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Nina’s hands clasped her chair’s arms in the fancy French bistro, and she tried to relax her stiff shoulders. “Thanks for meeting, Shivani.”
Shivani adjusted her thick-framed black glasses that magnified her light-brown eyes. “Nina, how are you?”
Nina’s gaze darted around the crowded upscale venue. She shoved a piece of French bread into her mouth, weighing her answer. After chewing every morsel, she wiped her mouth with the linen napkin. “I’m... great.”
“I’m asking as a friend, not HR, right now.” The corners of Shivani’s lips edged upward into a forced grin, but her smooth brown face wasn’t friendly.
Not convinced, Nina wasn’t about to let her guard down. “I’m determined to get back to work, and I’m getting better and better every day.”
Shivani glanced at the men in business suits seated at the table next to them in the crowded diner. She leaned closer to Nina and lowered her voice. “What’s it like? I mean, how does it feel to be...”
“Crazy?” Nina asked. No point of beating around a burned bush. Everyone at work knew what happened, and she couldn’t act like it hadn’t.
“No.” Pushing her bone-straight black hair behind her shoulder, Shivani leaned back and surveyed the guests to see if anyone was listening. “I mean... When you say you’re getting better, what does that mean? Do you hear voices or what?”
“No, I don’t.” Not everyone with mental illness hears voices, Nina wanted to add. She gulped down her water instead.
“So why’d you go to the insane asylum?” Shivani whispered.
Nina almost laughed, but Shivani was serious. “We call it a psychiatric hospital in the twenty-first century.”
Shivani’s cheeks reddened. “I’m sorry. We don’t discuss mental illness very openly in India. I’ve been in America fifteen years, and it seems to be the same here.”
An awkward silence ensued, so Nina ate more bread. Shivani didn’t mean to be insensitive. “There’s a lot of mystery and stigma around mental illness. I’ve had to educate myself a lot since my breakdown.”
“So this was new to you? Or had it happened before?”
Nina waved down the waiter carrying a pitcher of water, thanking him after he poured her a glass. She gulped it, soothing her suddenly dry mouth. “Absolutely new to me.” And it was. Nina had been as surprised as anyone else after her breakdown. But she didn’t want to sound like a victim. “I’m recovering, though.”
“That’s good.” Shivani slightly nodded with a grimace on her face. “So... what do you have? I mean, the diagnosis. Last time we met, your doctor hadn’t made an official diagnosis.”
Nina drew a breath. “Schizoaffective.” It was the first time she’d actually spoken that word to anyone other than family. God, it sounded scary.
“Like schizophrenia?” Shivani whispered.
Glancing down, Nina wished she could disappear. But this illness wasn’t going anywhere. If she wanted her job, she couldn’t go anywhere either. “Something like that.” She sipped more water. “I’m not going to kill anyone or anything. Don’t be scared. I’m fine now since I’m taking medication under the care of a psychiatrist and doing weekly talk therapy.”
Shivani took a deep breath then exhaled. “Whoa, that’s a lot.”
Nina used to think it was a lot too, but it had become surprisingly second nature. “Shivani, I can take my position on again. I might start slow, but I can definitely get back to one hundred percent. Definitely.” Nina tried to sound confident, though she wasn’t so sure. “If you guys want me back, of course.”
A strained smile returned to Shivani’s face. “We do want you back. But quite frankly, with all you have going on, I don’t think right now is a good time. Don’t worry about money. We’ll continue your disability a few more months. You made us a lot of money, and we’ll hold your position as long as possible. We want you back, but more importantly, we want you healthy.”
Nina wanted to protest but didn’t think it would change Shivani’s mind. She really needed something, anything, to keep her mind occupied and focused again. But arguing would only make her come across as desperate. “I understand. Believe me, I’ll be back to one hundred percent soon.”
With the things going on recently, Nina wasn’t sure if that was attainable.
***
DODGING RAINDROPS, Nina headed for her car. Back inside, she opened her notebook and crossed off number two from her list with a heavy heart. She thought that returning to work would be a good thing—would get her back to normal. Now, she wasn’t so sure what she’d do. Dr. Austin always said to focus on the task at hand, so she scanned her to-do list: “Make transfer.” Right. She felt beyond relieved she’d written it down. She couldn’t risk upsetting Rodney again.
When Nina arrived at the bank, her usual teller, Albert, was busy with another customer, so she fiddled around, pretending to search for something in her purse until he became available. She didn’t know whether the tellers discussed client accounts, but she preferred to keep her business as contained as possible.
“Mrs. Taylor, how can I help you?” Albert smiled.
“I need to transfer five thousand dollars from my savings to the joint account. Tax time.”
“Sure thing.” Albert typed on the computer. “Done. Can I get you anything else?”
“Just the balance, please.”
Albert printed a piece of paper and handed it to Nina. “Thank you Mrs. Taylor. Have a good day.”
Account balance: $1,037,000.67
Nina frowned, tearing up the paper. She shoved it into the trash on her way out. It’d been three years since the tech company she’d worked for went public, and she’d deposited two-and-a-half million dollars in the bank. Though she still had plenty in her savings and some investments, her checking account balance continued to fall. She pulled out her phone to call Rodney. “I wanted to let you know the money’s been transferred.”
“Thanks, Nina. Things should be picking up at work, so I won’t be draining your money forever.”
She appreciated him saying that but doubted it would happen anytime soon. It’d been two years since his layoff after working fifteen years at IBM, and over a year and a half since he’d switched careers to become a real estate agent. She’d transferred a million dollars to their joint account to cover his expenses since his layoff, and unfortunately, he hadn’t managed to get his business out of the red yet. “It’s our money, Rod. You know that.”
“If it was our money, it would be in our account—not yours. My momma would work then bring her paycheck home and hand it over to my pops. She let him manage the money because she trusted him. If it was our money, you’d also let me use it to invest in fixer uppers.”
Nina didn’t want to have that conversation again. “I’m just getting to the grocery store. Let’s talk later.” She sped across the strip mall.
“Funny how later never seems to come.” Rodney abruptly hung up.
Nina grabbed a shopping cart and entered the grocery store. She wouldn’t give Rodney what he wanted money-wise. It was a gamble she wasn’t willing to take. But at least she could make a delicious dinner for his birthday.
With nothing else planned for the afternoon, she took her time shopping. Rodney liked his produce fresh and organic, so she took extra care picking the fruits and vegetables. After getting all the items on her grocery list, she headed to the dessert section. She grabbed a red velvet cake but stopped shy of placing it in the cart, catching the mistake. That had been Damien’s favorite dessert.
Nina and Damien each scooped a forkful of red velvet cake then carefully fed each other. They locked eyes then burst into laughter at the silliness.
“I always wanted to try that,” Damien said.
“I’ll try anything once,” Nina said seductively.
Damien laughed again. “Did you always want to say that line, too?”
“Yes. Did it sound as bad as I thought it did?” She leaned in for a kiss.
“Terrible.” He pressed his lips against hers.
Nina returned the cake. Stop it! No, she wouldn’t be buying the red velvet because Rodney liked carrot cake. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
At least she’d caught the mistake. Though he wouldn’t have known why she made it, she would have never heard the end of it if she’d brought home the wrong cake on his birthday—kind of like the situation with her breakdown.
Though they’d reconciled, Rodney never forgot a wrong, even if he acted as though he did. Nina was aware that his memory of her episode lingered between them, souring his attitude toward her. Maybe he needed a little more time to be convinced that Nina was well again. She needed that too. Though she couldn’t get her job back or give in to her husband’s wishes, she was at least able to make a good meal for his birthday.