Twenty years later…
The mid-August air trilled with the sound of insects, and the clammy breeze played with the tattered beige sheers hanging from the lone window. Ariana glanced at the faded numbers on the clock that had hung on the bedroom wall as far back as she could remember. The clock and sheers matched most of what was inside her home—useful but having seen better days. Singing softly, she ran a comb through her hair and pinned it up anew.
Date night. For almost three years she’d been going out with various young men. It used to be little more than a pleasant distraction from thoughts of Quill, but lately dating held new feelings and hopes. The cause for that was Rudy Herschberger, a kind and handsome twenty-one-year-old who had moved to this area a year ago.
Maybe he could make her forget the heartache…the confusion…
“Ariana?” Mamm tapped on the bedroom door.
“Kumm.” Ariana put on her prayer Kapp and secured it with two white bobby pins.
“So”—Mamm closed the gap between them—“let me check on my handiwork.” She ran her fingers across the shoulders of Ariana’s pale-green dress. “I managed to hide the worst of the threadbare seams, but it gives you less room to move your shoulders.”
“It’s fine, Mamm.” Ariana turned to face the dresser mirror. Streaks and spots of discoloration on the old glass made her face look as tattered and worn as her dress. “If Rudy’s head is turned by a girl wearing better clothes, I need to know that now rather than later.”
What money she earned was earmarked. All of it, because from her earliest memories, she’d had a strange, determined hope to get her and her family free from poverty. When she was sixteen, God had changed her dreams to a set plan to purchase a café. The place was as old as historic Summer Grove, and it sat on Main Street, sharing walls with the buildings on each side of it. She loved the two-hundred-year-old interior brick walls, maple hardwood floors, and huge staircase that led to an upstairs storage room with endearing character in every nook and cranny.
But she had only forty-seven more days to finish earning the needed money. With a lot of help from Abram, she had managed to save $16,257. All of that would go toward the mandatory down payment at closing. She needed $6,843 more.
To reach that goal, she and Abram would have to save nearly $1,000 a week between now and then. She barely made $200 a week. After Abram met his financial obligations, he had between $150 and $250 a week, depending on whether he could get any overtime. Their combined money was a far cry from the needed $1,000 per week. How were they going to make up the difference? There had to be a way. God simply hadn’t revealed it yet.
Right, God?
Mamm adjusted the back of Ariana’s black apron, redoing two of the straight pins. “After what the last ten days have been like for you with the responsibility of Berta and helping even more than usual with Salome’s children, I hate to ask, but I need you to be home by ten tonight.”
Disappointment pricked her heart. “Why?”
She’d worked really hard this week, doing extra cooking and laundry preparation so she could have a free evening, one that lasted until midnight or after.
Mamm peered around Ariana, looking at her in the mirror. “Salome is showing signs of early labor.”
Ariana loved her siblings dearly, and her four sisters were her best friends. She couldn’t imagine a day without any of them. Sometimes their lives were as interwoven as threads on a loom, and sometimes they competed with each other. But for the last year, Salome had consistently needed more than her sisters or Mamm were able to give. Because Berta was now in the hospital and Ariana had promised to be the one to tend to her horse twice each day until she returned home, it would give Ariana and Rudy even less time to while away their evening. Still…“I’ll be home by ten.”
Mamm repositioned herself and cupped Ariana’s face. “You’re a keeper.”
Ariana lifted her chin, giving her best regal look as she smoothed her well-worn apron. “I know.”
“And you’re humble too.” Mamm grinned, and they both chuckled.
A burst of humid wind zipped through the room, making the sheers dance wildly. Was that the faint rumble of thunder?
“Hallo.” Her Daed’s louder-than-usual greeting caught her attention. She went to the window and pulled back the beige sheer to see if Rudy had arrived.
Instead, Daed had two of his grandchildren in his arms, responding to their arrival as if he hadn’t seen them just last night. It made her smile. The crowded yard echoed with the dull roar of her large family talking to one another. The Brenneman summer tradition continued in full swing even as August was halfway over. More than two dozen family members were busy talking and playing—her Daed, eight of her nine siblings, the married ones’ spouses, and all her nieces and nephews.
