Chapter Nine

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I’D GOTTEN IT WRONG.

For all my science and theory, for all my successes in a sexual drug that reverted humans into animals and all the praise and profit I’d gathered...I’d somehow fucked up the recipe for happiness.

“Sully!” Eleanor clawed at my hand as I dragged her out of her villa and down the orchid-lined pathways. “Sully, stop!”

Orchids.

The main ingredient in my elixir and the trophy of my triumph. I’d spent years stripping every flora and flower down, seeking hallucinogenic, psychotropic, and experimental methods to tweak the human nervous system into accepting deeper pleasure, prolonged desire, and embrace the complete lack of inhibitions.

I’d achieved that quest.

Yet it’d been the wrong journey to chase.

Happiness was the fantasy, and sex was the consolation prize.

“Let me go, damn you!”

I ignored her.

I’d ignored her violent outburst when I’d told her we were finished. I’d ignored her rage as I’d carted her from her villa. And I would continue ignoring her attempts at fleeing because I had nothing else to give.

If we continued arguing, I would lose.

It was a certainty that stripped away my power as a man.

I could only repeat myself so much before my time ran out and Drake would hurt her.

“I’ll just come back if you put me on the helicopter. You don’t get to choose to keep me or send me away!”

My lips thinned as I swallowed back a retort. I could actually. I’d chosen to buy her. And now, I’d chosen to sacrifice her.

That was noble, right?

That showed some growth in my shadow-shaded heart?

If I didn’t care, I would just leave her with the other goddesses. If I didn’t love her with every fucking piece of me, I wouldn’t spare a second thought of her survival.

I tripped in the sand, my heart circumnavigating my brain and trying to halt my stride.

The thought of her flying away?

The idea of never seeing her again?

It was a level of pain I’d never felt before.

Eleanor had taught me a lesson I wished I could unlearn, but it was too late.

I knew better now.

I knew if she died...I’d die too.

I knew it wasn’t elixir that granted joy.

It wasn’t sex that gave unequalled ecstasy.

It was all the other shit that came from trading hearts with another.

The feeling of home. The sensation of staring into their eyes and knowing you were the most important person in the world to them. The most organic sensation of belonging.

Thanks to Eleanor, I’d tasted the first and only splash of sweet, sweet happiness I’d have. I’d finally learned, almost in my mid-thirties, that instead of bottling lust, I should’ve bottled love. A stronger more potent drug that mimicked everything a human searched, coveted, and died for. An ingested endorphin that eradicated depression and loneliness. A priceless imposter for the real thing.

“SULLY!” Eleanor scratched my wrist, digging her nails into my flesh. “Stop for God’s sake. We need to talk about this!”

I shook my head, gritting my teeth together.

Don’t answer her.

You couldn’t get up the guts to tell her you lied about how you felt.

You told her point-fucking-blank that you’re still in love with her.

You will lose if you speak.

I couldn’t be trusted to talk again.

My stride increased, dragging her kicking and screaming toward the beach and helipad.

Skittles darted like an aggravated hummingbird around my face, chirping and pecking, trying to get me to release her chosen mate.

I growled at her, swatting with my free hand. “Quit it.”

Pika squawked and joined the fight, two annoying green mosquitos buzzing around my head.

Why the hell were caiques so fucking loyal? Skittles had known Eleanor only a few weeks, yet she acted as if I was about to rip out her tiny parrot heart. Even Pika had chosen her side...against me.

You’ve only known her a few weeks, yet look at the sorry state you’re in. You’re as bad as they are.

Christ!

I dragged Eleanor faster.

I was breaking.

My resolve splintering.

Do it.

Get it over with.

Keep her safe.

Eleanor sniffed as she watched me being attacked by two birds. “Not only are you evicting me from your island and heart but you’re also denying me the right to see Skittles again.”

I clenched hard. My teeth threatened to turn into dust.

Stay silent.

Do not retaliate.

We broke through the manicured jungle and onto the top of the beach. The sand remained white in the darkness while grey clouds danced over the tide that’d become an obsidian mirror.

It would still be my paradise if the air didn’t reek of charred bone and pelt.

My chest ached.

My mind swarmed with so much death and decay.

My ears heard the whimpers of partially alive animals followed by the howls of those still fighting to survive even while missing vital parts. A woman’s scream pierced my brain. Eleanor’s scream. Her future.

My stomach roiled, and sickness blended with my rage.

