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MY HEART SANK.
Resetting my arm had worked so perfectly, I was sure it meant that I would be fine. Maybe not tomorrow, sure, but the next day? By the weekend? I had so much hope. But the way Katie looked at me when I asked, it felt like the thought was way out of the realm of possibility.
“Ah,” I said.
“Sorry,” she said again, packing her things.
“I mean, I could try though, right?” I asked. “If I’m feeling better and my arm isn’t too sore? Like maybe not tomorrow but the next day?”
She stopped packing and looked at me sadly. Her lips were pursed as she glanced at Lila and then me, as if judging what our relationship was. Then she patted my hand softly.
“You could, theoretically,” she said, “but I wouldn’t get your hopes up. The issue is that it might have been more damage than we know. You will want to get seen by a doctor who can do an x-ray, take some images. Maybe an MRI. You could have torn tendons, muscles, who knows. You said you got hit by a tire iron?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Gavin, that could have done a lot more damage than you think. You still have adrenaline in your system right now. It will take several hours to dump all that out, and then, the pain that you are feeling currently might seem like a walk in the park comparatively. You need to be prepared for waking up in the morning and feeling like your shoulder is made of stone. Or like someone is pushing a rod up your arm and over your shoulder every time you move.”
“But if it doesn’t feel like that,” I said, “if it’s not all that bad feeling, I could give it a shot, right?”
“That’s up to you, I suppose,” she said, sighing. “And your coach. You have to tell your coach. They need to know if they are putting you in injured, though with how swollen your face is, I don’t see that being something they could miss. But you need to be honest about this. If you are hurt in a way we can’t tell, and you throw a pitch in just the right way, you could tear your rotator cuff or any of the muscles in and around the upper arm. You might overcompensate and tweak your elbow. You might develop a career-ending injury just trying to force yourself to pitch after this rather than healing up. I really do think you should rest and not pitch this week.”
“Thank you,” he said. “I appreciate you helping us.”
“Sure,” she said. “But again, you never saw me. If anyone asks, I came to see my best friend’s sister, who was hanging out here.”
“Got it,” Gavin said.
With that, Katie stood up and headed toward the door. She stopped with her fingers on the knob.
“Do you guys need anything?” she asked. “I have some extra...”
“No,” Lila said. “We’re fine.”
“Okay,” Katie said, a thin smile on her face. “All right then. Good luck, Gavin.”
“Thank you,” Lila and I chorused as she shut the door behind her.
“Well, that sucks. A lot,” I said.
“I’m sorry,” Lila said. “I can’t imagine how awful you must feel. On top of just the pain and everything. I thought I was going to lose it just being sick and missing practices. Missing the games is awful. I wish there was something I could do for you.”
“I appreciate it, Lila. I do,” I said. “But I should probably let you have your room back. My legs are fine, I can walk up to my room.”
“I mean, you don’t have to,” she said, and there was something in that voice, almost to the edge of pleading.
“I wouldn’t mind staying,” I said. “If you really were okay with it.”
“Absolutely,” she said. “You can take the bed, even.”
“Oh, no, I couldn’t do that,” I began.
“No, seriously, take the bed. I’ve been in it way too much this week, and the couch is plenty big for me. You were adorable all crunched up on there, but I fit perfectly, and I don’t mind. I insist.”
“All right,” I said. “If you insist. But only if we watch that baking show again. That was funny.”
A warm-looking blush crossed her face, and she smiled.
“I’d love to,” she said. “Hey, do you think room service is still going?”
“Maybe,” I mused. “What time is it?”
“Ooh, probably not,” Lila said. “It’s almost two.”
“Shit,” I said. “Well, that settles that.”
“Not so fast,” she said, grinning. She ran over to the little mini-fridge under the television and popped it open. From inside, she drew out two sandwiches and a couple cans of soda.
“What the hell?” I laughed.
“Remember when I said Coach bought dinner for everyone?” she asked. “Well, before we went outside to eat, I brought a couple sandwiches up here, just in case. I’m rather frugal, and free is free.”
I laughed.
“I am similarly frugal when it comes to free food,” I said. “What kind are they?”
I felt myself sinking into a familiar feeling, one that didn’t quite fit the scenario we were actually in. I was broken, my body beat up and slowly scabbing over, one eye getting closer to swollen shut with each passing second. I was still feeling the effects of punches and kicks to my head and body and was lying shirtless in someone else’s bed, probably bleeding on it.
