Chapter Twenty-Two

Alex disappeared into the Hall and Elodie watched him go with a little pang of sadness. Poor Alex. She’d be willing to bet that this was certainly not the way he’d wanted to spend his time today.

Cassie’s voice broke into Elodie’s thoughts. ‘Did you say you thought it was a child who had made me do – that?’

‘Yes. And I think I know exactly which child. Georgiana’s little sister, Lucy.’

‘Lucy?’ Cassie looked astonished.

‘Yes. She’s been hanging around here ever since the storm and she’s rather desperate to tell us everything she knows. You can’t really blame her – she was just a little girl and you know how they demand attention. Her energy was in the church and all over the attics, and we know she left the Bible in the tomb to help her sister.’

‘How? How do you know that?’

Elodie lowered her gaze. ‘I just do – her memories bombarded me when we were in there, and that was one of them. You’ll think I’m quite certifiable now, I should imagine.’ She tried to laugh but it didn’t really happen properly.

‘If you’re certifiable, goodness knows what I am.’ Cassie shook her head. ‘I didn’t even know any of this was possible.’

‘If the circumstances are right, it’ll happen. What is it they say? A perfect storm?’

‘Yes. A rare combination of factors that exacerbate a situation. Am I that situation then?’ It was Cassie’s turn to try and laugh.

‘Maybe.’ Elodie, deadly serious, stared out across the estate. ‘Lucy certainly found a way in with you. The nursery felt odd last time I was there – sort of heavy and unsettled – I bet that’s where she’s running to for safety. The thing is, she’s not staying in one place long enough to talk to.’ Elodie returned her gaze to Cassie and smiled. ‘At least we know she’s just a little girl. Can’t be as bad as a scary criminal type.’

‘It’s bad enough. I could have really hurt Alex or hurt you.’

‘But you didn’t.’ Elodie suddenly felt exhausted and was aware of the door opening behind her.

‘Have you sorted it?’

Alex was stepping outside and Elodie forced a smile. ‘Not quite. I’ve told Cassie my theory – and my theory is Lucy.’ She shrugged. ‘Too much evidence points that way.’ She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. ‘Look, I’m sorry – I’m going to have to go home and lie down. I’m just about finished. Too much excitement for one day.’

Alex, his hair still shower-damp and smelling divine, was at her elbow in an instant. ‘I’ll take you back.’

Elodie managed a laugh and fought back the urge to touch his cool skin, his too-long hair. ‘No. I’m fine. The fresh air will do me good. I need to think, and I’m at work tomorrow. So I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon. If anything else occurs to me, I’ll call you.’

‘Promise?’

‘Promise.’

‘Good. I’m pleased you’re back, Elodie Bright.’

‘I’m pleased I’m back too. Thank you for – today. You know. The tree. And stuff.’

Alex nodded. She was sure he knew what she meant. ‘Thank you too,’ he said and smiled at her.

Elodie was surprised she didn’t turn into a puddle, right on the floor, as his smile melted away the last of her reserves.

Alex left the terrace and walked up the main staircase into the front entrance. Usually, he enjoyed doing that without having visitors milling around and queuing up behind him, but today the novelty was lost on him.

He was more focussed on the fact that somebody had made Cassie ignite a whole box of papers in a cottage that was made up mainly of wooden beams.

It just wasn’t the act of a rational being.

What if Elodie had been inside the cottage at the time?

Although would Cassie have even got past her?

And could Elodie have managed to stop Cassie from doing it?

What if Cassie had done some serious damage to herself along the way?

Alex felt like water going down a plughole, going round and round in ever decreasing circles, until someone managed to put an end to the whole thing.

Ugh.

He jogged up the stairs and wended his way through the connecting doors to his office. He knew could think about things in there without any other distractions. He walked over to the big window and opened it. He stepped out onto the balcony and leaned on the railings.

He had almost lost her for good today.

What if she hadn’t come around when she did? What if he’d panicked and done completely the wrong thing? He’d read somewhere that when you gave mouth-to-mouth to asthma victims you had to give them plenty of time to exhale. What if he’d forgotten all that and, God forbid, made it worse? He should have insisted she went to the hospital.

He knew that he’d already lost ten years – he didn’t want to risk wasting any more time. Life was precious, and his life with Elodie even more so. If anything ever happened to her, and he hadn’t told her exactly how he felt, he would regret it forever. It was time to take a chance and hope she might feel the same.

He stood up straighter and gazed towards the squash courts, fighting back that image of her he’d carried with him since last year. Twice it had happened now. Perhaps, the third time, he wouldn’t be there.

He wanted to do everything he could to love her and protect her and keep her with him forever and, deep down, he knew forever wouldn’t be enough. Which made it all the more important that he did something and did it quickly.

He could see Elodie’s cottage from here as well, and he saw her letting herself into it.

‘Oh, for God’s sake!’ Balling his hands into fists, he slammed them into the balustrade. ‘What the hell am I doing here, when she’s there?’

He spun around and ran out of the office, and he didn’t stop running until he was at her cottage and pounding on her door.

Elodie had just opened a bottle of wine. In fact, the lid was in one hand and the bottle was in the other, when she heard someone battering her door down.

‘What on earth?’ She put the bottle and the lid on the kitchen bench and hurried to the door. The pounding continued as she pulled it open. ‘Alex!’ He was standing there looking flushed and angry and she quailed. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘I can’t do this anymore.’

