Isa turned to Toryn. “What aren’t you telling me?”
He rubbed at his face. Scotty had told Toryn everything Lonny said when he called, including an interesting detail that Lonny left out in Lana’s presence. And Toryn couldn’t blame him.
However, he told Isa, “Lonny thinks he saw Alenathos leaving the bar.”
Her jaw clenched. Then she shouted, “Alenathos!”
Toryn chuckled. “Finally trust him to come into the house?”
She pinned him with a glare. “We need answers.”
Alenathos formed in front of them. “What’s going on, Isa?”
“Were you at the bar tonight?”
“Yeah, and I made sure the bastard couldn’t get a second shot at Lana.” Something in his expression said there was more to it.
“Why?”
He rubbed at his face and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he answered, “She’s your friend. She’s always been nice to me when I’ve been there. I’d much rather keep you happy than piss you off. So I made sure she was safe, though Lonny had that covered.” Yup, he was hiding something. He couldn’t lie, but he could hide information.
Her brows knitted together. “What do you know about Lana?”
He answered quickly, “She’s one of your closest friends. And your business partner.”
“And that’s the only reason you saved her?”
He lifted a shoulder. “Should there be another reason?”
“Fine, go,” Isa said.
He disappeared.
Toryn shook his head. “You could have asked more specific questions.”
She plopped down on the couch with a sigh. “Sure, but he’s trustworthy. I may have another way to find out what the hell is going on. There has to be more to why he’s showing up at the bar when I’m not there.”
“So why not push harder for answers? You could have forced him to give you more.”
“I want him to trust me. If I push and demand, why would he trust me? There has to be a reason.” She shrugged. “Saressa did a number on him. I get why he doesn’t trust a master, but he trusts me more than he ever trusted her, and I want to improve that trust.”
Toryn sat down beside her. “Fine, but there is something fishy going on, and I can’t pull any visions to clarify, even when I try.”
“Which is why I need to dig into my father’s memories.” It was something she avoided doing often, but she did sometimes find information she needed.
“When do you want to call Kevin?”
“Early in the morning. Which means, I should catch a couple hours sleep first.”
“I’ll send him a text,” Toryn said.
Isa stood and took his hand. “Come on, you can do it from our room.”
* * * *
Lonny resisted hitting the steering wheel. There was no way he was going to make it through the situation sane. Lana kept saying she had changed her mind, but she had been through attempted captures, both resulting in the death of the men who came for her.
“Where are we going?” Lana asked.
“Fuck if I know. I’m driving until I figure out where to go. You got a suggestion? One your father would never expect?”
“Uh…um…”
“Yeah, so I’m driving for now. If you come up with something, let me know. Toryn provided us with new identities. We can go wherever you want.”
“Yeah, well, I’m trying to think of a place I’ve always wanted to go and never told anyone.”
He nodded. “Good, that’s perfect. And if not, I’ll come up with something. Either way, you will be safe. I’ll make sure of that.” Actually, he had a place he’d planned to go for a couple days, but he hadn’t talked to Sammy about bringing a guest. Not that he imagined Lana would be an issue. Hell, the bastard suggested he invite her.
“At least now I have time to ask you those questions,” she muttered, looking away. “I can’t believe you were just going to leave.”
He growled, gripping the wheel tighter. Months of the back and forth and he needed it to stop. Every time she started to open up, she slammed the door on him and closed the shutters. “You don’t want me, Lana. I’ve tried to earn your trust, your affection, eventually your love, but you keep shutting me down. I can’t take it.”
“Yeah, well, I was wrong. I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you, but I’ve always known what you are. Fae, and I’m scared to death of that side of myself. I’m the misfit of the family. And now I’m casting infernos at people when I’m threatened. What the hell does that mean?”
Lonny sighed. “I don’t think your parents are your parents. I think maybe you were adopted.”
“What? Why would they adopt? I have a sister.”
“There could be any number of reasons, Lana. Faery is a complicated place. You aren’t an Earth Fae, whatever you are.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“That you are something far more powerful than the man who sold you out.”
She snorted. “That was a freak accident.”
“No, it was self-defense.” He glanced over. “Why are you afraid of what you are?”