Yet, Lila and I had a chemistry, a rhythm. When I was her tutor, it made it easy for us to interact, for me to teach her because we seemed to understand each other beyond language. After that, it made it so much less awkward when I would come ostensibly to hang out with Star, who was often completely busy with whatever project she was working on.
Now we were alone, in a hotel room, and I was shirtless after a fight where she’d helped me by tossing heavy rocks at people with a pitch speed that was extraordinarily dangerous. And yet, we were acting like Star was on the floor, putting glued pieces of cotton on a project or covering her forearm in paint to use it exclusively to create something she called “ForeArt.”
But Star wasn’t there. She was in France. Doing... whatever.
“Gavin?” Lila asked, and I realized I had drifted off into a train of thought and not heard her when she was talking.
“Oh, sorry. What was that?”
“Turkey and Swiss or ham and Cheddar,” she said. “Which one?”
“Whichever you don’t want,” I said. “I’m good either way.”
“Turkey and Swiss then,” she said, handing me the sandwich. “I’ve honestly been thinking about this ham and Cheddar sandwich since I put it in the fridge.”
“Even while we were out dancing?” I laughed.
“Even while we were out dancing,” she confirmed. “I kind of love ham.”
“I remember at Thanksgiving that being a thing. You said ham was superior to turkey.”
“It is,” she said.
“Not at Thanksgiving, though,” I said.
“At any time,” she teased. “Ham is superior.”
“Nuh-uh,” I said.
“You’re wrong,” she laughed, opening her sandwich and nearly salivating. “Believe it.”
I laughed and took a bite of the turkey and Swiss. I didn’t realize until just that moment how hungry I had gotten. The combination of the dancing, the alcohol, and the fight had worked up one hell of an appetite. I could probably put away several of these sandwiches without an issue.
I tried to keep it slow and savor it instead. I didn’t want to eat too quickly, but I also just enjoyed the act of eating with Lila. It was an intimate thing to eat with someone, even if you weren’t looking at each other. There was something carnal about it, about putting food in your mouth, about sustaining your body. About licking your lips and occasionally making those tiny moans of appreciation.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up.
Then it hit me. We should probably call Star.
“Hey, so, I should probably call Star,” I said.
“Oh, yeah, you probably should,” she said, keeping her eyes down on her sandwich and nodding. “Might be a good idea to give her a head’s up that your eye looks like a ripe olive at the moment.”
I laughed.
“That bad, eh?”
“The purple is starting to show up,” she said. “It’s going to look pretty rough in a little while.”
“Well, then no time to waste, I guess,” I said. “Once we’re done with our snack, I think I should give her a call.”
“Do you want me to leave?” she asked. “So you can have some privacy?”
“No,” I said. “She might like to see you.”
“Okay,” she said, looking unconvinced.
I made a mental note to put on some form of shirt before the call and continued eating my sandwich. As I neared the last few bites, my jaw began to ache. It was a harbinger of soreness to come, I was sure. I was looking forward to a long week of pain. And still no idea if there was more of it on the way.
That was what scared me most, really. That they weren’t done. And it wasn’t even about me. Them jumping me was what it was. I would handle that. But if they cornered Lila...
I tried to shake it off. That kind of fear wasn’t going to help anyone. We just needed to all be vigilant, and while I was sure Kevin was rather distracted at the moment, he was also going to be more observant than most people would. Because it was important to me. I trusted Kevin, and he didn’t take that trust lightly, and after tonight, he had a bone to pick too. He wasn’t just going to let these guys sneak up on any of us.
“She never did respond to our text,” I said, as I pulled the phone over to me. “What time is it over there again?”
“Eight, I think. Or almost eight,” she said. “Morning, at any rate.”
“That might be the problem. She might be asleep,” I said. “You think it’s worth calling her?”
Lila shrugged. She seemed uncomfortable with the idea. I wondered why.
I hit her contact number and pressed the call button. She had seen my text. She just hadn’t responded. Maybe she just got up.
The phone rang three times before it was finally answered, and the sound from the other side was loud enough to make me pull the phone away from my ear.
“Sheesh” Lily said from on the couch. “That’s super loud.”
“Star?” I asked. “Are you there?”
A voice shouted something muffled. It was deep, like a guy, and then Star’s voice responded.
“Hold on,” she shouted.
A notification came up on the phone, and as I stared at it, I realized it was a request to turn the call into a video call. I hit OK and waited. The screen went black, and the sound came back full force. I could hear that it was music, loud and thumping, with indistinct voices in the background. Star was saying something, but it was impossible to hear her, and aside from what I assumed were glowsticks around her neck, I couldn’t see her either.