My pain at losing Eleanor had overshadowed my fury, but now it nudged back into priority. My fingers curled tighter around her wrist, making her hiss with discomfort. My mouth watered to rip Drake’s body limb from limb.

This peaceful, perfect world would soon be contaminated by my brother’s blood, baptised in his death, and reborn from his tyranny.

“Sully...you’ve made your point. You win. Just let me go, and I’ll find Jealousy and stay well out of your way. You won’t see me until whatever is about to happen is over.”

I raked a hand through my shower-damp hair. Pika and Skittles gave up their rampage, twittering and landing on Jinx’s shoulders. I didn’t think I’d ever find a more perfect woman.

Tall, willowy, graceful.

Stubborn, intelligent, kind.

Vegetarian, animal lover...mine.

Fuck!

I choked, clearing my throat as I stiffened and carted her down the beach toward the helipad. “If you stay, you’ll still be at my mercy...even once this is all over.”

“You would never hurt me, Sully.” Her feet kicked up sand as she tried to tug against me.

“I would. I will. Eventually.”

“That’s not true—”

“Sinclair.” Cal’s voice whipped my head behind me, narrowing my eyes as he jogged to catch up. Like me, he wore all black. Unlike me, he carried a semi-automatic and the aura of squad commander. “You’re going through with it then?” He nudged his chin at Eleanor who stood spitting mad beside me, still trying to unravel my imprisoning fingers.

Her neck arched with ire. “We’re trying to settle on a compromise.”

Cal smirked. “Sullivan doesn’t do compromises.” He bowed. “It’s been nice knowing you, Jinx.”

“I’m not leaving!” She scratched at my arm, making me wince.

The helicopter was so close.

Only a few more strides before Eleanor would be gone.

My entire body revolted, but I pushed ahead, dragging her the rest of the way.

“Sully!” She squirmed and wriggled. “God, you’re a stubborn bastard.”

Cal followed us, his voice low and curt. “The men are ready, but the sensors are down.”

I threw him a glower. “What do you mean the sensors are down?”

“The ones around the reef aren’t working. Either the receiver is faulty or the perimeter line has had a break. We’re sitting ducks with it being so fucking dark out there. I knew we should’ve gotten sonar.”

“He flew over Serigala. What’s to say he won’t fly over this one?” I jerked Eleanor down the bamboo jetty and stopped outside the helicopter fuselage. She hadn’t interrupted, her gaze darting back and forth between Cal and me, listening to warfare.

“He won’t. This is personal.”

“Serigala was personal.”

“No, Serigala was a taunt. You’re what he wants. He won’t drop a bomb on you when he can have the pleasure of cutting you up with a fillet knife.”

“Oh, my God. What the hell is going on? Why would he hurt Sully?” Eleanor stopped trying to get free and clamped her hand on my forearm in panic. “Come. Leave with me.”

“I’m not fucking leaving,” I growled.

The stricken look in her gaze made me add a soften snarl, “Drake won’t touch me, Jinx. He’s the one who will be dying tonight. Not me.”

“All guests and goddesses have been evacuated, by the way. Arbi and a few guards will contain the girls.” Cal narrowed his eyes.

“Good.”

“I wish we had trained sharks,” he muttered. “A few obedient crocodile or two. Maybe a rabid baboon.”

I rolled my eyes. Not for the first time, Cal had tried to persuade me to come up with a pharmaceutical compound that could control any animal who drank it. To have access to powerful swimmers and jaws of death.

I’d half-heartedly given the request to Peter Beck—to see what he and his scientists could cook—but without the ability to test on animals, we’d reached a dead end. Besides, I wouldn’t enslave a race just for my own gain.

Humans were my only hunting ground in that respect.

Shifting Eleanor so she stood right by the helicopter door, I grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her into the luxurious cabin.

“Wait. No—”

“You’re going home, Eleanor.”

“I’m staying.” Tiki torches around the helipad flickered, bouncing golden flame off her glossy long hair as she leaned over me, refusing to go deeper into the cabin. She looked as if she’d embraced the fire itself, glowing from within with explosive temper.

“Sully—”

“Don’t make me bind you,” I snapped. “Because I will.”

She attempted to push me away from blocking the door. “Let me off.”

I nodded at the pilots, gritting my teeth as fresh torment ignited at the sound of engines firing on. Pika and Skittles took off with an agonising screech, fleeing from the noise.