“I thought maybe I wouldn’t actually awaken, that maybe I had more human blood than Fae.” She snorted. “And now, I’m afraid of how I’m going to control it. I watched Isa freezing skirts and setting things on fire, shocking customers, soon after her awakening. What if I become a mess?”
“First, she was raised to believe she was human. You were not. You already have an idea about magic. I can teach you control.”
“And what if I burn you to a cinder?”
He shook his head. At least I’d be out of my misery. “You won’t. Remember, I can phase out of existence.”
She reached over to take his hand, but he jerked away.
“Fine. But why are you shutting me out now?”
He shot her a sideways glance. “Because every time I make a little progress, you shove me back even further. I don’t get anywhere with you. You say you trust me, but then push me away.”
“I’m not doing that anymore. First, I didn’t want to fall in love because I’ve had shitty luck with men. Second, I’ve been around too many men who want to put a woman in what he thinks is her place. Third, I’m an idiot who wanted to believe you were like that to prevent myself from falling for you. And I fell even harder because you proved me wrong at every fucking turn. My head is a twisted mess.”
“You really think I’m that asshole?”
“No,” she groaned. “That’s why I’m such a fucking fool. I know better, I do. My fear had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. My father told me I was going to be weak. To never go through the awakening. Then he told me I had to marry some asshole in Faery to get him out of debt. Fucking bastard.”
“You don’t see him often, do you?”
“No, but the shit he said stuck in my head. I bet your parents never treated you like you were a second-rate citizen.”
“No. I’m sorry. Your mom was good to you, right?”
“Of course, but she convinced me never to trust Fae men. And that has never applied to you. I mean, I wouldn’t let you in, but I’ve always known you were different. My inner thoughts got in my way. Which is why the whole thing is ridiculous. I’ve been fucked over, and my fear got in my way. It has never been about you. I know you better than that. You would never hurt me. And right now, you’re the only one I trust.”
“Because I saved you.” They’d been here before, and he didn’t want to wake up in the morning and realize they were right back at square one.
“No, because I’ve always been in love with you. I just had this stupid idea I might lose myself when I let myself fall.”
“Did Isa?” he demanded.
“No.”
“What about Zoe?”
“No.”
“Jackie?”
“Damn it, Lonny. I get it. I’m not that strong. I never was. I don’t even know why you want me.”
“You are strong. Your one of the strongest women I know. You rank up there with Isa, Zoe, Jackie, all of them. And I don’t want you to change. I just want you. I’ve always wanted you however you come.”
“Then have me. I finally sorted through all the shit in my head. I want you. I told Isa that today, before work. She told you that much. So stop throwing those attacks in my face, I can’t help the timing.”
“I don’t want you to make such a big decision while your life or freedom hangs in the balance. Besides, the awakening isn’t something to just jump into for the hell of it.”
“I made my decision before that. I was just working myself out of my doubts. Again, all that nonsense was in my head and had nothing to do with you. They had everything to do with the assholes I’ve known before.”
“Reese was good for you.”
She shook her head. “Reese was a desperate attempt to put you out of my head. It failed, and then you were right there to hold me up. And when I would have let you have me, you refused because you’re fucking perfect. I’m such a mess I don’t get why you want me how I am.”
“Especially how you are. Look, I don’t have a good answer for you. All I know is that I’m drawn to you. There isn’t a damn thing I wouldn’t do for you.”
“Then when we get where we’re going, let’s make that jump.”
Lonny glared at the road. “Shit, Lana. All this time and you just want to fuck now that you’re in danger?”
“Damn it, Lonny. I’m sorry the timing sucks donkey balls. I can’t help it. If that asshole hadn’t shown up, I would have asked you to come over tonight. It’s the truth. So don’t shut me down now that I’m finally ready to let you in.”
He shook his head and didn’t say a word.
“Lonny, I’m done running from you, us, this bond. Don’t you get that?”
“I wish you had said something before the asshole showed up. It was just you and me in the bar. You could have walked over and set my mind at ease, but you waited until after, and now I’m just supposed to believe you had planned this earlier?”
She touched his thigh and he jumped. “What is it you’re afraid of?”
