“Faster,” Druan demanded. “Neela won’t go easy on you like I am.”
“Easy?” I scrambled to match his unforgiving pace, lifting my axe blade in time to meet his sword. If he was going easy on me, I was a dead woman.
“Your form is good,” Vendela observed from her perch on the terrace wall. “But your stamina is dreadful. Neela will cut you to ribbons before she takes your power.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” I tried to ignore all the eyes watching me. Everyone from the garden workers to the court nobles working beside them stood by, watching my lessons with the bounty hunters. Even Pasha paced the training circle, casting judgment on my performance.
Everyone inside the Citadel had a vested interest in my looming battle against Neela. If I won, they would get their lives back. If I lost …
“I have to win,” I muttered as I picked up my pace.
“Then don’t get sloppy,” Druan barked. “Watch your form. I’ve seen this woman fight. She is a master with a blade in her hand.”
“So am I.” I lunged after him, crashing my axe against the slash of his blade. I’d grown up with a weapon in my hand, learning to fight from my father and the Queen of the Citadel herself.
“You’ve had three years of inactivity to make you slow and useless.”
“I had a job, you know. One of those things that pay you to work so you can eat and have a roof over your head. And I fought off every bounty hunter Neela sent after me.”
“Is that what you call it?” Druan ducked my lead blade and slipped behind me, locking me against his chest with his dagger at my throat. “Because it looked more like you were running away when I caught up with you.” His chest heaved in time with mine. But I wasn’t out of tricks yet.
“Yeah, well, it took you how many months to catch me? I call that surviving and outsmarting my opponent.” I rammed the blunt end of my other axe into his ribs and stepped back, ducking under his arm and away from his dagger.
“You have to do more than just survive now, Thea.” Druan dropped his sword at his side and sheathed his dagger. “You have a nation to protect. You can’t afford anything less than perfection.”
“I know.” The pressure building in my chest slammed against me like a charging stallion. “What I lack in speed, I’ll make up for with my magic and my ability to siphon. That is where I will outshine Neela. She’s had the power for a few years. I’ve had it my whole life.”
“Well, you won’t have it much longer if she kills you first.” Vendela stepped up to take her turn with me in the makeshift sparring ring at the center of the terrace. “You’ll need every tool in your arsenal.” She glanced at Druan warily. “Even ones you might not be aware of yet.”
I shook my head. “This will be a fight for the power. Not a sparring match. And we agreed it wasn’t a fight to the death.” I sipped from a waterskin Sloane offered me.
“If you believe that woman will let you live, you’re more naive than I thought,” Vendela said, crouching for her attack. “She will kill you the first chance she gets and then she’ll sap the power from your still-warm corpse. To survive this fight, you’ve got to get angry. Tap into that rage fugue that allowed you to enter her home and take her most valuable prisoner right from under her nose.”
“Dela, no.” Druan leaned against the terrace wall, his expression grim.
But I knew she was right. It was naive of me to think Neela would play by the rules. Of course she would kill me at the first opportunity.
“Get angry, Thea.” Vendela ignored Druan’s warning and charged across the ring, brandishing her daggers. We grappled for control as she tried to push me out of the ring. I dug in my heels and wrapped my arms around her middle to thwart her attack. I didn’t fight like a Berserker, but the training would be good.
“That’s good, Princess,” Sloane offered. “Use your smaller stature to latch on and then throw her off balance.”
I tried to do just that, but Vendela wouldn’t budge. The fight with Neela would take place in the skies, but I wasn’t ready for that yet. After a little more practice with Vendela, Sloane and Druan, I would move on to Sylvi and her shield maidens. Maybe even Amara if she was willing. My training would come back to me. It had to.
“You have to be prepared to fight dirty.” Vendela slipped out of my grasp, twisting until she had her arm around my throat. “This is not queen training. It’s life or death. And not just yours.” She threw me to the ground where she easily pinned me with each of her daggers, one at my throat the other at my side. “This is going to be the bloodiest battle of your life and you need to get that through your head.”
I nodded, wishing people would stop telling me things I already knew. I was nervous enough. “I know she’s the better fighter. I’m not stupid.” I shrugged out of her grasp. “Let’s go again.” I stood and brushed myself off as I moved to the outer ring to face her again.