‘Do what?’ She was genuinely surprised.

‘This.’ He gestured around, seeming to take in the Hall and the estate and her cottage. ‘It’s just madness.’

‘Running the Hall?’

‘No. Not being … not being with you.’

‘With me? But you’re usually with me. We work together and I practically live right next door to you. You see me all the time!’

‘I see you. But I’m not with you.’ He half-turned and shook his head, staring out over the estate as if the answer to his outburst lay somewhere out there. ‘Look. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. It’s fine.’

‘No. No, it’s not fine. I’ve just opened a bottle of wine. Come in. Please. Come and have a glass.’

He turned back to her and his eyes were darker and stormier than she’d ever seen them. ‘I don’t know if that’s a good idea.’

‘Why ever not?’

‘Because if I come in, I might have to kiss you, and if I kiss you I won’t be able to stop myself from doing more than that.’

‘Alex!’ She stared up at him, searching his face for the slightly mocking light in his eyes. But there was nothing there. He was deadly serious and her stomach turned over.

‘See.’ He raked his fingers through his hair, then leaned forward so he had one hand either side of the doorframe and his body and his scent and his Alex-ness filled the gap. His eyes darkened even more. ‘See, it’s even worse when you stand there and look at me like that, because all I want to do is hold you and get closer to you and it’s too hard to resist.’

Elodie shook her head, speechless. Her eyes never left his and she raised her hand and touched his cheek. He grabbed hold of it and turned his face towards her palm, closing his eyes and pressing her hand closer to him. He kissed her fingers, one by one and her heart began to somersault.

‘Is this real?’ she whispered. ‘Is this you, or is it Ben?’

‘It’s me. And it’s real. I can’t lose you again.’ He shook his head and gently pulled her towards him. She stepped out of the house and was in front of him, her hand captive in his. ‘I realised today I’ve wasted far too much time. I lost you to Piers and I thought my world had ended; but you came back and suddenly I had a second chance, but I did nothing about it. I thought I could make do with just having you at Hartsford and give you space to let you heal.’ He laughed, humourlessly. ‘I’ve done the rebound thing. I did that when you left. And then again when you got married. It’s never good. And I didn’t just want me to be your rebound. But then, who’s to say you would have even looked twice at me after bloody Prom Night?’ He captured her other hand and lifted both of them up. He pressed his lips to them again, as if he was unsure what to say next. He’d already seemingly bared quite a bit of his soul. ‘But what really did it for me, was what happened by the tree.’ He shuddered and pulled her closer, enveloping her in his arms. She didn’t resist. She didn’t want to resist.

‘It was even worse today than when I found you in the squash courts. I didn’t know if I’d be able to bring you round, and the thought of you not being in the world was unbearable. Elodie, you are my world. And you’ve every right to scream at me or slap me again – I wouldn’t blame you.’ He spoke into her hair, his warm breath and whispered words sending shivers down her spine. ‘But I couldn’t let tonight go by without telling you how I feel. I love you and I always have. If this whole story about Georgiana and Ben has shown me anything, it’s shown me that life is precious and when you find the love of your life you just have to run with it. You’re my love, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be yours, but there you go.’ Eventually, he drew away and looked down at her. He glanced away from her, perhaps wondering if he’d said too much. Reluctantly, it seemed, he released her hands and wrapped his arms around himself. ‘There you go,’ he repeated. ‘Okay. This is the bit where I walk off and get drunk and regret telling you all that, because I’m just an idiot.’

He nodded, as if he thought that was an end to it and prepared to turn away, but she reached out and took hold of his arms. ‘Alex, no. You got it all wrong.’

‘No? Yeah. I thought so.’ The light went out of his eyes. ‘I should have guessed. I’m sorry.’

‘No, you’re not to be sorry. The truth is you don’t walk off now. The truth is you’ve always been my love. Always, always. Way back to Prom Night, way back beyond that. Right now and forever into the future. Piers was my rebound, because I thought I’d lost you.’ She looked up at him, hardly believing the moment had come at last. It felt good to let the worlds tumble out. They’d been dammed up far too long.

‘Really?’ It was his turn to stare at her. ‘You never lost me. Ever. When I told you I’d blown it with the only girl I’d ever loved, it was you. It’s my biggest regret and always will be. I wish I’d stood up in that church and said it out loud when you were walking down the aisle to that ape.’

‘I wish you had too,’ she admitted. ‘It’s you I love and I have done forever. I came back up here to get married because that was exactly what I wanted you to do.’

Alex shook his head and half-laughed; his eyes were glinting again, that teasing light suddenly back in them. ‘It would have made for an interesting ceremony. So – perhaps I should come in for that glass of wine now?’

‘No.’ She smiled and shook her head. ‘You’re not coming in for wine.’ She took his hand and led him into the cottage, quietly closing the door behind them.

They stood at the bottom of the stairs, and it was simply the only thing she could say: ‘Hold me. Please. I liked it when I was sleeping in your arms.’

There was a pause; a heartbeat. ‘I liked it too.’ He moved his head towards her and his lips found hers. ‘Is this all right?’ he asked softly, eventually drawing away. ‘It’s not going to send your asthma into overdrive is it?’

‘Not my asthma. I can’t answer for anything else though.’

He drew her to him again.

She didn’t pull away.

She moved closer.

Then she started to fumble with his shirt.

Then he helped her to take it off.

Then she closed her eyes and gave herself up to him.