The exam tested my patience and took four hours, but when I finished, I was given the all clear to leave. An hour of the session involved a lengthy explanation of my operations and recovery. I couldn’t remember any of it, but it had taken two practitioners four sessions to repair the damage. I peeked at the invoice to discover the devil owed the hospital thirty thousand after insurance coverage.
I laughed all the way to the rental, and when I spotted Satin leaning against the car, I fell against Malcolm, tears of mirth streaming from my eyes. “T-thirty thousand.”
“At least you’re almost coherent. Almost. It’s not that funny.”
“Yes, it is. Maybe that’ll teach him not to involve me in his scheming.”
“That’s a fair point.”
Satin sighed and stood straight. “You’re so mean to me, cupcake. How was your appointment?”
“I escaped, and I don’t have to come back. I need another exam in a month, but any doctor with an x-ray machine will do.”
“Going back to Tennessee?”
“Yes,” Malcolm answered.
“I have a proposition for you, Mr. Stew—”
“Don’t do it,” I blurted.
Malcolm laughed. “You want her in Georgia, and you want me with her.”
“Have I mentioned you two are the ruiners of my fun?”
I crossed my arms, ignoring the devil so I could give Malcolm my undivided attention. “Why would you think that?”
“Because he made a show at the museum and publicly claimed you as his heir. He’s working on something in Georgia, so it makes sense he wants you there. It consolidates his position—and it puts you close to him if someone decides to target you. It’s a good move on his part.”
Oh. Right. I flushed at my oversight. “And why would he want you there? And I don’t see what good that will do him.”
“It must be residual pixie dust still in your system. It makes you a bit thoughtless. I’m sure you’ll remember your strengths later. You do have them. Try squinting when you look in the mirror. It might help.”
The damned bastard dared to smirk at me. His pretty face, excessive generosity, and nasty mouth made him the ideal candidate for revenge—or a good prank. A good-natured prank would keep me amused while I came up with a better way to punish him. “It’s not my fault pixie dust is awful.”
“I didn’t mind, although I do appreciate your improved conversation skills. You’re more interesting when you’re sparring with me rather than catnapping the day away.”
I crossed my arms and scowled. “Why am I not surprised. No. Going to Georgia will ruin your work even more. Haven’t you been disrupted enough because of me? No, no, no. You’re going back to Tennessee where you belong.”
The bastard’s smirk blossomed into laughter. “You’re so prickly today. Don’t worry. Arrangements can be made. I’ve made good progress catching up, and relocating to Georgia for a while won’t do much harm at all. I’ll take the opportunity to expand my operations into Georgia. I expect this to become a lucrative venture if I play my cards right.”
Satin lashed his tail, and he matched Malcolm’s smirk. “I recommend real estate, Mr. Stewart. The new lost souls are learning their unlife doesn’t come with free rent or escape from the burdens of mortal existence. Employers are learning they have a new source of cheap, inexhaustible labor.”
“Potentially profitable for the depraved.” Malcolm unlocked the rental and shook his head. “I’ll consider it, but I have reservations.”
“Edwin Stewart has opened a factory in Savannah. He’ll need more property to continue his efforts. You might be able to convince him you’re there on his business. He’ll have interest in my heir, too. If he believes you’re there for his sake, he may lower his guard.”
Malcolm hesitated long enough I feared he’d be sucked into the devil’s trap, but I kept my mouth shut. It wasn’t my place to tell him what business to avoid. Maybe I didn’t like it, but it wasn’t my choice.
Damn it.
“I’m possibly interested. What’s your proposal?”
“Several things. I want you to buy all the real estate you can in Savannah and cater to the new undead. When you draft their leases, I have a few lines I want added to the contracts. These will put me in a favorable position. In some ways, it will benefit the new dead as well. I’ll acquire a slight advantage over several adversaries annoying me. I’m willing to pay you a management fee of ten percent over your active mortgages monthly for a period of thirty years. Upon expiration of our contract, I will purchase the properties from you at their market value at the time of sale.”
“I’ll need a copy of the contracts. I’ll also need at least one angel to confirm the details. I’ll also require a detailed list of management responsibilities. I’ll be including a stipulation that you’ll pay fifty percent of all employee salaries for those hired to assist with this project. That’ll include all levels of employees from janitors, landscapers, and maintenance workers to landlord-level managers.”
“Done.”
“I’m taking Kanika home. Contact me in a week. Until then, we have no bargain. This way, I won’t be lying when I negotiate with Uncle Edwin.”
“Deal. I’ll see you in a week, then. Oh, and in the interest of establishing a cordial relationship, I’ll gift you with some free advice. Don’t drive to Tennessee. You’ll be much happier if you fly, but I recommend avoiding commercial for a while. You’ll find there’s a rather disconcerting number of passengers who have passed their expiration dates.”
