Chapter Ten

Cynthia

My first thought upon awakening was the sweet words Master Jeremy whispered in my ear before we fell asleep in each other’s arms: how he couldn’t keep his hands off my body and how he was attracted to me “exactly as you look right now, let the Flaccid Bastard be damned.” It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. I couldn’t think of a time in my life I had woken up so happy to be alive. I felt… healthy again, whole, ready to move on with my new life. I took a breath in and smiled. Even though Master Jeremy had pleasured me in every available orifice last night, he still left me wanting more. I had the overwhelming desire to please him again with my mouth.

When I turned over in bed to give him a good morning kiss and offer my services, Jeremy had already arisen. He was standing at the far end of the room, staring intensely out of a sliding glass door. He seemed focused on something in particular in the back yard. His eyebrows were creased together and there was a detached sad expression in his eyes.

“Jeremy?”

He didn’t appear to hear me in his disturbed state. I shivered. The room was very cold. The weather outside must have dropped overnight. I noticed a layer of silvery frost covering the grass outside. I got of bed and approached him.

“Is there something wrong, Jeremy?”

He didn’t respond. I put my arms around him. The sliding glass door was open a crack and all the frigid air from outside had made his skin ice cold. I slid the door shut.

“You’re freezing. Come back to bed, Jeremy. I’ll warm you up.”

He suddenly began speaking in a peculiar soft voice, barely above a whisper, while staring with a blank expression out into the distance. I leaned in closely to hear him.

“Three years ago, back when I was married, my Father had a heart attack while mowing the back lawn. My Mother wasn’t home at the time. Obsessed with my wife, hoping to keep her happy, I was out picking up something or other she asked me to buy for her. When Mom returned home, she discovered my Father lying next to the goddamn mower. By the time the paramedics arrived, his heart had already stopped beating…”

I didn’t know what to say.

“That’s terrible. I’m so sorry for your loss, Jeremy…”

“Neither of my parents told me of his heart condition. If I knew, I would have physically stopped him from exerting himself by working in the yard.”

“Of course, you would have.”

I followed Jeremy’s gaze and then noticed what he’d been staring at. An old rusty red lawn mower sat abandoned at the far end of the lawn, near a canopy of pine trees. Apparently it had been left there, after the incident. The sight of it obviously upset him.

“He refused to hire a landscape company to cut the grass. My Dad could be stubborn like that. I think he felt it was his lawn, his property, and he wanted to take care of it himself. I had just bought him a big green and yellow John Deere riding mower, but he preferred to push that crappy old broken down mower around. He had been doing it for years. He was a physician himself, a Neurosurgeon. I’m sure he knew to avoid the exertion and was well aware of the risks. I should’ve been there to physically stop him from cutting the grass. I should’ve been there, mowing the lawn for him, after everything he did for me, instead of running errands for that chain smoking unfaithful bitch of a wife I had.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Jeremy. These things happen. Don’t blame yourself. How could you have known about his heart condition, if no one told you?”

“It was my fault. I was directly responsible for my Father’s death.”

“No. Don’t say that.”

Suddenly Master Jeremy slid the sliding glass door all the way open and walked outside through his patio and into the frigid air, completely naked.

“Jeremy! You’ve got no clothes on! It’s cold out there! What are you doing? Where are you going?”

I picked up Jeremy’s robe, wrapped it around myself and ran out after him, instantly shivering from the biting cold. Jeremy had already walked briskly across the lawn in long strides, seemingly oblivious to the chill in the air. Before I could reach him, he picked up the mower by the rusted silver handle, and like a nude Greek Olympian throwing a discus, Jeremy swung it around and around, and smashing it violently against the bark of a pine tree. By the time I reached him all four wheels of the mower as well as the metal handle had broken off. He picked the underside of the mower up and continued to smash it over and over into the tree, slicing his palms on the blade. Blood was dripping down his wrists. I became hysterical, trying to stop him from injuring himself any further.

“Please Jeremy! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You’re injuring yourself! You’re bleeding! STOP IT!”

Jeremy stepped back from the wreckage, breathing deeply. Thank Goodness the mower was old and the blade was dull. I could see the cuts on his palms were superficial, but they still needed tending to. We walked, arm in arm, out of the cold and back into his bedroom. I found a first aid kit in the bathroom cabinet and tended to his cuts. I called Billingsley through the intercom system. Luckily he was on duty. I asked him to immediately bring me some hot tea, the clothes I arrived in last night and several large sturdy trash bags. I put a warm blanket around Jeremy and sat him up in a chair. Billingsley arrived almost immediately with everything I requested. After I put the hot mug in Jeremy’s shivering hands, I dressed quickly and went out with Billingsley into the back yard. We disposed of the demolished mower parts in several bags and carried the heavy metal pieces to the trunk of my car.

When I came back in the bedroom, Jeremy was sitting in the exact position as I left him. I tried to talk to him, but he was unresponsive, appearing to have slipped into some kind of catatonic state. I asked Billingsley if he would be OK and he told me not to worry, promising me that he would give Master Jeremy the best possible care. Billingsley assured me that, though he was a butler, he had some basic training in medicine and first aid. If Master Jeremy’s condition took a turn for the worse, Billingsley planned to refer him to a physician. I didn’t know what else to do. I exchanged phone numbers with Billingsley and told him to call me as soon as possible with news on Master Jeremy’s condition. Though I felt terribly guilty about it, I left Jeremy in the care of Billingsley and returned home to get rid of the bags of broken lawn mower parts in the dumpster behind my apartment complex.

It is late in the evening Saturday night as I finish this journal entry. I tried calling and texting Master Jeremy to see how he was, but didn’t get a response. I placed my cell phone near me, staring at it periodically throughout the afternoon, wishing it would ring with good news. By the early evening I couldn’t wait a moment longer so I called Billingsley for an update. He reported that Master Jeremy was at present resting comfortably, which put my mind more at ease. I still worried about Jeremy and wondered why he had behaved so erratically this morning. I hoped he would call so I could see him again later in the week. Then, before retiring for the night, I received the call I had been waiting for all day.