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Nina drove to St. Timothy’s, a small church in East Palo Alto that had a daily soup kitchen for the homeless. She tried to psych herself up for socializing. Though mingling with others used to be effortless, these days it felt awkward and forced.
Glancing in the mirror, Nina thought the lump on her forehead appeared even worse than the day before. She assumed Rodney had come home late and slept on the couch because she hadn’t seen him, but he and the girls were gone when she’d gotten up this morning. Their conversation in the closet had left a stale taste in her mouth, like she’d gone to bed without brushing her teeth. He obviously still blamed her for everything that had happened and seemed to be questioning his decision to reunite after their separation. She just wasn’t sure how to convince him he’d made the right choice.
Before he’d taken her back, Nina had been at her dad’s for half a year. It’d taken a lot of medication and therapy, but she’d finally stabilized and adjusted to a new normal. The girls spent every other weekend with her at her dad’s—they didn’t mind sleeping on the air mattress in the living room—and she’d join them at the house for dinner a couple times a week. Though not exactly happy, she’d learned to live with her new life.
Though things were cordial between her and Rodney, she didn’t even think reconciliation was a possibility. So when he’d asked if they could meet for lunch to talk, just the two of them, she’d braced herself for the worst: the divorce talk. She and Dr. Austin had discussed that she’d have to be assertive and insist on hiring a lawyer to protect herself and her assets.
“So what’s up?” she’d asked when they were seated at the soul food restaurant.
“How are you, Nina?”
Nina had never been so sick of a question before. “I’m doing really well, Rod. How are you?” She needed to sound confident and well, though she wasn’t either.
“Are you feeling... back to normal?” he asked hesitantly.
If he planned to use her health against her to get full custody of the children and alimony, she’d have to fight and not let him walk all over her. “Yes, I would say I am. As I said before, what’s up?”
Rodney tapped his fingers on the tablecloth. “It’s just that I want—”
“A divorce.” Nina sipped her water.
Rodney’s eyes got wide. “No, I wanted to give us a second shot. I wanted to discuss you moving back in.”
Nina had almost choked on her water. “You want to give us a second chance?”
“Yes. We miss you, and I’d like to see if we could work again.” Rodney hadn’t seemed that sincere since he’d asked her to marry him.
To have her girls back, her home back, her husband back, and her life back would be wonderful. “I’d love that, Rod. I really would.”
Rodney had leaned over the table and kissed her awkwardly on the cheek. “Great.”
Though she’d moved in two weeks later, nothing had been the same. She walked on eggshells to make him happy. She did everything to try to make him forget why she’d been out of the house in the first place because the reality that he could throw her out again always stayed in her mind. Now, after yesterday’s fight, that fear overwhelmed her.
She parked at St. Timothy’s and adjusted the baseball cap that covered her bruised forehead. Walking to the church, she was glad she had something to keep her mind off the fight. The scent of baking bread wafted out of the kitchen’s propped back door. Inside, she grabbed an apron off the rack, fastening it behind her back.
Gladys walked into the kitchen with disheveled gray hair and a too-small sweat suit that failed to cover her wrists and ankles. She wasn’t supposed to be back there. “They’re after me again.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Nina pulled out a rack of clean silverware from the dishwasher and began sorting the utensils into their allotted spaces in a black tub. One of the regular guests of the soup kitchen, Gladys suffered from schizophrenia but refused to take medication.
“They followed me when I walked here this morning. I can’t get rid of them.” Gladys’s head turned from side to side. “They’re watching me now. I know it.”
The last two forks Nina dropped in the bin clanked against the others. “Ignore them. They won’t hurt you.” She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be as far gone as Gladys and never wanted to find out.
“Yeah, good idea. They can try, but I’ll just ignore them. Good idea.” Gladys padded away.
Nina carried the bin to the hall filled with large round wooden tables and blue plastic chairs that circled them. A crowd gathered for the lunch meal. Some guests sipped coffee while others talked to those in line with them, and a few talked to themselves.
A young brunette wearing an apron stood next to Nina. “Big crowd. Maybe I picked the wrong place to do community service. What are you in for?”
