helplessly. ‘But it’s there, between us. Misty, I just have to look at you...’
‘Like you looked at Jancie?’ But that didn’t come out right. It was meant to be accusatory. Instead it came out...a little bit sad? As though the idea of anyone like Angus looking at a woman weighed down with so much was unthinkable.
Then, just for a moment, she saw a kaleidoscope image of how life could be in the future Angus was proposing. Living in his gorgeous house. Sharing the responsibility of the two children. Having Gran safe.
Having time for herself.
‘I never looked at Jancie like I’m looking at you,’ he said, and the kaleidoscope image seemed to whirl and firm into a thought that was suddenly possible.
Then, stupidly, crazily, she let herself look up at him with different eyes. Her gaze met his and for that one impossible moment she let herself believe.
He reached out and his hands cupped her face. He was tilting her chin.
‘I’d never have kissed her like this,’ he murmured—and kissed her.
They’d kissed before, but he’d accounted for that kiss. It had been almost accidental, a result of shock, of weariness, of confusion and of stress.
The memory had stayed with him, though. The feel of her, the taste of her, the sensation of her body against his. And now...
Why wasn’t this like kissing Jancie, or kissing any of the other women who’d fleetingly touched his life? Why was kissing this woman touching something deep within? Setting off a yearning for what might well be unobtainable? Making his life seem somehow both empty and full of promise?
And why wasn’t she pulling away?
She was right. His plans were dumb, formed on the spur of the moment, surely not rooted in sense. Or maybe they did make sense on a practical level, but in reality, if this woman was ever in his bed... If she was part of his life...
Would she feel like this?
But right now she did feel like this. This was real. And that was the end of sensible thought, because feeling like this was crazy, but somehow this was as if they were two halves, split by fate and magically reunited.
The sensation was mind-blowing. Life-changing? This woman was...
Misty. Nothing more, nothing less. She was a woman who made him feel as he’d never felt before.
And in that moment the defences he’d built so carefully since his family’s death crumbled to nothing.
Oh, the taste of her. The feel of her damp curls against his skin. The sensation of her hands on the small of his back as she held herself against him.
For she was kissing him back! The sensation was indescribable and who’d want to describe it anyway? Not when he could feel it. Not when he could be it.
Misty.
And in the corner of his brain available for almost coherent thought he decided his plan was not only sensible, it was desirable. To come home to her every night... To have her be part of his home...
He hadn’t thought he could ever want a woman in his life, but now it seemed imperative. All he needed was her agreement.
Just as soon as this kiss ended—which couldn’t happen any time soon.
It had to end and it had to end now! What was she doing, kissing this man, letting herself surrender to the feel of him, letting herself believe she was desired, that her life could change, that somehow this man could become someone she...loved?
Love? The word was almost terrifying, but once her mind had let it in, it refused to be evicted.
And why not? She was standing in what was surely one of the most beautiful places in the world, she was in the arms of surely one of the most beautiful men, and he’d just proposed that they become a family. That they share their lives.
And he was kissing her and she was kissing him back. No, it was more than just a kiss. She was surrendering all sense, and for this moment she was letting herself believe in some crazy, wonderful vision of the future.
If only she could halt time. If only she could stay in this man’s arms for ever—if this kiss could last for eternity. She felt as if she was melting into him. Oh, this kiss...
But eternity was a long time and as the kiss extended, Lily had decided enough was enough. Lying awake in her capsule, obviously noting that neither adult was paying her due attention, she opened her mouth and wailed.
And with that, reality crashed down like an ice wall.
What was she doing, standing in Seduction Cove, kissing a guy who was wearing nothing but boxer shorts? The same man who’d made her sister pregnant. The man who’d just asked her to live with him because...because...
She knew the because. With that wall of ice came the absolute acceptance of what his proposal had been all about. He’d even said it. Yes, he was conceding Lily was his daughter, but he didn’t want the emotional responsibility. He’d support her and her family and in payment she’d take over his emotional load.
And she’d leave her island.
But the way she felt...
What? What?
Was it love?
There was that word again, slamming back. Was she admitting to herself that she was falling in love with a man who didn’t know how to love back?
Could he learn to? Would he even want to try?
What was she thinking? Would she risk breaking her heart by going one step further down a path he wanted nothing to do with?
Somehow she’d broken the kiss. She forced herself to step back, holding up her hands as if to ward him off.
‘No,’ she stammered, and it was all she could do to get the words out. ‘No more. L... Lily.’
‘Is hungry.’ He sounded as shaken as she was. ‘I...it’s okay. I have another bottle.’
‘Take her home and feed her,’ she said, desolation descending like a fog. Was this how Cinderella had felt at midnight? ‘She’ll settle a little in the car and then you can feed her and put her straight to sleep.’
‘Misty...’
‘I need to go home, too,’ she said. ‘Angus, this is stupid.’
‘It doesn’t feel stupid to me. And you... Misty, you’re feeling this, too.’
‘It doesn’t matter if I am. You said yourself you don’t do emotional connections. What else is there if we’re to become a family? The idea makes no sort of sense.’
‘But you...’
‘Yes, I’m feeling emotional connection.’ Anger was surging again, fury at the stupidity of what was happening. She took a couple more steps back and let it rip. ‘You stand there looking like a Greek god and you smile at me and you save Cath’s dog and you smile at Lily and you make my heart...you make my heart... Angus, what I feel...’
‘But isn’t that a good thing?’ He was watching her warily.
‘Not if you can’t love in return.’
And there was the biggie. Even Lily seemed to sense its enormity, because she stopped wailing and gazed up at them—almost as if she understood that things were being decided here that would affect her future for ever.
‘Misty, I don’t know that I can,’ he said. ‘I want you—my body tells me that—but love? Hell, I need to hold myself back.’
‘At least you’re honest. But me... I do love, Angus. I love Gran and Forrest. I love this island. I love my community. I’ve even come close to loving Lily, but I can’t... I can’t do more. It seems Lily might have to take a chance on you, but there’s no way I can, not when you’re too fearful to even try.’
‘I don’t understand. You want me to tell you I love you? Lie until maybe it happens?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she said, anger fading, leaving that cold desolation in its wake. ‘You’re not stupid, Angus Firth, but your proposition certainly is. Lily’s your daughter, so she’s inextricably tied to you. I’m not. It’s time we moved on.’
‘Misty...’
‘No more. Please, let’s go home.’