“Get mad this time, Thea.” Vendela crouched, her white wolf and silver fox pacing behind her. Pasha eyed them warily from her place beside Sloane. Apparently, she adored the big man and the treats he slipped to her when I wasn’t looking.
“If you can’t find your anger with me, at least find it for Neela. She’s the one who nearly killed your mother. If she wins this fight with you, you’ll be dead and everyone you love will be next. She’ll never let Astrid or Sylvi live once she gets her hands on them. And if that’s not enough to get your blood up, Neela will take pleasure in killing Pasha as well.”
I ran at Vendela in a crouch, clashing with her at the center of the ring, a scream of frustration bursting out of me. She was right. I had to get angry. Anger could drive me forward where fear would be my undoing. My Valkyrie rose within me. She was angry. Angry at the thought of any harm coming to Pasha.
“That’s it, Thea,” Druan called from somewhere over my shoulder as I swept Vendela’s feet out from under her. When she hit the ground I pounced on her, wrestling with her as I tried to pin her to the ground the way she had me. The slick oily darkness of my magic seemed to feed on my anger, strengthening me as I flipped the Berserker woman on her back and finally took the upper hand.
“Is that all you’ve got?” Vendela growled, the odd flickering of her eyes the only indication that she’d merged with her kindred. She was so much stronger that way. But I still had the upper hand as I locked my arms around her, twisting her arms behind her. “Your rage is the key to winning this fight. Embrace the darkness inside you.”
I went limp at Vendela’s words, scrambling back on my heels. “What do you know about the darkness?” My voice came out softer than a whisper with all the prying eyes watching me.
“Vendela, it’s none of our business.” Druan stepped into the ring to stand between us.
“She deserves to know.” Vendela stood, brushing the dust from her leathers. “You know as well as I, she needs this if she’s going to win.”
“Know what?” I demanded. I didn’t like the look on Druan’s face. “What is this thing tainting my magic?” If they knew, I would force it out of them.
“Not here.” Druan relented, taking my arm and towing me back inside. I followed him through the hallways to the guest quarters where they were staying.
By the time we reached Druan’s room, my nerves were spiraling out of control.
“Whatever you think is wrong with my magic, tell me now.” I ran a hand through my hair, limp with sweat. Pasha nosed her way into the room with Sloane at her back.
“I will leave you, but the skýja wants to be with her mistress.”
Pasha gave a worried snort and came to my side, rubbing her head against my hip. “It’s okay girl,” I whispered, waiting for Sloane to close the door behind him.
“When you first crossed the queen’s chamber and the power of the gods returned to you, you said it felt wrong but you didn’t say how.” Druan leaned against the desk beside the bed. “Does it still feel that way?”
“Yes. It’s so different from when I was younger. Tainted somehow.” I shook my head, unable to stand still. “The more I call on the power of the gods, the more I lose the light. I’m terrified what will happen when the shadows overwhelm me.”
“It’s not tainted, Thea,” Vendela said carefully. “Valkyries—particularly Valkyrie queens and their heirs—are unique creatures of this world. You are the vessels that hold—"
“I’m well aware of how the power works, Dela. What’s wrong with it?”
“Nothing is wrong with the power of the gods. But your magic has changed now that you’re of age. You left this realm when you were only sixteen.”
“That shouldn’t matter. Valkyrie royals develop their magic early. Very little changes in regard to our magic once we’ve come of age and I’ve had magic of some level or another since I was ten. I should be stronger now than I was when I left. In some ways I am, but in other ways, I feel blocked.” I wandered restlessly across Druan’s unnaturally tidy room.
“That’s what makes you unique, Thea.” Druan said. “Nearly every creature of the Nine Realms possesses some level of the power of the gods through you and your mother, but only when we come of age. I was seventeen before I felt the first stirrings of my Druid magic. Sameerah came to me when I was fourteen, but I was eighteen before we bonded in truth through my Berserker magic.”
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.” I tightened my arms over my middle, hugging myself like that would somehow hold me together.
“When you crossed into Valsgard after your absence, it was like you came of age in that instant. So when your power returned to you, it … changed.”
“And why would it do that?” I threw my arms up in the air. “Valkyries are born with magic. We come into this world in our natural forms and shift to human within a few days. We don't shift again until we gain control of our Valkyrie during puberty and then our magic comes to us in full. Age doesn’t matter for Valkyries.”