Her family spent their summer evenings here. The Brenneman homestead wasn’t much, but a nice breeze flowed almost constantly across the yard, and there was a large flat area where little ones could play. Long picnic tables and lawn chairs sat under the huge oaks, and that’s where they ate dinner most summer evenings. Being indoors was way too hot this time of year, especially when the women canned during the day.
Watching the commotion, she was reminded of the family tradition that had taken place each summer of her life. The adults talked and took turns looking after the little ones. Children played until bath time—tag, hide-and-seek, badminton, horseshoes, and various games with a beachball.
Rudy’s carriage entered the driveway, and Ariana’s heart jumped. “He’s here.” Ariana released the beige sheer. “I have to go.”
Mamm gave that motherly I-love-you smile. “You really like this one, don’t you?”
Ariana had been months past her seventeenth birthday when she went on her first date, but since then she’d dated a lot. Few young men had lasted more than two or three weeks before she simply didn’t wish to go out with them again. Rudy was the exception.
Ariana wiggled her eyebrows. “Seems so, doesn’t it?” Without pausing another second she bounded down the stairs and out the side door. Rudy stood near the carriage, talking with Salome’s husband. After seven months of dating, Rudy knew the routine. He had to stay close to the carriage or they would never get away, which was fine sometimes, but they were both itching to talk uninterrupted.
Her Daed strode to her. “What’s on the agenda for tonight?”
He was doing what he did best, using small talk to gauge how she was. He did that with all his children. “We’ll ride to Summer Grove and waste a few hours, probably get some ice cream and browse the stores that stay open on Friday nights.”
“You could stay here tonight.” He shrugged. “Just to visit with your old Daed.” His familiar, lazy smile indicated he already knew her answer, but he had to ask. The man loved having all his family around.
A beachball that was hurled from the pack of nieces and nephews bounced its way toward the road. Mark, Ariana’s third oldest brother, chased it. Ariana put out her foot, stopping the ball. Then she grabbed it and tossed it back.
Mark waved. “Denki.”
“I need to go, Daed. You and I will get some time later this weekend.” She glanced at Salome, who was in a lawn chair, rubbing her protruding belly. “Maybe.”
He chuckled. “Ya, maybe.”
She hurried to the rig. “Rudy, you ready?”
He turned, his eyes reflecting the liveliness that drew her. “Absolutely.” He excused himself from his conversation with Emanuel and opened her door to the carriage.
She climbed in and yelled a farewell to anyone who was listening and received a chorus of good-byes.
Rudy took the reins in hand. “You look great, even on a sultry summer night. How do you manage that?”
“Maids, swimming pools, and a date with you.”
His soft laughter filled the carriage. “Which means today you cleaned houses and swimming pools for the Englisch, and now we’re going out.”
“Apparently it makes me look great.”
“Evidence does point in that direction.” He clicked his tongue, tapping the reins against the horse as they began going up a hill. “All week I’ve been looking forward to tonight. Care for some ice cream?”
“Most definitely. So, tell me the weirdest thing that happened this week.”
Rudy helped his uncle build backyard sheds, and they ran into some interesting people along the way.
“Hmm. The weirdest…. ” His brows furrowed. “Wait. I got it…”
They started talking and barely paused, even while getting out of the rig or ordering ice cream. Thunder rumbled in the distance as they walked through town eating their ice cream and laughing at the smallest of things. They peered into the filthy window of the abandoned café before finally returning to the carriage. Rudy let the horse amble along the many roads around old town Summer Grove. Before she knew it, the sun had slipped into hiding, leaving a trail of darkness.
“Hey.” Rudy gripped the reins. “Let’s go to Little Falls.”
“What?” She laughed. “That would take at least an hour one direction.”
Even through the darkness of a cloudy summer night, his grin and wildly curly hair were apparent. “The last time we made that trip was with a group after a Sunday night singing.”
The word singing was Amish code for “approved method for spouse hunting.” Like a lot of Amish traditions, singings were fun. She loved the Old Ways and found them very fulfilling. She wished she didn’t need to go home early tonight.
“An answer…”—Rudy leaned in, his adorable smile in place—“pretty please.” His whisper caused a tingle to run down her spine. Was she more attracted to him than she knew?
“I would love that…”
“Yes!” His raised voice caused the horse to snort and wag his head in protest. Rudy slowed the rig and turned on his left blinker.