“I’m a regular. I like to give back to the community.” What Nina said was true, but it wasn’t the whole truth. She’d started volunteering at the church a few months after her breakdown. At the time, she wasn’t working and was lonely, depressed, and mourning the life she’d had pre-breakdown. So Dr. Austin had suggested Nina start volunteering somewhere as a way to stay active and also help her realize how much she still had, even if the life she’d known before was gone. As usual, Dr. Austin had been right. Helping out here turned into one of the highlights of her week now. Not only because it gave her something to do— but mainly because it gave her perspective. After all, she could be a lot worse off. Rodney dismissed it as a waste of Nina’s time, but she seemed to care less and less about his opinions lately.
“We’re glad that she blesses us with her presence.” Trish joined the conversation.
“Trish, you’re too kind.” Nina hadn’t noticed the director of the program enter the hall.
“I’m telling the truth,” Trish said as they walked back to the kitchen.
“They followed me today,” Gladys interrupted Trish. She tapped her head. “I know it. They followed me.”
Trish gave Gladys a stern look. “Gladys, you know guests have to stay in the hall. Tell them to leave you alone.”
“Good idea.” Gladys left the kitchen, heading back to the hall.
Trish tsked. “I feel so bad for her. It must be hard not to know what’s truth and what’s reality.”
“Yeah. Must be hard.” Nina’s face burned. Trish didn’t know about her diagnosis, and she didn’t need to. The past few days came to Nina’s mind. Maybe she wasn’t so different from Gladys.
“I know you come on Fridays, but next Tuesday is holiday prep. Could you come that day instead?”
Nina didn’t have to check her calendar. She wasn’t busy. “Sure. I’ll be here.”
“I appreciate it. I know you’re taking time off from work, but I want to reiterate my gratitude for you volunteering. It means a lot to St. Timothy’s to have someone so smart, reliable, and dedicated.”
Speechless, Nina looked away from Trish. Having someone compliment her used to be commonplace when she worked, but happened rarely these days. It felt good.
“And the large anonymous donation from you didn’t hurt either.”
Nina blushed. “How’d you know it was from me?”
“I didn’t until now.” Trish winked.
“I’ll get the mashed potatoes.” Nina hurried away, completely embarrassed. Though Rodney didn’t know about the donation, it had made Nina feel good and useful to help provide a nice hot meal to those who needed it. Even Rodney’s whole mood and attitude had changed after his birthday dinner. Then it hit her: maybe that was exactly what he needed again.
Once back in her car, Nina checked her phone. She had a missed call from Deja, so she dialed her. “Hey, Deja. Sorry I missed your call. How are you?”
“I’m okay. I called to see what you were up to.”
“I’m leaving St. Timothy’s. I’m thinking of doing something nice for Rodney, maybe cooking another dinner for him tonight.”
“That sounds nice. It’s been such a long week, I forgot it’s Friday. Miles and I don’t have any plans, but I kinda wanted to do something. I had a long work meeting earlier... with that Gary Thompson I mentioned to you.”
“Oh, right.” Nina had completely forgotten about Deja’s big meeting. Based on her tone, it must not have gone well.
“We landed the contract.”
“Deja, congratulations.” Nina hadn’t planned on including Deja in her plans, but she could reconcile with Rodney and recognize Deja’s accomplishment at the same time. “Do you want to join us tonight and celebrate?”
“Okay.” Deja’s voice was strained. “That would be nice. Miles and I could bring a couple of pizzas.”
“No!” Nina said.
“Or not,” Deja said.
“I’m sorry. It’s just... you know Rodney. I’ll rummage through his mom’s recipe book and pick something special. Why don’t you just bring a couple bottles of sparkling apple cider?”
“Sure. I’ll try to get off early.”
After the call ended, Nina was convinced something was off with Deja. Hopefully, whatever it was could be remedied with a fun evening. She called Rodney next.
“Nina, I’m working.”
“Sorry, this will be quick. I’m planning a nice dinner tonight, so if you can come home—”
“I’m really swamped at the office. Tonight’s not good.”
His clearly irritated tone didn’t deter Nina. “I know you’ve been busy. But that’s one of the reasons I’d like you to come. I’m sorry for what happened, and I’m going to make it up to you. Deja and Miles are coming too.”
“Deja?”
“Yeah. It’ll be fun, and I promise, no more drinking.” He was probably right that drinking on her medication only hindered a complete recovery.
“Okay. Fine. I’ll see you later.”
Nina took the next exit off the freeway to make a stop at the mall. She’d have to buy something nice—that actually fit—then grocery shop. With everything falling into place, she’d make tonight even better than Rodney’s birthday.