CHAPTER 7

Problems Employees Face

Inquiring about Your Status following a Job Interview

Have you ever left a job interview both anxious to hear the employer’s decision and worried about the result: getting the job? The hiring process can drag on for days or even weeks and as time goes by, your anxiety level rises.

This feeling can be alleviated by reaching out to the interviewer in hopes of obtaining information or at least staying in the mind of the potential employer. A new concern, however, then arises: what to say or how to say it? Generally, it is useful to offer an expression of gratitude along with an offer to respond to any lingering questions. A request regarding the timing of the decision should conclude the inquiry.

In some cases, the script may not be designed for an oral conversation. It may take the form of an e-mail or letter that reminds the prospective employer of you while not making you seem overly aggressive or a pest. Requesting another in-person interview could be viewed as overreaching by the other party.

My associate’s daughter-in-law, Nicole, a rising young executive seeking a new job, encountered this scenario a few years ago after she interviewed with a rapidly growing international transportation company. At the suggestion of a friend who held a seat on the company’s advisory board, Nicole had applied for a high-level role focused on developing strategic partnerships. Although she had other job offers in hand, she felt this job, more than any other, put her in a cutting-edge industry with endless opportunities for growth. Nicole initially interviewed with the company’s hiring partner, Steve, and believed their meeting “went great.” She built a good rapport with Steve and was informed that she would be brought back for a second interview with other members of the company’s leadership team.

The second interview took place a week later. Nicole met with the president and CEO, the chief technology officer, the chief marketing executive, and Steve. After a three-and-a-half-hour interview process, Nicole left feeling even more confident about the impression she made. She answered all of their questions directly and saw positive signs in their facial expressions. As she was departing, Steve again praised her but also remarked that one or more of the interviewers had expressed the concern that, based on her résumé, Nicole “may lack” real, applied experience driving strategic partnerships through the nuts and bolts of the deal process. Later that day, Nicole received an e-mail from Steve informing her that the company was impressed with her background in negotiating deals and that he hoped to get back to her “in the next couple of weeks” regarding their decision.

After a few weeks passed with no news, Nicole was anxious to receive a sense of her status, but did not want her inquiry to sound too aggressive. Her second-choice opportunity had given her another two weeks to make a decision. Consequently, I advised her to script out an e-mail inquiry. Nicole’s script represented a balancing act of sorts. Since she was seeking a deal-making position, she pondered whether the situation called for an “outright ask” for the position to demonstrate her strength as a deal maker. Her ultimate goal was to allay the concerns Steve had expressed and to obtain a sense of where she stood while sustaining the group’s interest in her. After some further discussion with me, Nicole abandoned the “outright ask” approach. Instead, she included an expression of gratitude coupled with an offer to answer any questions that may have arisen and furnished additional information to address other concerns that had been raised. She also wanted to have a clear sense of the timing of their decision. The timing was important because of the two-week window she had for accepting the other job opportunity. She was armed with information she had received from her advisory board friend that the field of candidates had been narrowed to Nicole and another person. She then scripted her interview follow-up e-mail.

Dear Steve,

This is just a quick note to touch base as I understand that it may be a week or so before I hear back from you.

As I continue to learn about [name of the company], my interest and enthusiasm grows. After our meeting I connected with my friend [name of the friend], who has been following the company for the last year. She reaffirmed my feelings going in—that the company has great growth potential and the team necessary to help it become the force that you project.

I also thought about the mention you made about my experience level in executing strategic partnership deals. The attached page will provide you and the interview committee some further insight into my experience in that area. If any questions remain on that subject or any other matter relating to my qualifications, please do not hesitate to contact me.

As you know, I am exploring several other opportunities and hope that I will hear something back from you in the next two weeks. Is this a reasonable time estimate? Thanks again for the opportunity to meet with you all and for your guidance.

One week later, Nicole got a response to her e-mail with good news. She received the job, and Steve and his associates have never regretted having her as a key member of their team. In the past two years, she has helped the company build partnerships throughout the world. I recently saw Nicole at a nonprofit event in Boston and got a big hug. She also told me how scripting now plays a major role in her deal presentations.

Keep in Mind:

• Some conversations are better conducted through e-mail rather than in person, particularly follow-ups.

• If you have a deadline on another job offer, you may have to set a certain date for a decision. Be careful not to make it a demand, but rather something that arises out of not wanting to miss the opportunity to work for the company.

