chapter 7
THE
TEASE
Could you be one?
“You are such a tease!” Have you ever heard those words? I sure have. All through high school I was called a tease. And I never understood it till I got much older. I mean, what could I do? How could I help it if guys wanted me and I was unattainable? I was committed to abstinence. But was I really? Or, did I really undermine my own commitment by leading guys on in their minds? The truth is that the tease, though oftentimes completely oblivious, is really leading guys down a path of sexual sin without doing much of anything at all.
The tease is a tease because she tantalizes the sexual appetite of guys, either consciously or subconsciously. If you are being called a tease, I’ll assume for the purposes of this chapter that it’s because you are oblivious to what your body is doing to the guys and men around you. So let’s talk about what your body is doing to guys.
The tease can lead guys on with her body and with her words. I was a big flirt in school. I had such a quick tongue that it was effortless, and even fun, for me to flirt with all the guys. The trouble was that I didn’t realize what my taunting was doing to them. I guess I just didn’t see the extent to which guys are slaves to their sexual desires. They are easily turned on and easily aroused, so that even words can get them going. I’m not saying that flirting is altogether evil, but I am saying that you have to be careful not to let it get too overboard, especially when it’s with a guy you aren’t interested in at all. Flirting is reserved for giving the guy you like clues that it’s okay to ask you out, not for making sexual advances. Don’t use it to get guys all hot and bothered and then walk away from them. Watch how you use your words, my little flirt. If you can keep up with the witty banter and sexual innuendo of the guys, beware. This makes you a tease—unless, of course, you’re following through with your nasty talk, but I sure hope you’re not.
The tease is also dangerous for the spiritual lives of guys because of the way she dresses. I’ve already talked about the idea that if what you’re showing ain’t on the menu, you need to keep it covered up. Now, I don’t want to beat a dead horse…but if what you’re showing ain’t on the menu, keep it covered up! You become a tease, playing with the sexual appetites of guys, when you give them a peak at your cleavage, your stomach, or too much leg, to put it bluntly. When you let a guy see the parts of you reserved for the sexual side of you, you tease him to no end. His hormones start racing, and the tease is complete. All you have to do is say something like, “Eww, gross!” and walk away, and you’ve left a guy in misery. It’s just not cool to give guys a peek at your privates. It’s not cool to think, “Oh, I’m not hurting anyone by showing this part of my skin. No one even notices.” Lies! They do notice, and teasing isn’t funny! It isn’t fair. It’s like playing the devil, leading every guy in your path down the path of destruction. As Jesus himself put it, “But whoever causes one of these guys who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that girl through whom the stumbling block comes!” (Matthew 18:6–7, emphasis added).
We can’t mess around with the spirits and hearts of those around us. It just isn’t holy, and it most certainly isn’t safe. Jesus makes it pretty clear that to do so carries a terrible price. He says “woe” to those who are the stumbling block—in this case, the tease. And in case you aren’t sure what “woe” is, let me give you the def:
woe: a condition of deep suffering from misfortune, affliction, or grief; ruinous trouble[8]
Woe! Not a thing you want to play around with. Before you read this, you had the excuse of ignorance. You don’t have to worry about being in deep spiritual trouble, because you didn’t know what you were doing, and God judges your heart and your motives. He knows you didn’t get it till now. But now that you do get it, the rules have changed. Now you are responsible for how you dress. It’s up to you not to tease the guys around you. You can no longer make yourself a stumbling block to the men in your path. If you do, woe to you!
As you’re reading this book, several times you might have wanted to just rip open your closet and get rid of half your clothes so you’ll never mess up again. Lots of girls are doing that, and it can be a freeing experience that creates a fresh start. But what you might want to do instead is get one of your friends a copy of this book too. Let her read through it and then, at the final chapter, “Dressing Party,” you two can go through your clothes together, maybe even with an adult or big sis, and talk about what’s off limits and what’s good for your new PR campaign.
I call being a tease fake modesty, and that might need a little explanation. It’s like this: modesty is all the rage in the Christian church. Everyone is signing abstinence pledges and promising to wait till marriage. But to wait for what? For sex, sure, but what about all that other stuff that goes along with it, like the teasing? You can be totally sold out on abstinence and still be leading guys to sin sexually. So the tease is really faking her modesty. She is speaking modesty with her lips, but then her actions say the complete opposite. Modesty isn’t just agreeing that sex is wrong; it’s agreeing that guys are visual creatures and that you have a huge responsibility in protecting them from your body. You can’t claim to be modest and be showing guys certain parts of your body. It just doesn’t work that way. So the tease needs to come to terms with her body and her talk and then make an agreement with herself and God that she will no longer be a stumbling block to the guys that see her.
You act
the way
you dress.
Think about it.