I GOT THE KIDS DOWN and then nuzzled up to a handful of cocktails. Between the sheer physical exhaustion, the emotional roller coasters and the booze, I was finally out like a light. The next morning I woke up early so I could see Gina at the start of visiting hours. I wanted to sit there with Gina, but instead I ended up directing traffic; there was a steady stream of visitors and flowers from friends, family, and work colleagues. To be honest, the visitors were a welcome distraction for me.
I didn’t know it yet, but Jackson was going to be an issue. It was easier to walk the girls through everything, but with Jackson being older and me not being his biological father, that was a harder road to navigate for both of us. It’s funny (and a lot of guys with step kids have shared this sentiment with me as well); regardless of how long you’ve been a part of a child’s life or how much you do for them, even if their ‘actual’ fathers don’t do much for them, you never really measure up. I tried like hell with Jackson. I ran baths, made meals, tried talking to him and in a sense, tried filling in for Gina in the areas where she was very entrenched in his life. I’m sure part of it was him being a scared kid and maybe subconsciously being scared of losing the only ‘real’ parent he had left, but we had a hell of a time. Internally I was torn between wishing I could satisfy his needs more and wishing she could just get better so she could take this back over. I remember thanking God that this was only temporary because he and I were about to kill each other.