“If we’d thought of it earlier, maybe we could have gone, but I’ve got to be home by ten, and we need to stop by Berta’s place first.” She held out her hands for the reins. “Give them up.”
Disappointment showed on his face, but he gave them to her. “Are you in trouble or something? You’ve never had to be home this early.”
She grasped the leather straps as her Daed had taught her. “Salome will go to the birthing clinic tonight, if she hasn’t gone already. And two of her four little ones tend to get up during the night, so I need to be there to help.”
“Okay. Sure. I didn’t realize that.”
She should’ve mentioned it earlier. Since Rudy was such an agreeable guy, it didn’t dawn on her to forewarn him. His good nature about having a short date and his willingness to help tend to Berta’s place made her want a kiss from him. What would it be like to kiss Rudy? She’d wondered about it before, and it seemed time to find out. The side road up ahead was the perfect place.
Rudy stretched his legs. “Have Salome and Emanuel always lived under the same roof as your parents?”
“No. She and Emanuel had their own place from the time they married, about eleven years ago, until they sold it because of some sort of financial issues last year.” She pulled off the main road and onto a homeless, dead-end street.
“Oh. I like Emanuel.” He leaned back, looking totally relaxed. “Where are we going?”
She shrugged and guided the carriage to make the circular turn in the cul-de-sac. Before the economy tanked a few years back, a developer was going to build houses down this short block.
“I thought…” She brought the rig to a halt.
Rudy’s brows knit. “Did you expect this road to go all the way through?”
“Nee. I know all the roads in Summer Grove.” She looped the reins around the stob on the dashboard of the carriage and turned to face him. Rudy waited, studying her. She touched his face, and his eyes indicated he understood. He leaned in until his mouth met hers. The warmth of his lips on hers was more welcome than she’d expected. That was good. Moreover, his respectful, gentle moves made her feel beautiful and protected. She hadn’t anticipated either of those.
“Wow.” He backed away, staring into her eyes. “That was worth waiting for.”
With her face close to his, she gazed into his eyes. “For sure and certain.”
He traced a finger down her cheek and kissed her again. “So…,” he whispered, “does this mean I can tell my parents I’m seeing someone?”
This was Rudy, no pretense that she could see. He wanted to mean more to her than any other guy she’d dated, and at times, like now, he didn’t mind looking for signs of it. What was the saying—what you see is what you get? That’s who Rudy was, and after the deception that turned her life upside down five years ago, she desperately needed that in anyone who wanted to get close.
“Absolutely.”
He brushed his thumb over her lips. “Denki.”
Knowing Rudy, she was confident he intended his thank-you to be all-inclusive—for the kiss and for saying she was committed to him. Her Mamm used to tell her she would never regret going slowly with a guy—not sharing too much or letting him kiss her or even hold her hand too soon. Based on the moment they’d just shared and the earnestness in Rudy’s voice, Ariana knew that her Mamm had been right.
He leaned in, kissing her again. A gust of wind shoved against the rig as lightning shot across the sky. It startled her, and she pulled away from him, leaned toward the windshield, and gazed up at the sky.
Rudy placed his hand on the middle of her back. “It’s a good sign.”
She glanced at him.
He chuckled. “We made the heavens rumble and the winds howl.”
Was Rudy’s heart pounding like hers from the kiss? Now they had to return to behaving like normal? Was that even possible? She removed the reins from the stob and clicked her tongue for the horse to start walking.
Rudy stretched his arm across the back of the seat behind her. Until now they had each stayed on their side of the carriage. It was silly not to. What kind of needy girl couldn’t sit in her own space while going down the road?
He ran his thumb up and down her shoulder. “If my parents visit, would you come to my uncle’s home and meet them?”
She nibbled on the inside of her lip, thinking. Was she that committed to this relationship? “Ya.”
“Very cool.” His deep, soft voice indicated pleasure.
A light rain began to patter against the windshield, and she turned on the battery-powered wiper blade. Rudy seemed different than anyone else, as if he understood her true value and respected it. It’d been a long, slow journey to get beyond the betrayal by her two closest friends, but Rudy had a real shot at stealing her heart.
Most of it anyway. Or at least enough of it.
“Who’s Berta again?” Rudy asked. “I mean, you’re in and out of her place, helping her regularly. And you said she’s in the hospital for a few days because of dehydration from a bug of some sort. But doesn’t she have children who can look after her horse?”