“That we go there, and you’ll still reject me in the morning.” He let out a breath.
“You’re stuck with me, Lonny. And if I have to, I’ll continue to hound you until you realize I’m here to stay.”
He slammed his hand against the wheel. “I wanted to do things right. Not just jump in when shit went wrong.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes that’s the best way. So let’s start at the beginning. You want me, I want you. We’re stuck together. Just, whatever I am, be there for me. Help me figure this shit out.”
He didn’t say anything. Lonny was too busy trying to figure out if it was fear, or her speaking the truth. He rubbed at his face.
“Say something.”
For the moment, they needed somewhere safe, and he wasn’t sure his original plan was going to work. “We have to figure out somewhere to go.”
* * * *
Lana didn’t care about safe. He had turned the tables on her, wanting to take a step back and put them on hold. She was done with all of that. The moment they got where they were going, she was seducing him, consequences be damned.
Until then, she needed to think of someplace to go.
Lonny gripped the wheel and sighed. “What about Port Townsend? Ever been there?”
“What? Like on the inner tip of the peninsula?” Lana asked.
“Quiet town, out of the way, charming. I have a friend with a cabin there. I’m sure they’d let us stay.”
“Uh, sure. Who’s the friend?”
“Sammy. You’ve met him, right?”
“Goat man?”
He lifted a shoulder. “Satyr. He’s no devil, and he may be horny, but he’s a man.”
“He still has goat legs and horns.”
“His horns are rounder,” Lonny countered.
“Never spent that much time looking at his horns, honestly.” She lifted a shoulder.
“Let me guess? You were busy checking out the package?”
Lana nodded dramatically. “Yeah, because his dick needs its own zip code.”
Lonny rolled his eyes.
“Don’t worry, all that is intimidating.”
“Good to know.” He stared at the road.
“So, is Sammy going to be there?”
He shook his head. “No. He’s with Morrigan back in Seattle. I think she wants to be around for her grandson’s birth.” Morrigan was Toryn’s mother and kept to herself for the most part. However, she really liked the satyr, and he enjoyed her company.
“Good, because I would far prefer to have you alone when we get there.”
“Lana, we’re going to talk first. You have some crazy ideas of my expectations. Don’t you want to get that out in the open?”
“You’re not going to make me change my job, or myself, right?”
“No.”
“Going to demand that I move back to Faerie? Or into your house, or anything?”
“I’m not going to force anything on you. If we decide to move in together, we’ll figure that out together. It doesn’t have to be tonight, tomorrow, next year.”
“But if something doesn’t happen soon, you’re going to disappear on me. That’s the last thing I want.”
He sighed.
Lana touched his shoulder. “I’m not going to change my mind, especially once we’re mated.”
“You say that now, but you’ve said that before.”
Okay, he had a point. And she hated her own fear, but that was a stressful time. Everyone seemed to be finding their other half, while she was faking it with a man who made her feel good, but that’s all it was.
The night of Scotty’s party, her mess imploded, only to explode. She’d been wasting time with Reese to feel anything. She had told Isa she didn’t want Lonny more times than Isa claimed she didn’t want Toryn. But it really came down to timing and fear.
Knowing all hell was going to break loose in their bar, she warned Reese away. She’d gone as far as dumping him, hoping he’d quit working as their cook because she’d started feeling emptier every time they were together.
Lana couldn’t tear her eyes from Lonny, while Isa watched Toryn start their first song. But Isa headed to the bathroom. After a moment, she heard the commotion and rushed for the hall.
Everything slowed down when she saw Reese in a pool of blood. She’d moved to him and collapsed on the ground as guilt rolled through her. She should have stayed away, kept him home. Anything to keep the foolish human out of the mess, but he came to her and died because he couldn’t accept things were over.
Someone touched her shoulder and everything around them went fuzzy, the sound drowning out. Lonny grabbed Reese’s arm and pulled them both into the office. Everything came back into focus.
“He’s dead. It’s my fault.”
Pulling Lana into his arms he murmured, “Saressa did this. Not you. You can’t blame yourself.”
She clung to Lonny, wanting to tell him the truth. The guilt was too much. The words wouldn’t leave her mouth as she cried on his shoulder.