“You are more than Valkyrie,” Vendela said gently. “The darkness you feel tainting your power feeds on your anger, yes?”
I nodded, not sure what she was getting at.
“The shadowy sensation you feel when you call on the power has a slickness to it, doesn’t it?” Druan asked. “Like it might cover you and drown out the light.”
“It’s like oil. Thick and sticky. It feels like evil itself.”
“You’re describing Berserker Magic, Thea.” Vendela crossed the room to my side, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. “And it’s not evil. It’s just a different kind of magic than you’re used to.”
“Berserker magic? That doesn’t make any sense.” I laughed, thinking they were playing some kind of trick on me.
“It only makes sense if one of your parents was a Berserker,” Druan said. “And since you’re obviously Queen Brenna’s daughter—I’ve seen the wings and talons—your natural father must have been a Berserker. A very powerful one.”
“My father is Valkyrie. A Chosen Son.” I scowled at them, searching their faces for a hint of a smile. But if it was a joke, it was a cruel one.
“The man who helped raise you and your sister is Valkyrie,” Druan said. “But there is simply no way he could be your natural father.”
“What are you saying? My mother—the Valkyrie Queen—had an affair with a Berserker, one of our greatest enemies?” I laughed at the absurdity of it all. “You think she wouldn’t have told me if my father wasn’t my father?” But there were a lot of things my mother had never old me.
“Then explain the darkness that has latched onto your power.” Vendela guided me to sit on the bed before I stumbled to the floor.
“How do you know this?” My body trembled and my hands shook as I stared at Vendela. “How do you know about the darkness? Back in the sparring ring you told me to embrace the darkness. How did you know?”
“Because I have that darkness too.” Vendela took my hand in hers. “Don't’ be afraid of it, Thea. Shadows and light can work beautifully together. Some of the greatest, most beautiful paintings in all of the Nine Realms are a symphony of shadow and light, two sides in opposition that still work together to find beauty and harmony.”
“It can’t be true.” My heart raced in my chest. “Mother would have told me by now. She can’t have lied to me my whole life. Not about this.”
“The queen has her reasons, I’m sure,” Druan said. “But the day you walked into the palace and brought your mother home, you were in a Berserker rage. I knew you had Berserker magic then, and I knew you didn’t understand it. I had hoped your mother would tell you at some point over the last days. It seems she hasn’t found the strength for it yet.”
“Wait, I can’t be part Berserker. I don’t have a kindred, and since I’ve returned there have been no signs of one showing up.” They had to be wrong. A Berserker’s magic didn’t work without a kindred.
“What about Pasha?” Vendela asked. “She follows you everywhere. Even the day you rescued your mother, I don’t think you were aware of it, but Pasha was with you every step of the way, from the steps of the Citadel, down to the dungeons, and into the council chambers, and back.”
“Pasha’s been with me since I was a child. My father gave her to me when I was twelve. She was just an orphaned kit. She didn’t come to me the way kindreds do.”
“Petra has been with me since I was twelve,” Vendela said of her wolf kindred, “though we didn’t bond until I came of age. I bonded with Aska years later. It seems Pasha has chosen you, but because of your absence, you’ve not yet fully bonded.”
“But she’s never shown any signs of being more than a skýja leopard. She’s a rare breed of cat, but she doesn’t speak to me the way Sameerah does with Druan.”
“It took Petra years to speak to me in the way of the kindred. Aska was easier, though we bonded much later and she isn’t as persnickety as Petra.”
“Sam came to me when I was fourteen,” Druan added. “But even after we bonded when I came of age, she didn’t speak to me for several more years. It takes time to build trust and to learn how to speak to each other.”
“This doesn’t make any sense.” Tears burned my eyes. If the father I’d always known wasn’t my natural father, then who was? And how could Mother not tell me? It wasn’t unusual for a Valkyrie Queen to have lovers outside her marriage to the consort chosen by her council. It was expected that if she couldn’t find love there, she would seek it elsewhere—after she produced a Queen Heir.
“Unfortunately we don’t have time for you to come to terms with the emotional side of all this.” Vendela stood up, dragging me with her. “You can deal with all your feelings of betrayal later. Right now, you need to focus on defeating Neela. And to do that, you need every tool in your arsenal. I can teach you to use your Berserker magic, even without a kindred. But you have to embrace your Berserker half.” Vendela met my gaze. “This is a good thing, Thea. It means you have a source of boundless strength and magic Neela will never see coming. It could be your only chance to beat her. Otherwise I would never have told you at such a terrible time.”