His question caused an unwelcome ache to pierce her heart. “None that remained Amish. Or live close.”
Rain fell harder as she pulled onto Berta’s driveway.
“None?”
She stared in the distance, wishing for the zillionth time she had a different answer. “None,” she whispered.
“That’s sad, but at least she has you.”
The word sad didn’t begin to explain it. Neither Berta nor Eli, her deceased husband, had family in the area. Ariana’s Mamm said the couple moved here almost forty years ago, not long after they were married. They came here for an apprenticeship, which turned into a secure position for Berta’s husband, but Ariana had no idea why Berta hadn’t returned to her childhood home rather than living here without any relatives.
“I’ll grab the mail before we pull up to the barn.” Rudy jumped out of the rig and hurried toward the mailbox.
Lightning flashed, and the perfect silhouette of a man appeared between the old homestead and the dilapidated barn. Her heart pounded. Were her eyes playing tricks?
Squinting, she stared out the window. Lightning streaked across the sky again, and the ghostlike figure now stood ten or so feet closer, staring right at her.
Rudy climbed back into the carriage, rain dripping off his straw hat. “I think it’s only junk mail.”
She couldn’t take a breath for staring at the hatless man in what appeared to be jeans and a white T-shirt that was plastered to him. The strobe illuminations from the lightning ceased, and the man once again became a shadowy figure before he seemingly disappeared behind the house.
After all these years had Quill Schlabach returned to check on his Mamm? The idea made the hairs on the back of her neck rise, and the sensation slowly eased down her torso and arms until she was covered in goose bumps.
She hated feeling any kind of hope when it came to him and Frieda. Well…she hoped they were happy and safe, but she wanted her emotions rooted firmly in reality where Berta was concerned.
If Quill was here, Ariana couldn’t imagine how to make herself speak to him. He put his Mamm and her in such an awful position. Was he worthy of tossing even a crumb of bread to? But she knew that was sheer anger, and God asked people to treat others as He would treat them. So how would He treat Quill in this situation? Seemed to her that God had the perfect chance to strike the man with lightning, but He hadn’t.
“Rudy, would you tend to the horses? I…I need to check on the cat.”
Rudy touched her shoulder. “You okay?”
She could hardly breathe for the anger stirring to life again. Rudy put his hand on her back, and the gentle query relaxed her. “Ya.” She wiped the foggy windshield with her hand, trying to catch another glimpse of the figure. “Would you mind climbing into the haymow and tossing down enough hay to last a few days?” That should keep Rudy busy for a few extra minutes.
If Quill was here, he wasn’t likely to risk Rudy seeing him on his mother’s property. It could cause more trouble for Berta, and regardless of Quill’s lack of character, Ariana was positive he wouldn’t do anything that might hurt his Mamm worse than he already had.
He was a dishonest, shady person who seemed to have limits on how low he would go.
“I don’t mind a bit.” Rudy pulled the rig up to the sidewalk that led to the side entry of the porch. “I didn’t bring an umbrella.”
“I won’t melt.”
“Once you hop out, I’ll drive the rig into the barn to get the horse out of the rain for a bit.”
“Okay.” Did he notice that her voice sounded hollow and distant? Her mouth was dry as she forced herself to get a key out of her purse before leaving the carriage. Cold, prickly rain doused her. By the time she ran up the sidewalk and climbed the porch stairs, she was drenched.
She walked to the back of the wraparound porch. Wet footprints led to an open window in Quill’s former bedroom. It wasn’t a burglar. There hadn’t been a break-in around these parts for as far back as she could remember. The so-called Amish Nightcrawler did the only thievery around here, and he took willing Amish folk like Quill and Frieda, not items found in a widow-woman’s home.
Shaking all over, she returned to the side door and let herself in. After locating the matches on the old laminate countertop, she struck one, illuminating the kitchen as she held the flame to the wick of a candle. Goose bumps covered her again as she carried the old metal candlestick holder down the hallway toward the bedroom at the end, the one with the open window. “Quill?”
Eerie silence followed. She supposed it could be one of his four older brothers, but she was certain it wasn’t.
“I know you’re here.” She could feel it. Hadn’t she felt this same weird, pinprickly, hair-raising thing several times over the last five years?
