Chapter 8

Overcoming Obstacles to Quitting

IN THIS CHAPTER

Bullet Understanding the role of quit-busting beliefs

Bullet Challenging and rewriting your quit-busting beliefs

Whether you’re wanting to give up cigarettes, smokeless tobacco, or vaping, the strategies for quitting are pretty much the same. That’s because they all involve stopping an addiction. Giving up any addiction is difficult. But the data tells us it’s doable, and millions of people succeed around the world. Many manage to quit without as much distress as they feared.

On the other hand, lots of people do have a significantly hard time quitting. And, alas, sometimes they struggle before they even consider trying to quit. Part of that struggle involves erroneous beliefs that interfere with the best of intentions.

The battle over quitting takes place primarily in your own head. Assumptions about yourself and smoking are what we call quit-busting beliefs (QBBs). These assumptions slam the breaks on attempts to quit.

This chapter explains the nature of QBBs. From lack of confidence to fears of failure, to thinking this is the wrong time in your life to quit, QBBs stand ready to sabotage your best efforts before you begin. This chapter lays out the most common QBBs and gives you the tools you need for challenging these surprisingly formidable obstacles to quitting.

Defining Quit-Busting Beliefs

QBBs are convictions that stand as roadblocks to implementing change, like quitting smoking or vaping. These beliefs pop up again and again in various situations. They powerfully influence your decision making, actions, and feelings.

A QBB is an assumption that you believe without really thinking about it. For example, most people think that it’s a given that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. You don’t really question that assumption. And there’s no reason to most of the time. Your assumptions give you a generally reasonable guide to navigating life. However, if you were a resident of Venus, that belief wouldn’t work out very well. On Venus, the sun actually rises in the west and sets in the east.

An inaccurate assumption about the direction of the sunrise and sunset is probably not going to interfere with quitting smoking or vaping or just about anything else in your life. However, some assumptions do become obstacles to quitting. For example, a common QBB that inaccurately guides you away from quitting is “I’m too weak.” If you have that QBB about yourself and smoking, it’s going to be hard to find the motivation for quitting because you believe that you aren’t strong enough to do it.

A QBB is more than a problematic thought. It’s deeper and more ingrained than a thought, and it often operates unconsciously — as opposed to thoughts, which you’re usually more aware of. (See Chapter 10 for more information about how distorted thoughts also influence smoking cessation attempts.)

Looking at the Main Quit-Busting Beliefs

There’s no absolute, definitive list of QBBs that stand in the way of most smokers’ attempts to quit. But here are some of the most common ones:

I’m too weak.
I’m afraid to fail.
I’m afraid of losing too much enjoyment.
It’s the wrong time.
It shouldn’t be so hard.

WHERE YOU GET YOUR BELIEFS

Why do people develop QBBs? We learn them through experiences, which often occur during childhood.

For example, someone with overly harsh, critical parents could develop a QBB centered around fearing failure. That fear developed because, when she failed or made mistakes, her parents yelled and screamed at her. No wonder she learned to fear failure! Years down the road, as an adult, that deep-seated fear could persist — even though her parents are no longer around to yell at her.

Or consider someone who was spoiled by his family as a kid. He never had to work for anything — he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. His QBB theme might center around being overwhelmed by hard work. When faced with giving up vaping, he complains, “It’s way too hard to do something like that.”

QBBs can be identical or similar to problematic assumptions that invade other important parts of your life. For example, if your QBB centers around fearing failure, that QBB could easily prevent you from trying to quit smoking. But it could also keep you from taking on new challenges, learning new skills, or solving challenging problems in other areas of your life.

In the following sections, we focus on techniques for changing these QBBs or assumptions so you can prevent them from sabotaging your attempts to quit addictions like smoking. But you can use these same strategies in other areas of your life, too!

I’m too weak

One powerful saboteur to quitting is the QBB that you’re too weak to face the challenge. Lacking confidence in yourself, you may not even be ready to start a quit plan.

The QBB that you’re too weak takes many forms, such as the following:

I’m just not tough enough to do something like quit smoking. If this belief feels like something you could hear in your head, it’s easy to see why you wouldn’t bother to take on something as difficult as quitting smoking.
I don’t have any willpower. With this belief, you tend to think that something requiring commitment and doggedness lies beyond your capacity.
I’ve tried before and failed. This thought assumes that one failure means more will surely follow.
I can’t stand feeling bad. This belief assumes that you need to avoid anything that feels bad.

These variants of “I’m too weak” all involve feelings of powerlessness. Addictions often lead to that perception.

