The reflection staring back at me as I put on my jacket doesn’t match the usual confident jock I’ve become so used to. Instead, I’m feeling the same rush of nerves I felt when I first realized my feelings for Paige had changed from friendship to so much more. Back when I thought I’d found the person I would be with for the rest of my life.
I’d give anything to go back to that boy and tell him not to let her go.
Instead, I stare at my reflection for a minute longer, preparing for the night ahead. There’s a desperation clawing underneath my skin telling me this might be my only shot to get Paige to spend more time with me. With one last deep breath, I attempt to shake off the unfamiliar nerves, and head to the restaurant where we agreed to meet.
The drive is quick, and I’m grateful because I’m dangerously distracted by all the different scenarios playing out in my mind. The most unrealistic one—where Paige tells me she still loves me—is the one I want the most, but I know that’s beyond wishful thinking at this point. She’s made it perfectly clear I’m not high on her list of favorite people. And I can’t even be mad about it because I put myself in this position.
The restaurant is dimly lit with most of the light coming from the simple and elegant fixtures—reminding me of a Hershey’s kiss because of their shape—hanging above each table. I look around the lobby, and then check my watch when I don’t see Paige. I hope she didn’t get lost.
The thought barely crosses my mind before the door opens and she walks in, looking like a vision in a gorgeous black dress that hugs her delicate curves and stops midthigh. My mouth goes dry as my gaze falls down her body, taking in her long, tanned, and toned legs. My heart pounds furiously inside my chest and I feel almost breathless. How does Paige always have this ability to make me completely speechless? Since we were sixteen, she’s had this effect on me. Even when other women were around, my attention never strayed from her.
God, I’m a fucking idiot for letting her go.
“Sorry I’m late. Traffic,” she says with an almost sheepish smile.
“No worries. I just got here myself.” I want to tell her how beautiful she looks, but her hands are fidgeting with her clutch, and her eyes keep darting around the room like she’s nervous and doesn’t want to make eye contact with me. My stomach drops. We were never like this before, and I hate that this is what we’ve become. We are two strangers who don’t know how to act around each other.
“Mr. Fuller, your table is ready,” the hostess interrupts our awkward standoff. If there were other patrons waiting in the lobby, I’m sure they would probably think we were on the most uncomfortable first date in the history of the world.
I gesture for Paige to go ahead of me. “After you.”
She gives me a small smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, mutters a thanks, and then follows the hostess. We meander through the tables in the front to a more secluded booth in the
back. Maybe that’s a good thing. No one to witness me crash and burn as I try to win over the only woman I’ve ever loved.
“Thanks,” Paige mutters as the hostess sets the menus in front of us once we are seated. I’m kicking myself for not thinking to pull back her chair for her. Or maybe that would’ve been too much. Fuck. I have no idea how to act around Paige anymore.
Silence reigns at the table until the waitress comes over, introducing herself and bringing us glasses of water. I’d originally planned not to have any alcohol during this dinner because I wanted to be completely clearheaded during our conversation, but when Paige orders a glass of wine, I quickly jump on the alcohol bandwagon and order a whiskey on the rocks.
Paige takes a tentative sip of her water while her gaze wanders around the room, still avoiding eye contact with me, I notice.
“So,” I say, clearing my throat, and trying to figure out how to break the ice. “How’ve you been?”
She quirks a brow and her lips tilt up ever so slightly at the corners. “Really? That’s how you want to start the conversation? Is that the new ‘So, how about this weather’?” Her tone is more playful than I’ve heard from her since first seeing her at my game.
Leaning my elbows on the table, I respond, “Well, I’d ask something else if I thought you’d answer.”
“And what would that be?”
All pretense washes away. “Did you ever think about us?” I regret being so direct the second the words leave my mouth because her playful demeanor instantly vanishes, and in its place is the reserved woman she’s been.
“You’re right. I’m not going to answer that.”
I sit back in my chair, deflated like a balloon and trying to figure out how to get back what we had just a minute ago.
Why can’t I ever get things right with her?
The waitress returns, and we place our orders. I watch Paige carefully, but she’s back to avoiding my gaze at all costs. I’m almost tempted to offer her one question on the record, but everything inside me revolts at the idea.
“I’m sorry.” The words leave my mouth before I even process what I’ve said. Her gaze snaps to mine, but she doesn’t say anything. “I shouldn’t have asked that. It’s just…” I trail off, not really knowing what to say.
I know what I want
to say, but I don’t know if it’s worth her shutting down even more than she already is. Then again, what if this is my only chance to really be honest with her?
“It’s just what?” she asks, her voice soft and cautious.
I meet her gaze, her chocolate-brown eyes mesmerizing me the way they always have. “I missed the hell out of you.”
“Jack—”
“No, I need to get this out. I’ve spent nine years being silent, and I’ve regretted every single second. I loved you, Paige. You were the love of my damn life and I let you go because I was scared. Every day felt like a fucking eternity without you, and the idea of going through that for another year—possibly longer since we hadn’t talked college plans at that point—made me feel like I was dying.” I take a breath, my chest aching as I open old wounds that never healed properly. “I had no idea letting you go would feel so much worse. By the time I fully realized what a colossal mistake I’d made, too much time had passed. I didn’t know how to fix it. I didn’t know what to say to you.”
“Anything,” she says, her glassy eyes the only hint that this is affecting her as much as it is me. “You could’ve said anything, Jack. But you didn’t. You promised you’d fight for us. Before I moved, you swore you’d fight, and you didn’t. You didn’t.” Her
voice cracks along with her carefully composed exterior, and I recognize all the hurt that she’s been carrying because it matches my own.
“I know,” I say, my voice barely a whisper as I fight against the lump of emotion in my throat. “No amount of words will be enough to convey how sorry I am, Paige. But if this is the only chance I ever get to tell you how I really feel, I’m gonna take it.”
With a deep breath for courage, I confess, “I’ve never stopped loving you.”
“You don’t even know me anymore.”
My blood heats, and I hate that she’s partially right, but only partially. “I might not know your interests now or what you’ve done for the past nine years, but I still know you. I know who you are deep down. I know what shaped you growing up. That doesn’t just vanish. That’s part of who you are. Hell, it’s part of who I am. I wouldn’t be half the man I am today if it weren’t for you, Paige—for having you in my life as my best friend growing up and loving you as hard as I always have. My fuckup with us doesn’t change any of that.”
“How can you possibly say that? It changed everything.” I swear I see fire spark in her eyes, but I’ll take this over the neutral version she was giving me before.
“It changed nothing when it comes to how I feel about you. That’s never changed, Paige. Never. It’s always been you. It’ll always be
you.”
Her eyes widen, and her jaw goes slack before she starts shaking her head back and forth. “It’s too late,” she whispers. “I can’t do this. Tonight was a mistake.”
Nine years ago, I thought my heart shattered into a million irreparable pieces when I made the worst mistake of my life. But Paige proves there’s still more to break as she walks swiftly out of the restaurant, crushing the rest of my heart to smithereens.