If he’d come to check on his Mamm and she hadn’t been here for a few days, he would be confused. “Your Mamm is fine.” Would a man who’d broken his mother’s heart and embarrassed her in front of everyone care enough to keep checking on her?
The cat meowed from inside Quill’s room, but it didn’t run to her as usual. She’d forgotten that it had been Quill’s cat at one time.
Still seeing no one, she chose to press on—out of respect for the love Berta had for Quill more than anything else. Of Berta’s five children, who had left the Amish at different times, Quill, her youngest, had given no forewarning. He hadn’t argued with his Mamm about it or whispered to Ariana about it. When he’d taken off at twenty years old, he’d taken more than Ariana’s heart. He’d taken with him a teen girl, the daughter of Berta’s closest friend. The betrayal seemed unforgiveable to Ariana, but Berta still spoke of Quill as if he’d done nothing wrong.
Ariana stopped a few feet from his room. “Your Mamm was really sick with a virus of some sort, and she needed to spend a few days in the hospital.” She spoke into the dark as if she could see him “That’s all. She’s expected to come home in a day or two.” She felt silly talking like this, and with every second that passed, anger grew—anger at Quill, at herself, and at the fact that the grass outside the Amish community looked greener for far too many.
She’d told him plenty, perhaps more than he deserved, so she headed for the kitchen. When she reached the end of the hallway and had the front door in sight, she heard the floor creak behind her. After stopping short, she waited.
The home seemed to fill with their voices and laughter from years ago. She and Quill had been buds of sorts—she the tomboy little sister of Quill’s friend, and Quill the daredevil who schemed to find new ways to endanger his life.
But the laughter had stopped when his Daed died unexpectedly. She’d been almost fourteen, and their games and hilarity ended like a match thrown into a sink of water. After that, she would sit with him in an empty hay wagon or on the porch steps or in the tree house or on a rock by the creek and listen as he shared memory after memory of his Daed and him—the good and the difficult. She’d thought she knew Quill.
Later she realized that because he was nearly five years older than she was, he’d had the upper hand. He knew her well, but she’d known only whatever he let her know. Then he’d used her feelings for him to get what he wanted—a way to hide that he and Frieda were planning to leave the Amish.
“You’re good to her.” His voice was deeper than it’d been when he’d left here at barely twenty, and his accent was closer to the Englisch. “Even better than I’d hoped.”
Fresh chills ran over her skin, and her eyes pricked with tears. The memory of their last hour together flashed in her mind. She and Frieda had been camping out near the creek. Ariana used to love camping out, but she’d not been since that night. When she’d awakened the next morning, Frieda was gone. A note addressed to Ariana lay on Frieda’s sleeping bag, saying she and Quill had left the Amish and she was sorry to hurt Ariana like this.
After reading it Ariana had barreled out of the tent in a panic. Quill was sitting on a nearby rock, waiting for her. His deep-blue eyes, the color of a cloudless summer sky, were filled with understanding and maybe remorse for what he was about to put her through.
He’d known she would panic, so he’d taken Frieda somewhere safe, a place where the Amish couldn’t find her. Then he’d returned to calm and reassure Ariana that Frieda was indeed safe and that even though it was upsetting that he and Frieda were leaving, it was for the best. He’d handed her an envelope, saying it contained a letter from him, and that when she was calmer, it would help her understand a little better. He’d been so gentle and kind during that time it’d taken Ariana weeks to realize he’d used her. They both had. The camping trip was nothing more than a deceitful ploy so Quill could take Frieda far away while all the adults thought the two girls were sleeping in a tent at their favorite spot by the creek.
Until that day she hadn’t had a clue that he and seventeen-year-old Frieda were in love. Or that either wanted to leave the Amish. Ariana had thought Quill cared for her and that one day the wild, adventurous Quill would want to marry her.
He cleared his throat, dispersing her memories. “Ari, I…I appreciate what you do for my mother far more than you can imagine.”
She turned. Quill was still hardly visible inside his room at the end of the hallway, but she could imagine his blue eyes staring into her soul. The thought angered her. “I don’t do it for you.” That was completely true, but should she feel bad about how mean it sounded? She didn’t. What she wanted to do was tell him what she really thought.
