One month later…
“I’m officially employed,” Grecia announced the moment she came through the door of the apartment. She hadn’t felt this good in…ever.
Jeremy beamed from across the room, his grin wide. He was holding Amelia against his chest. Luckily, she wasn’t currently sleeping or Grecia would have woken her up. She was cooing and flailing her arms around.
“That’s exciting. When do you officially start?”
“Tomorrow.” She approached him. “Do you want me to take her?” she asked as she smiled at the happy baby. Even Amelia had seemed happier lately. If that was a thing for a tiny baby.
“Nope. She’s fine.” Jeremy reached out with his free hand and ran it down Grecia’s hair, touching her without touching her. He did that a lot, and he always moved slowly, making sure she knew he was about to touch her.
She appreciated the way he was always so careful with her, but he didn’t need to be. She wasn’t made of glass. And secretly, she wished he would do more than occasionally stroke her hair.
She had no idea what had gotten into her, but over the past month, she’d changed. She’d come alive in a way she’d never expected. She’d gradually begun to feel safe and…loved. Platonically, right?
“You’re not going to jump in full time, are you?” Jeremy asked, frowning.
She chuckled. “No. They wouldn’t let me. It’s not like I haven’t been spending more and more time volunteering in the daycare. I’ve been there a few hours a day for a while. Now, it will be four. Mornings or afternoons.”
“Okay. I just don’t want you to overdo it. You’re still recovering.”
She met his gaze. “Honestly, I’ve never been this healthy. Physically anyway. I’ve never eaten as well as I do here, nor have I slept as well. Between the three of you, I’m not sure when it was my turn to take a night shift.”
“You don’t need to take a turn. You need to sleep. We’ve got it. Besides, Amelia is sleeping through the night now. She’s no bother to anyone.”
“Yeah, but she squirms and makes noises. I don’t know how Dawson and Elias sleep in the same room with her.” Grecia glanced at the open doorway. Neither man was in the apartment right now. They would be at work. Jeremy would be going to work soon too. He’d taken the morning to watch Amelia even though it hadn’t been necessary. No one at the daycare would have cared if Grecia brought the baby with her to the official interview. She always brought Amelia to the daycare, and she would continue to do so. It was one of the perks.
Jeremy chuckled. “Amelia has Dawson and Elias wrapped around her pinkies. They fight over her. They would be insulted if either of us suggested moving her to another room at night.”
None of them had specifically discussed the other two men moving into the apartment, nor had they officially brought all of their belongings over. However, most of their clothes had gradually migrated in that direction over the past month.
“I like to see you smiling,” Jeremy said softly.
Grecia liked the way it felt too. She also liked the way he was looking at her right now. The way he often looked at her. Did he realize he followed her around a room with his gaze?
She was pretty sure he tried to hide it by not moving his head. Just his eyes. But he wasn’t fooling anyone. Least of all their other two apartment-mates who also followed her around with their eyes.
At first she thought they were simply worried about her and taking her pulse constantly. She wasn’t so naïve that she didn’t suspect all three of them were interested in her romantically, but no one had said a word. No one had pressured her in any way. They’d simply moved in and helped her out immensely.
When Jeremy reached up to tuck the blanket around Amelia’s kicking feet, Grecia set her hand on top of his. She’d never done anything this bold before. He’d stroked her skin a few times, but she’d rarely reached out to touch him herself.
She stared at their connection, threading her fingers between his much larger ones, her palm covering the back of his hand. She didn’t say a word. She simply stroked his warm skin, wishing life had been different. In a parallel universe, she wouldn’t be so fearful of men and unwilling to get near one.
In Grecia’s childhood, she’d been rather sheltered from men. She’d grown up in a home for girls. Not a nice one, but a government-run agency. In those days, Grecia hadn’t known the government was the enemy and not to be trusted. In her mid-teens, she’d realized she was destined to be either married off to a rich family or forced into a breeding program. That was when she and Cora had snuck out in the middle of the night and run away.
The two of them had hidden and foraged for a few years until they found a private women’s shelter that took them in. It wasn’t until then that the two of them had begun to fully grasp things from a more worldly view.
Their indoctrination into life had happened fast. More of a crash course from the other women living in the shelter. Gossip. Complaining. Horror stories that shook Grecia to the bone. On good advice, she and Cora had rarely strayed from the shelter.
They hadn’t left the shelter that fateful day that changed their lives either. They’d simply stepped out back for a few minutes to get some air. That’s how easy it was and how long it took for them to be abducted and never seen again.
