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Nina lay in her bed, staring at absolutely nothing in her pitch-black room. For the fourth afternoon in a row, she’d pretended she was afraid of giving the girls her “bug” and stayed in her room to avoid seeing them. She hated that the girls had gotten in trouble at school over her, and she desperately wanted to be there for them. But she couldn’t. Worry was drowning her, and trying to stay afloat was mentally and emotionally exhausting. She’d put in her ear buds, trying to get lost in the music. But it didn’t work.
The only productive thing she’d done all day was setting a coffee date with her dad for tomorrow morning. She didn’t want to lie to her dad or involve him in her drama, but she’d have to in order to avoid losing everything she loved. Again. After rebuilding her life once, she couldn’t have it fall apart again.
The bedroom door opened. Rodney entered and switched on the light on his nightstand.
She removed her ear buds. “Oh, Rod. Are you going to bed early?”
“Yes. I talked to Dr. Austin and scheduled an appointment for you tomorrow at two. I wrote the appointment down in your planner so you don’t forget.”
“Okay. Thanks.” Nina didn’t want to see Dr. Austin, but she’d go.
“I want to make sure that you’re okay.” He cleared his throat. “Can we talk?”
“Sure. Come sit down.”
Rodney lowered himself down on the side of the bed. His shoulders slumped. He’d been worrying a lot about her, and it wasn’t fair to him. A wife was supposed to be a husband’s partner, not another dependent. Nina unbuttoned his shirt then removed it until he only wore his white undershirt. Her hands found his shoulders, which were hard as a rock, and she massaged them. “Rod, you’re so tight.”
“I know.” Rodney sighed. “That feels good, though.”
It satisfied Nina that he enjoyed the massage. Aside from the brief intimate moment they’d shared on his birthday, the sexual energy between them had completely vanished. After what she’d done to Kevin, sex was the last thing on her mind, but the physical connection they shared now felt comforting. “How’s everything at work?”
Rodney tensed. “It could be better.”
Apparently, he didn’t want to go there, so Nina changed the subject. “I know I’ve been acting a little... out there. But you and the girls mean everything to me. I want you to know that. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that I’m okay. I don’t want anything to get in between us again.”
Rodney turned to face Nina. “If you’re serious, I want you to stop being friends with Deja. Whatever is going on with the two of you is definitely getting between us.”
“It’s not that easy, Rod.”
“It is, but you won’t let it be. You know, sometimes I feel like you don’t want to be here. I know I’m not the love of your life. It’s hard to compete with a ghost.” Her husband’s soft brown eyes were hurt.
Nina kissed Rodney on his cheek, his evening stubble tickling her lips. She hadn’t known that he felt that way. Didn’t think he cared one way or the other. “There’s no place I would rather be than here with you and our daughters. I hope you believe that.” Nina said it in such a sincere way that she almost convinced herself it was the truth.
***
NINA STARED AT THE ceiling, listening to Rodney snore. He’d fallen asleep a little after ten, but she wasn’t so lucky. She’d been replaying her conversation with Rodney in her mind. Maybe it would be good to have space from Deja. Her husband felt second place in Nina’s heart, and though she wished for both of their sakes that it wasn’t true, it was. She could never stop loving Damien, but she should put her marriage above Deja. Ever since her senior year in high school, her heart had only belonged to Damien, and that would never change.
Her mind traced back to that year. It had been rough with Isaiah and Damien both away at college. A few of her girlfriends were going to prom as a group, but Nina had no desire to go. She’d realized in Damien’s absence that she was in love with him. He was all she thought about, and it was pure agony imagining him away and falling in love with some college girl.
Her dad had convinced her that she’d regret missing her prom, and it’d be a good idea to go with her friends. He’d taken her shopping and bought her a beautiful rose-colored dress. She planned to meet at her friend’s house, and they’d go together. On the night of prom, her dad came over to her mom’s house to take pictures. Her parents had been surprisingly cordial to each other, and Isaiah had called and told Nina to enjoy herself.
The doorbell rang, and her parents exchanged mischievous grins.