• You may sense resistance to your need to hear back. Seek a coach or adviser to help you pace yourself and keep things in perspective.

• Address any concerns you believe the other party may have about you in a nondefensive manner.

Asking for a Raise

How often does someone feel they deserve a raise, plan to ask for it, and then slink away in retreat? Or make the request, and then, when speaking, reduce the demand for fear of being rejected? Or go in with guns blazing and put off the other side? All too frequently, a lack of confidence and experience in negotiating creates a disappointing impact. Feeling overworked and underpaid can deteriorate your work ethic and positive attitude. Asking for a raise—while difficult and uncomfortable—can, under the right circumstances, make you more productive and satisfied.

The key is to have a certain detachment. It’s best to state the case for a raise unemotionally and methodically, employing as many facts as possible. It’s appropriate to cite specific accomplishments, extra hours worked, and, if you know them, some comparables—the salaries of others in your position who are making more money. It’s wise to ask for a little more than you expect. This is, after all, a negotiation.

I remember the case of my friend Fred. After leading a series of successful marketing campaigns for his company, Fred felt that his annual 3 percent salary increase was both inadequate and an affront. Although his compensation package was satisfactory when he joined the company’s marketing team, it quickly became clear that he was the creative leader. Yet he was making $110,000 per year while several other comparable midlevel executives in his department were earning at least $150,000. Adding to his agitation was the significant increase in his workload during the past several years since he was the go-to guy on key campaigns requiring creativity.

By the time Fred came to me for advice, his disappointment had reached a level that had him considering unloading his frustrations on his manager with a personal attack about being treated “unfairly” and “taken advantage of.” His approach was not a case of retreat, but rather a full-scale assault—without any hint of diplomacy—on the citadel of executive decision making. He was prepared to charge into his manager’s office with a set of emotional demands. As Fred vented, I could only think of the words of the writer Ambrose Bierce: “Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

I explained to Fred, just as I would to someone too timid to ask for an adequate raise, the process of scripting. He assented to employing the scripting process before making the ask. We worked on how to confidently present his case without making it personal. The script we ultimately crafted could apply with equal force to support the request if one were hesitant or emotional.

I am very pleased that I have had the opportunity to have an impact on this business. At the same time, I’ve done some thinking about my role, what I have accomplished, and the scope of my duties. I am working extraordinarily hard—for example, I designed and led three major marketing campaigns in the last eight months and at least that many in prior periods. As I look back on my job description and my current workload, it’s apparent that my workload and impact exceed what was expected when I took this job.

[If it feels appropriate you may ask: “How do you view my performance?” or “Do you agree?”]

In light of the compensation packages of others in comparable positions to mine, and even more important the creative impact I have had, the tremendous jump in workload, and my willingness to assist and guide others, my annual compensation should be increased to $160,000 per annum.* I hope you agree and that this terrific relationship can go forward with both of us feeling good about it.

* Fred asked for $10,000 more than the comparables to satisfy the negotiation principle “aim high but with reason.”

Confident in his presentation, Fred got his boss’s attention, but not an immediate response. Despite his strong feelings, he began to wonder whether he had asked for too much. Imagine then the smile that came over his face when, five days later, he was called into his manager’s office and informed that, starting the next month, his compensation would be raised to $150,000 per year.

Keep in Mind:

• Tailor the script to the special circumstances of your job and compensation history.

• Be prepared for silence or a negative response—don’t go into retreat because of the listener’s reaction. Just say: “I would appreciate it if you would give this some further thought,” or if you get a push-back in the response, ask: “Could you tell me what you mean by that?”

• Aim high with reason. Even if you want to tell the employer your bottom line, leave yourself some room.

• Be ready with questions regarding concerns your employer may express.

• Speak with confidence, but not antagonistically. In this case it’s both what you say and how you say it that matter.

Confronting Sexual Harassment

One goes through countless interactions in a typical business day. We ride the elevator with fellow employees, pass their desks on our way to the printer, work on group projects together, and engage in constant communication. These interactions can occasionally turn unprofessional or predatory. Perhaps a coworker touches another employee, makes suggestive comments relating to appearance, or e-mails images that border on inappropriateness. All of these actions, ranging from minor to severe, are examples of sexual harassment and can cause the harassed employee, and possibly those around him or her, to become increasingly uncomfortable.

