“That is not going to fit,” Ash said helpfully. Or at least he was aiming for helpful, but Connor’s raised eyebrow said he wasn’t actually helping.
The bed was solid oak, hand carved by a guy a few towns over, and even though it had been delivered in several pieces, there was absolutely no way it was making it up the stairs.
“We need to put the bits on the side,” Connor said. He was determined and Ash loved that Connor was this enthusiastic. Between the two of them, and with a bit of help from Landon who nearly ended up killing himself, the roof was fixed. Then the bedroom floors had been sanded back to the wood underneath, stained and varnished, and finally the walls were coated with a soft cream. Both rooms would take furniture, but it was the smaller of the two bedrooms that Connor decided the enormous bed was going into.
“Whatever, this bed will not fit in the small bedroom,” Ash said.
Connor hefted the headboard a little higher, and for a moment Ash was lost in the sight of Connor being all He-Man. It was certainly a sight to enjoy.
“Are you helping?” Connor asked.
“It’s your bed,” Ash teased.
Connor huffed and dropped the end of the headboard enough so it was resting on a box.
“It’s our bed,” he blurted out.
“What?” Ash wanted to pull the startled exclamation back as soon as it left his mouth when Connor’s face fell.
“I bought it for us. For when you visit from London—if you want to visit. After the summer.” He sounded lost and Ash knew he had to rebuild this damn quickly.
“Try and keep me away from you,” he said. Then he added wonderingly, “Our bed. Really?”
Connor shrugged like Ash’s answer didn’t mean a thing. “If you want it to be.”
Ash couldn’t help it, he vaulted the boxes in the hall and dragged Connor into a heated kiss. The kiss went on and on, silky and warm and got to that tipping point where Ash would be falling to his knees any minute. Connor stopped him with a strong grip.
“You like that idea, then? Us sharing a bed when you visit?”
Like it? Ash was blown away by the idea of it.
“God yes,” he said with a grin. Then he realised he needed to qualify this. “What if I stay here? What if I work in the village and I’m not in London anymore? What then?”
Connor stared at him, kind of open-mouthed, with that look a person gets just before they are hit around the head with a two-by-four plank of wood. Then the expression shifted and a slow smile began to spread.
“You’re really thinking of doing that?”
Ash nodded. “Wasn’t the way I was going to tell you, but I was working on spreadsheets and I realised that I didn’t want that, then I was talking to Richard, and maybe I could work alongside him—” He didn’t finish when Connor scooped him up in a fireman’s lift and took Ash straight into the small bedroom where the mattress lay on the floor. In a smooth move, he had Ash on his back, the plastic wrapping on the mattress crinkling as he wriggled.
“Fuck it,” Connor said as he began to strip. Ash got with the plan and pulled off jeans and shirt. Finally naked on the mattress and rocking against each other, no lube or condoms meaning getting off would be a very different experience; quick and frantic. Connor pinned him to the plastic, taking what he wanted, fast and hard, demanding everything, giving everything. When Ash lost it, when he was coming so hard he couldn’t breathe, Connor kissed him.
Connor flopped to lay next him and they gripped hands. Then Ash realised what they’d just done. Made love on sticky uncomfortable plastic and even worse…
“Shit, we left the front door open.”
The two of them laughed at that, and the sound of Connor laughing was the icing on the cake. Then Ash had to go and ruin it all. The question he asked was innocent enough but clearly he was picking at a scab that wasn’t healing and didn’t he know it.
“Why are we in the small bedroom? You should use the front one. It has the original fireplace, and fantastic views of the church.”
Connor sighed next to him and untangled their hands. He rolled up on his side and stared down at Ash. His expression was sad, reflective, but resigned.
“That was my mum and dad’s room when we stayed.”
Ash’s stomach fell. He knew the story about this being the place Connor and his family stayed in when Connor was a kid, but they hadn’t talked about his parents much. “Tell me about them.”
Connor traced patterns on Ash’s skin, the sun through the windows warming the room. “My mum was beautiful, but she died of cancer, my dad died not long after but no one was sure why, a broken heart, one of the doctors said to me.”
