AS I WAS WRITING this book, I wrote it under the working title What About Me because when it comes to breast cancer, everyone’s focus immediately centers on the woman in the fight and if there are children involved, they share in that focus as well. The men attached to them however, seem to almost always be the forgotten party. Even though they are hurting and fighting right alongside their wives, typically they are counted on to just instinctively know what to do, help everyone along and keep the ship righted.
There seems to be countless books, support groups, and things of the sort for women going through breast cancer, but there is no manual for guys on what to do when death steals their wives. There is no road map on how to handle things or how to react.
I want to be clear; by no means do I intend for No One Said It Would Be Easy to be either of those. This is not a how-to book. As much as this book follows the thread of what Gina (the woman in this story) goes through, the reason I wrote this book was because of what Tommy (her husband) had to endure as a husband, as a father, and as a man. The purpose of this book is to provide you with a peek into his world, as a man who took every step with his wife and how those steps and their consequences affected both him and those around him along the way. I’ll show you the mistakes he made. You’ll see the situations he was in – some of which you may have already seen or some of which may lie ahead of you.
You’ll see as you read through this book that Tommy’s really just a regular guy. He wears blue jeans, drives a normal car and watches football like any other typical guy. He loves his wife and kids and would do anything for them.
At the same time, you’ll see he’s a hold-nothing-back kind of guy. As men, we have a tendency to clam up and not discuss our feelings with each other. There might be a close friend we occasionally open up to or confide in, but that’s usually prodded along by a cocktail or two. Typically as guys we keep our conversations limited to sports, business, and things of the sort. Guy things.
It’s important to note that every situation is different. The woman in your life might be going through different procedures, you might have different circumstances, etc. As I said, this book isn’t mean to be a road map, but instead I hope it helps to point out where some common turning points might be, either medically, emotionally, or just as life benchmarks.
Much like Tommy, I’m a hold-nothing-back kind of writer so I’m going to lay it all out here for you. I’ll show you the road he traveled, where he took the turns well, where he put the car on two wheels and where he made mistakes and flew off the path altogether. As you’ll see (or perhaps you already know), it’s a long road and there are a lot of people that become involved.
If you’re living this there will be times where you’ll scream inside your head and not know where to turn. Hopefully this book helps you figure things out, not just how you handle any certain situation but how you handle yourself and your own sanity as well.
Here’s to hoping your road is easier because of the pages that follow this one.
God bless,
Ken Churilla