Sexual harassment is a difficult and sensitive topic for anyone to confess to another. The embarrassment often felt from reporting the behavior can be a tough obstacle to overcome. Yet it should not be taken lightly. The offensive action has the power to affect its targets’ psychological mind-set, physical health, and multiple areas in their careers. If not confronted, the behavior will continue because ignoring it is often perceived by the aggressor as agreement or encouragement.

While communicating the concern to human resources in companies large enough to have such a department may be a first step, it is important to consult legal counsel at the outset. If counsel agrees, the sexual harassment victim should communicate a strong message of protest to the aggressor. Prepare for the conversation by writing down feelings to increase the possibility of maintaining composure when confronting the offender. It is also beneficial to gather support for legal claims by saving text messages, printing e-mails, and preserving recollections of anyone witnessing an interaction. Review the employee handbook to see if someone is designated to assist in the situation. The message should not be vague. State clearly what the harasser has done and firmly explain that it must stop.

Karen, a dental hygienist, worked in a private dentistry group in Washington, DC. Until six months ago, she was content with her job. Although her salary was fair and her career path promising, she was growing increasingly uncomfortable around Lloyd, the dentist in the office with whom she interacted the most. What began as playful comments about her resembling a model turned into Lloyd asking her out for drinks and making crude jokes. Her fellow hygienists were also aware of Lloyd’s “special” treatment—some were uncomfortable with it while others made snide comments about her professionalism. Karen hoped that if she ignored Lloyd’s behavior, he would grow bored and stop.

Instead, Lloyd took her silence as a sign of approval. For the next two months, Karen was subjected to unwanted touching and bumping in the hallway. Even when she was with patients, Lloyd would enter the room and press his body against hers while working on patients. Karen did not want to embarrass him by telling him to stop in front of the patients, and by the time they left the exam room, she would lose her nerve to say anything. She needed her job and feared she might put it at risk by standing up to him.

At the suggestion of her sister, who had been a student at a bar review I taught, Karen called me for some legal guidance. With the help of a partner in my law firm, I was able to convey to Karen her legal rights. I also learned that if there was a way to get him to stop without resorting to litigation, she would prefer to go that route.

I coached her for her meeting with Lloyd by taking her through a specific course of action. Initially I asked her to send me a draft of a letter to him expressing her feelings about what he was doing and demanding that he stop before she had to take some form of legal action. I also advised that she inform him that if he ended the offensive behavior, they could hopefully continue a professional relationship without causing further distress or damaging his reputation. I promised her that the letter was just an exercise and would not be sent. Karen wrote several iterations of the message. I instructed her to turn the final one into a script, which she carefully practiced and ultimately delivered to Lloyd in the employee break room, which was adjacent to the reception area and had doors on both sides. Her script started with this note to herself:

[Compose myself as best I can before I say this, and if he should become offensive or push back too hard, tell him that he will hear from my lawyer and walk out. Most important, deliver the message in a place where I can easily access an exit to avoid him physically blocking me in.]

Lloyd,

You’ve hurt me very badly. If the comments about my appearance and being hit on aren’t offensive enough, your touching me certainly is. The way you touch and rub up against me has caused me great emotional distress. While I thought the first time it happened was just a mistake, your persistence in doing it and your repeated conduct has caused me to see a lawyer. I have gathered evidence from statements by other people in the office and recorded some offensive statements you’ve said as you touched me.

This conversation is not about my wanting to sue you, but just about asking you to stop touching me as we work together or in any other contexts. If you don’t stop, I will take action and I have promised my lawyer that I will check in with him every two weeks to confirm to him that no further unwanted touching by you or uncomfortable comments have occurred.

When Lloyd reacted defensively and angrily toward what Karen said, she repeated a scripted contingency for that reaction:

If you want to get angry, then I suggest you go see your lawyer because I will be going to see mine. If, however, you agree to stop and in fact stop, then we will move forward as I’ve stated.

Lloyd paused to collect himself. He flatly apologized for upsetting her and promised to be nothing less than formal. I am happy to report that during all of our check-in calls the following six months, Lloyd was no longer bothering her and she was once again content with her job.

Keep in Mind:

• With the advice of counsel, if necessary, script out and deliver your message sooner rather than later. The longer you allow the sexual harassment to continue, the more it may appear that you are comfortable with the behavior.