“How old were you?”
“Nineteen.”
“I’m sorry,” Ash leaned up and kissed Connor, a gentle press of lips and a silent promise he was genuinely sorry.
“So if I was in that room… it would feel… wrong maybe.”
Ash was suddenly inspired. “Let’s try it.” He rolled up and off the mattress, grabbing his jeans; he’d used his boxers to wipe himself off so going commando was the order of the day. Connor didn’t move, he was looking up at Ash and there were so many questions in his eyes. “Let’s move the mattress and see what it feels like for you.”
“Ash—”
“Won’t take us long.”
Connor hesitated, then rolled up and off. He copied Ash and pulled on his jeans, and for a second Ash was distracted at the low jeans on Connor’s hips and the tantalising treasure trail that led to all kinds of happy. Ash couldn’t get enough of Connor, he was obsessed. He had to stop thinking on that when between them they manhandled the large king-size mattress into the larger bedroom.
They laid it one way, but then Connor moved it. There wasn’t the exact view from the new position but Connor was clearly battling demons in his head and Ash was happy to go with the flow.
“Okay?” he asked uncertainly.
Connor laid down on the mattress, holding out a hand and indicating Ash should join him. Ash did as he was told, the two of them laying on the mattress and staring up at the ceiling.
“It feels all right,” Connor said gently. “It’s not the same room it was.”
Connor wasn’t lying. It had taken the two of them an entire evening to remove the bright purple wallpaper which had, it seemed, been put up using superglue. Under the purple there was orange, under that red, the walls a map of how the history of this place had changed with each decade.
But now it was back to original wall, painted cream, neutral, the window open to the warm August air, the sound of birds in the garden and the buzz of a tractor not too far away.
They held hands and said nothing, then Connor did something really unexpected. He yanked at Ash and encouraged him to lay on Connor, between his spread legs. Ash panicked a little. Connor didn’t like to be held down, didn’t like the weight of Ash on him. For a second Ash was prepared to push away, but Connor was holding him there, and Ash relaxed, burying his face in Connor’s throat and humming contentedly.
“I love you,” Connor said soft and low.
Ash moved so he could look down at Connor. “You do?”
“Don’t sound so surprised,” Connor teased. “You knew you’d wear me down in the end with all your niceness.”
Ash pressed a kiss to Connor’s forehead. “Is niceness even a word?”
“Probably not, but I wanted to say it.”
“Niceness?”
Connor huffed. “No idiot, that I love you. Because I do. Ash, stay in town, work here, love me back.”
Stay here? Ash was already considering that very thing, but he wasn’t ready to be honest about what he wanted yet. What if he fucked up? His part of the family firm was the numbers, being in charge in London alongside Landon. Was he ready to break out of the role he’d been born into just to be happy? He knew he wasn’t at that point yet where he could commit. He needed to talk to Ben and Landon, to his parents, to anyone that had a goddam piece of his responsible side. But then, Connor had used the L-word and Ash had never felt as much love for a man as he had for Connor. For a second Ash fought the urge to roll away and stand up, suddenly his skin felt too tight.
“Ash? You okay? Did I say it wrong? Do you not believe me?”
Just Connor’s soft questioning voice was enough for Ash to relax and he inhaled the scent of Connor, and tasted his shoulder with a kiss. There was one part of Connor’s plea that he could easily answer. “Say it again.”
“I love you, Ash, love me back?”
Ash smiled against warm skin. “I will always love you back.”
They lay that way for a while until Connor’s stomach rumbled and they decided that the bed should be in this room, which to be fair, would be a lot easier to get in. Once the bed was assembled and a pile of ham sandwiches had been eaten, the two men sat on the bed and looked around them.
“I love you,” Connor said. He’d said it a couple of times now, each time in a wondering testing tone.
As always said the same thing back. “And I love you.”
“The bed being in here is good,” Connor said.
“More than,” Ash responded. “Now, about that kitchen.”