“Still…” He moved out of the shadows. She couldn’t see his face well, but his frame was apparent, and she realized he’d hardly been a man at all when he’d left here. Now he had broad, thick shoulders and stood a few inches taller. “I am indebted to you.”
“That and several dollars would get me a cup of coffee, wouldn’t it?”
He gave a solemn nod. “Anyway, I’m glad you saw me and came inside. I needed to tell you—”
The side door opened, and Rudy stepped inside. “Your chariot awaits, my lady.”
The kitchen and walled hallway ran parallel to each other, so she was thankful he couldn’t see down the hall. But what did Quill need to tell her? Was Frieda okay? Ariana clutched the candleholder with both hands, trying to stop it from shaking. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
“You need help with something?” Rudy started toward her.
“Nee!” She thrust her hand up. “Please.”
He froze in place.
This secret wasn’t like when she’d told him of her dream to buy the café. Quill was a bad secret. She needed to tell Rudy about him but not like this. “Rudy, would you wait for me in the carriage?”
He angled his head. “What’s going on?”
“Trust me?”
He studied her, the seriousness in his eyes melting into tenderness. “Ya, with no reservations.”
The warmth of his respect enveloped her. “Denki.” She was able to take a full breath again. “I’m fine, and I’ll be out shortly. Okay?”
He nodded, but it was apparent he didn’t want to leave her there. When he walked out, he left the door open a few inches. He could hear her if she yelled for him, but the rain would drown out a normal tone. She turned to face Quill. There was only one question she wanted him to answer, one she’d ached to have answered every day for five years. “How’s Frieda?”
“Good…better.”
“Better?” What did that mean? Had she been sick?
He stood his ground, his broad shoulders straight, his feet planted firmly in place, and he didn’t give so much as a shrug in response to her question. That was so typical of Quill. When he was in silent mode, a concrete wall had more give to it. She’d seen it a hundred times, maybe a thousand, but she’d never been on the receiving end of it, at least not in a way she’d recognized. Giving up on getting a satisfactory answer about Frieda, she asked, “What do you need to tell me?”
“That I’m truly sorry.”
The day he’d left they’d talked. Actually she’d railed at him, pacing beside the creek and flailing her arms, and he’d talked softly for almost an hour before she broke into defeated sobs. He had held her, his first time to actually touch her other than poking her a few times on the shoulder or pulling the strings to her prayer Kapp. He’d apologized then, saying he was sorry she was caught in the mess and if there was any other way to get out with Frieda, he would.
She shooed away the embarrassing memory. Whenever she looked back, disgust at how vulnerable she’d been with him ate at her. She wasn’t that wide-eyed, trusting young teen anymore. “You apologized clearly five years ago before you disappeared.”
“Ari…” He took a step toward her and then came to a halt a few feet outside the doorway of his bedroom. “Remember when I said that we have to allow people to make their own decisions about what’s right or wrong for them?”
She remembered. He’d whispered it to her as he held her while she cried. At the time, his words brought a warm, hopeful sensation, causing her to believe she might survive what he and Frieda were doing.
“When I left here, I promised myself I wouldn’t ever do anything that would hurt you again.” His voice carried grief, as it had for more than a year after his Daed died. “But like you used to say, the threads of your life are woven into the fabric of mine, and I…I’m truly sorry.”
She didn’t understand. If she asked, would he answer? She doubted it. He seemed to enjoy tormenting her. As his words registered, they began to form into clues. For years there’d been rumors that a man returned at night to help Amish leave so that no one could hinder their exit. People called him the Amish Nightcrawler. Was that who’d helped Quill and Frieda leave? If so, then Quill knew the man—the traitor.
Wait!
Realization of what he was saying dawned, and her knees threatened to give way. Quill had apologized because he knew the Nightcrawler was going to take someone else she loved! Maybe Quill was in the area to help the Nightcrawler.
Thief! Liar! Names for him pummeled her, and tears welled. She choked them back. She’d fallen apart five years ago, begging Quill to change his mind…for all the good it did her. She would maintain control this time.
Wanting to hide from his prying eyes, she blew out the candle. Faint coils of smoke floated upward and disappeared. Quill volunteered nothing else, and she couldn’t speak for fighting with tears. They just stood there.
How appropriate—she and Quill at opposite ends of a passageway with nothing between them except darkness and unspoken words.