At the end of Baby Love, my book about the first year after birth, I said that the end of the first year was really just the beginning of a never-ending story. Turning from a baby into a child is another step in that story. Small in time but mighty in accomplishments for you both, it will touch your heart and stay in your memory forever.
Like Baby Love, The Mighty Toddler contains practical down-to-earth information built from my years of talking to mothers (mostly) and some fathers in my work as a pediatric nurse practitioner. Safe options for care are offered whenever possible, and it is not recommended that the book be read from cover to cover like a novel (heaven forbid)—it is intended as a parent’s working manual and information is repeated when relevant.
We are unfortunately living in a time when everyone is obsessed with outcomes. Consequently much information about child rearing today focuses on optimal things to do when children are young to ensure a good outcome when they are older. Toddlers, however, are not too much interested in outcomes. They live very much in the present. My information is intended as a guide to help you enjoy your time with your toddler in the here and now rather than to encourage you to strive to be the perfect parent raising the perfect child. It is not intended to solve every problem that comes your way. Nor does it come with promises to make your toddler more optimistic, happier, more intelligent, more musically talented, or more physically coordinated.
Rather it is written with the aim of helping you understand this time in your child’s life and to offer a practical framework for you to work within should you need one. Not all toddler problems are solvable—many disappear as the toddler years pass—but just knowing what is normal and having a few ideas of what is helpful and what is not can be comforting.
The Mighty Toddler is intended for all parents, including same-sex couples and sole parents. Regardless of their situation, the ideal of stable and functional family life is something most parents strive for. And it is possible to care for children and offer them love and protection in a variety of family structures. However, it takes guts and determination when there is only one parent and, to a lesser extent, when there are two parents of the same sex. As the vast majority of same-sex parents are women, one of the bonuses for them is that the care of the babies and toddlers is much more likely to be evenly shared. But, as with sole parents, same-sex parents face tougher challenges than do traditional parents.
It is difficult when writing to include the many variations of family settings, but I assure all parents who are living in nontraditional family structures that the information is here for you too—I certainly had you in mind when I wrote it.
I have used the word parents so consistently throughout the book that readers may wonder if I am aware of the difference between mothers and fathers. I assure you I am.
The decision to follow the trend and address readers as parents rather than mothers (as once was the case in childcare manuals) was not taken lightly. It is done with some reluctance because statistics repeatedly show that less than ten percent of couples share equally the household tasks and the nitty-gritty of baby and toddler care. Mothers still undertake most of the hard work of caring and nurturing babies and toddlers.
However, it is impossible to refer to mothers and fathers separately according to how I might think each role should work. Apart from being difficult from a writing perspective, it is likely to cause even more dismay than addressing only mothers and thus ignoring fathers. Besides, I think that it is important to acknowledge the ten percent of families where shared care is a reality.
Finally, I use parents with a certain amount of hope and optimism that sharing the hard work of the baby and toddler years equally between parents will increase in substantial ways in the future.
As I sit writing about such serious matters, I suddenly hear the sound of busy footsteps on the pavement outside my window and a voice shrill with excitement.
“Mommy, I’ve just done the biggest poo.”
Welcome back to the present.
I hope this book helps you make some sense of the comical, magic, and enchanting world of your toddler.