The following example demonstrates how someone’s lack of confidence prevents her from even considering giving up vaping. She never expected to become addicted when she started experimenting with vaping. But that’s what happened.

Leah, a 14-year-old high school freshman, started vaping nicotine (see Chapter 5) last summer at the park with her friends. It began as a lark. The kids experimented with devices containing nicotine and various flavors. After a few weeks of experimenting, Leah purchased her very own pink vaping pen. Soon, she found herself wanting to vape, even when she was alone. She keeps her stash hidden in her backpack, so her parents won’t catch her. At night, she’s often in her room, texting and taking a few hits.
Toward the spring of her freshman year, Leah’s boyfriend tells her she needs to quit. Leah replies, “Yeah, I know, but I just don’t think I can. I’m not very good at self-control. And it makes me feel good to vape. I love the rush it gives me. When I can’t vape, I get edgy and nervous — I can’t stand that.”

You can see from Leah’s story that she’s very unlikely to have the motivation to stop. Not only does she feel too weak, but she believes that she won’t be able to tolerate the unpleasant feelings that may come with quitting.

Does this lack of confidence mean Leah won’t succeed at quitting vaping? Not at all. It does mean, however, that she has some work to do first. She needs to work on challenging her QBBs.

First, she said that she’s not good at self-control. That belief is synonymous with “I don’t have any willpower.” She’s predicting that she doesn’t have the necessary fortitude to quit vaping. This prediction turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy if left unchallenged.

Leah also assumes that she can’t stand having unpleasant feelings, such as edginess and nervousness. These assumptions virtually lock down failure if she moves ahead without confronting them. She’s so sure she can’t stand these feelings that she has little incentive to try. But a cost–benefit analysis may help her come up with the motivation to replace her QBBs.

Table 8-1 is what Leah came up with for her cost–benefit analysis for her QBB of “I’m too weak.”

TABLE 8-1 Leah’s Cost–Benefit Analysis

Benefits	Costs
I can keep indulging in whatever I want.	My boyfriend might break up with me if don’t quit.
I don’t have to do anything hard.	I’ll never get anywhere in life if I don’t do anything hard.
I can avoid feeling bad.	I feel terrible when I vape a lot.
I can keep on vaping.	Vaping is draining my whole allowance.
I can feel better more often.	I get really tense and nervous when I can’t vape.
When my friends vape, I really want to be part of the group. Not quitting lets me do that.

Leah reviews her cost–benefit analysis. She sees that her QBB is costing her more than it’s worth. That surprises her because she’d been sure that it would support her assumption. Clearly, that’s not what happened. Now Leah is far more ready to construct a more adaptive assumption.

Leah gets the point and you can too. Most of the time, QBBs represent gross overgeneralizations that fail to hold up to the real evidence. Your mind will likely resist coming up with ideas and evidence that contradict your assumptions, but you can do this if you try. Really. You’re not too weak. You just believe you are!

You can create new assumptions after looking at your assumptions and determining if they’re worth holding onto or not. These new assumptions should be reasonable, logical, and balanced — evidence should support them.

In our example, Leah’s new assumptions are

I have self-control when I work at it. And it can get better with practice.
I don’t like feeling bad, but it’s clear I can stand it. Sometimes you need to feel bad to feel better. Tolerating bad feelings is really just a skill, and like any other skill, it can be learned and improved on.

I’m afraid to fail

Another major disrupter of your good intentions to quit smoking is the QBB that you’re afraid to fail. This overarching QBB has an array of variants that subtly differ from one another. You may discover one or more of these related beliefs lurking in your head when you look for them. Here are a few to consider:

I’ll disappoint my family if I fail. Do you ever notice this thought clanging around in your mind? If so, you may prefer to sit on the sidelines rather than risk disappointing those who care the most about you.
I don’t want to look like a fool. This belief puts a high importance on avoiding ridicule, criticism, and derision from others — so much so that it can cost you in ways you don’t consider.
It’s better not to try than to try and fail. Can you see how this belief keeps you sitting on the bench and out of the game?

All these variations of fearing failure keep people from putting out maximum effort on quitting smoking or vaping.

The following example is one of an addicted adolescent who was used to winning. But he wasn’t so sure he could win the war against his tobacco habit.

