For Benedict Cumberbatch, on whom I have the most undignified crush. So undignified I’m dedicating a romance novel to the man. The delicious, delicious man. Also, I was into this guy way before the Star Trek movie, unlike some of these Johnny-come-lately jerks. I stand ready to abandon my husband of two decades to be at his side. Also, I’m going to require role-play. Like, a lot of it. I’ll be his Moriarty. And his Kirk!

Anyway. This one’s for you, Ben! (In my fake relationship, I call him Ben when I’m happy with him and Dict when I’m not, like if he doesn’t want to go to Missouri to visit my folks, or didn’t pick up milk on the way home. This is a partnership, Dict. You have to meet me halfway.)