Throwing my purse on the table, I walk into my apartment and slam the door behind me, wishing I could lock out the whole stupid world with that one gesture. I’m a strange mix of completely, utterly heartbroken and fiercely pissed off.
My phone rings, and I see Gina’s name displayed.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Oh shit,” she whispers. “I’m guessing by your tone, it didn’t go well.”
“You guessed fucking right.”
I lie down on my couch and stare up at the ceiling, defeat weighing me down like a fifty-ton weight. I give Gina the play-by-play of what happened at the game. She immediately gets angry on my behalf, and I almost laugh at hearing her rage about Jack having Max kick me out. She’s one fierce friend, and I’m so grateful she’s mine.
She must hear my heavy sigh because she asks, “What do you need? Want me to come down there and kick his ass? Or do you want to come up here and escape for a week or two? Hell, maybe we can get you a job back here, and we can be in the same city again.”
I laugh at her excitement over that last suggestion. It feels good to laugh, even if it’s short-lived. “I’m not quite ready to throw in the towel on LA just yet. I submitted my article to Victoria, and she’s offered me a job.”
“Really?! Damn, girl. I’m so proud of you, picking yourself right back up.”
“Thanks.”
“So what are you going to do about Jack?”
“I’ve done everything I can. I’m done.” The agony of that sentence is damn near unbearable, but I fight the stinging in my eyes. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of loving a man who clearly doesn’t love me.
“I’m so sorry, Paige. I wish I could be there to hug you.” Her warm, compassionate voice wraps around me like a blanket.
“I wish you were here too. Depending on my next assignment for Victoria, maybe I can come visit for a few days.”
“You’re welcome anytime. I’d love to see you.”
“I’ll let you know.”
“So, what are you going to do now?”
I ponder her question as I stand up, walk toward my window, and look at the lights of
LA lighting up the darkness. “I think maybe I’m going to take Victoria’s advice and focus on my career. Jack is going to be hard to get over, but I need to let him go, for good this time.”
My heart rejects the idea completely, but I’ve decided I’m going to stop listening to it. It clearly has terrible self-preservation skills, and that’s what I need now more than ever.
“Are you really ready to give up on him?”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m ready or not. He’s made it clear where we stand. I can’t keep fighting for someone who doesn’t want me. The rejection is too hard.” My voice breaks, and the warm wetness falling down my cheeks only frustrates me further.
When will the tears finally stop? Why can’t I be strong enough to hold myself together, especially after this last week? I mean, actions speak louder than words, and his silent treatment has been damn near deafening.
“Maybe you should block his number for a couple of days, give yourself time away from him.”
“Not like it’ll matter. He’s not going to call me anyway.” Still, I contemplate Gina’s suggestion. Maybe it’s not a bad idea. After all, I deserve more than this.
If Jack called me right now, would it be enough?
No. It definitely would not.
I take a deep cleansing breath, coming to terms with the fact that my heart will probably
always belong to Jack. “I’m going to focus on my new job at Newsworthy
. It’s got a lot more freedom than the LA Chronicle
job, and it’s still considered prestigious. It’s a new era for journalism, and I get to be a part of it.” My voice strengthens with determination. “My job can be my new love.”
Gina and I talk for a few more minutes before we hang up. I glance down at my phone, and before I can rethink it, I scroll through my contacts. When I reach Jack’s name, I open the contact info and hit the block button. I sigh, turn off my phone, and wait for the relief to come.
It doesn’t.
I head to bed, my heart heavy but my determination strong. I will survive this pain. I will be strong enough.
Hopefully, if I keep telling myself that, I’ll finally start to believe it.