• Try not to be emotional when you script. Approach the discussion calmly and with clear and definitive statements.

• Practice with a supportive friend to reduce any feelings of apprehension you may have about the delivery.

Disputing a Negative Evaluation—a Script Serves a Dual Purpose

Just when you’ve outgrown report cards, along comes the equivalent for grown-ups: performance reviews. Performance reviews can provoke the same sort of angst from employees that report cards once elicited in students. You’re being evaluated—judged. You want to do well and be assessed fairly.

But how do you handle it when you receive a negative performance review—particularly one you feel is unwarranted? This isn’t grade school anymore. The ability to prepare a rebuttal effectively could hold consequences for your future employment—as well as your own morale. It’s important to stick up for yourself—but to do it in a professional manner that doesn’t alienate your bosses and get you branded as a whiner. That can be a delicate balancing act.

Many performance evaluations are followed by meetings with your supervisor. A script can help guide you through these sessions, providing talking points in face-to-face meetings. But carefully scripted thoughts can do more. They can help you prepare a rebuttal that explains your perspective, to be included in your employee file. Your file should contain a written response to the critical review—even if one isn’t required. A written response captures your arguments and preserves them for anyone who may read the review down the line. “You need a written record of your dissent,” says Bill O’Brien, a partner at Miller O’Brien Jensen, an employment law firm in Minneapolis. “Without it, if the situation advances to the point of litigation, you’ve essentially got no ground to stand on.”

The response should be specific and well documented. Relying on facts—how you resolved a client’s complaint or that you stayed late to complete a fund-raising appeal—will help you resist the impulse to delve into personal attacks on your evaluator. You are making a reasoned argument—as if appealing a court verdict. You don’t need to detail all you’ve done for the company or highlight your meritorious qualities. This isn’t a job interview. Rather, it’s best to focus as specifically as possible on how the negative review could be more accurate. Consider that the supervisor may have missed something about you, not that he or she was operating in bad faith. Verbally attacking your boss’s judgment won’t help you achieve your objectives.

The best reviews won’t contain big surprises. Good managers communicate with their workers sufficiently enough that the employees usually know what their manager considers their shortcomings well before the formal evaluation is presented. Sometimes supervisors overlook things. Your job is to complete the record—to fill in the blanks about who you are and what you’ve done.

You also may need to acknowledge that some of the criticism may genuinely be constructive. Supervisors aren’t inclined to give perfect reviews. Almost all employees have performance traits they can improve on. It’s best to show a willingness to improve and to accept that you’re not always going to emerge with “straight As.”

Don was a staff writer for an online business news website. After eight years of employment, he had established a solid record of seeking out and writing polished, accurate stories.

Don also had what he considered a security blanket: his immediate supervisor, Brian, was a midlevel editor who seemed to appreciate Don’s work. It helped that Don felt a natural connection with Brian. Both were originally from the New York City area and were Yankees fans. When they met in the morning, they often rehashed the previous night’s game or generally talked baseball.

But midway through the year, Don learned through a companywide e-mail that Brian was leaving to accept a post at a competing website. Brian was replaced by a senior reporter whom Don barely knew. Don hadn’t known Brian was leaving, and he knew he faced an adjustment working without him, but he soon settled back into his routine. He continued to produce three to four stories a week. On Tuesday and Thursday mornings, Don also still made sure he got to work before nine because those were the days he needed to leave early to pick up his second-grade son from after-school activities. Unlike before, however, Don now was also asked to edit some of the other writers’ work. Don didn’t think much about his performance review until it arrived in March. The review described Don as proficient and experienced. He was surprised, however, by some of the other language. It said Don had been slow to adequately embrace his new responsibilities—the editing. It also questioned whether his work hours were suitable for the needs of the website, suggesting Don should show more “flexibility.”

Don was initially angered by the review. He couldn’t help but wonder if Rich, his new boss, felt threatened or insecure by the close working relationship that Don had previously enjoyed with Brian. He also considered whether Rich might be trying to establish his authority by writing a tougher-than-warranted initial evaluation.

Don decided to draft a written response to the evaluation to be saved in his employee file. In his message he didn’t hint at any of his theories about Rich because they were merely supposition and far too personal to become part of a company dialogue. Don used his letter and adapted it into a script he planned to use during his evaluation conference with his new boss to feel more confident and refrain from saying anything he would later regret.