Eleanor’s gaze tracked them until they vanished into the undergrowth, rapidly filling with tears.

It broke my useless heart to tear her away from Skittles, but I’d do it all over again if I could keep her safe.

“Sit down.” I pushed her back. “Buckle up.”

Her tears spiked with frustration. Any sign of weakness or submission disappeared beneath dangerous tenacity. “I won’t let you do this. Damn you, stop and just listen for a moment!”

“Listen?” I cupped her cheek, ignoring the splinters and daggers in my chest making it hard to breathe. “Don’t you see? I can’t listen. I can barely look at you without falling to my goddamn knees.”

“Then don’t do this!”

“It’s already done.” I gave her a grief-stricken smile. “At least you’ll be safe. I’m doing the right thing by letting you go. You’ll see. The second you’re back in a city with people and freedom, you’ll realise my enslavement of you warped your sense of—”

“My sense of love?” She bared her teeth. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not like your other goddesses.”

“Exactly. You’re not. That’s why you’re fucking leaving.”

The captain gave me a thumbs-up, hinting he had the envelope to give her, the flight path to fly her, the ending to sever us.

My knees threatened to buckle as I shoved Eleanor deeper into the cabin and attempted to step back. “I’ll look after Skittles for you, you have my word.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“It’s all I can offer.”

“Bullshit.” She flung herself from the helicopter, her hair whipping in the wind generated by the rotor blades.

Tripping backward, I grunted and caught her weight, mindful that slicing blades whisked above our heads. “Stop making this harder than it already is, Jinx.” I increased my volume over the din. “For fuck’s sake, please.”

Her body flush to mine made me achingly hard.

Her lips so close to mine made my mind swim with possession.

I’d reached the end of my control. I wanted the freedom to love her and the brutality to decapitate my brother. Two warring desires that should never live side by side.

“Cal!” I barked. “Get me some rope.”

“No!” She shook her head, her arms twining around my shoulders. “Unless the rope is to tie us together so you can’t do something moronic—”

“Cal.” I glowered at him. “Go. Get something to restrain her. We don’t have fucking time for this.”

“Sir.” Storming away, he dashed up the jetty.

His sarcastic quip sent annoyance down my back. I didn’t understand his attitude. He knew better out of anyone why I had no option.

Scooping Eleanor tighter into my arms, I marched up the helicopter steps and out of the downdraft from the blades.

The noise shredded any symbolism that this could be a romantic pledge. I was glad of the clamour. Thankful for the impatience of the pilots and the rising urgency of getting Jinx off my shores.

If I didn’t have such hostile irritability, I’d probably carry her back to Nirvana and turn my back on Drake and on my creatures. I’d once again be so fucking selfish to put my pain first and keep her.

I can’t fucking keep her.

Eleanor fought me as I wrangled her into the seat. “Why must everything be so black and white with you?”

Trapping her wrists, I struggled with the harness, looping it over her shoulders and draping it down her belly. “Because you either survive or you die. It can’t get any more black and white than that.”

Hot puffs of anger hit my throat as she breathed hard, glowering at me as I leaned closer and tried to do up the buckle one-handed.

Her rage was a physical thing, squeezing out every remaining pain in my chest. She ripped her wrists from my hold, her hands landing on my chest as if to push me away.

But then...she stopped.

Our eyes locked.

She annihilated me as she licked her lips and stood up to me, just as she had so often in our short connection. “Temporary.”

I froze, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

She shook her head, as if trying to form thoughts after such a blurted comment. “I’ll go...if you agree that it’s temporary.”

My chest tingled where her fingertips pressed into me. “I can’t agree to that. My brother isn’t the only problem.”

Her eyes flashed silver. “You’re doubting yourself because of what happened today, but I need you to listen to me. You. Will. Not. Hurt. Me.”

I let out a black laugh. “You don’t know enough about me to be sure.”

“I know enough to fight for permanent when my whole life has been temporary until I met you. You are permanent, Sully—regardless of your pig-headedness and uncouth ways—and I’m not going to run away with my tail between my legs just because you say so. But...if you agree that this separation is temporary, I promise I’ll go without a fuss. I’ll sit here and fly away even though every instinct is telling me to stay...if you promise me that I can come back.”

Cal jogged down the jetty, carrying a coil of rope in his hand.

Temporary.

Could that work?

Could I possibly have the freedom to be the monster I needed to be, the murderer without a shred of compassion, and somehow keep her once he was dead?

