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Deja squeezed her steering wheel and stared at the restaurant where she planned to meet her mom. A Beethoven piece played in the car but failed to soothe her nerves. On the drive to Oakland, she’d had a heated exchange with Raquel, who was not happy Deja took the day off and would miss her appointment with Thompson. Deja assumed Thompson was equally upset, but she’d begged Maggie to call and cancel the appointment so Deja wouldn’t have to speak to him.
Her phone rang—her mom again. She’d already called twice, surely wondering where Deja was, but Deja didn’t answer. If she didn’t go in soon, her mom would probably leave, ruining Deja’s chance to finally have her say. Mustering all the courage she had, she took a deep breath, removed her key from the ignition, and left the car. She’d waited over nine years for this moment and couldn’t chicken out now.
She swung the heavy glass door open and stepped into the bustling restaurant packed with the lunch crowd. She scanned the people dressed in suits and business casual attire until her gaze landed on her mom, sitting in a corner in the back of the restaurant. She waved, and Deja headed toward her. Sweat sprinkled her forehead, and she wiped her clammy hands against her slacks.
“I’m so glad to see you. I was starting to worry you had changed your mind.”
Deja slid into the booth across from her. “I almost did.”
Her mom pushed her box braids behind an ear then leaned her elbow on the table and cupped her chin in her palm. “I still can’t believe how grown up you are. And beautiful.”
Deja wished she could say something nice in return, but nothing came to mind. After decades of drinking, her mom’s light-brown skin had become lackluster. Bags hung under her eyes, which were lined with wrinkles, causing her to appear much older than her age. “Are you still working the night shift at the grocery store?”
Her mom chuckled. “Would you believe they fired me? I came to work drunk a couple of shifts, and they were not having it. My drinking got in the way of me keeping a job for a number of years, but after I quit it, I finally got hired at a drug store not too far from here and worked my way up to store manager.”
“Good for you.” Deja hadn’t come for chitchat and was ready to finally speak her piece. “There’s something I want you to know. That’s why I wanted to meet you. It’s about my son.”
Her mother folded her hands on the table, her face growing serious. “I’m all ears.”
Deja opened her purse, taking out Miles’s most recent school picture. She slid it across to her mom. “This is Miles.”
Her mom picked up the picture. Her jaw dropped. Though Deja tried not to think about it, Miles’s resemblance of his father was uncanny. Her mom’s eyes shut tight for a couple seconds, and tears squeezed out of them. “It was Ashley?”
Her mom’s genuine shock convinced Deja that she hadn’t known. It didn’t change what had happened, but it made it easier to know that her mom hadn’t been an accomplice. Deja could only answer with a nod, fearful of what would come out if she spoke.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” her mom whispered.
“You already hated me. And he said he would kill me if I told you.” Deja still remembered the overwhelming fear she’d lived in for months while he lived with them.
“I’m so sorry. I never hated you, Deja. You’re my only child, and I love you more than anything else. I should’ve known what Ashley was doing. I should’ve protected you. Please. The liquor turned me into a horrible person, but that’s not who I am. Believe me when I say that I wish I could take all those years back.”
Deja shook her head. “You can’t, though. My life has been a living hell because of you and that bastard. I’ve been forced to do unspeakable things to survive. You want me to say that I forgive you, but I can’t do that.”
Her mom lowered her eyes. “I can understand that. I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive myself either for letting that man move in and do that to you. He left shortly after you did, and I never heard from him again. Can I meet Miles?”
“I don’t think so.” Deja didn’t think her mom deserved to meet her grandchild.
“That’s fair.”
“I got a lot going on right now, and I need to go.” Deja scooted out of the booth then left the restaurant. Back in her car, she cried uncontrollably. Her innocence had been violently stolen from her, and she’d lived with the shame and self-loathing for years. Somehow, sharing the burden with her mom had, in fact, lessened it. But she found herself in the middle of an entirely new mess, and it was up to her to get out of it.
After wiping her tears with a tissue, she drove away from the restaurant, eager to leave her mom and unpleasant past behind her. Maybe she and Miles could move somewhere like Washington, where Twilight supposedly took place. She loved the rain and clouds and melancholy. She could make a real home, something she’d never experienced before. With the knowledge she’d gained from Raquel, she should surely be able to find another job. Housing prices had to be much cheaper than Silicon Valley, and maybe she could even rent a house with a basketball hoop out front.
Regardless of the city, school, or housing, one thing was certain. She needed to be free of men. Not one had ever done anything but use her and throw her away like a piece of trash when he was done. A man she would want—someone who loved her for her, even on the days when she didn’t want to spread her legs, someone who cared about her mind and to whom she could tell her dreams without him laughing, and someone she could hold hands with in public and who would love Miles as much as she did—that man didn’t exist.
The only person standing between Deja and her plans to get out of San Jose was Nina. Deja cleared her throat then dialed her.
“Hey, Deja. My dad and I just left the bank. He gave me the ten thousand dollars.”
Deja made a right onto the freeway then stepped on the pedal. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time. When can I pick it up?”
“I’m heading home for lunch. Then I have an appointment with my therapist. Can you come later this afternoon before Rodney gets home?”
“Yes. I’ll make sure I’m gone by the time he gets home. Just text me, and I’ll be there. You did good, Nina. I’ll see you soon.”
For the first time in weeks, things were looking up. Deja would be able to pick up Miles early, for a change, and after she got the money from Nina, they’d all be able to breathe a little easier. She’d have to stick closer to Nina the next few days and make sure she was okay. Then after the bank released the full forty thousand to Nina, Deja could get the hell out of California.