“Is it true?” I barged into Mother’s rooms to find her resting by the fireplace.
“What, darling?” The queen’s already pale face whitened even further at my outburst.
“My father…Elias” I choked on the word. “The man I loved and looked up to my entire life … isn’t my real father?” My voice trembled and my eyes grew bright with tears I refused to shed.
The queen closed her book and set it aside before she met my eyes. “How did you find out?”
“Apparently, I have Berserker magic.” I paced in front of the fire, my blood buzzing in my veins like a nest of angry bees ready to swarm the room.
“I can see it in your eyes now.” Mother shifted the blanket over her lap. “Nothing changes the fact that Elias was your father because he raised you and loved you as his own.”
“Did you lie to him too? Did you make him believe I was his daughter?” The anger burned at my skin, like my Valkyrie wanted out, but this was different. For the moment, she was subdued and my other half seemed to be making an entrance.
“Of course he knew.” The queen spoke softly. “And he didn’t love you any less for it.”
“Did he know my father was a Berserker?” I stood stiffly, my hands balled into fists.
“Elias knew and respected your natural father. They were friends a lifetime ago. I won’t have you disrespect your heritage, Alithea. Come. Sit and I will tell you about the man who would be so proud of you if he could be here to see the woman you’ve become.”
It broke something inside me to hear my mother speak of another man as my father. To speak with such love in her voice.
“Please sit with me.” The queen urged me again, patting the settee beside her. “I always intended to tell you when I thought you were ready to hear it. Since you freed me from my prison, I’ve been trying to work up the courage. I’d hoped this conversation would come after the Neela situation was resolved. I thought you had enough on your plate, darling. I didn’t want to give you another burden to bear.”
I sat on the straight-backed chair opposite the settee, too angry to sit beside my mother. “Who is he?” I asked through gritted teeth.
Mother looked down at her hands in her lap before she met my gaze. “Hagen is your natural father.”
I shot up from my seat. “King Hagen? The madman who holds the Berserker throne? That Hagen? The one they call the King of Madmen?”
“Please sit, Thea.”
I returned to my seat, trembling with new fear for my brother who didn’t yet know how much his life was in danger if anyone ever found out he was Hagen’s son. Especially the insane king himself.
“Hagen wasn’t always the madman he is now,” the queen began. “With the strongest of the Berserkers, over time, their magic can drive them into madness. When I met Hagen more than twenty years ago, he was a beloved king and the first to sit on his throne and contemplate an alliance with Valsgard. But even then, he struggled with bouts of madness known only to those closest to him.”
“I can’t believe this.” I hunched over, bracing my arms against my knees. “I expected you to tell me I was the crazy one for thinking even for a second that Father wasn’t my father.”
“I am sorry that you found out this way. Truly. But I won’t apologize for loving Hagen.”
“How did you even meet him?”
“I visited Úlfaheim to meet with the king to discuss our potential alliance. While I was there, we fell in love.” The queen shrugged. “It was the first and only time I’ve ever known that kind of love. I shared a deep regard with my husband, but ours was always a relationship of respect and a mutual desire to put our people first. Elias was my best friend and I will always love him, but what I shared with Hagen was the kind of love I hope my daughters will find some day. He challenged me in a way no man has ever dared. We loathed each other at first.” A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
“Hagen and I traveled with my council to meet with some of his supporters in another city. On the way a group who opposed our strengthening alliance attacked us. I was grievously injured and separated from my council. Hagen found me and cared for my injuries. I couldn’t fly so we traveled many days back to the palace. It was an adventure I’ll never forget. I spent many months among the Berserkers, and it was the best time of my life. But I had duties of my own to consider and I had to leave Hagen behind. Weeks after I returned, I learned I was pregnant. I never had the chance to tell Hagen. It wasn’t something I could send in a message.”
“So you never told him about us?” I asked. “He doesn’t know about Ben?”
“The madness took him in the months after I left. The Hagen I knew lost the battle with his magic. That man is gone now. Not long after, they started calling him the King of Madmen, praising his decision to refuse the alliance we’d worked so hard to achieve. It broke my heart to lose him that way, but I couldn’t tell him about either of his children.”