No one would have looked for them. No one would have even cared. They’d known that from the moment they’d been tossed into the side of that van. They’d known they would probably not survive either.
And yet, somehow they’d lived. A year later, they’d even escaped, but not unscathed. The emotional scars were deep.
Grecia was still staring at her connection with Jeremy when he slowly flipped his hand over so her palm was against his. He rethreaded their fingers and clasped her smaller hand. His skin was lighter than hers, but the contrast appealed to her.
Grecia drew their combined hands toward her face and rubbed his knuckles against her cheek, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply. She was close enough to him to draw his scent into her.
After a few seconds, Jeremy eased their combined hands from her cheek to his. She tipped her head back and watched his expression as he slid her knuckles to his lips before gently kissing them.
Her heart was thumping so loudly she wondered if he could hear it. Slipping her hand from his, she palmed his cheek and stepped closer. Amelia was squirming between them, but she wasn’t fussy.
“You’ve been a godsend,” Grecia murmured. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done to help me.”
“You’re welcome, honey.”
Feeling bold, she ran her fingers over his lips. “I think I’d like you to kiss me sometime.” Good grief. Could she sound any cornier?
Jeremy didn’t laugh at her though. He grabbed her fingers and kissed the tips. “I’d like that too, honey.”
Amelia let out a sharp wail as if she’d timed it.
Grecia sighed and glanced down at her sweet face. “I better feed her.”
“It’s about that time.” Jeremy slid Amelia into Grecia’s arms.
Grecia stared at him for a few seconds before turning toward her bedroom.
“You don’t…” Jeremy began.
Grecia turned around.
Jeremy was running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want this to come out wrong, or for you to misinterpret it, but you don’t have to hide in your room to feed her. It can’t be comfortable. You don’t even have a good chair. You can sit out here on the sofa or one of the armchairs.”
Grecia chewed on her bottom lip, thinking about his suggestion.
Jeremy rubbed his hands together nervously. “What I mean is that, well, I don’t know what your reasoning is. If nursing her in front of people makes you uncomfortable, that’s fine, but if you do it in private because you don’t think you should in front of us, we don’t mind at all. We’ve all seen women nurse babies. It’s part of life.”
Grecia considered his words. He was right. She did always nurse Amelia in private. It was also not the ideal location. She didn’t have a comfortable chair. And the baby was getting heavier.
When she’d first arrived, she’d been nothing but a shell of a human being. Undernourished, in pain, confused, and scared. She’d had a baby she hadn’t ever expected to hold in her arms and nothing else. Not a single belonging. She’d been sick and dirty and tired and hadn’t believed she would live through the day.
Grecia also hadn’t trusted easily. No one. Especially not men. She’d moved into Jeremy’s apartment because he’d had the space and had offered. She’d proceeded to hide from him out of self-preservation.
But that had been three months ago. A lifetime. The reason she’d continued to stay in her room most of the time had been habit. She would have felt awkward suddenly plopping down in the living room and pulling out her breast.
He’s offering.
It was still awkward, but she decided to accept his offer and try to keep things as light as possible. “Okay,” she whispered as she lowered herself into one of the armchairs.
Jeremy immediately put a footstool under her, lifting her feet to set them at the elevated height. He grabbed a towel next and draped it over her shoulder. “This will be more comfortable, and no one will see a thing,” he announced.
She wasn’t sure she cared what he saw at this point. She kind of wanted to see his expression if he caught a glimpse of her breast. Perhaps she’d lost a few brain cells thinking like that.
Jeremy set a bottle of water on the end table and stroked her face, hesitating a moment, looking down at her, holding her gaze, smiling. It was sweet and endearing and unnerving.
Suddenly, he leaned forward and kissed the top of her head before leaving the room. He went into his bedroom. He didn’t shut the door, but she could no longer see him.
Balancing Amelia on her lap, Grecia unbuttoned the front of her dress like she always did. Next, she unfastened one side of her nursing bra before sliding her arm back under Amelia and angling her to the breast.
Amelia latched on. She was a good eater. Rarely fussed. She no longer cared if she had a bottle or the real thing in her mouth. That was a blessing. It was the reason why Grecia had been able to start sleeping at night.
Grecia inhaled long and slow. This was much more comfortable. Her back was supported, and the stool elevated her knees so Amelia was propped up higher without Grecia having to keep her at the right height with her arms.
Amelia moaned around Grecia’s nipple while she suckled, making Grecia smile at the sweet cherub. She forgot all about the towel Jeremy had brought her, and she was so focused on Amelia’s little fingers and her fat cheeks that she didn’t notice she was no longer alone.
Suddenly, she lifted her gaze to find Jeremy standing several yards away. He was behind the couch, his hands gripping the back of the cushion. His gaze was on her.
Grecia didn’t flinch. There was no reason to be embarrassed and less reason to be nervous. Besides, the look on Jeremy’s face melted her. He looked serene. Awestruck.
Grecia glanced back down to see how exposed she actually was and found it wasn’t that big of a deal. He could see the upper swell of her breast, but Amelia’s lips were tight around her nipple.
Other women in the compound had babies. They nursed them all over the place without hesitating. Grecia had been jealous of their ability to so nonchalantly plop down anywhere they were and whip out a breast.
“I’m sorry,” Jeremy whispered. “I didn’t mean to stare. You’re so beautiful. And I don’t mean that in a sexual way. I mean there’s something so natural and life-affirming about a woman nursing a baby.”
Grecia’s cheeks heated and she lowered her gaze. “I forgot the towel,” she commented lamely.
Jeremy rounded the couch and sat on the coffee table, much closer, facing her. Only a few feet separated their knees.
After a few minutes, Grecia lifted her eyes again, meeting his.
He took a deep breath. “I want more.”
She held her breath, wondering what he meant. More what?
He leaned forward, setting his elbows on his knees. “With you. I want to be more than your roommate. Maybe I have no business feeling this way. Maybe I’m a fool to bring it up, but I’ve wanted to say something for a while. I’m thirteen years older than you. That’s a lot. I’ve considered how selfish that is. Perhaps you aren’t interested in ever being with a man, and perhaps you deserve someone closer to your age. But it feels wrong of me to tiptoe around you every day feeling what I’m feeling and not saying anything. You deserve to know.”
Amelia finished eating. In fact, she’d fallen asleep, and her mouth popped free.
Grecia flinched and quickly lifted the front of her dress up to sort of cover her breast. Certainly, Jeremy had gotten an eyeful, but when she glanced back at him, he was watching her face, not her chest.
He looked nervous. He was rubbing his hands together. “I would never pressure you into anything you aren’t interested in or ready for. No one would. But it feels wrong of me, knowing how I feel and not telling you.”
Grecia wasn’t sure how to respond, and this was important. She was surprised. He’d caught her off guard. He was right. They needed to have this conversation, but she needed a moment to pull her thoughts together.
She eased the sleeping baby away from her. “Would you mind putting her in her crib?”
“Of course.” Jeremy lifted her carefully out of Grecia’s arms and stood to shuffle across the room and into the room Dawson and Elias shared.
Shit. Dawson and Elias. Did they feel the same way as Jeremy? That was an important detail.
Grecia rose, refastening her bra and buttoning her dress before Jeremy returned. When he did, he eased the door shut before meeting her gaze again. “I’m sorry. I know that’s a lot to drop in your lap. There was never going to be a good time.”
“It’s okay.” She took a step closer. He wasn’t going to advance on her further. He was too much of a gentleman. When she was close enough to touch him, she grabbed his hands in hers and tipped her head back. “How do Dawson and Elias feel?” she asked.
Jeremy licked his lips. “I should not speak for them.”
“But you know. Please tell me. Do they feel the same way?” She suspected they did, but she needed to know for sure.
“Yes.”
“Does that bother you?”
“No.” He didn’t hesitate.
“We have a pretty nice dynamic here,” she stated. “The four of us. Five, I guess.” She drew in a breath. “But it’s not fair to you. Any of you.”
His breath hitched. “Grecia…”
She shook her head. “That didn’t come out right. I just mean… You’re in limbo here with me. The three of you. You’ve been waiting, haven’t you?”
He nodded, not denying her words. “Not because we would have it any other way though, Grecia. We enjoy your company. We adore Amelia. We get along with each other. It’s comfortable. The group of us together makes sense. No matter what. Do you know that?”
She gave a quick nod. “I think I do, but…” She took several deep breaths. “I might want more too,” she whispered.
Jeremy blinked as if processing her words.
She rushed to continue. “I can’t promise anything. I don’t know how to be with a man. I certainly don’t know how to be with three men. It’s overwhelming and I’m nervous and a bit freaked out. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’m curious and interested.”
Jeremy gave a small smile. He tugged on her hands, pulling her closer.
She took a step toward him. “What happens now?” she asked, her voice cracking.