“I think it’s for you.” Her mom’s lips edged upward to a smile.
Confused, Nina opened the door. Her mouth dropped open, and her knees nearly buckled.
Damien stood on the porch, dressed in a tuxedo with a boutonniere that matched her dress. “Surprise!”
She usually contained her emotions, but seeing him was so unexpected and so perfect that she’d jumped into his arms and squeezed him tight. “What are you doing here?”
“Taking you to prom. You look”—Damien’s eyes scanned her body — “absolutely beautiful.”
It’d been one of the best nights of her life, and they’d gone from friends to more after he kissed her for the second time when he’d dropped her off at home. “I’ve been waiting to do that since that night at the pool,” he had said.
“What’s taken you so long?”
“Zay saw the kiss that night. He told me he’d kill me if I did that again before you turned eighteen.”
Nina had just laughed. She’d feared Damien had left for college and forgotten about her, but he’d just been waiting for the right time to come back for her. Though the night had been beautiful and perfect, the separation of the trio of Nina, Isaiah, and Damien into the couple of Nina and Damien plus Isaiah had begun. Ultimately, it had sealed all of their fates.
Nina rolled away from Rodney and his snoring. Though she’d promised him and herself that she’d stop drinking, sleep would elude her if she didn’t have something. “Rod?”
No response.
She removed the covers and tiptoed to the closet. Her hands grabbed the black shoebox, and she walked to the living room. After turning on the lamp next to the couch, she opened the box. “Shit!” An empty bottle rested there. She must have finished it earlier but forgot.
Throwing the shoebox down to the floor, she bit her lip, trying to decide what to do. She needed a drink. Badly. Jogging to the kitchen, she sorted through a mental list of the alcohol that should be in the house. Feeling her way through the dark, she found the light switch above the oven. She searched the cabinets. Empty. Flinging open the doors, she checked the pantry. Nothing. She scanned the fridge. Bare. She cursed Rodney, since he must have been the one to rid the house of alcohol.
If she started the car, the engine would surely wake Rodney. But if she didn’t get a drink, she’d be up all night. Since she’d planned to meet her dad in the morning, she desperately needed sleep in order to be clear and convince him to loan her the money. There was a corner store about a half mile away that closed at eleven. She grabbed her keys, slipped on her jacket, and tiptoed outside. If she walked fast enough, she’d get there with plenty of time.
When she opened the door, eerie darkness surrounded her. Their affluent neighborhood lacked street lamps, something she’d never understood. But of course, she’d neglected to factor that in. After a few steps, her eyes adjusted to the dark, and she kept them to the sidewalk to follow the path.
The wind howled, shaking the few remaining leaves off the trees overhead. She startled at the sound of a car’s engine starting down the street. Hopefully, a neighbor wouldn’t see her and offer her a ride. If that happened, it’d get back to Rodney, and he would wonder what the hell she was doing sneaking around in the night.
High beams flashed on in front of her, illuminating the street ahead. Nina shielded her eyes from the blinding light. The car revved, barreling in her direction. What the hell! She pumped her legs, running back toward her house. The car picked up speed, and she could swear it headed straight for her.
She dove on the grass and covered her head. Tires squealed as they changed direction and peeled off down the street. She saw the rear of the black Sedan driving away. Clambering to her feet, she ran to the door. She tried to jam the key into the lock, but her hands couldn’t stop shaking. Certain the car’s engine roared in the distance and headed toward her, she abandoned the keys and rang the doorbell.
“Rodney. Rodney, open up!” Headlights pierced the dark street, coming back for her. “Rodney!”
The door opened. Nina fell into Rodney’s arms.
Rodney squeezed her tight. “What’s going on?”
Nina buried her head in Rodney’s chest and pointed at the street.
Rodney gestured next door. “It’s just Mark.”
Nina straightened. Their neighbor’s Volvo pulled into his driveway next door. “But—”
“What on earth are you doing out here?”
“I... heard something out here, and the wind shut the door, locking me out.” She brushed past Rodney into her home, heading for safety.