Henry was only 12 years old when his cousin slipped him his first taste of chewing tobacco or dip. They were out on the ranch fixing fences on a hot, humid day, and Henry found the whole experience dangerously exciting. He thought it tasted awful, but he wanted to look cool in front of his cousin. He wasn’t hooked that summer, but the memories of hanging out with his cousin and dipping were pleasant.
By the time he was in high school, Henry had become a regular dipper. Now in his senior year of high school, he has earned a scholarship to a prestigious East Coast university, but he doesn’t want to take his dipping habit with him. He knows he won’t fit in, suspecting that very few college kids on the East Coast dip.
So, Henry decides that he needs to quit. But his head immediately fills with doubts. Henry is a true perfectionist — he hates the idea of failing. That’s just something he doesn’t do. Henry doesn’t mind taking on challenges, but he carefully calculates his odds of success before doing so. In other words, he rarely takes risks unless he’s certain of success. Giving up dip feels like something he might not be able to do, so he remains stuck.

Henry felt conflicted and unsure whether to try to give up chewing tobacco. He had just one summer to succeed before going away to school. Henry’s QBB centered around a fear of failure. Being a perfectionist, he decides to test the value of that QBB by constructing a cost–benefit analysis.

Henry doesn’t want to face giving up dipping and the possibility of failing at it. He truly hates to start something he might not succeed at. He has two QBBs in this category that are interrelated:

It’s better not to try than to try and fail.
I really fear shame and humiliation.

Table 8-2 shows what Henry came up with for his cost–benefit analysis of his two, related QBBs.

TABLE 8-2 Henry’s QBB Cost–Benefit Analysis

Benefits	Costs
I can avoid failure by not trying.	I’m really not going to fit in at school if I bring dip with me. I’ll be two steps behind before I even start trying to make friends.
I don’t have to be frustrated by trying to quit.	This dip is expensive, and I’ll need every cent I have at college.
No one can criticize me for being weak if they don’t know I want to quit.	It’s a messy, disgusting habit. A lot of girls hate it, especially out east, I’m pretty sure.
If I wait, I’ll have more time to prepare everything for college.	I hate the feeling of being addicted to anything. This QBB keeps me stuck with an addiction.
Nicotine helps me focus better.	My breath stinks and it’s a hassle trying to figure out where I can spit without being too gross.

After looking at his QBB cost–benefit analysis, Henry’s ready to stop indulging in dip. He sees the disadvantages of his QBBs and he feels ready to develop a more reasonable, adaptive assumption.

Henry spends a bit of time pondering his cost–benefit analysis of his QBBs involving the theme of fearing failure. He realizes that he has missed out on several opportunities because he doesn’t want to risk failing. If it hadn’t been for a particularly caring and involved high school counselor, he probably wouldn’t have even applied to the prestigious East Coast college that he was accepted by.

Henry decides to take an assertive run at quitting his dipping habit. He knows it will be good practice at dismantling problematic beliefs lurking in his mind. Who knows what successes may lie ahead for Henry after he succeeds at quitting his habit?

I’m afraid of losing too much enjoyment

The QBB that you’re afraid of losing too much enjoyment is quite common for people facing giving up any addiction. They mistakenly believe that their lives would suffer massive losses if they gave up their substance of choice (whether nicotine, drugs, or alcohol). In other words, they see their substance as the source of amazing amounts of pleasure, happiness, identity, and even abilities.

In addition, with nicotine, there often is a real (although small) increase in focus. Plus, smokers burn more calories and experience a mild uptick in pleasurable feelings in the short run. So, it’s understandable that folks addicted to nicotine have trouble seeing a positive future if they quit. Here’s a list of common QBBs that belong under the theme of losing too much enjoyment:

I’ll never be happy again. People with this belief assume that life without a cigarette will never be the same. They think they’ll never enjoy coffee, work breaks, or even sex again.
Who would I be without smoking? Smoking often becomes part of a person’s identity. Smokers often believe that giving up smoking will somehow diminish them.
I would totally lose my sense of humor if I stopped smoking — I would be a crabby mess. This belief is somewhat true in the short term due to withdrawal effects. However, symptoms go away after a few weeks or months.
Smoking keeps me thin; I don’t want to lose that advantage. Many people continue to smoke in order to control their weight. With support to manage withdrawal symptoms and a good diet and exercise program, weight gains are often minimal.

For people who view the possibility of quitting as taking something valuable away from their lives, it’s critical to reassess that belief.

The following example illustrates what happens when someone is afraid of losing too much.

