At last the historic moment arrived: “THE EVENT OF THE CENTURY.” On May 5th, “Herman the Talking Dog” addressed the world, aired live on the Victoria Vickers TV Show.
Herman sat erect, a solitary figure on a cushioned cranberry velvet stool center stage. All of humanity held its collective breath, awaiting the dog’s first public words. Thanks to Victoria, the telecast ran without interruption. She paid all costs herself.
Herman spoke confidently, betraying not one bit of his earlier nervousness. “Good evening, dear humans. Victoria tells me that everyone who owns a TV is surely watching this show, though I can’t understand why. I don’t sing, dance or tell jokes. Besides, what’s funny to me probably won’t make you laugh. I can’t even perform dog tricks. The only thing I can do is talk, but each of you has the same gift.
“When my friend Thomas Thomas was alive, he read all sorts of interesting things to me. It seems there was a fellow named Hitler who had quite a way with words. He was so good at talking, his speeches caused millions of innocent deaths. There was also a woman by the name of Mother Theresa who didn’t talk much at all, but when she did, starving people acted like they had just eaten a grand feast, and their hearts were filled with love.
“Isn’t speech the most powerful thing in the world—this gift you and I were given? I think, dear humans, you have forgotten this power you use so lightly every day.”
The stunned audience was so silent, it was as if time itself had stopped. Then thunderous applause filled the studio.
Herman continued. “My story is simple. Like every dog, I just wanted to spend time with my best friend. That time was cut short when greedy gang members murdered Thomas. But, thanks to Victoria and Detective Kelly, justice has been served. Thomas’ killers are behind bars. As for me…” Herman paused for a moment, lost in thought. “I’ve been thinking quite a lot about my future, especially during the past hour…”
The most famous dog the world has ever known surveyed the studio audience. One by one, he returned the warm smiles beaming back from his friends in the front row. There was Detective Kelly, head glistening with sweat from the studio lights. He was grinning from ear to ear like a proud father.
Detective Kelly shook his head in amazement, whistling under his breath. Wow! Who would have thought I’d be hanging on every word coming out of a dog’s mouth—on live TV, no less? Granted, he’s a very smart dog, but still a dog.
You know, mused Kelly automatically reaching for the nonexistent toothpick in his breast pocket, I know just the thing for Herman. He’d be a perfect host on that TV show, Animal Planet. I can picture him interviewing wild animals in their native habitats. Ha, he snorted. Instead of a bunch of well-meaning experts trying to tell us what they think the animals are saying, Herman could ask the critters themselves.
Herman’s attention turned to the person whose word was as good as gold, one he would be indebted to for the rest of his days.
Victoria smiled up at the little Schnauzer with a jumble of wonder, joy, disbelief, and unabashed hero worship. Funny, she thought, tears trickling gently down her beautiful face. I’m down here in my own audience while this public relations pooch basks in the glory of millions of people. What a switch! Thank God I could help him. It’s a pity I was too late to save his poor friend, Thomas Thomas, she sighed. But Thomas won’t be forgotten—not now.
“…And so, my dear friends, today I had an offer from the International K-9 Disaster Team. Those well-trained dogs have the ability to sniff out victims buried under tons of debris from earthquakes and other natural catastrophes. It’s a very dangerous occupation. They believe my ability to speak directly with the victims will greatly improve the number of successful rescues. We all remember that hurricanes like Katrina left many people and animals homeless. The truth is, there are so many worthwhile possibilities where a talking dog can make a difference…”
Herman’s eyes misted over. Gee I only wish Thomas was here, he thought. Maybe his dream of sailing around the world didn’t come true, but look at all the good things he set in motion when he adopted one small dog. A strange, warm feeling came over Herman. It was as if Thomas was smiling down in approval.
Just then, Herman’s dog sense made him tingle. Someone else was watching him. He turned his full attention to the last member of his special fan club, the object of his newly discovered love, Bijou.
What does a perfect little thing like that, with the most caring heart in the universe, see in a dog like me he wondered. She could have that Chihuahua in the Taco Bell commercial—anyone—but it’s me she wants. How lucky can a dog get? His black eyes glowed with a deep new luster.
Bijou radiated the light of a thousand shooting stars. A tiny smile curled the corners of her still somewhat tender bow mouth. She blew Herman a big kiss. Her thoughts lingered on one question: I wonder if our puppies will be able to speak human?