Tears stung Kathryn’s eyes as she read Jayden’s message. She’d so hoped he’d lend her the money, especially since Wade said he wouldn’t. He hadn’t fallen for the story she’d spun. It wasn’t really a lie, just the truth stretched—Jayden could have died. She hadn’t told Wade that he was out of the hospital and out of danger. But he still hadn’t fallen for it. She’d lost her touch.
So now she was stuck. She’d thought Jayden would pay for her to visit him. She’d treated him badly, but surely he’d give her another chance. And he must have the money. He was such a hard worker and a good boy. She sent another message, this time almost pleading for him to lend it. She didn’t expect him to change his mind, but it was worth a try. It had been too long since she’d seen him, and while she didn’t expect he’d understand her past actions, she was still his mother. And as surprised as he might be, she truly did love him.
She lit a cigarette and waited for his reply. None came. She waited a few minutes longer and then sent another one, this time apologising for bothering him. It was worth trying all angles. Still no reply. Then she checked—he was offline. He was ignoring her. She stubbed her cigarette out. A drink right now was what she needed, but Wade would want his dinner, and he wouldn’t be happy if it wasn’t on the table the moment he walked in. Or if she was drunk. Wade had been great to her, but he was boring. Like Ben. A hard worker, but boring. No, that was too harsh. She was bored. After the high life she’d led with Luke Emerson, the high-profile golfer she’d swapped Ben for, everything now seemed mundane. She was destined for average after all. She may as well have stayed with Ben, and then at least she would have Jayden in her life. Now her one and only child didn’t want to see her.
She brushed at her tears as she threw three large potatoes into a pot of boiling water. Is this what her life had come to? Housekeeping for a man who had no interest in her as a woman? Who just wanted three square meals a day and someone to warm his bed? At least he wasn’t a drunk like Buck. She should be grateful for small mercies but she felt empty inside. Maybe she should have stayed at that rehab place. The people there seemed to know who they were. They were different. Kind. But it was more than that. They seemed happy with their lives, unlike everyone else she knew. Well, apart from Robert Morgan. Now, there was one man who had it altogether. Pity he was already married.
A door banged open and footsteps sounded in the hall. Kathryn quickly wiped her face and straightened her skirt, planting a happy smile on her face—one that Wade would expect to see, not one that represented her true feelings.
Wade’s demeanor was almost always happy, but his mouth, set in a hard line, suggested he’d had a rough day. One that would require her to be extra nice to him. The last thing she felt like doing.
“Hi darlin’. How’s your day been?” She slipped her arms around his waist and lifted her face towards his, waiting for the habitual kiss.
He gave her a quick peck before he sat at the table and began to roll a joint. “Could have been better. Cattle escaped through a broken fence and those hands were useless. I’m goin’ to have to fire them and get new ones.”
“Not again? They’re new, aren’t they?”
“Yep. Hard to get good help these days. Want one?”
It was tempting. A joint would help dull her pain. Help her cope with boring. But no. If she wanted to convince Jayden she’d changed and have any chance of seeing him again, she needed to make a fresh start. She shook her head. “No thanks. I’ll finish getting dinner.”
“Suit yourself. How’s your day been?”
“Average.”
“Better than mine, then.”
No. Not in any way. But she wasn’t about to tell him that her son had turned her down. She wouldn’t even tell Wade she’d asked. What child would turn down a mother’s request to see him? Kathryn knew. One that had been let down time and time again. She didn’t deserve to see him, but oh, how she wanted to. Jayden would be a young man now. All grown up. And she’d missed it all. What a terrible mother she’d been. She tossed some bacon into the pan and hid her sobs behind the sizzle. How much longer could she last here? The problem was, she had no money to do anything else. Not on the wages Wade paid her, that was for sure.
Jayden took a break from his assignment and made himself a sandwich for lunch. Against his better judgment, he clicked on Facebook and read through his mother’s messages. Annoyance rolled through him, but at the same time, a heavy weight settled in his heart. She was so pitiful. Memories of long ago flooded back. She’d pleaded with him to stay with her and Buck; she pleaded with him to stay in America. He’d been strong then, but could he be strong now? Should he deny her? She was his mother, after all.
Maybe he could pay for her to attend his wedding. If she could prove she’d changed. Unless Mr. Morgan had told her, she didn’t even know he was engaged. Should he tell her? If he did, then he’d be committed to inviting her. How could I not invite my own mother to my wedding? But if she came, how would Dad and Tessa cope? Tessa didn’t even know her, and Dad hadn’t seen her since the day she left more than ten years ago. She could be an embarrassment. If she got drunk, she’d definitely be an embarrassment. But she said she’d changed. Could he believe her? He’d believed her before when she promised a better life in America, and look where that had gotten him. No, she had to prove herself, but how would he know? She was good at faking things, so she could definitely fake being a changed woman, and then it would be too late. He let out a heavy sigh and leaned back in his chair. Lord, I really don’t know what to do. I’d like to trust her, but I’m not sure. Please guide and lead me, and Lord, I pray that You’ll work in Mum’s life and help her to find You, because only in You will she find true happiness and peace.
As Jayden returned to his studies, a strong urge to tell her about his engagement to Angie grew inside him and he couldn’t focus. He’d planned to wait until she proved herself, but she’d be hurt if he didn’t tell her such important news, changed or not. The urge intensified until he gave in. God had answered his prayer. He had to tell her. Share his heart with her, and see where that led.
He closed out of his assignment and prepared to type another reply... one that would most likely change life as he knew it.
