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FOR A WHILE, I DREAMED.
I was adrift on the sea, curled on my side on a small raft. But I wasn’t afraid. I was comfortable, breathing in the salty air and enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin. I was naked, and though I loosely worried about the sunburn I would have, suffering from the wrath of the ancient curse of my ancestors, it wasn’t my primary concern. In fact, nothing was. I didn’t have any concerns.
My head rested on an arm. Strong, muscular and protective, the arm held my head aloft better than any pillow. It made me feel safe.
Then the rest of the body attached to that arm curled around me. Another arm draped over my hip and settled on my stomach. Fingers traced my belly button, and I stretched my legs down until my toes brushed over the body’s shins. I let one leg rest on top of them, parting my thighs just so.
Fingers slid up my body and filled with one breast as I let my head fall back. Kisses began to press against my shoulder as my nipples hardened. Then the hand slid down, down, down. Down between my thighs until it touched me and made me gasp. My own hand slid behind me and filled with the warm, soft skin of a hardened cock. I stroked it and heard a groan. I smiled.
I rolled on my back to give the body greater access. The face came into view.
It was Gavin.
And I awoke.
The lights were off, and for a moment I was completely lost. I had no idea where I was, what time of the night it was, anything. I was so sure there had been someone in the bed with me, but now it was empty. Just me. In the darkness.
Then pieces of the night before began to slide into place. A glass on the nightstand that I didn’t remember putting there. The sheets on the other side of the bed were folded over, like someone had gotten out of it.
Gavin. Like Gavin had gotten out of it.
Was that real? Was he really there, or had I just had some crazy fever dream? Had he really been in my bed with me?
My eyes floated over to the table and the tiny loveseat across from it. A bag sat on the table, turned on its side. Candies and games spilled out of it. A cup with dice inside and several sheets of paper, dark scribble lines visible in the soft light of the parking lot light outside my window.
He had been here. Gavin had been in my room all night and had helped take care of me. It was starting to come back now. We’d played dice for what seemed like hours, keeping score on his weird but fun game and getting probably a little too loud when we rolled big numbers.
Then we had lain down, and I had listened to his heartbeat with my head on his chest while we watched something on the phone. And I fell asleep. I could have sworn he did too.
At some point, he’d slipped out of the room. He must have been extremely quiet, because even sick, I was a pretty light sleeper. I would figure I would have heard him when he opened and shut the door. But the room was empty aside from me.
I wondered if he was embarrassed to be there. With me. It would explain why he didn’t wake me when he left. If he was so ashamed to have fallen asleep with me, in the bed no less, then I could see him sneaking out under the cover of darkness. He probably wouldn’t ever even speak of it again, or worse, avoid me.
Visions of how awkward the rest of the week would be were dancing through my mind. I didn’t really realize until that moment how much I had depended on hanging out with Gavin to make the week better. Sure, the tournaments and practices were going to take up most of my time, but I had looked forward to hanging out with Gavin and Star all the way up until Star decided not to come. But without her, I still had this hope that Gavin and I would keep each other company, even if it meant hanging around mostly other baseball players and dealing with the inevitable bad jokes and frat boy humor of some of them.
Then again, he had come over to spend a lot of time last night just to take care of me. All because I was sick. Someone who would do that wouldn’t just up and ghost me for the rest of the week. He would at least check in and make sure I was feeling better, right? I had to believe he was the kind of guy that if something did make him feel uncomfortable, he would either want to talk about it or would just ignore it happened, rather than let it affect our friendship negatively.
At any rate, I felt a lot better than I had. Normally when I woke up, I felt dizzy and exhausted, like someone had put me in one of those gravity rides at the fair, the ones that spun you around and around and you stuck to the walls as they rose up and down. I could never handle those things. They always made me sick.
My stomach didn’t feel like I had spun around for three minutes after eating pretzel dogs, so that was something in the win column at least. I tried to shake off the disappointment that Gavin was gone and the worry that I had somehow offended him. He had been so comfortable to curl up with. I envied that Star had that whenever she wanted, and a part of me despised that she’d so easily given it up to go off with her other friends in Europe.
If he had been dating me, I would never leave the room. Not when he was in it.
