My footsteps thundered across the Vahland bridge to the Citadel, my dark skirts billowing behind me like a storm cloud I couldn’t outrun. Pasha’s growls chased away anyone who dared try to stop me, but it wasn’t like I could actually escape.
The crash of turbulent waves in the Queens Bay sounded far below as I rushed through the gates of the mountain fortress, knowing full well the guards would betray me the moment the queen sent someone looking for me. I didn’t have much time.
“Alithea Ahlstrom, where do you think you’re going?”
Crap. I slid to a halt on the stone steps leading up to the Citadel entrance, Pasha coming to rest on her haunches beside me. “Aunt Astrid, uh … hi.” I should have known the Queen of the Citadel would be on duty tonight. It was my aunt’s job to protect the city of Vahland Reach and their high queen. While everyone else celebrated, Astrid and her shield maidens kept watch over the city.
“Hi, yourself.” Astrid made her way down the steps and draped an arm over my shoulders. “You’re here now. I suppose they won’t miss you for a few minutes longer.” She guided me up to the entrance hall. “You wouldn’t be trying to escape your own ball, would you?” She studied me with clear blue eyes that seemed to see right through me, down to the thoughts that plagued me this night.
“No. Not exactly.” I sighed. “I just needed a quiet minute to think.”
“I can understand that.” Astrid moved to sit on an elaborate iron bench in the grand hall, patting the indigo and gold cushion beside her. “Come, niece, there is room enough here for you and your beautiful dress.”
Where the palace was warm and inviting, the Citadel was cold and dark, but I’d spent the happiest days of my childhood behind the protection of the Citadel walls. To me, it was home in a way the palace never had been.
With an irritable sigh, I sat beside my aunt, tucking my voluminous skirts under the bench. Pasha sank to the cool floor, rolling onto her back to scratch against the rough stones.
“Tell Aunt Astrid what’s bothering you. Though I can hazard a guess.” She nudged me playfully.
I leaned forward, bracing my elbows against my knees like I would had I dressed in my usual leathers. I got a face full of silk. Shoving it aside, I let my guard down. “I just always thought if I really had to do this, I could find a way to like the person I was betrothed to.”
“Thea, you can’t have given the boy ten minutes yet. How do you know you will never like him?”
“It’s Fiske Ryland.” I wrinkled my nose in disgust. All I could remember of the boy I’d grown up with was a lot of whining and complaining about the games I used to play with the other noble children in the Citadel gardens. He would kiss up to me and Sylvi one moment and the next he would instruct us on what proper princesses should and shouldn’t do.
“Ah. I can see how that might be a bit of a disappointment for you, but it’s been years since you’ve seen each other. He’s not a child anymore, Thea—and neither are you. You’ll need to get to know each other all over again.”
“It’s not fair, Aunt Astrid.” I leapt to my feet, clenching my fists as I paced across the dark entrance hall.
“That’s one way to look at it.” Astrid stood, her simple white robes fluttering around her boot-clad feet. “Or you could try to make the best of it. Talk to your betrothed and tell him how you feel.”
“He’s not my betrothed yet.” I flung my hands down at my sides.
“He will be within the hour. You need to figure out how to get on the same page with him and move forward as a united front, with the same interests, for the good of the people you serve. Whether those interests are romantic or more political in nature doesn’t matter. You must find a way to work together.”
“I know. You’re right.” My shoulders slumped. It all sounded so logical and cold. Not at all the future I once imagined as a little girl dreaming of becoming a queen just like my mother with a handsome king consort. Like the father I adored, who died when I was just a child.
“I will leave you to your thoughts.” Astrid took my hands in hers. “Trust your instincts, Thea. You will make the right choices for yourself.” She left to make her way up the stairs, joining her shield maidens as they watched over Vahland Reach from the battlements.
I stood alone in the grand hall, feeling like the cold stone walls might swallow me whole. Staring up at the vaulted ceiling, I almost wished they would.