Brooke began smoking when she was 13 years old. Almost 30 years later, she still smokes a pack and a half a day. Over the winter, she had a series of colds and a cough that never seemed to go away entirely. She made an appointment with her primary care provider, who told her, “Brooke, I have to tell you, cigarettes are causing your chronic bronchitis. Much worse is coming down the road for you if you don’t quit. I know it’s hard, but… .”
Brooke loves smoking. She feels smoking is a part of who she is. She sobs as she tells her doctor, “I can’t quit. It’s who I am. And I’ll never be happy as a former smoker. I could never enjoy a cup of coffee again, and I couldn’t keep my weight down. If I die a few years early, so be it!”
Her doctor suggests she carry out a cost–benefit analysis.

Brooke feels wobbly and threatened about the suggestion to take a hard look at one of her mind’s core QBBs. But she feels she owes her doctor enough to at least give it a try. She knows that if she isn’t convinced by the cost–benefit analysis, she can always just continue smoking, so what does she have to lose?

Table 8-3 shows what Brooke comes up with for her cost–benefit analysis of her QBBs related to the theme of losing too much.

TABLE 8-3 Brooke’s QBB Cost–Benefit Analysis

Benefits	Costs
I can maintain my current weight if I don’t quit.	This chronic bronchitis is really annoying. And my PCP said it will get much worse down the road.
I can continue to enjoy my favorite pastime: smoking!	I spend a lot of money on smoking; just think what I could use that money for if I quit.
I won’t have to change who I am — and I like who I am.	I’d like to take dance lessons, but my cough starts up the minute I start moving.
	I read some material my doctor gave me about lung cancer. I really don’t want to get that. The treatments are awful.

After spending time conducting her cost–benefit analysis, Brooke changes her mind about quitting. Her doctor gladly gives her a prescription for medication to help her quit (see Chapter 9 for more information about pharmaceutical treatments for smoking cessation).

Brooke concludes that smoking is costing her far more than quitting. She realizes that she will gain health and wealth by quitting. She’ll also gain endurance for dancing. Her new, more adaptive assumption is “I’ll lose some nice times by quitting but gain more in the long run.”

It’s the wrong time

We often hear smokers say, “Yes, I want to quit. But now isn’t such a great time to do it. I’ll wait until… .” The problem with that QBB is that the right time just never seems to arrive. There’s always some stress, difficulty, or problem that stands in the way. Here are some common rationalizations for concluding it’s just the wrong time:

I have too much going on at work. This QBB could refer to school, home projects, or just about anything. The addicted mind can be very creative.
My relationships need more work first. Another misguided QBB because relationships are never perfect — they always need work. Smoking really has nothing to do with it!
I’ll do it when… . This could be after the new job, after the promotion, after getting a raise, after moving, after, after, always after.

If you wait for the perfect time, you’ll probably never reach any goal you have. You can see where this thinking takes you. Procrastination simply postpones the task.

In the following example, the QBB of “It’s the wrong time,” keeps someone smoking even when the health costs begin to mount:

Michael has been a procrastinator his entire life. And generally, he gets away with it. He’s a bright and talented attorney. Although he has pulled many all-nighters, he always manages to get his briefs in by the deadline. But with smoking, there is no real deadline, other than the inconvenient fact that his doctor says he’ll die of a heart attack if he continues to smoke. Now, in his mid-fifties, with high blood pressure barely controlled with medication, he realizes that the quit-smoking deadline might mean dead as in death. He goes to a quit-smoking group where the facilitator suggests a cost–benefit analysis of Michael’s QBB.

Table 8-4 shows what Michael comes up with for his cost–benefit analysis of his QBBs related to the theme of it being the wrong time.

TABLE 8-4 Michael’s QBB Cost–Benefit Analysis

Benefits	Costs
I can put off the discomfort of quitting for a while.	If I have a heart attack, I’ll probably miss work for a few days. Hell, I could even die.
Smoking keeps me going when I work all night.	Procrastination is a bad habit that has cost me lots of stress and anguish.
I can accomplish more when I smoke. And there are times when I need to get a lot done in a hurry.	My doctor says that I need to add more medication to control my blood pressure; that’s not a good sign.
I love getting together with my poker friends and smoking a cigar or two. It would be almost impossible to play cards without smoking.	I really don’t want to die young and it’s getting hard to deny that I will if I keep smoking.

Michael really doesn’t want to quit smoking, at least not now. But he’s an intelligent man and he realizes that the time has come. He can’t ignore the health costs he has already incurred, and those costs will do nothing but get worse with more delay.