Slowly, my eyes began to shut again, and I curled back up on the pillows, tucking one into my chest and draping my arm over it. It was a poor replacement for Gavin’s thick, muscular chest, but it was something. I sighed and felt sleep begin to take over my consciousness again. One more nap wouldn’t kill me. It would probably help, actually. Besides, the sun wasn’t up yet. I had some time.
I tried to focus on a happy thought. Something to guide my mind into pleasant dreams. I thought about the games I was to play later, envisioning myself winning. How the trophy would feel in my hands as I hoisted it before handing it to the next girl in line after our win. How sweet the last meal of the trip would be, some big thing our whole team would do, as we tasted not just the food but the sweet nectar of victory. Of how happy Gavin would be for me when I told him we won. How he would hug me, squeezing me tight and congratulating me.
How his hug would linger.
How we would go back to my room, celebrating and laughing. How our hands would fill with each other’s and cling tightly as we walked the halls of the hotel. How we would find ourselves alone in the hall, in the restaurant, in the room. How he would kiss me.
I could nearly feel his fingertips brushing up my hip, pulling at my shirt until it untucked. I would still be in my uniform, still sweaty from the game. But so would he. He still had the eyeblack on, smeared over his cheek like a warrior. My hat would fly off of me as he tore my shirt over my head. We would kiss, and he would pick me up, carrying me to the bathroom, where I would spin the faucet and turn on the shower.
We would climb inside, still clothed and giggling. I would tear at his pants until the bulge inside revealed itself to be a long, thick, warm cock. I would stroke it and kiss up his chest until he spun me against the wall. I would gasp as he picked up my leg, holding it aloft as he thrust his massive member deep inside me, and I would cry out in ecstasy.
Our clothes would be piled on the bottom of the shower, dirt swirling down the drain from sliding into bases and diving for catches. As we washed ourselves under the water, he would spin me so my back was to him and fill his hand with my braids. He would fuck me with abandon, and I would let my finger slide down between my thighs. Just the slightest touch on my clit would send me over the edge and have me tumbling into an incredible climax.
I would shout his name.
Just a touch...
My eyes snapped open. My hand was on my thigh, so close to the throbbing center that begged for release. The sun was still not up yet, but the sky had turned dark blue, light brightening it up and making the deep purple of night retreat westward.
I was sweating, the sheets soaked. At war with myself, I forcibly removed my own hand from my body and flopped over onto my stomach. What was I doing? I couldn’t think about him this way. He was Star’s boyfriend. My best friend’s boyfriend. I should be ashamed of myself.
And I was. Enough that I peeled myself out of the bed and made my way to the bathroom. I turned on the water, nice and cool, and stepped inside. It was jarring to have a shower that wasn’t blazing hot, but I needed it. I needed to not be comfortable and let my mind wander again. Once I felt like the sweat was gone and I smelled like the flowery soap I had brought from home, I stepped out and quickly dressed. I didn’t want to be naked. It was too much of a temptation.
I was wide awake. The shower helped, but the vision, no, fantasy that I had been having about Gavin was what really did it. It had been so real. So visceral. I had never had such an intense dream about another man. Certainly not one that was real. That I could reach out and touch. Or that I had spent a considerable amount of time sleeping in the same bed as.
I could still smell him on the sheets. His cologne. His sweat.
Pulling the sheets off the bed, I crumpled them by the door. I would ask for new ones when I left for practice later. Then that temptation would be gone too.
I went over to the little coffee maker and set it to brew a cup. It was one of those single-serve pod things, and I was grateful for the ease of use of it. I preferred good coffee, from fresh beans, but this would do. As it brewed, I turned on the television, keeping it low so I didn’t disturb Sara in the door next to mine.
Sitting on the couch, I looked out over the beach from the angle I could see. I mostly saw the parking lot, but I got a little bit of the ocean too. The sun was coming up fast, a thin line of near white at the edge of the horizon. It wouldn’t be long until everyone else was awake and moving around too.
Pulling the cards out of the bag, I turned on the light next to me and listened to the weather channel as I dealt the cards. A little game of solitaire to pass the time. After a little while, I realized my phone was dead and went to go put it on the charger. It would have to boot up again. I had run it completely dead watching whatever Gavin and I had watched as we fell asleep.
Part of me wished I could go back in time, just for a few more minutes. If I could just relive the night.
I might not have slept.