Cal skidded to a stop, holding out the rope.

Eleanor’s hand landed on my cheek, guiding my eyes back to hers.

She smiled softly. “Do you trust me?”

No.

Yes.

“Fucking hell, you’re killing me.” I ran a hand over my face, catching her palm pressed against my cheek. I couldn’t look away from her perfect smoky eyes. “I thought I knew who you were. I thought I had an answer to my question...but...who the fuck are you, Eleanor Grace?”

Her hand twitched beneath mine. “I’m your future...regardless how much you’re trying to deny it.”

My eyes closed. My heart raced.

I wanted what she offered so fucking much.

But...men like me didn’t get the girl.

Men like me didn’t change and suddenly become redeemable. The moment she returned to a place where she’d have access to internet and information...everything she felt about me would go up in dirty smoke.

All it would take was one search on my name.

One article of who I truly was and her commitment to me would be over.

With that knowledge came a strange kind of peace, a solidifying dread.

I flinched against the slam of inevitability.

Fuck, I’m an idiot.

What did I think? That I’d keep her away from her family, friends, and facts for the remainder of her life? That I’d continue trading in goddesses and elixir, and she would stand by my side and plug guests into Euphoria?

That she’d still love me when she knew what I was?

It’d been a pipe dream.

A goddamn stupid fantasy.

And Drake had just woken me before it was too late.

I didn’t get to keep her.

There was no happily ever after for me.

I clutched her fingers, making her wince.

“What happened? What did you just decide?” Her gaze searched mine, prying and diving, yanking out my secrets and sins one by one.

The only problem was they’d all been buried by the truth. I didn’t even have to put a mask on to lie anymore.

“Okay, Eleanor...temporary.”

I expected her to smile, to hug me, to kiss me with gratefulness. Instead, she peered at me suspiciously. “You’re saying I can come back?”

“I am.”

“When?”

“In a few days. A week? Give me a week...and then, come back.” I shrugged. “This is my home. You’ll know where I am. I’ll be here...if you want me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I smiled away my sadness. “It means I’ll still be here, trading in women, selling their pleasure, being the man who bought you from traffickers.”

Her forehead furrowed. “Reminding me of your downfalls won’t prevent me from returning, Sully. I know what you are.”

I nodded, reaching forward to do up her harness. “I’m aware.”

She shivered as my knuckles brushed the bottom of her breasts, clipping the buckle together. The pilots added more power to the rotors, making the cabin shudder in eagerness to leave gravity behind.

Giving myself one final good memory—a memory I would hold onto for the rest of my life—I linked my fingers behind her nape and tugged her forward until our foreheads touched. “Only you could turn an ending into a temporary pause. Only you could strike a deal with the devil about returning to his side instead of running away from him as fast as possible. Because of you, I know what it feels like to be happy. And thanks to you, I’m now condemned to a half-life without you.”

“No.” She shook her head. “Only a few days. I’ll come back...you’ll see.”

I wanted to trust her.

I wanted to trust that I would survive Drake’s invasion, that I’d be a better man afterward, that I could move on from Serigala, and somehow find the strength to trust in us.

But...trust had always been my downfall, and I knew deep in my gut that this wasn’t temporary.

This was permanent...Eleanor just didn’t know it yet.

I pulled away.

Our time was up.

Her hair slipped over my hands as I released her with reluctance.

Cal’s presence lurked outside. The pilots were seconds away from soaring into the sky. I tried to order my tongue into saying something poignant, something that she’d always remember.

I love you.

I need you.

You’re mine...even if I’m letting you go.

But in the end, I just kissed her.

I sank my hands into her hair one last time and crushed my mouth to hers.

I braced for harsh finality.

To kiss her with savagery and sin.

Instead, I kissed her softly, slowly, longingly. A final farewell even while she said temporary. My tongue slipped past her lips, tasting her, groaning with regret.

She moaned, opening wider, inviting me to take her deeper, to blend us together, to twine her lust with mine.

Her hands swooped up and clutched my shirt, yanking me into her.

I stumbled, resting on my haunches while we kissed and the helicopter gave us its last jerky warning before it winged into the sky.

I needed to leave.

To plan for war.

But still, I kissed her.

I lost myself in her.

I gave myself one exquisite moment where I trusted in a future I could not have.

And then, I let her go.

I leaped from the helicopter.

I punched the fuselage with all the pent-up fury inside me.