Dear Mum,
I’m sorry I was so hard on you before. I’ve had time to think about things more since then, and I might be prepared to lend you some money, but I need to tell you something first. Angie Morgan and I are engaged to be married. She’s Mr. Morgan’s daughter, and she’s the most beautiful girl in the world. She flew over here while I was in hospital and stayed with me as long as she could before she had to return home. I proposed before she left, and she said yes. We’re getting married next June in Hawaii after we’ve both finished our studies, and I was thinking that you’d probably like to come. I haven’t discussed this with Angie, but I’d be prepared to pay for your flight if you pay for your accommodation.’ He was tempted to add in ‘and stay sober’, but thought better of it.
‘I realise this will come as a shock. You probably still think of me as a pimple faced teenager, but although I’m still young, I’m old enough to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Angie. She’s my best friend, and I love her so much. I couldn’t believe it when I woke from my coma and she was there. It was the best day of my life, and I knew then that she loved me, too.
I don’t know what’s happened to you in the years since I left America, but I hope and pray that you’ve managed to kick your addiction and that life is treating you well. It hurt me to leave you so messed up, but to be honest, it hurt me more that you didn’t contact me after I left, especially after all we went through together. I know you explained why you didn’t, but still, it hurt.
So much has happened between us over the years that has caused us to not be close, but you’re still my mother and I’m still your son, so maybe in time we can start over. I continue to recover from my injuries, and am improving daily. I’m hoping to return to University soon so I can attend lectures rather than doing everything online, but Dad and Tessa have been very supportive and have helped me in every way possible. I miss Angie, but we know the time will go quickly and then we’ll be together forever.
If you’d like to come to the wedding, maybe you could come a few days early and we can spend some time together beforehand. We can sort the details out closer to the time. Until then, we can chat and get to know each other again. And you never know, you might be able to save enough to come earlier.
I don’t really want to say this, but I feel I need to, given all that happened before—I need you to be honest with me. If things still aren’t great, tell me. Don’t pretend they are if they’re not. I can handle it. What I can’t handle is being let down again. I’d rather know the truth so there’s nothing hidden between us. Just be yourself and it will be okay. I do love you, but I don’t want to be hurt again. I’m sure you can understand that.
I need to get back to my studies but I guess I’ll be hearing from you sooner than later now that I’ve shared my news with you, so until then, take care,
Love from your son,
Jayden.
He let out a deep breath and hit send, and with that small click, he invited his mother back into his life. Even though she’d apologised for leaving him and his dad, and with God’s help he’d forgiven her, he still didn’t understand how she’d done it. How could a mother leave a child and expect that child to ever fully recover from the emotional scars? Only God could heal the deep hurt, and although He had, pain still squeezed his heart occasionally when he recalled those years. Healing may have occurred, but his heart was still tender. He prayed he wasn’t exposing himself to more hurt, but he’d felt strongly that God had led him to build the bridge—he just prayed he’d heard correctly.
Several minutes later a reply came through. He steeled himself as he opened it.
Oh Jayden! What a surprise! I can’t believe my little boy is getting married. And yes, of course I’d love to come to the wedding. I’d love to come and see you now, but if I have to wait until June, so be it, although I feel so alone here. I will definitely try to get enough money together to come earlier. Don’t worry, I’ll do it legally. I feel sad that you felt you needed to tell me off, but I do understand. I mistreated you, and I’m sorry. I don’t know how many more times I can say that. I can’t change what happened—I can only try to make amends going forward and hope that we can rebuild our relationship.
I’ll try to be honest with you. I know I can embellish the truth a little, but this is me being honest—I truly am sorry, and I truly do miss you. My life since I left you and your dad has been one big mess. I should never have left, but I was selfish and wanted a life that was more exciting than what I had. I know now that excitement doesn’t always bring happiness. I’ll tell you more about my life later, but suffice it to say that I’m barely existing. Wade is good to me, but I don’t love him. I despair of ever finding love again. I seem to pick men who just want to use me. I don’t know why, but I don’t seem to be able to break out of it.
Anyway, thank you for offering to pay for my flight so I can come to your wedding. It’s a long way off, but I’m excited about it already. Angie sounds like a lovely girl. She’s very lucky to have you. Any girl would be. I’m so proud of you, Jay, sorry, Jayden. There I go again. Can you please send me a photo of the two of you? I’d love to see what she looks like, and what you look like now. And by the way, what are you studying? And what is she studying?
Love and congratulations to you both,
Mum
This was taking time away from getting his assignment done, but it was important. He wiped tears from his eyes and typed a reply.
Dear Mum,
I’m sorry you’re not happy, but things can change. I don’t know why you left the rehab centre, but there are other places you can go to get help. I’m sure there’s a church near you with folks who’d only be too happy to support and encourage you. I know you’ve never had a proper relationship with God, but it’s never too late. I believe with all my heart that true happiness and peace only come from a relationship with Him, and He’ll never turn you away if you seek Him. Why don’t you give it a try? You’ve got nothing to lose but everything to gain. Wade might even decide to go with you. He sounds like a nice man from the little you’ve said. Maybe you’re still looking for excitement instead of contentment. Please don’t get upset with me saying that. It’s just an observation. Sometimes we don’t see things even if they’re right in front of our faces. If he’s a nice man and good to you, maybe you could learn to love him. I’d be so happy to hear that things have turned around for you.
To answer your question, I’m studying to be a vet and Angie’s studying to be a music teacher. I’ve attached a photo of us taken just before she left. It’s my favourite one of us and I look at it all the time. It helps to keep me going when I start to miss her, which is always.
I really do need to get my assignment finished, so I’m closing out of Facebook now. I’ll check again in the morning in case you’ve replied, but please think about what I suggested.
Love,
Jayden
He hit send and exited out of Facebook, offering a quick prayer that God would move his mother’s heart and draw her to Himself. There was so much hurt and regret in her life that only He could heal, but would she open her heart to Him? He prayed with everything he had that she would.