“Hey, you’ll be okay. I’m right here.”
“He’s gone,” she whispered. And she wanted Reese out of her life, but not like that.
That night, she’d held on to Lonny. The next day he helped her with the mess. They came up with a story that would be acceptable for his death.
And she went home with him, ready to let Lonny in, let him fill up the empty spaces.
He held her, he took care of her all day and night, but he stopped every one of her advances. Maybe he was right.
By dawn, she realized she couldn’t be with Lonny. She was promised to another Fae, one she hated even though she’d never been in his presence more than five minutes. All to get her father out of debt. Even if Lonny was supposed to be her mate, she couldn’t get out of the arrangement. She left without a word, tears in her eyes.
When he showed up at the bar the next day, he took a seat at the counter and looked her in the eye. “What’s changed?”
“I can’t be with a Fae.”
He dipped his head, looking away.
“You deserve better than I can give you.”
“No, that’s not true. Lana, you’re all I’ve wanted for a very long time, but I couldn’t take advantage of your grief. You may have thought you were ready last night, but you’re still hurting over Reese.”
“Not for the reasons you think.”
“I get it, you blame yourself.”
More than he could possibly understand. “It’s not going to work, Lonny. That’s all there is to it.”
Dropping his gaze, he stood and walked out of the bar. Since then, he kept more distance. Only lately, it was definitely worse.
But maybe if he hadn’t been so damned perfect, they would have found themselves exactly where they should have been all along.
“Because you pulled this bullshit last time. I don’t need a gentleman all the time. Sometimes I need that extra push. I was ready to stop listening to all those voices, but you didn’t drown them out and I got stuck in my head again.”
“You needed the space after you lost your boyfriend.”
“Fine, you gave me that, and you gave me the push when I found out you were planning to disappear.”
“That’s all I needed to do? Say I was going to leave for good, and you would have turned around and fell into my arms?” He gave her a sideways glance then focused back on the road.
“Maybe not right after Reese’s death, but a few weeks after.”
“That’s all it took for you to be over him?”
She pushed back against the seat and looked away. “I told you, he was a distraction from you. It wasn’t love. He was safe.”
“I’m not?”
She sighed. “In all the ways that matter. Not in the ways that protect my life the way it is. But honestly, I no longer care about that. As long as you’re there for me.”
“Where else would I be?”
She shot him a glare. “I don’t know, you were planning to leave.”
“Yeah, because you’ve been breaking my heart since you lost Reese. How do you think it feels when I know exactly what I want, and you prove time and time again I can’t have that?” He glanced over. “How many times have you left the bar with someone?”
“I haven’t taken them home. Haven’t gone back to their place. We go for coffee, maybe food, and I realize I can’t do it.” Lana reached over and took his hand. “I don’t know why I couldn’t admit it before, but like I told you, I wasn’t ready to become more than what I am. And I know that will happen as soon as we get together.”
“Yeah, well, I can’t help that, unless I leave and take the temptation away. I thought the only way to make you happy was for me to walk away.”
“That was never the answer.” She let out a breath. “Why didn’t you make a move when you first met me?”
“When you had a boyfriend? After that you were still pretending to be fully human. And until after Isa went through the awakening, we were all trying to make sure she didn’t learn anything about Faery. And then it turns out she isn’t even Henroyld’s.”
“If it wasn’t for Henroyld, my father would never have landed in debt up to his eyeballs.” From what she understood, her father lost the majority of his business due to Henroyld changing the trading laws.
“Yeah, well, I don’t know what to tell you about that.”
“Other than you already don’t like him,” she countered.
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t understand him or why he was so ready to let you go. Unless of course, you weren’t his. And after tonight, I have to doubt that.”
“Guess there is only one way to figure that out.”
“That’s something you need to be damned sure you’re ready for because there’s no going back. And I know without a doubt what you are to me. Don’t take that step unless you’re ready to accept me, all of me.”
“So you’re done trying to convince me to wait?” she teased, knowing that barrier he built was crumbling.
“Swear to me you won’t decide you were wrong in the morning.”
“I swear on my life, I’m going to be there in the morning.” And every morning after.