“I can’t see you or hear you,” I said. “Star, can you hear me?”
“Yes!” her voice shouted, then more mumbling that I couldn’t understand.
I looked over at Lila, who was standing now, heading my way. She shrugged, and I looked back at the phone.
Suddenly, light filled the screen, and the next thing I saw was a bathroom stall. She had gone into what looked a lot like a club bathroom. Graffiti was on the walls and on the stall door, and Star looked down into the phone as she seemingly leaned against the sink counter. The reflection behind her showed she was wearing a mesh shirt. I couldn’t see anything under it either.
“Star?” I asked.
“Gavin? I can barely hear you. What’s up?”
“Where are you?” I asked, and the look that crossed her face was one of both annoyance and frustration.
“France,” she said. “You knew that.”
“No, I meant where are you right now? I thought it was like eight in the morning there?”
“Is it?” she said, then shrugged. “It’s a club. They don’t do closing times in Paris. Not the clubs at least. You can order drinks all night in this place.”
Almost as an exclamation point, she brought a drink to her lips and sipped on the straw. The bright, neon blue drink slowly disappeared.
“Oh, cool,” I said. “I didn’t want to bother you, but I thought you might want to know. I got jumped tonight.”
“You jumped?” she asked, looking slightly inebriated and thoroughly distracted. She kept looking off camera, like she was watching the door. “What now?”
“I said I was jumped. I’m in Lila’s room. She’s taking care of me because I got attacked by some dudes out here. They cracked my shoulder pretty bad.”
“Oh. Hi, Lila,” Star said.
“Hi,” Lila said, putting her head into frame. I realized at that moment I hadn’t put the shirt on, but it didn’t seem to matter to Star. She was completely unfazed by anything I had told her so far.
“I might not be able to pitch this week. It’s a really big problem.”
“That sounds like a bummer,” Star said. “Sorry to hear that. Hey, did you make sure to turn off all the lights at the apartment, Lila? I didn’t turn anything off when I left, and I don’t want people thinking I’m home and coming by and getting upset when I don’t answer the door. You know how people are.”
For the first time in the conversation, she seemed to smile. Because she was talking about herself. And how other people cared so much about her they’d be upset if they didn’t hear from her.
“I did,” Lila said, the slight exasperation in her voice telling me that she knew long ago that it would be her job to make sure things like that were done.
“Good,” Star said. “Oh, shit, hey, can you send my mom a text? Just tell her I’m good. She won’t be up until like eleven, and I will be asleep by then. I know she’s texted me three or four times, but I keep getting distracted.”
“You haven’t told your mom you’re okay?” I asked.
Star shrugged again.
“She knows I went to France. Time difference. All that. Anyway.”
“Yeah, anyway,” I said. “So, yeah, I’m probably going to hang out here tonight. If I’m not going to pitch this week...”
“Cool. Have fun. I have to go,” Star interrupted. “I’ll call you guys when I land, see which one of you is going to pick me up. Ciao!”
And with that, the screen went blank. I stared at it for a second, not believing what I had heard and seen.
She didn’t even care. Not only did she not care that I wasn’t going to pitch, which I might be able to overlook since she knew absolutely nothing about baseball, but she didn’t seem to care about me looking like someone had shoved cotton under one of my eyes and then painted it black. Or that I was shirtless in Lila’s bed.
Nothing.
“Are you okay?” Lila asked.
“No,” I said. I didn’t want to be dishonest. That hurt. Maybe even worse than my face right now, that hurt. I had been trying like hell all this time to not do anything that would make me feel guilty, tearing myself apart over the feelings I was having toward Lila, and then she did this?
“I tried to warn you about Star,” she said. “This is who she is. She’s a sweet girl, but she is a self-centered person. It’s difficult to be her friend sometimes. I can only imagine how hard it is to be a boyfriend to her.”
I muttered something under my breath, something that came from a deep place inside my chest and forced its way out without bothering to check with my brain if it was okay. A phrase that had a ton of meaning and if it was said aloud might alter how I handled things going forward. A thought that was buried deep under the guilt of how I had used Lila to get close to Star, how I had pined after her, how I had done everything I could to transition into being a good boyfriend, and how much work I had put into our budding relationship.
How I had planned this whole trip so differently.
And how I was kind of glad it was working out the way it was. Bruises, busted arm, blood, and all.
“What was that?” Lila asked. There was apprehension in her voice, almost like she didn’t know if she wanted to know for sure what I said.
Then I realized, fully, what I had said.
Out loud.
To Lila.
There was no going back now.