I slammed the door, keeping my gaze far from my greatest jinx.

And I locked my knees against the downdraft as Eleanor soared toward the stars.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck, it hurt.

Cal stood with me, silent against the slicing screech of the rotor blades until the pilots banked and headed out to sea.

I rubbed at the bleeding within my chest.

I’d been torn in two. Ripped apart. Turned into half of everything that I’d been.

As the palm trees calmed, and Pika and Skittles darted from the jungle, too late to say goodbye, Cal’s hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing hard. “You’re a fool, Sinclair. A goddamn fool.”

I growled in warning. I felt exactly like a fool, but I didn’t need the goddamn staff rubbing my face in it. “I’d stay silent if I were you.”

“Someone has to knock some sense into your thick skull. I don’t envy you, but...I get it.”

“Get what precisely? That I went against my every rule, and now I’m paying the price?”

“Get that you didn’t have a choice.”

“I did have a choice.” I flashed him a cold smile, doing my best to ignore the lacerating holes in my heart. “I just chose wrong. I fell, and now she’s gone.”

He scowled. “I’ve never seen you lie that well before.”

I sighed. “It wasn’t a lie.”

“You told her she can come back?”

“I did.”

“And you meant it?”

I shrugged, doing my best to stand still without stumbling with regret. “It doesn’t matter what I meant. It’s over.”

“She was good for you, man. I think you’ve made a mistake.”

I glowered. “Back off, you don’t know a goddamn thing—”

“She’ll come back, you know. You can’t be that stupid to think she won’t.”

Keeping my eyes on the night-beacon flashing in the sky, I balled my hands. “Once she learns who I truly am, she won’t. She’ll make the decision for me. I won’t have to break her heart...she’ll break mine.”

“She’s not like the others, Sullivan. She’s fallen for you, but she’s smart, too. She’ll figure out a way.”

I turned to face him, dislodging his hold on me. “We both know I don’t do well in love. Either they get killed because of my good intentions, or they die directly at my hand. This way, she stays alive.”

“She might break the pattern.”

“Or she might be exactly the same.”

“She’ll still attempt to come back.”

“She can try...but she won’t succeed.”

Cal’s green gaze sparked with understanding, shaking his head. “Oh, you sneaky son of a bitch.”

Striding up the gangway, I held out my finger for Pika. He descended gently, chirping with worry, sensing my scrambled emotions. Skittles continued to zip in the darkness, her mournful squeaking breaking my fucking heart all over again.

Cal sniffed. “She won’t be able to come back because no one without an invitation can find us.”

I gritted my teeth, swallowing more pain. “Exactly.”

Without the dark web coordinates, my islands were only accessible by fluke or fortune. I’d sent her away knowing that. I’d agreed to her promise of temporary, all while knowing she could never return.

Permanent, Jinx.

It’s over.

Christ, will the pain ever stop?

“Fuck, she’s gonna be pissed when she realises,” Cal muttered.

“She’ll be grateful because she’ll hate me.”

Cal followed me toward the beach, tossing the unneeded rope on the sand. “I don’t envy you, Sully. Not one fucking bit.”

I huffed, placing Pika on my shoulder and yanking the gun from my waistband to check the safety was off and the chamber was full.

I didn’t have time to be tired or sad.

Those two words were no longer permitted in my vocabulary.

She’s gone.

Drake’s coming.

I would ensure my shores were fortified with every weapon I had in my arsenal.

I ignored Calvin; I’d done enough talking without dissecting my doomed relationship.

“You know...if she does find a way back, I think you should keep her.”

“She’s not a goddamn pet, Cal.”

“She could be.”

I bared my teeth. “I preferred it when you cockblocked me. Stop with the psychological bullshit. She’s gone. It’s over.”

“I only cockblocked you because you asked me to. You ordered me never to let you get close to another human. You asked me—”

“To stop me from falling because I honestly don’t have the strength. Animal or human, I’m done with loss, alright? She’s gone. Serigala is gone. It’s done. I suggest you shut your mouth before I shut it for you. My last warning.”

He pulled out his own handgun, checking he had a full clip. “Fine. Noted.” He huffed before shoving it back into his trousers. “Just for the record, though...I like her. I think—”

A shot boomed over the ocean, shutting Cal up.

We spun around, our eyes shooting skyward, skating over stars just as gunfire blazed through the night, aiming straight toward the helicopter.