Rich,

Thank you for your evaluation. I’ve read it carefully and I appreciate your comments about my writing proficiency. I’ve always considered my writing to be a strength.

I wonder if we could discuss your comments about my not “fully embracing” my new editing responsibilities. This was a new assignment, but one I was happy to take on—particularly if I could help along some of the younger writers who are still learning the fundamentals of the craft. Have you talked to some of those younger writers [mention two by name whose editing experiences have been favorable] to ask them whether the editing sessions have been useful for them?

If there is anything in my editing that needs to be corrected, I would be happy to make accommodations. Is there something you saw that concerned you?

I would also be happy to talk about flexibility in my hours. I should have done a better job of explaining my Tuesday-Thursday schedule. It really is more flexible than it seems. My second-grader has to be picked up at the bus on those days, but I can usually get a neighbor or babysitter to fill in if there is an important work issue that day. I did that on [cite dates] when I had to stay late because of the companywide computer issues.

I appreciate your talking this through with me. I think we share the same goals for the direction we want the site to go. By the way, would you put this written summary of my concerns in my file?

Don’s session with Rich was cordial, if not friendly. Rich expressed his concerns that Don was too rigid in his editing and that some of the younger writers felt he was sometimes short with them. He also acknowledged that Don’s tough approach worked well for some writers, but asked that he show more patience with others. Rich did modify the language in the review about Don’s inflexible work hours. He said he better understood that Don was doing the best he could to meet the site’s needs.

Keep in Mind:

• Always offer a written response to the evaluation even if one is not requested. Use the written script as the basis for your oral discussion.

• Find common ground with the supervisor—perhaps in shared company goals or approaches.

• Be as specific as possible in your rebuttal; keep the discussion focused on ways you have done your job that may not have been immediately evident.

• Be willing to accept criticism that is genuinely constructive.

• Politely request that a copy of your letter or written summary of your account go in your file.

Dealing with a Boss Who Is a Bully

If you’ve ever experienced a bullying boss, you can take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. All too many of us have encountered screaming bosses, browbeating bosses, or manipulative bosses.

In my 2005 book Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People, I devoted an entire chapter to “the boss from hell.” I outlined a boss of the worst sort—someone who is “clearly, plainly, absolutely, totally, off-the-charts, without exception, all-the-time, over-the-top difficult.”

There are no remedies for some of these bosses. And it can be difficult to fight back, even if you have access to a human resources person to whom your grievance might be addressed. “Subordinates know viscerally the high cost of going around a boss, even if it is simply to file a complaint with the human resources department,” the New York Times wrote in 2004. “You are trouble. You are a whiner. You have called out the manager behind his back.” But it’s always worth trying to improve your situation.

The first step is realizing you are not powerless, especially if you are contributing to your organization in a meaningful way. You have value to your firm by virtue of your talents and experience.

And you usually have the option to leave. I’m reminded of the old story—often repeated on Capitol Hill and in the media—of the U.S. Senate aide who was said to depart with a message to the boss saying: “Life is too precious to spend another minute of it with you.”

If you make a confident enough presentation that seems important and heartfelt, even if your boss is a screamer, he is likely to listen. Be prepared, however, to let him shout without taking it personally. Neutralizing your emotions is a prerequisite to exchanges with difficult people. The key is not to be passive. There are acceptable ways to stand up for yourself so you’re no longer somebody’s punching bag.

A script will help to frame the issue in a way the boss can understand. A good strategy is to talk specifically about how the bullying hurts productivity and morale. Putting the bullying into such concrete terms makes it less of a personal issue and more of a work issue.

A friend of mine, Jake, was a midlevel executive at a public relations firm. He routinely had two or three clients, usually trade associations, which he expertly juggled. He got along well with the clients. That wasn’t the problem. It was his boss.

On Sunday evenings at his home—usually just after dinner—Jake would begin to feel edgy. His stomach would begin to bother him, and he sometimes had trouble falling asleep at night.

Jake was barely aware of this Sunday pattern until one day he realized that it was a reaction to the prospect of dealing with his difficult boss for another workweek. Jake had been internalizing his anxiety until it practically made him sick.

Jake’s boss, Frank, didn’t communicate well. He seemed fond of doling out criticism; he often accused Jake of not spending enough time cultivating new clients. He didn’t seem interested in hearing Jake’s rebuttals. Jake and other workers at the firm began to refer to Frank privately as a “one-way transmitter.” But it wasn’t Frank’s poor communication skills that most disturbed Jake. It was the yelling.

