I don’t know how long we lie together, our naked bodies touching, Jack’s hand running through my hair. In this moment, I know without a doubt that he owns all of me, and there will never be anyone else for me. I love him beyond words, especially because he made this night everything I ever hoped it would be and so much more. If I didn’t have the move to Chicago looming over my head, I’d be one hundred percent sure that Jack and I would end up married someday. But the reality is we are moving.
I don’t look at him when I start talking. I can’t.
“We need to talk about what’ll happen when I move to Chicago.” I don’t mean to whisper the words, but that’s how they come out anyway.
He exhales heavily. “I know.” He sounds so sad and defeated, and I hate this position that we’ve found ourselves in.
“Do you think we can make it work?” It’s the question I’ve been asking myself nonstop. Truthfully, I’m afraid of his answer because I’m worried he’ll say no.
“I don’t know,” he whispers.
He kisses my forehead softly. “Paige, I love you with every ounce of my being. But we’re sixteen. You’re moving over two thousand miles away, and neither of us has a job, so it’s not like
we can pay for trips to see each other without our parents’ help. I want to believe we can make this work long distance, but I just don’t know. The longest we’ve been apart was two months last summer, and it sucked. And that was before we were even a couple. We haven’t been apart at all since we started dating, and the idea of being separated from you kills me.”
“It kills me too. But can’t we at least try?”
He looks at me sharply then exclaims, “Of course we’re going to fucking try! Did you honestly think I was telling you we should break up?”
I shrug. “Kinda. I mean, you sound so defeated. It sounded like you were already resigned to it not working out.”
“Paige, the odds aren’t on our side, that’s for sure. But there’s no one else in the world I want to be with. I will fight for us. It won’t be easy, not on either of us, but we’re definitely going to try to make it work. I’m not giving you up that easily.”
“I’ll fight for us too. I’m not giving you up, either.”
I kiss him deeply, once again lost in the feel of his mouth on mine. It’s dark now, and I know we should head back home, but I don’t want to leave. Being with Jack like this is my definition of perfection. It’s my happy place, and if I could stay here forever, I would.
The next few weeks fly by. Jack and I spend every minute together that we can and take advantage of his parents being gone at several events when we’re supposed to be studying.
Jack is so attentive to my needs when we’re together. I now understand how people can get addicted to sex. I crave the feel of Jack almost constantly, especially when it seems like sex gets
better every time. We’ve become so familiar with each other’s bodies that I’m pretty sure I know his as well as I know my own.
This last week has been different, though. There’s almost an urgency when we’re together—like we can’t get enough of each other to sate this need that’s clawing at us both. We haven’t talked about it, but I know what’s driving it. I move on Friday.
We’ve both been denying the inevitable for far too long. It’s time to come up with a plan. We’re lying together on his bed, barely covered by his sheet. My hand is drawing circles on his chest, and I can’t take the silence anymore.
“Jack, we should talk about what’s happening in two days.”
He immediately sits up and swings his feet off the side of the bed. He pushes off and starts getting dressed, as dread fills my gut.
I sit up, covering myself with his sheet. “Jack.”
Without looking at me, he says, “I don’t want to talk about it. We should probably study for the test tomorrow anyway.”
“Jack, I couldn’t care less about that test. I leave on Friday. As in, two days from now. We’ve hardly talked about it.”
“What’s there to talk about?”
My heart lodges in my throat, but I push it down and try to stay focused instead of feeling hurt and worried by his words. “Are you serious right now? How about figuring out how things are going to work? Are we going to call each other every night? Are you going to come out to visit before you have to go to football camp, or am I coming back here? We should make a plan, so we have something to look forward to.”
He turns to me sharply, his mouth in an angry snarl and his gaze furious. “Something to look forward to? I’m supposed to be excited about having to wait several months before seeing my girlfriend again? Fuck that.”
His anger surprises me. He was sad and defeated before about the move, but never angry. I realize I’m still sitting here
naked, while he’s now standing fully clothed, his arms crossed and his body language completely closed off. I’ve never felt so vulnerable or exposed with Jack before, but I do now.
I get up and quickly get dressed while my heart plummets to my stomach. I can’t stop the silent tears streaming down my face. This wasn’t what I wanted. I thought it would be easier if we knew exactly when we’d get to see each other again. It wouldn’t make our situation feel so desolate.
Apparently, Jack doesn’t see things that way. I can’t tell if he’s angry with me or with the situation, or maybe both, but I can’t help feeling hurt. His reaction scares me because this is what I’ve been afraid of all along. That he’d want to give up and break up.
I speak softly. “You said you’d fight for us. We said we’d fight for each other. That’s all I wanted.”
There’s a tremor in my voice that I wish he didn’t hear, but by the look he gives me, I can tell he did. His eyes lose their anger and quickly fill with remorse and sadness.
“I’m sorry, Paige.” He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I can’t stand the idea of you leaving. I’ve tried to push it out of my mind.”
“You can’t ignore it for much longer, you know.”
“I know.”
The defeat and heartache in his tone match how I feel. I don’t know what to say to make this better or easier for us. We’re at an impasse, and I’m no longer confident that we’ll make it out the other side unscathed.