The next time the devil gave free advice, I’d listen. No matter how stubbornly Malcolm fought against the extra expense, I wouldn’t let him win. I’d tie him up and drag him onto the chartered flight I hired. Never again would he convince me to go with what he wanted.
Never again.
I sat in the back row with a pair of rotters while a stewardess snagged Malcolm and gave him a free upgrade to first class. In a moment of pure stupidity and pride, I’d refused his offer to take his seat.
Not only would I refuse to go with what he wanted, I’d accept his generous offers without guilt or question. Next time, I’d be greedy and let him suffer.
In the ten minutes after boarding, my seat mates had shed bits of flesh, most of which landed on me. Had I not been in human form, my flight would’ve ended before takeoff. Green and black mottled the little skin they had left, which wasn’t enough for my comfort.
“Putrefaction is nasty business,” the rotter with the window seat said, and then he laughed. A piece of his cheek plopped onto the armrest between us.
Maybe if I stared at the seat in front of me, I would make it through the flight without getting sick or fainting. Fainting seemed wise; if I fainted before takeoff, could I escape the flight altogether? I sucked in a deep breath and held it. I could handle an hour and a half crammed between two undead without throwing up or being rude to them. When we landed in Chicago, I’d have three hours to recover before the two-hour flight to Nashville. I remembered to avoid breathing through my mouth and exhaled.
Clasping my hands together on my lap, I spent a few more moments composing myself before I asked, “Are you transitioning?”
“I waited too long, so I can’t become a vampire. Maybe I’ll apply for mummification. It’s a real pisser, though. Vampires are turned in pairs, and I lost my spot thinking about it for too long.”
Great. The rotter was a talker, and he seemed eager for a conversation. I swallowed several times. Could I survive the hour and a half? I hoped so. If not, I hoped ghosts were real, as I had plans to haunt Malcolm for subjecting me to a commercial flight. “I’m sorry to hear that. Why a mummy?”
At least I had one useful bit of information; I hadn’t known Wishing Well was creating vampires in pairs.
“Their goddess is a hot number, and I’d like to get her out of those wrappings of hers.”
“Mummy goddess? Which mummy goddess?” I frowned, as the Egyptians believed in two goddesses who protected those who had already passed on, Nephthys and Isis. “Nephthys?”
“Who?”
I closed my eyes and sighed. “Nephthys, the Lady of the House, protector of mummies, guardian of Osiris and Set.”
“Oh! You’re a chaperone?”
I peeked through my lashes. The rotters leaned towards me, staring without blinking, their eyes milky from death. “Sorry. I’m just a traveler with an interest in Egyptian deities.”
“You should become a chaperone. You don’t run and scream like most. It pays well. I’ve heard you can bag a hundred a day accompanying new dead like us.”
While I wanted to shudder and gag at even the thought of going out of my way to keep the newly dead company, I feigned interest. If I learned something, the flight wouldn’t be a total loss—or quite so unbearable. “Expenses paid?”
Both men pulled out stained business cards from their pockets. Each gave me a stack, stuck together and barely legible, but I recognized Wishing Well’s logo. Surprise, surprise. I bet the employment contract included a generous offer of unlife and an assassination, too.
“Don’t know; only the living can be hired as chaperones. This flight has two. Airports now require one chaperone per five new dead. Helps keeps problems to a minimum, you know.”
“Good to know. Who’s your chaperone?”
The rotters pointed at a woman in the row in front of us and across the aisle. Her suit made me think she was either a lawyer or a businesswoman rather than an undead babysitter. Squirming in my seat, I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture of her. I also took pictures of my seat mates. “I’ll think about it.”
“You should. Wishing Well will change the world, lady. Image it. No one will worry about death ever again, for we’ll all become immortal.”
The living, the dead, and those in between converged in Chicago, and a miasma of decay hung in the air, invisible yet cold and clammy on my skin. While some travelers wrinkled their noses at the smell, only I seemed chilled and disconcerted by the presence of so many unliving. To escape the rank odor clinging to me, I went in search of a gift store, discovering clothing boutiques, perfume-infested tourist traps, and restaurants. A leather coat in the window caught my eye and lured me into the store, and the clerk’s professional refusal to acknowledge the stench wafting off me made me stay.
With my clothes hiding in a suitcase somewhere, buying something was the only way I’d be able to make it to Tennessee without snapping or throwing up on someone, probably Malcolm, unless he escaped with the other rich, beautiful people again. I couldn’t blame him; he’d offered me the better seat.
When I got a few minutes, I’d take my pride out back and give it a beating it would never forget.