Frank was a screamer—a bully. It was hard to predict when he would go off. Each morning, Jake and his colleagues would try to gauge what sort of mood Frank was in. If Frank appeared stressed—perhaps there was an unhappy client or he was having difficulties at home—the employees would do their best to steer clear of the boss. Nobody wanted a confrontation.

Jake often fretted in advance about upcoming conversations with Frank. More than a few times, Frank had raised his voice unexpectedly to berate Jake over his handling of a work issue. To Jake, Frank’s tone often appeared condescending—as if Frank were lecturing a child.

These conversations lingered with Jake, sapping him of his enthusiasm for his job. Jake considered Frank’s tone inappropriate and unprofessional.

After soliciting advice from friends, Jake followed a variation of the three Ds (Draft, Devil’s Advocate, and Deliver).

The first thing he did—before drafting a brief message to deliver to his boss—was to vent. He imagined what he might say, what he wanted to say.

You are a bully. If you want your employees to take initiative and act like adults, then you need to stop treating us like children.

Of course Jake didn’t really say that. But venting it helped him to allow his feelings to bubble to the surface.

Jake also considered leaving the firm. But there were too many aspects of the job that he liked—his peers, his clients, his salary.

Instead, Jake decided to address the matter directly with Frank. Now he had to decide when and how to do it.

Jake decided to wait for an opportune time to speak to Frank about his bullying. Rather than approaching the subject cold, Jake would wait until a moment when Frank was in prime bullying mode. He would, in effect, catch Frank in the act and then—delicately—address Frank’s behavior.

In the script he had drafted and practiced with friends, Jake was clear about his concerns without seeming accusatory.

I wonder if we could stop here for a moment. I’m not quite comfortable when the conversation heats up this way. Is it okay if we cool things down a little bit?

I think we have shared goals on this—and I think I’d function better having a different sort of tone.

I just want to make sure I understand what you want and that we’re really communicating . . .

[wait for response]

Since he didn’t know how the conversation would unfold, Jake added a note at the top of his script to guide him:

[Don’t back down, but don’t make it personal. Say what you need to say about the tone and then move the discussion back to work topics. This is, after all, about a business matter.]

Jake also crafted a second script to be used in the event that his initial message was received poorly. In this second script, Jake planned to say—forthrightly—that he would be prepared to leave.

I hope we’re able to work this out. If we’re not, then I’m not sure that I’d be comfortable continuing at the firm. I think I bring a lot to my job, and I hope I can remain. But if you feel the need to communicate with me this way, maybe I should move on.

Jake didn’t need to resort to the second script. His initial script seemed to help his situation, but not immediately. The first time he launched into the message, there was a long pause from Frank. It was as if the boss didn’t quite know what to make of his employee’s concern.

Over time, however, Frank seemed to be a little more cautious about losing his temper with Jake and did tone down his occasional outbursts. Frank seemed to tread more lightly—a result that Jake considered a satisfactory result. Jake also tempered his expectations. In the past, he seemed to go into every encounter with his boss anticipating that, this time, things would proceed smoothly.

A friend gave him some advice: “You can’t go into the same situation each time and expect a different result.”

Now he was more realistic. He accepted that he had a difficult boss, and he was better prepared to handle it. It made him feel empowered that he had been able to raise the bullying issue with his boss in a direct way and that at least he was dealing with less of a bully.

Keep in Mind:

• You often have more leverage than you think. You are not powerless.

• Sometimes the best time to point out objectionable behavior is right when it is happening.

• Steer clear of personal attacks. This is about business.

• Not every situation is fixable. In such a case it may be best to find a new job.

• Be clear about the effect that the bullying is having on morale and your job performance.

Obtaining Help to Curtail a Coworker’s Personal Attacks

Reputation serves as the filter through which an individual is perceived and it frequently affects how one is treated. A person’s social identity is the result of an unspoken evaluation of decisions and actions. From clothes worn to school attended, from professional pursuits to the friends one acquires, an image is created and reinforced. Although it may take years to build a positive reputation, a single misguided action can permanently damage it. A tarnished reputation not only affects one’s personal life, but also extends into the professional world. Consider how gossip or malicious comments in the workplace can damage a reputation and sidetrack a career path. Whether true or not, comments made about one’s psychological well-being, inappropriate relationship with a coworker, lack of effort on a project, or tendency to push work onto others have the power to spin out of control and ruin a career.