I clutched my hands into fists, trying to quell my anger and the urge to lash out at Mother for falling in love with the wrong man. I didn’t know how to respond to her confessions. And I didn’t know how I felt about Hagen.
“Blessed Mother Sigrún, that means Vendela is my half-sister.” Shock rolled through me at first, followed by some emotion akin to happiness. I liked the feisty Berserker woman. I would be proud to call her sister.
“The Hagen I knew adored his only child. In his right mind, he would have fought for her to succeed him.”
“Instead she had to be sent away because he believed she was trying to poison him.” I felt sorry for the little girl who had lost her father to madness before she ever had a chance to fight for her place in his court.
“His mind was broken,” Mother said softly. “He tried to have Vendela killed, though she doesn’t know that. I helped her uncle get her out of the palace and provided a safe haven for her here. I hoped one day I could help her take the throne her father would have wanted her to have.”
“And what about Sylvi?” I could barely get the question out. My eyes still burned with tears, but somehow knowing my beloved sister was only my half-sister broke my heart.
“She is Elias’ child.”
I swiped at the tears falling freely now.
“Oh my darling, no. Don’t cry, I can’t bear it.” Mother came to my side and tried to comfort me, but I couldn’t bear her touch just now. She seemed to understand and sat in the chair beside me. “That doesn’t mean Sylvi is any less your sister now than she was two minutes ago. She adores you, Thea.”
“That will change when she finds out my father is the King of Madmen.” A strangled sob nearly choked me as I let my tears fall.
“I know you are angry with me, but you will never speak of your father by that awful name ever again. And you don’t know your sister at all if you think she will care one bit about any of this.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just … shocked and sad and … a million other things I don’t even know how to express right now.” I sobbed into my hands, trying to keep the tears from falling and my heart from breaking.
“Your heritage is hitting you all at once.” Mother reached toward me again and this time I let her. “When you came for me in the dungeons, I was delirious. It wasn’t until just a few days ago when Sylvi mentioned how strangely angry you were that day that I realized your Berserker magic was coming to you as it would have when you came of age. I was a coward for not speaking to you about it immediately.”
“Oh, Mother.” I squeezed her hand. “If there is one thing you have never been, it’s a coward.” I wiped the tears from my face and took a deep breath. The anger began to subside and I felt a little more like myself.
“You’re a natural.” Mother smiled. “I’ve seen many adult Berserkers unable to manage their emotions half as well as you just did.”
I let out a breath and looked at her doubtfully. “I don’t even know what I’m doing.”
“Just remember, it doesn’t matter where you come from, darling. Your father’s magic will only serve to strengthen you. Embrace it. Own it and be proud of it.”
“That’s easier said than done when our people hate the Berserkers. What are we going to do? The council will never tolerate a half-Berserker queen.”
“I’m not sure they have much of a choice. It is clear that our next queen will either be you or Neela, both with fathers the council would never approve of under normal circumstances.” Mother sat back in her chair and I noticed she was looking much better. Stronger and healthier, though I could sense the power within her was weak. “But maybe this will force our people to see a different way.”
“Maybe you’re right.” I clutched Mother’s hand, not ready to let go. “Unless they can unearth a stronger vessel somewhere else, they’re going to end up with a less than desirable queen on the throne.”
“You know, Hagen and I once dreamed of a world where all the people of the Nine Realms could come together as allies. That one day we would be one people and it wouldn’t matter who the queen married as long as she was a chosen vessel. In some twisted way, I think that is what Neela is trying to do, but she’s gone about it the wrong way.”
“I wish you had talked to me about such things before I left.” I saw my mother in a new light. I’d always thought of her as the staunch traditionalist, but there was so much more to her than I ever gave her credit for. “I’ve always believed that we foster too much separation between the kingdoms. That Valkyries, especially here Vahland Reach, are too isolated. They can’t see past their traditions to consider another way.”
“Our generation couldn’t accomplish those first steps, but I believe yours can. I have great faith in you, Thea. You remind me so much of both your fathers—in all the best ways.”
“I don’t know what to do with all of this.” I met my mother’s gaze, trying to see past the traditional queen to the woman who once dreamed of the impossible. “But I do know I will need all the help I can get.”