After spending enough money I flinched while paying the bill, the clerk quietly offered to dispose of my stained outfit so I wouldn’t contaminate my clean clothes or bag. Forty minutes later, I left the store wearing brand new clothes, strappy heals with enough bling to make me happy and show off my legs, and a skirt short enough to feel scandalous without displaying too much unintentionally. Humming my satisfaction, I strolled around the airport in search of Malcolm.
I found Satin instead.
I put my hands on my hips and scowled at the devil. “You’re a stalker, aren’t you?”
“When the mood strikes me. Nice jacket. How much did that cost me? I won’t ask about the rest of that outfit; I’ve learned the hard way the less material is used, the more expensive it becomes.”
“Way too much. What do you want?”
“Can’t I visit my little cupcake?”
“No. Not in an airport, and especially not when you saw me this morning.”
“I come bearing gifts.”
“Are they gifts I’ll actually like?”
“It’s a gift of a plane charter for you and your Stewart, which will leave in an hour, one without any undead on board. In addition, you’ll enjoy dinner in the air—and not your usual flight fare. I’m certain this trip hasn’t done your appetite any favors. I’m also including this packet of papers for you to read. You’ll find it interesting. Finally, I come with a warning. Asfour is out of the hospital, and I wouldn’t put it past him to make a bargain to get what he wants.”
Uh oh. I clenched my teeth and growled. “A bargain you might grant with the right terms?”
“No. A bargain I won’t grant because you’ll enter a bargain with me to prevent it.” The devil’s smile frightened me almost as much as his pleased tone. “We can do this the hard way or the easy way, but we are doing this, cupcake.”
“Hasn’t anyone told you the height of stupidity is making a deal with the devil? I lose IQ points every time I talk to you.”
“Don’t be nasty. Not all my deals only benefit me, just most of them. This one benefits us both. You’ll bar me from making bargains unfavorable to you. I’ll have your promise to come to at least one family dinner a year with your Stewart male. I’ll be nice and limit this to thirty years to coincide with his business agreement with me.”
“You can make bargains with anyone you want, but if you even consider bargaining me off to anyone, not only will I never attend one of your so-called family dinners, but I will amuse myself until my dying day trying to kill you.”
“You drive a hard bargain.” The Lord of Lies met my gaze with a slight narrowing of his eyes.
Alarm bells went off in my head, and I remembered the cardinal rule of lying: always look your victim in the eyes without wavering. When I considered the possibilities, I bottomed out with the worst possible option. “Did you already bargain me off to someone?”
The devil had the decency to look chagrined. “Maybe.”
“What have you done, Lucy?” I snarled.
“It’s entirely beneficial for you. I couldn’t help it. It was too good of a deal to pass up. Beneficial bargains shouldn’t count.”
I thought long and hard about wrapping my hands around Satin’s throat and wringing the life out of him. “Define beneficial.”
“Doesn’t harm you and results in a profit for you. I solemnly swear none of my bargains involve completing any betrothals arranged by your biological family.”
Why me? I suspected I was a reincarnated soul who’d done something particularly heinous to deserve the devil’s personal attention. “My soul is off limits.”
“You’d be useless as my heir if I took your soul. Your soul’s safe. I would prefer if you didn’t do something foolish like bargain it away. I’d have to hunt it down and give it back, and altruism gives me ulcers.”
“I rather like my soul where it’s at.”
“Good girl. I won’t even make you come to the main house for dinner. Unless you’d like a few dates with Asf—”
“No.”
“I didn’t think so. So, do we have a bargain?”
“This is coercion,” I grumbled.
“I know. It’s great. I have to teach you the ropes anyway. The best way to learn is through experience. So far, you have done fairly well protecting yourself, except for that one time. Never sign papers I drew up without reading them very carefully. You might end up adopted. At least you can spell your new last name, right?”
“Does that make you Mephistopheles Mephistopheles? If so, you have an awful name.”
“An unexpected backfiring. Your mother finds my current situation endlessly amusing. Oh, when you visit us, bring her an iced coffee. She really enjoys them.”
“Sure.” All things considered, bringing an iced coffee to a succubus seemed reasonable enough. “You really got us a charter?”
“And dinner. That’s important. You need to eat more, cupcake.”
“Fine. If this bargain backfires on me, Lucy, I will make it my eternal mission to kill you.”
“Bargain made. Your Stewart male is at the gate and rather grumpy that he lost track of you. Take his ticket, give it to the woman at the gate, and tell her to reassign the seats. A stranded couple will really appreciate your seats.”
“At no expense to them. You will pay all the fees.”
“Very well.”
“Give me everything.”
The devil gave me a sleek black briefcase and an envelope. “Keep the briefcase; it’ll be useful later.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You should. That’s something devils have in common with angels: we never do something without reason. Have a good flight, dear.”
The devil vanished in a cloud of yellow smoke. Brimstone smelled better than decomposing bodies, and that realization startled a laugh out of me.
Who knew?