Whether articulated to a friendly manager or taken to human resources personnel in a larger company, responding quickly to false accusations or rumors may be necessary to stem the tide that could drown a career. The scripting process can assist in fashioning a response that saves a job or other relationships and puts an end to scurrilous accusations. The message delivered needs to accomplish more than simply creating a “he said, she said” situation. It needs to convey a reasonable basis for questioning the attacker and for supporting the potential consequences, such as the resignation of the attacked employee or legal action.

Two years ago Robin, after working as a bookkeeper elsewhere, returned to work as a bookkeeper at a company where she’d been before and for the first eighteen months was content with the job. For the most part, she had a positive relationship with her coworkers and superiors; but Mary, the office administrator, was an exception. Although she could not recall ever offending Mary, Robin became aware that Mary had felt animosity toward Robin ever since she’d returned to the company and, worse, Mary had recently begun spreading accusations. Mary was telling others that Robin was failing to fulfill her thirty-five-hour-a-week commitment and taking time from her job to perform part-time work elsewhere—causing Mary to have to pick up some of Robin’s hours. In reality, the exact opposite was true. It was Mary who was consistently absent and delegating her responsibilities to others. To make the situation worse, a confidant informed Robin that she’d overheard Mary making other false claims about Robin to one of the partners. Robin knew that this would not be Mary’s last attack on her reputation and feared this slander might lead to an unjust termination.

After discussing the predicament, I suggested Robin write her thoughts down to make her case to Hank, a friend at work who was a high-level partner, in order to assuage her fears and frustrations. It took several drafts, but we settled on the following e-mail.

Hank,

Normally I would not write a note like this but instead talk to you directly. Nevertheless I am so upset, both because of the untruths that have been told about me and the fact that they seem to have been taken seriously by some people, that I must write to keep my emotions in check.

You are my friend and confidant. I never thought that I’d come back to [the company], but I came back in large part because of my relationship with you and your role as a future leader of the company. I never suspected at the time I returned that I would grow to care so much about the company as I do now. And I genuinely continue to appreciate your support.

Despite the issues with Mary (not of my own doing, mind you), the experience has been wonderful. I enjoy working at [the company] and being supportive of its future, and the last two years have flown by. My goal has always been to stick around until you take over as managing partner, at which time there might be the opportunity for me to play a more meaningful role.

But now I wonder if it’s worth staying around a place where someone can speak such untruths and perpetrate lies and still have credibility. What Mary has said about me has shaken me and I’m seriously considering whether I should remain. Rest assured my commitment has been such that I have been willing to work as hard as required to support [the company].

And I know in my heart that if I do leave, no replacement will care as much and do the job I do. I bring an uncommon level of commitment, energy, calming demeanor, and affection for the company, much more so than my untruthful critic. Up to this point, I have kept my powder dry, but the total perversion of the truth recently put out there makes me wonder whether it is worth carrying on.

I genuinely appreciate and value your support and counsel and therefore now need to ask: What do you think I should do? I look forward to your thoughts.

Although Robin was nervous how Hank would react to her e-mail, she was relieved to have finally confronted Mary’s slanders and expressed her frustration. The next morning, she received the following e-mail from Hank:

Robin,

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your influence in the office, and trust me I completely understand your frustration and appreciate what you are going through. Hopefully you are in today and we can spend a few minutes talking about this . . . I have a few thoughts. Hank

Robin was reassured by Hank’s response. It meant a lot to her that he supported her. When she walked into Hank’s office later that afternoon, Robin was greeted by Hank and two other partners—a majority of the management committee. They informed her to “just keep doing what you do best . . . keep your head down and work away. You are so much needed here now and in the future.” Five months later, Hank was managing partner and Robin, still at the company, happily moved into a new and larger office. Mary no longer worried or threatened her in any manner.

Keep in Mind:

• Find someone to talk to—so you do not let your hurt feelings erupt into precipitous action. And use this person as a coach and ally.

• Declare the truth, but recognize it could be your word against theirs. Save supporting evidence where possible.

• Chronicle incidents and events if possible so you have a paper trail.

• A written message may help you make a contemporaneous record of your position should you have to resort to legal action.