At Lisa’s house, we lock our bikes and go through the front door.

She puts her fingers to her lips and I nod.

I whisper, ‘Where’s the bathroom?’

She takes my hand and leads me down the corridor.

Her hand feels soft.

She flicks a light switch and I see the bathroom and go into it.

I look at myself in the mirror.

I think: my eyes are red.

Damn.

No, it’s okay.

I flush the toilet even though I don’t use it, and run my hands under hot water.

I take a breath and hold it in.

I leave the bathroom and return to the hallway.

There is a light on in a bedroom close by.

I walk towards the light, and Lisa is in her room, so I walk into her room.

She hands me a beer and I say, ‘Thank you.’

There are postcards and letters and photos on her wall, and I look at them.

I think: I wish my eyes weren’t so red.

And I turn around, sort of looking at the rest of her room, aware that I am avoiding eye contact.

I think: I wish the light wasn’t so bright.

And we sip our beer and I walk to the bed and sit next to her.

She says, ‘Hey.’

And I say, ‘Hi.’

She says, ‘Look at me.’

And I feel myself smiling, thinking: caught.

I look down and then up at her.

She puts her hands on my cheeks and we stare at each other.

She says, ‘Your eyes.’

And I say, ‘Yeah.’

Admitting defeat.

Thinking, fucking red eyes.

She says instead, ‘They’re so blue.’

And I say, ‘Sometimes.’

Kind of laughing but not really.

She says, ‘No, they are.’

I sip my beer.

She takes off her coat and turns off the light.

We lie down on her bed.

Our heads share a pillow, and we lean into each other.

Our arms touch and it’s warm.

We are breathing at the same time.

She says, ‘Do you want to watch some YouTube videos?’

And I say, ‘Yeah.’

She puts her MacBook in front of us and opens Safari.

Into YouTube she types ‘Steve Roggenbuck’.

And I say, ‘YES.’

She covers my lips with her hand and says, ‘Shh.’

I squeeze her tightly for a few seconds.

She giggles.

She loads a Steve Roggenbuck clip called ‘Somewhere in the Bottom of the Rain’.

And she reaches across her body and puts her hand in mine.

We sip our beers.

The video starts.

Steve Roggenbuck says, ‘The news said that a family got lost in a corn maze and was still in there at night, and they called 911 to get out of the maze. The news said that most people finished the maze in twenty-five minutes, but this family was in there for four hours, and I will kiss you sitting on the pier of the shallow river, and I will kiss you in your car’s back seat on the gravel turnaround in the rain, and I will even kiss you another time, pushed against a dead tree in the back of a graveyard.’

I put my arm over her shoulder and feel her exhale.

Steve Roggenbuck says, ‘I’m sorry I like you better than everything. I want to whisper into your smile, “Come watch Cops with me.” You make me need to write love poems. This is what I might whisper in the rain, “Come over and nap with me, I want you.” I sleep like a raccoon in you. I sleep in you like I am a raccoon somewhere. Do you ever want to climb into a birch tree with me? Somewhere in the bottom of the rain I want you.’

Her hand is on my waist and my skin feels prickly and in the video it looks like there are small icebergs floating in a lake with wind going in the background and I can feel my heart beating in my chest and Lisa looks at me and I look at her and we move slowly towards each other, closing our eyes as our lips touch, and her hand squeezes harder on my waist and my hand squeezes harder on her hand and our lips stay together with our foreheads touching.

And Steve Roggenbuck says, ‘I turn you with slow animals. I turn you in the dark trees. I have you with me in the dark trees. I am trying to put you somewhere else in the dark trees too. I am like the giraffe of you. Wow. I am kissing twenty-five birds when I kiss you.’

And we push together so close, kissing with our tongues touching, bathed in MacBook light.

And Steve Roggenbuck says, ‘Four hours of rain in the corn. I kiss you and I dream that I am a raccoon. You trip and you fall and instead of getting up you stay down and I kiss you on the ground in a cornfield at night. I am with you pushing flowers in the open mouth. I am with you pressing rain to the frosted window. It is even hard to cry now. In December, Michigan, there will be a snow bank somewhere of you and me and your warm legs and I am in between kissing you. Sweet dreams, you are very beautiful. I will sing to you Justin Bieber with my lips on you and my hands on you so thank you I am far into the warm tunnels of you. I will bring to you my warm dark we are under a pine tree and it is midnight so thank you I am deep into the rain of you.’

And I think Lisa closes her MacBook with her foot and I am rolling on top of her, and with my hands on her cheeks I am kissing her, and she is taking off my shirt and I am taking off her shirt, fiddling with her bra that won’t come undone but then does, and, half-naked, our bodies press against each other, and her breasts are small and perfect and I run my tongue along her nipples, which go hard, and her breath on my ear makes me shiver as she runs her tongue down the outside of my ear and over the skin of my neck and I get goosebumps as we undo the button of each other’s jeans and try to remove them, but they get caught around our ankles, and we laugh because the jeans are stupid, and we force them off with our hands, throwing them to the floor as she climbs on top of me, and she is straddling me with my erection pressing against her vagina, and, fuck, everything is so warm as she leans forward and begins rocking back and forth, with the ends of her hair tickling my chest as it brushes my shoulders; she grinds into me, and I am moaning small moans as she removes my dick from my underwear and holds it in her hand, and she is moaning small moans as I move my hand slowly up her thigh, and with one hand over my shoulder she lets out a louder moan when I put two fingers inside her underwear and rest them gently against her clit, and fuck, fuck, fuck, everything is so wet, and I lean against the wall and pull her closer to me as I put my legs under her legs and she puts her knees to her chest and she begins to stroke my dick up and down as I trace the lips of her pussy with two fingers, making small circles, and she bites her lip when I put them inside her, she bites her lip and I hold my breath as she spits on my dick with my fingers inside her, and she leans forward and puts my dick in her mouth and our eyes have adjusted to the dark and she looks up at me with her eyes and I think: you are so beautiful, and Jesus Christ this is happening, and I say, ‘I want to taste you,’ and I lie on my back and she puts her legs over my head and I stare at her pussy and think: this is the most beautiful pussy I have ever seen, and I run my tongue slowly along her pussy, which makes her shudder, and, with our stomachs touching, she puts my dick back in her mouth and I hold her arse with my hands and make small circles with my tongue and then longer licks with my tongue and I swallow her juices, enjoying them running down the back of my throat, and I grab her arse harder as I feel it begin to rise inside me, and her hips and pussy are shaking as I say, ‘I’m gonna come,’ and she says, ‘Oh fuck, me too,’ and she pushes her mouth down and holds it over the length of my dick as I rub her clit with two fingers and push my tongue inside her and then I am coming and she is coming and we are moaning and collapsing and breathing and I feel as if I’m trapped in some beautiful life that I never want to end.

In the dark we hold each other tight.

In the dark we kiss each other on the mouth and lie together on a bed under a roof in Melbourne somewhere.

And, drifting off to sleep, I think something like: it’s nice to think that people are misinformed about animals, that when crocodiles go into death rolls they are not going into death rolls, that instead they are spinning because they are too excited to be still, and that this is also why sharks can’t stop moving, for the same reason that there are too many wonderful things to do.