DUSK WAS FALLING as Izzy sat in her car and contemplated the front of the fire station. Her heart lay heavy in her chest, Trent’s parting words echoing in her mind. Over and over she’d replayed their conversation. She closed her eyes as shame filled her. No matter how she longed for Trent to be wrong, a small part of her continued to blame him for Robbie’s death and now he no longer wanted her and her miserable attitude around him.
She could hardly blame him for wanting her out of his life when he witnessed so much pain, day after day, and still managed to be the rock everyone leaned on.
Maybe she should leave for the city. Put the space Trent clearly thought they needed firmly in place. Concentrate on her career instead of her love life.
She opened her eyes. She would leave once she knew Trent was okay. After sending her parents running for the earliest departing ship months before, she wouldn’t make the same mistake with Trent. She loved him, no matter how right he might be about them needing to work out their individual problems before either of them could expect to move on.
Getting out of her car, she approached the station. The courtyard was eerily devoid of firefighters and noise. She ventured deeper inside until she came to a small reception area. The woman behind the desk looked up. “Can I help you?”
Izzy forced a smile. “Yes. I was hoping to speak with the chief for a few minutes.”
“Can I ask what it’s concerning?”
“Trent. Trent Palmer.”
The woman stared for a moment, her eyes sad. “Right. If you could wait here, I’ll see if I can find him.”
She strode along a corridor, stopping outside a closed door, and knocked before entering. Izzy took a deep breath and glanced around her. She shouldn’t be here. Trent wouldn’t want her there, but she needed to be certain that he was with someone—anyone—before she left him alone for the final time.
“Can I help you?”
Izzy turned and met the gaze of a man in his early fifties, his gray eyes somber. She took a step forward, her hand outstretched. “Izzy Cooper. I’m Trent’s...girlfriend. I was hoping he might be here, but there was no one else around to ask.”
“We’re extremely busy, Miss Cooper.”
“I appreciate that, it’s just...” Words failed her as her heart pulled with hopelessness. “Do you know something? It doesn’t matter. Thanks for your time.”
She turned to leave.
“Miss Cooper? Why don’t you step into my office?”
Briefly closing her eyes, Izzy sent up a silent thank-you before facing the fire chief. “Thank you.”
She followed him into his office. It had been three hours since she stupidly let Trent go, buckling under her issues of rejection and abandonment. Now she had absolutely no idea where else to look for him.
“So, you’re looking for Trent?”
The chief’s question jolted Izzy from her worry. “Yes. Do you have any idea where he might be?”
“No idea at all.”
Izzy tried to get a handle on her rising panic. Clearly, Trent intended to close himself off from her, but she had to know for certain he was going to be okay. She gripped the back of the chair in front of her. “I’m worried about him. I don’t like to think of him alone after losing Sam today. When I spoke to him earlier, I had the distinct feeling he was running away. It’s not like Trent to turn his back on the station while you’re all in grief.”
The fire chief frowned and sat in the chair behind his desk. “I’m sorry, but Trent has had one hell of a day. I expect he’s gone somewhere where no one knows him and he can drown his sorrows in peace. He clearly wants to be alone. So if I were you—”
“You don’t understand. I know what he’s going through and he shouldn’t be alone. No one should when they lose someone this way. I’ve been calling and looking for him all afternoon. Surely one of the crew knows where he is? What about Will? Is he here?”
“No, I sent him home too.” The chief exhaled a heavy breath and leaned his forearms on his desk, his gaze softening. “Look, clearly you’re concerned about Palmer, but take my advice and leave him be. Let him come to you. It’s the only way to deal with the situation. I’ve hardly got a word out of anybody here all day. Just give him some space and he’ll come find you when he’s ready.”
Sickness rolled through her stomach. Where was he? What if he’d changed his mind and realized he still needed her?
“Well, Izzy, I’m really busy, so I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Some of the guys are outside. Maybe one of them can help you.” He walked to the office door and opened it. “But bear in mind what I said. Trent might be better off being left alone for a couple of days.”
Izzy stared. A couple of days? If he thought she was going to leave Trent alone with his grief for a couple of days, he’d better think again. Trent had tried again and again to be there for her when Robbie died despite her rejections. In hindsight, hadn’t she relied on him being there for her? Hadn’t she secretly loved him for coming back no matter how cold and callous she stupidly treated him in return? She wanted to be everything to him that he’d been to her.
She hitched her purse strap onto her shoulder and walked to the door. “Thank you for your help anyway.”
“You’re welcome.”
The office door closed behind her and she strode through the station into the yard. Trent’s chief was clearly struggling to hold things together too. His carefully controlled tone of voice and stiff body language screamed of a man doing what he could to hold his crew together in the face of tragedy. She could only admire him for that.
It was up to her to find Trent alone if need be.
As she walked toward the exit, what looked to be a skeleton team of firefighters meandered around, their expressions and gaits showing their shock and grief. The jeering and camaraderie she’d witnessed a few weeks ago had vanished, leaving behind darkness and disbelief.
Inhaling a long breath, Izzy approached three guys working on one of the four trucks lined up at the front of the station garage. “Excuse me?”
They turned and one gave a halfhearted smile. “You’re Trent’s girl, right? How’s he doing?”
A momentary flash of pride warmed Izzy’s heart at being called “Trent’s girl” before it was whisked away by the reality that she had no idea how Trent was doing. “I don’t know. I’ve looked everywhere I thought he might be, but I can’t find him.” She glanced around the trio of grave faces. “Would any of you know somewhere I might not have thought of?”
“Well, if you’ve tried the Coast and the other bars around—”
“I have and I’ve been back to his apartment, the Seascape...” She darted her gaze over around them, desperation sweeping painfully through her. “I’ve no idea where else he could be.”
“You could try Will’s place.”
She’d considered going to Will’s home but was reluctant to do so when he would be battling his own sadness. Yet where else would Trent be other than with the third person in such a tight trio of friends? He and Will would need, now more than ever, to be together to hold each other up. She sighed. “I didn’t really want to disturb him if he’s gone home.”
“I’m sure he won’t mind if he knows you’re there for Trent.”
Izzy nodded. “Okay. I’ll go there now. Sorry to bother you after what happened today.”
The firefighter nodded as the others stared, their eyes emotionless and their bodies rigid.
Turning, Izzy walked out of the station courtyard and quickly slid into her car. Gunning the engine, she exited the station and headed for Will’s place. He lived in one of the cabins at the bottom of Clover Point with his wife, Helen, and their new baby boy, Oscar. Izzy gripped the steering wheel. Was it better that Sam hadn’t been married and was without children? