Ash kept himself together. Connor didn’t have to know the temper that Ash was holding inside. He didn’t have to have any idea of just how many ways Ash had planned to kill whoever had hurt Connor. Poisoning, stabbing, vehicular manslaughter, torturing—none of it was off the list at the moment.
He knew he wouldn’t do any of that. Not one thing that could possibly come back and hurt Connor, that was for sure. Connor somehow had got to a place where he was happy dealing with things in his own way. Happy possibly, despite the pain that Ash had heard in Connor’s voice.
So what next? They held hands walking up to the Grange, and Ash knew he shouldn’t stay quiet, but he overcompensated in a big way.
“Most summers we were in Portugal, so I didn’t spend any time at Fordham Grange. Most of the time, if I was home, it would be at the Manor over at Compton, which is where Mum and Dad live now. The Manor is three times the size of the Grange here, and older, but they spend so much time travelling now that it’s mostly empty.”
Just short of the front gates, Connor tugged Ash to a stop. “I told you about what happened because I wanted something more with you, I wanted the rest of the summer to be a good time. Do you think you can get past this?”
The soft light from the lanterns by the gate cast a warm glow around them both.
“I can,” Ash admitted. He had hopes this could last past the summer, but maybe this was all Connor was ready to give. He wished he could just say that everything could be filed away in his brain as much as Connor appeared to have done, but he couldn’t. Then he realised what he’d said, and he quickly qualified it. “I want to. I don’t mean that it changes how I see you, I just have to work hard at not wanting to hire hitmen.”
Connor smiled at him and cradled his face in that way that just melted Ash to the core. “No hitmen.”
“I promise.”
“Do you have your fingers crossed?” Connor teased. Ash briefly reacted angrily. How could Connor be smiling and teasing when he’d just rocked Ash’s life? How could Connor be anything but broken by what had happened to him? How could Connor not want Ash to hire a hitman? Then realisation slid into place. Connor hadn’t told him to make him want to get revenge. He’d confided what had happened to explain how he was to allow Ash to see what he might be taking on.
I can do this. I can be strong for Connor.
Ash lifted both hands and showed his uncrossed fingers. “Nope. I promise.”
Connor sobered a little. “Are we okay?”
Ash’s heart broke with the softly spoken words. So much weight filled the slight syllables, but there was hope in Connor’s eyes.
“Yes, Connor. We’re okay.”
They kissed in front of the gate, they kissed when they were through the gate, on the doorstep, when the door closed behind them and they were inside. Ash couldn’t get enough of the taste of Connor and he had that instinct to climb like a monkey again, to wrap his limbs around Connor and to never let go.
“Coffee?” he asked. He wanted to go at Connor’s pace.
“No,” Connor said. “Are Landon and Rachel here?”
“Landon said he was going back to Rachel’s.”
“No coffee, then. Let’s go see your room.”
They parted and Ash gripped Connor’s hand, leading him up the wide curved staircase to the bedrooms. His room, or the spare room that was his for the summer, was left of the stairs off from the wide landing, along with doors for the wing with Ben’s room and office, and Stephanie’s room.
“This one,” Ash said.
Connor tugged him to stop.
“You want to go back down?” Ash asked.
“If I hurt you…”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“How do you know?”
Ash smiled. “I have a black belt in origami,” he joked and got an answering smile from Connor.
They took the steps to the room and Connor stopped again. “Okay, this is wrong.”
Ash fought back the disappointment that peaked, then vanished pretty quickly. He was a grown man, he could handle a case of blue balls when he knew the pain that was inside Connor. “Let’s go down and get coffee.”
“No,” Connor frowned. “I didn’t mean… I just wanted to say, this is more to me than just a summer fling. So if you’re not ready to take this further than just a hook-up, you have to let me know.”
This time it was Ash’s turn to tug Connor towards him where he could hug him close. “I’m falling in love with you.”
Connor squeezed him a little. “Okay.”
Ash wasn’t too disappointed that Connor didn’t immediately announce his undying love, but he covered it with a deep kiss, then began backing towards the room, fumbling with the doorknob as it pressed into his lower back.
They kind of tumbled gracelessly into the room when the door opened, but Connor righted them and for a second they parted.
What did Connor see? This was a big room, with tiny paned windows looking onto a dark front garden and heavy drapes in a soft gold and blue. The comforter was the same colour and Ash had actually made the bed this morning, well, pulled the quilt and blankets up anyway. Sturdy furniture—a bed, side cabinets, a large dresser and cupboards—and another door that led out to a small balcony. The view from that in the daylight was pretty spectacular over the valley below, and Ash had the sudden desire to ensure they sat there tomorrow, maybe as dawn chased night from the valley and bathed Lower Fordham with soft morning sun. Coffee, toast, Ash could probably rustle up some jams from Ben and Chloe’s kitchen if he looked hard enough.
But for now, this was the room, solid and strong and very masculine.
“What do you think?” Ash asked. He was curious what Connor thought of the place he called home for the rest of the summer.
“This is a really special house,” Connor said. “Growing up here must have been…” He stopped, like he couldn’t really find the words to explain.
“Like I said, we didn’t use it, the place was rented out to a colleague of Dad’s until Ben married his first wife, Patricia, Stephanie’s mum, then it became his.”
“It’s lovely.” Connor yanked Ash hard against him. “Not as lovely as you are, though,” he growled into Ash’s ear.
Something wound its way round Ash’s legs, then did a twist and caused Ash to tumble backwards. At the last minute Connor caught him and at the same time scooped a furry body into his arms.
“Hey, Tux,” he crooned. Tux placed paws on Connor’s chest, then rubbed his head against Connor’s chin. “How’s he doing?” Connor asked.
Ash couldn’t believe this bundle of claws and fur had gotten in between of him and Connor, but when Connor pressed a soft kiss to Tux’s head and Tux began to purr, Ash realised there was nothing better than a big strong man with a cat in his arms.
“He’s doing fine.”
“Seen any more of Muffin the Ginger Menace?”
“Yeah, on the front wall last week, Tux just curled on the gate and stared at him, they faced off for an hour.”
“Tails twitching, staring each other out.”
“Totally.”
“I’d love to think they have cat telepathy and that was Tux telling Muffin to back the hell off.”
Ash had enough of the cat talk. He and Connor had been moving up to the room to make love, not back down to pet Tux. Gently Ash extricated Tux and didn’t even curse when the cat showed his displeasure by hissing and sinking claws into his wrist. Very carefully, he encouraged Tux back outside, then deliberately shut the door. Nothing was coming between him and Connor tonight.
The forceful Connor had disappeared and Vet Connor had replaced him. Ash selfishly wanted strong pushy Connor back.
Connor hadn’t moved and Ash silently padded back to where his potential lover was. Despite the claws and the added disapproving hiss from Tux, Ash was still hard as nails and wanted nothing more than to sink into Connor’s hold.
Just like that it was on. Between polite chatting about the house and abrupt passion and need, there was nothing, no second where Ash could draw breath. And he loved it. Connor was frantic, tugging and removing clothes from Ash until Ash was naked and Connor was still in jeans. Ash tried to do the same but Connor shoved him backwards onto the bed, Ash bouncing a little and scooting back.
“Condoms? Lube?” Connor asked. He was unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning jeans, stalking Ash, need etched into every line of him.
Ash pointed at the drawer. “In there.”
Connor pulled the drawer so violently it nearly came all the way out, but he caught it at the last moment. Condoms and lube joined Ash on the bed, and then Connor, shirt off, jeans pushed down and away, climbed next to Ash and for a second lay on his side and stared at Ash.
“Promise me something else,” he said gently.
“Anything.” Ash wasn’t lying. He’d promise the moon in a jar if Connor would just get with the plan and make love to him now.
“If I hurt you, if I get too… much… you tell me.” Connor smoothed a hand through Ash’s hair, tugging at it gently, reminding Ash that Connor could be hard and heavy and forceful. Just the touch was enough to have Ash arching up into Connor’s hold.
“God,” he breathed. “Anything.”
“Ash?”
“I will… just… touch me.”
Connor didn’t delay, he rid himself of his underwear until he too was naked then he straddled Ash, his cock thick and erect and his hands sliding the length of himself. Ash had moved to position his head on the pillows and he moved his hands to grip the headboard slats, getting a groan of approval from Connor.
“You’ll stay there,” Connor whispered. There was wonder in his voice, and an edge of an order. Ash didn’t even bother responding. He wanted it all. Then Connor began to trace each line of Ash’s body with his fingers, teeth and tongue. He kissed and bit his way from Ash’s throat to his groin, each pass a little closer until Ash was whimpering with the need to feel some touch to his cock.
“Please…”
Connor kissed the words away. “Shh.”
The kiss deepened and Connor moved and finally Ash had the pressure he needed, the press of Ash’s hard cock against his. He could have cried with the necessity of more. He wasn’t going to beg again, but he very nearly did when Connor moved again, up and away. This time he was coating his fingers with lube and Ash widened his legs, grabbing a loose pillow and shoving it under himself to tilt his pelvis, quickly putting his hand back where he’d promised to leave it.
Using enough slick to ease his finger into Ash’s tight hole, Connor hummed more approval and spent the longest time pressing the single digit in, then slowly out, the whole time kissing the hair at the base of Ash’s cock and tasting the skin of Ash’s soft balls, each time the stubble on Connor’s chin caught on Ash’s sensitive skin, each moment that there was a slight pressure on Ash’s cock, his breathing grew heavier, until he couldn’t remember how to breathe.
“Please…” he finally begged, and it was a begging that caused Connor to nudge Ash’s cock with his nose, then lick a stripe from base to tip. Connor squeezed more lube, pressed a second finger after the first, catching Ash’s sweet spot and Ash reared up as ecstasy raced through him and he squirmed, pinned as he was, on Connor’s fingers. Connor scissored his fingers, then, thank God, he closed his mouth over the tip of Ash’s cock. Ash closed his eyes; he couldn’t watch what Connor was doing. He was so close to losing it as it was. Connor’s other hand dug into Ash’s thigh, the nails in his skin, the push of small pain a reminder of the scene in the kitchen, and Ash couldn’t think about anything but Connor fucking him now.
Connor concentrated on a rhythm and Ash was helpless and loving every moment. He wanted to touch, but God, what if Connor didn’t like it, what if it was too much for Connor to bear? Then the thoughts vanished when Connor pressed in more fingers and twisted and reached and touched and sucked with his lips.
“Stop, please… inside…” That was the most coherent he could be at the moment.
Connor’s mouth left him, fingers still corkscrewing, lube slicking and warm, then Connor’s fingers left, and then he was back, encouraging Ash on all fours and pushing inside. This was no gentle, slow inch by inch, this was Connor with that same hand pressing into Ash’s hip, the other hand twisted into Ash’s hair, fucking him like there was no time to do anything like this again. Again and again he pounded into Ash, cursing behind him, and Ash was so much closer with each push. Connor forced him to turn his head and they kissed clumsily, nothing more than teeth and taste and the need to connect, and then Connor was moving away.
“Touch yourself,” he ordered. He softened a little. “Please.”
Ash circled his cock; he knew a single touch like this would send him over the edge into oblivion, and as Connor shouted his completion, Ash was coming over his hand, the bite of Connor’s fingers, the hand in his hair, and he was done.
For a while Connor lay still, then, somehow, in the post-fuck daze, they were separate, Connor next to him breathing heavily, a gap between them. Ash couldn’t move, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to move again; he was boneless from sex.
“Are you okay?” Connor asked when his breathing steadied. He sounded worried, and Ash hated to hear that in his lover’s voice.
“You fucked my brains out, and you held me down, and you dug your fingers in my hair—”
“Shit—”
“—that was the hottest fucking thing that has happened to me since you fucked my mouth in your kitchen.”
Silence.
Ash opened an eye to look at Connor, who had turned on his side to face him and supported his head with his hand.
“Really?” he asked.
“A bit of heavy sex, some tugging, some pushing, that’s nothing except fucking hot, pressing every single one of my buttons.”
Connor leaned in and pressed a kiss to Ash’s shoulder. “So why is there so much violence in my head?” He might well have been asking a question, but it sounded so sad and like a statement that Ash didn’t have a chance to counter.
“Just proves what kind of man you are,” Ash began. “You want the control. It doesn’t worry me. I’m happy to top, but I know what I like, and I like what just happened.”
“What if I never ever let you…?”
“My life is bereft,” Ash teased. “Any man would crave that kind of attention, idiot.”
They kissed briefly, and then Connor encouraged Ash on his side facing away from him and spooned him from behind. He pulled the quilt up and over them. The clock shone midnight into the room. Ash relaxed into Connor’s hold, feeling like he’d never felt before.
“I have a question for you.”
“Hmmm…”
“I’m assuming Landon inherits the Manor at Compton, and Ben gets this place. What do you get?”
Sleep was fogging his brain. The place in Portugal would be his one day, to keep or sell or whatever. But that wasn’t what his first answer was. He was actually answering a very different question in his head.
“You. I get you,” he murmured with a smile on his face.
Did he imagine Connor’s whispered words?
“I’m falling in love with you too…”
“I want more than the summer,” Ash whispered back. “If your dreams don’t chase you away and you’re still here in the morning, then I know it’s something more.”
When he woke, the clock showed it was seven am.
He was alone in the bed. Connor was gone.