“Nothing, honey,” he said softly. “A lot of talking.” He gave her hands a squeeze. “Maybe some hand holding.” He grinned.
She chuckled, which sounded jarring even to her own ears. “I’ve been here three months. Dawson and Elias moved in one month ago. Are you sure it’s not too soon to move on to hand holding?”
Jeremy laughed. “Did you just tell a joke, Grecia?”
“I believe I did.”
Jeremy dropped her hands, set his palms on her shoulders, and slid them down her back, urging her to lean into him.
When she did, he hugged her tight.
Nothing had ever felt so good. So right. So…calming. Every time he touched her, she felt that calm come over her. He grounded her and made it feel like everything might turn out all right.
Grecia wrapped her arms around Jeremy, returning the hug, breathing in his scent, enjoying the feel of his neck against her cheek. She never wanted to let go, and he didn’t release her either.
They stood there for a long time in silence. Finally, she tipped her head back and met his gaze. “No one’s ever kissed me before,” she announced, surprised by her boldness.
His breath hitched. “Seriously?”
She narrowed her eyes. “I’ll never lie to you, Jeremy.”
He nodded. “Of course. Sorry. Would you like me to kiss you?”
“I think so.” She did. The thought of his mouth descending on hers wouldn’t go away. She also didn’t think a kiss would make her uncomfortable. The thought of being naked with a man made her panic. The idea of ever letting anyone inside her again felt insurmountable. But one thing those men never took from her was kissing. They may have used her mouth for their pleasure more times than she could count, but no lips had touched hers.
Kissing felt like a safe zone. She wanted to experience it. She wanted to know if it would make her heart beat faster like just being in the room with these men had proven to do.
Jeremy stared at her mouth before sliding one hand up to cup her face, his thumb stroking her bottom lip. “Ask me again,” he said in a husky voice.
“Kiss me, Jeremy.”
He slowly lowered his face until his lips brushed ever so slightly against hers. For a moment, she was disappointed. Was that all he was going to give her? She’d seen far more intimate kisses than that in her life.
Jeremy smiled against her lips. “You look disappointed,” he teased, his lips still brushing over hers.
Her eyes widened. “No.”
He chuckled. “I promise there’s more. I wanted to give you a chance to change your mind.” His breath mingled with hers. His lips were so soft and teasing. His thumb was stroking her chin. “Open for me, honey.”
She parted her lips farther as he angled his head to one side and finally pressed his mouth more firmly against hers.
She whimpered as his hand slid up her back between her shoulder blades. The kiss switched from something simple to something complicated, and so did her emotions. After nibbling along the seam of her lips, he licked along her bottom lip and slowly eased his tongue into her.
She arched closer to him, grabbing his waist as she touched his tongue with hers, tasting, learning, falling. A low grumble sounded from Jeremy’s throat as he deepened the kiss further, making her toes curl and goosebumps rise on her skin.
She was completely lost in herself by the time he released her lips. Breathing heavily. Head swimming. Chest rising and falling. “Wow.”
He chuckled, his chest vibrating against hers. “That’s a good response. Better than shrugging, I suppose.”
She smiled. “I wasn’t expecting anything like that. I was just wondering if I would mind touching your mouth with mine.”
“Did you mind?”
She giggled. “Not at all.”
“I love the sound of your laughter. I’m so glad you’ve been sharing it more lately. We all are.”
She sobered, eyes widening. “Will Dawson and Elias be mad?”
“No. Definitely not. Jealous maybe but not mad. If you want to test the waters with all three of us, I suggest you have a similar conversation with both of them later tonight. If you have similar feelings of curiosity for Dawson and Elias, don’t keep this from them. Secrets between us will never bode well.”
“Okay. Are you going to tell them?”
“If you’d like me to. Or we can tell them together. How about tonight after dinner?”
“Not in the cafeteria though.”
He smiled. “Definitely not. When we get back here.”
She chewed on her bottom lip, nervous about this huge decision. “I guess we skipped the hand holding stage then.”
He reached for both of her hands and pulled them together between their chests. “Not at all. We’ll do both. Besides, don’t forget…” He wiggled his eyebrows, a silly expression on his face as though he were about to tell a funny joke.
“What?” she asked, confused.
He leaned in to whisper in her ear. “I’ve seen one of your breasts.” He said this as if it were a state secret and incredibly important.
She giggled. She knew his words were meant to lighten the tension and make her laugh. And they did. But in addition, she was nervous about anyone seeing her actually naked. Naked meant touching and touching might make her have a panic attack.