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Deja sat on her couch, staring at the television. The last Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn – Part 2 played on the screen, but she couldn’t focus. Miles had been in rare form that morning. After realizing his whining wouldn’t change Deja’s mind about their move, he had cried for half an hour straight, begging Deja not to make him leave his friends and school or the grandma he’d just met.
Deja still didn’t know how to comfort him. She didn’t want to move him either. But she couldn’t find the words to tell her son that she’d ruined the life she’d made for them. “Sometimes, we have to do what we don’t want to do, buddy. That’s just part of life,” she’d ended up saying.
Miles had screamed, “I hate you,” then stomped into his room and slammed the door. It’d been the first time in his life he’d said that to Deja, and she was too shocked and hurt to respond. She definitely planned to scold him for his behavior, but she didn’t feel quite right in that moment.
When Rodney came later, he’d calmed Miles down and coaxed him out of his room. When he’d left his room, Miles’s eyes were bloodshot, and his whole face was red like a beet. He’d refused to say goodbye or even acknowledge Deja on his way out of their apartment. When she’d seen him out to the car to say hello to Nina and the girls, Lanzo sat erect in his parked car right next to Deja’s—a reminder that moving wasn’t the largest of her problems.
Regardless of the belongings that still needed to be boxed, Deja had come back inside, sat on the couch, started the movie, and cried. Almost an hour later, her eyes felt raw, and her face numb, but she still couldn’t move. She didn’t want to leave either. Though she’d made mistakes, she was proud that she’d escaped from Kevin’s hell and gotten a job. For over a year, she’d been supporting herself and Miles on her own, something Kevin had told her for years she’d never be able to do. She’d also developed friendships with the Taylors, and though she couldn’t repay Nina for her kindness, it meant everything to Deja. To have another woman offer to help her financially until she got another job was unheard of, and though she couldn’t take her up on the offer, she appreciated it more than Nina would ever know. The same with her mom. Though almost a decade had gone by before they’d spoken, she would miss her and her effort to repair their relationship.
In spite of all that, she couldn’t escape the fact that she’d really messed up this time. Deja couldn’t take Nina’s money after what she’d done. She and Miles had to leave. Though she continued to promise Miles that they’d move somewhere better, the truth was she had nothing planned. No job. No housing. Nothing. It didn’t get worse than that, and she dreaded having to explain their situation once they reached Washington.
She couldn’t sit around moping all day, but she lacked the motivation to do anything else. So she picked up her phone and dialed her mom.
“Hey, Deja. How are you?”
“Terrible.” Deja could barely muster the words.
“What happened?”
Deja’s tears returned. “Miles said he hated me. He doesn’t want to move.”
“I’m sorry. He doesn’t mean it. You’re a great mother, and I couldn’t be more proud of you. You’ve done a remarkable job raising that boy, and even if he’s upset, he loves you more than anything.”
“But I’ve messed up. Bad. I can’t make it right, either.”
“Remember, I told you there’s always a way to make it right. Try not to be so hard on yourself. It’s not easy being a single mom. I know firsthand, and we both know I’ve made decisions I regret. My choices made it so you didn’t have it easy most of your life. Sometimes, we have to choose between hard and harder. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. And if you need someone to blame, I’ll gladly accept the responsibility.”
Deja appreciated her mom owning her mistakes. “I can’t blame you for the rest of my life. I don’t want to ruin Miles’s life is all. Relocating is going to be really hard on him.”
“I don’t want to pry, but Miles kept talking about his friends Laila and Bree and Uncle Rod and Auntie Nina. You mentioned you’d done something to your friend. Is Nina the one?”
Hanging her head, Deja said, “Yes. It’s awful.”
“It seems like she means a lot to you. You can’t go back in time, but you can try to do right by her going forward. Now, I don’t know much about Washington, other than that it rains all the time, but if you want a friendly face close by, I’d be happy to join you. I fell in love with Miles, and I want this to be the beginning of our relationship, not the end. I’ve been in Oakland my whole life. I’d miss it, but I’m also willing to try a new place.”
Taken aback by her mom’s offer, Deja fell silent for a few seconds. “There’s no way I could ask you to move.”
“I never said you were asking. I know how important my mother was to you, and I want to be like that for my grandson. I want to be able to help you too. Making things right isn’t always just saying sorry. You gotta back it up with your actions, and that’s what I’m trying to do. Just remember, regardless of what has happened to you or what you’ve done, you’re a good person inside. Think about what I said.”
“I will. Bye, Mom.”
Deja placed her phone on the coffee table then shut off the TV. After living under Kevin’s abusive thumb, it felt strange for Deja to have two people love her and offer to help her. But she couldn’t burden either of them with her problems.
After the past week, she could almost understand what it must feel like to be Nina: to struggle to keep things straight, to grasp to hold onto some semblance of normalcy. She didn’t know how Nina did it, but Deja was certain she only made it harder by being around. The best way to repay Nina for everything she’d done to help Deja was to get the hell away from her.
Standing, Deja trudged back to the kitchen and resumed packing the cabinets. If she worked hard enough, she could have it packed before she joined the Taylors for dinner. With money and time running out, she couldn’t afford any more pity parties and had to remained focused on her task: getting the money from Nina and getting the hell out of San Jose.