Michael surprises himself with his cost–benefit analysis. He realizes that he already knew what was contained in his analysis but putting it all down on paper makes it more real. He decides to rewrite his QBB with a more adaptive assumption: “If I wait for the perfect time, it will never happen. I need to set a quit date in the next week and jump on it. I plan to do the same with work, too, no more procrastinating there either.”

If you find yourself procrastinating on setting a quit date, conduct your own cost–benefit analysis. Also consider reading Chapters 14 and 15 to assess and plan for quitting smoking or vaping.

It shouldn’t be so hard

Let’s face it: Quitting an addiction is hard to do. Many people rail at the idea of having to suffer. To avoid the short-term discomfort of quitting, they engage in a habit that will lead to a shortened life and considerable health consequences.

When you look at the overwhelming evidence of the dangers of tobacco, you must marvel at the power of addiction — addiction so powerful that it keeps people smoking despite the inevitable harm that lurks for them in the future.

It’s no wonder that lots of smokers don’t quit because their QBBs tell them it’s simply too hard to do. Here is a sampling of common QBBs related to the theme of quitting being too hard:

It’s unfair that I should have to quit something I like. If you feel it’s unfair that you should have to quit smoking, then it’s unlikely that you’ll feel the motivation necessary for such a tough job.
Why should I have an addiction? I didn’t do anything horrible, why me? This belief makes people feel like helpless victims. Victimhood makes people feel weak and unable to move forward.
I’ll quit when I feel motivated. This QBB is a road map to failure. People rarely want to stop something they enjoy. It could be a very long wait for motivation to come around.

These QBBs related to the theme of quitting being too hard interfere with designing and engaging with a plan to quit. In order to quit, you must be able to tolerate frustration. That’s hard to do if you’re mired in this QBB. But the bonus is that learning to tolerate frustration can help you in many other areas of your life as well.

The following example illustrates how the mind works when faced with work that seems too hard:

Ashley is in her mid-forties and has smoked for over 20 years. She’s a beautician who manages to squeeze in over a pack of cigarettes each day. She recently lost a few customers. Her colleague in the next booth tells her that she’s aware of a couple of her customers who complained that Ashley stinks of tobacco smoke and takes too many smoke breaks.
Ashley reacts to the news with defensive anger. Her irritation rises, and she tells her colleague that those customers are just too uptight. Years ago, no one seemed to care that she smoked. She briefly considers quitting but decides it is just too hard — she’ll quit when she really has the motivation. Losing a few customers is no big deal.
Ashley finds herself getting more and more crabby at work. She can’t seem to get in enough cigarette breaks and her pack-a-day habit turns into two packs. She notices that she’s not keeping new customers. She wonders if her smoking is getting out of control.

Ashley visits with her primary care provider about options for quitting smoking. Although her doctor says that she can help Ashley deal with some of her cravings, she doesn’t promise it will be easy. She encourages Ashley to list all the costs and benefits of quitting smoking. Table 8-5 shows what Ashley comes up with for her cost–benefit analysis of her QBBs related to the theme of quitting being too hard.

TABLE 8-5 Ashley’s QBB Cost–Benefit Analysis

Benefits	Costs
I enjoy almost every cigarette I smoke, and believing it’s too hard keeps me from having to stop.	I can’t afford to lose customers who don’t like the smell of smoke. As much as I try to use mouthwash and mints, I guess my clothes still smell like smoke.
Smoking keeps me from feeling frustrated at work.	It seems that I suddenly need more cigarettes than I did before. It’s costing more money.
I can avoid the awful cravings and urges by not even trying to quit.	I think that cigarettes keep me calm, but lately I’ve been more irritated even though I smoke more.
My fiancé smokes, and it might be hard on our relationship if I stop.	I might even start going to the gym if I quit smoking. I’m not as young as I used to be, and I notice I’m starting to sag a bit.

Ashley is not happy about her cost–benefit analysis. She sees that smoking is not in her best interest and it’s no longer as satisfying as it used to be. She realizes that she’s afraid to quit smoking. She’s afraid that she won’t be able to handle the frustration. She returns to her doctor for a follow-up appointment. She reports that she sees the problems with her habit but is not ready to give it up right now.

Well, it would be nice to say that Ashley sees that she needs to give up smoking with the help of her cost–benefit analysis. However, we want you to know that a cost–benefit analysis is not a magic cure that makes quitting smoking easy.

Sometimes people can see the problems but aren’t yet ready to make the commitment. It might take more evidence or even a major health scare to push Ashley to quit. Or she could be one of the minority of smokers who smokes “till death do us part.” Don’t worry; that’s not likely to be you. After all, you’re already reading this book!