Trust your instincts. My aunt’s words echoed in my mind. I was running again before I made a conscious decision to do so. Pasha, my ever-present shadow, followed.
The more I thought about the kind of life I would have with Fiske, the harder I ran through the familiar halls of the Citadel. I could see it so clearly—a lifetime of suffocating under the weight of a loveless marriage and a life of duty where protocol would dictate my every waking moment. But tonight I still had my whole life before me and I wanted to be the author of my own destiny. I wanted to choose my path, make mistakes, and learn from them.
“What am I doing?” My hands balled into fists as I came to a halt in the queen’s chamber, deep within the mountain of the Citadel. I didn’t know what had led me here of all places. The torchlight bounced off the rough stone walls, casting shadows across the ancient hall. The only sound was the rustling of my ball gown and my labored breath rasping in and out of my lungs.
I should be back in the ballroom, celebrating with my family, regal and confident in the future that would be set in stone with the completion of my First Ascension ceremony at midnight when my betrothal to Fiske would be official. The clock was ticking and I was mere minutes from the future I’d spent my life running from. They were probably already looking for me.
“Why couldn’t I be Astrid’s heir?” I gazed around the empty chamber, looking for answers I wouldn’t find among the colorful mosaics that adorned the floors and domed ceiling, depicting the rich history of the Nine Realms.
I’d asked myself that same question for years. Ever since it became clear to the court and more importantly, to the queen’s council, that the power of the gods had chosen me. It was such a subtle shift in power among my female relatives who were also vessels for the power. As they grew infinitesimally weaker, I grew stronger. I didn’t understand it then, but it had sealed my fate.
My heart thundered against my ribs as I paced across the chamber, stopping each time my toes touched the golden medallion marking the center of the room.
“I can do this. I can begin my ascension. It doesn’t mean I have to become the queen yet.” Nausea made my stomach heave at the thought of marrying Fiske in two years’ time. “Mother is stronger than she has ever been. It could be years and years before I actually have to rule. It’s all just ceremony now.”
So why was I here? I glanced down at my feet, just brushing the edge of the golden medallion. It was engraved with the image of the first Valkyrie queen from the last age. Brenhilde Ahlstrom I, my many-times-great-grandmother, stared at me in disapproval along with the first kings and queens of the Northern Kingdoms. The Berserker king with his black stallion kindred. The Druid queen with vines clinging to her. The beautiful giantess of the Jötnar clans standing head and shoulders above the rest. And the great Warder king veiled in snow and ice among the mists of Hel. Each ruler seemed to cast judgment on me, finding me severely lacking.
“I’m sorry,” my words rushed out in an anguished breath. “I’m not worthy to follow in your footsteps.” I couldn’t force myself to take the next step. Would it really take something this drastic to finally get through to Mother?
Behind me lay a life that would never be mine.
Ahead lay a life of infinite possibilities, but it would mean leaving everything I’d ever known. If I was brave enough to take the last step.
“You can’t go dressed like that.” Sylvanna’s voice echoed across the cold chamber.
I closed my eyes with a sigh, grateful my sister was the first to find me. It was kind of hard to hide from Sylvi when she was a gifted seer.
“What are you talking about, Syl?” I turned to face my sister. “I have to get back to the party and prance around like this is the happiest night of my life.”
Sylvi dropped a bag at my feet. “Cut the pretending. We both know today is not the happiest day of your life, but it is the day you stop being so gray all the time.”
I reached out to grab my sister and pulled her into a hug. All day I had struggled with those who didn’t understand, but Sylvi always got it. “I’m so scared, Syl.”
“Of course you are. You’re positively blue with fear and your aura is murky with indecision.”
Most people thought the queen’s eldest daughter was more than a little odd, but my sister saw the world in colors and light, with powerful auras and numbers only she could see and interpret. She was a seer like no other. Intelligent and far more capable of ruling as queen than I would ever be. She had always been the logical choice, and it was only a matter of time before the queen’s council—and the power of the gods—would see it too. They’d all made a mistake overlooking Sylvi for her strange behavior and setting their sights on me instead.
Staring into my sister’s eyes, I could see it so clearly, even if no one else could. Sylvi was the future of Valsgard, and I was the only thing standing in her way.
I lifted my hands to my throbbing head. “What do I do, Sylvi? How can I make such an impossible decision?”
“You know the right choice for you, Thea. One of these days you will find your way. You’ll find balance and confidence too, but you’re only sixteen. You’re allowed to be turquoise for a little while.” Sylvi handed me a smooth, polished lump of turquoise.
I examined the cool stone in my palm. If the rest of the Valkyrie court took the time to learn what Sylvi’s colors meant, they would understand her a great deal more.
“Turquoise is the color of idealism, right?” I wrapped my fist around the stone, shaking my head. “I’m the Queen Heir. I don’t get to be idealistic and frivolous. I have a duty.” I heaved a great sigh of regret. I didn’t want the burden of the crown; I wanted to be young and reckless.
“Everyone should have a time of freedom to figure out what color they’re going to be. A future queen especially deserves that much.” She took the stone from my hand and bent to tuck it into the bag she’d brought with her, which still lay at my feet.
“I don’t think it’s in the cards for me, sister.” I ran my hands up and down my bare arms, turning back toward the palace and my imminent betrothal.
Sylvi’s face fell. “You can’t marry Fiske. It will destroy you.”
“I don’t see how I have much choice.” I shivered at the memory of the brand he wore so proudly over his heart. I couldn’t imagine how much that must have hurt for a child.
“He’s a sweet boy, but he is not your intended.” Sylvi squared her shoulders. “No matter what Mother’s council has decided. For you, Fiske lacks magenta and his aura is far too purple and his spirit too yellow for the station he’s been given. Besides, you’ve already made your decision, Thea. I’m just here to give you my blessing and a few supplies you’ll need. You’ll be back. And when you return, you’ll find yourself settled somewhere between magenta and gold with a decidedly red aura.”
“Between balance and success, with a … passionate aura?” I frowned, trying to follow my sister’s language of colors.
Sylvi shrugged. Passionate maybe, but ambitious as well.” She held me at arm’s length. “If only Mother’s council understood me as well as you do.” Sylvi turned me around and began to unbutton my dress. “You can’t travel in this thing.”
“Where am I going?” My throat went dry. Of course, I’d thought about it. That was why I found myself in the queen’s chamber now. But I couldn’t actually do it. Could I? “What about Pasha?” I glanced at my childhood companion, nervously prowling the edge of the room.
“I will take care of Pasha.” Sylvi helped me shed my gown’s many layers, tossing me a pair of doeskin leggings and my favorite tunic. “Hurry, we don’t have much time.” She glanced over her shoulder, her eyes flashing opaque for a moment before they cleared to their normal ice blue. “They’re coming.”
I scrambled into the warm clothes, shoving my feet into my best boots as my heart raced in anticipation of what I was considering. “This is insane. Mother will kill me.”
“In time she will understand.” Sylvi turned me toward the medallion in the floor. “I’ve always said you are three, Thea. Fiske is not part of that equation. Go find your three.”
I dug my heels into the floor, bracing against my sister’s push. “Wait. I’m not ready, Sylvi. I can’t do this.” The heavy footsteps of guards sounded on the stairs. I had only seconds to decide.
“Of course you can. The Druids do it. Why not you?” Sylvi nudged me forward. “Cross the bridge, Thea. Go see all the colors and then, when you’re ready, come home and tell me all about it. I’ll be waiting right here when you return.”
“Mother help me, am I really doing this?” I turned panicked eyes on my sister. She gazed back at me steadily, her gentle spirit and calm determination settling me.
“I love you, little sister. But this path you’re on right now is not the right one. Don’t let them catch you.”
“I love you too, Syl,” I whispered as I took the bag and heavy cloak Sylvi shoved into my hands. With a deep breath, I stepped across the medallion, leaving everything I knew behind.