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FIVE MINUTES LATER we were back on the formerly quiet street. Cop cars now lit it up, and all the neighbors were outside their front doors wondering what the hell had happened. This was a quiet valley neighborhood. This shit didn’t happen here. Well, it never does until it does. Welcome to reality, friends.
A uniformed cop waved for me to stop my car. He leaned into my window to tell me that I couldn’t go through, but I told him who I was and who was with me. He straightened up and waved me through.
I parked next to a police cruiser. I turned off the motor and said to Patrick, “Stay here.”
He nodded.
I got out, wobbled a bit, and took a deep breath of night air. Cops were going in and out of the house. Some uniforms were talking with the neighbors, who shrugged and shook their heads; they hadn’t see anything weird. Who sees anything weird?
There was an ambulance. Probably a little late for Edward.
“You look like shit,” a voice said behind me.
I turned. Ito. Kemble was next to her.
“Where’s Patrick?” she demanded.
I pointed to my car.
“Two bodies in three days,” said Kemble, lumbering toward my car. “Must be a record.”
Yay, me. I watched as Kemble waved for an EMT to join him. The detective opened the door, and the EMT started a quick exam of Patrick.
“You got blood on the back of your head,” said Ito.
Right. The throbbing. “I got hit.” I winced.
Ito sighed and nodded toward the ambulance. “They could check it out.”
I shrugged.
“You’re going to get it checked out, Jimmy,” she ordered. Then she realized something. “Were you driving? In that condition?”
“I’m not going to lie to you. Let’s just head over to the ambulance.”
Her badass persona slipped a little, and I saw concern flash over her face. She walked me over and asked the remaining EMT to check out the back of my head. I sat off the back of the ambulance as he poked around. Which, of course, hurt. This begs the question: Why is it the first instinct of any medical professional to poke at a wound?
Ito watched Patrick, who was deep in conversation with Kemble. “How is he?”
“He’s rattled. I don’t blame him.” I flinched at a particularly sharp poke and turned to the EMT. He didn’t care and started cleaning the wound. I said to Ito, “He could use some sleep. In his own bed. Maybe you guys could talk to him tomorrow.”
She turned to face me. “He’s sort of a witness.”
I shrugged. “I’m not saying he shouldn’t talk, but look at him. He’s just a kid.”
“He’s twenty.” She put her hands on her hips. “Are you suggesting I let a material witness go home while there’s at least one other suspect on the loose?”
“I’m a witness.”
The EMT bandaged me up and told me I looked fine, but I might have a concussion. He asked if I had someone who could drive me home. I told him, yeah, sure. I sounded super convincing. Ito crossed her arms.
I gave in. “I’ll call Erika,” I said.
Satisfied, the EMT cleaned up the mess he had made patching me up and Ito went right back to the case. “And what exactly did you see?” she asked.
“Yes, Mr. Cooper, what did you see?” Agents Alexander and Martinez had shown up and were now standing so that they flanked me. No need to worry, agents: I’m no flight risk.
“Hey!” I said. “Everyone’s here; this is great!”
Alexander folded her arms. Ito looked away, embarrassed.
“Well,” I said, excited to have an audience, “I saw the guy that hit me.” I paused. “Not when he hit me. After I woke up from being unconscious. Then I saw him.” I made a face. “I’m a pretty terrible witness, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, you are,” answered Ito.
Another FBI agent approached Alexander. She leaned in, and as he spoke quietly, her face fell. “Shit,” she said, then turned to Martinez. “The diamonds aren’t here.”
“The other guy has them,” I offered. “Probably.”
Alexander gave me the stink eye. “Why are you even here?”
“I am here finding Patrick Beverly.” I pointed to him. “See, found him. I found him.”
Alexander took a step closer and put up a finger. “I told you to let us handle it.”
With both hands toward Patrick, I repeated, “But I found him! I found him!
“Jimmy...” cautioned Ito.
“Mr. Cooper, yes, indeed, you found him. I’m sure he’s grateful.” Alexander took a breath. “However, because of your rescue, there’s fifty million dollars in diamonds somewhere in this city, there’s at least one more man in the wind, and let’s not forget about the dead body. So yeah. Thanks.”
She nodded to Ito and then headed into the house, followed by Martinez.
Ito rolled her eyes back to me. “You had to go there, didn’t you?”
I grunted. “I really thought I was...”
“The hero of this story?”
“Uh-huh.” I blew air out through my lips. “For a hot second, I thought, yeah. I was the hero. But then she made some really good points.”
“She did.” Ito looked around. “Listen, I’d love to stay and chat, but I have work to do. I’m going to send someone over so you can give a statement.”
“But you’re right here. I’ll tell you everything, Detective.” I laid it on thick.
She wasn’t buying. “Cute, but I think my boss might not agree with it. Given the nature of our relationship.”
I stood up. “Our relationship. So we have a relationship?”
She considered the question and then turned and walked away.
“We don’t have to do coffee next time,” I shouted after her. “Maybe we’re not get-coffee people. Maybe we’re dinner people.”
She turned and started walking backwards. “Or maybe we’re not meant to be. ”
Ito smiled, walking up the driveway, while I pondered just what the fuck she meant by that.
“You guys gross me out.”
I looked to my left where Kemble was standing.
“Seriously, you guys. Gross.”
He snorted and lumbered after his partner.
With the appreciation party over, I dug out my phone and called Erika. Lucky for me, it wasn’t going to be the strangest call she had ever gotten from me. That would’ve been my call from inside It’s a Small World After All in Disneyland while I was high and drunk out of my mind. I was supposed to do a live remote from there, promoting a Disney project that I was on.
Spoilers: They ended up going in a different direction.
I told her where I was and she said she’d be there in forty-five minutes. And that she loved me.
***
FORTY MINUTES LATER, after giving a description of the vaping guy to an agent, I watched from the hood of my car as a black SUV came to a halt just at the police line. The backdoors popped open. Out jumped Eva Beverly and Robert Beverly. A uniformed officer made the mistake of trying to stop Eva, but he didn’t realize he was in between her and her son. As she ran to Patrick, Robert quickly explained who they were.
Patrick had been talking to Agents Alexander and Martinez by the ambulance when he spotted his mother running toward him. He didn’t move. His face didn’t really change. Agent Alexander nudged him toward his mother and nodded that it was all right.
It didn’t matter if he took a step or not. Eva was there and hugging him. Well. It wasn’t a hug. It was an embrace. I couldn’t blame her. I lost my favorite pair of shoes for a week, and I was beside myself the whole time. I wept like a baby when I found them under my bed. It’s always the last place you look. Finding your kid is probably the same.
Eva looked like she was cradling a giant Ken doll as Robert approached. She reluctantly let go and Robert dutifully patted Patrick on his shoulder.
His actions were all so very... lukewarm. Rich people are so weird.
Robert turned himself away from his family reunion and strode over to me where I still sat on the hood of my car. “Thank you.” He reached out, offering his hand, and I took it. Wow. A hand that shook thousands of deals into existence. “I won’t forget what you’ve done for my family.”
“As long as the check clears,” I joked.
Robert’s head tilted in confusion. After all, why wouldn’t his check clear?
“Sorry,” I said, trying to salvage the now awkward situation. “I’m glad he’s OK.”
Robert nodded. He spotted his wife leading Patrick back to their car, continuing to faun over him. Robert followed.
A car horn sounded in the other direction. On the other side of the police line was my sister, standing outside her car, reaching back in through the window to honk the horn. The cops didn’t want to let her pass.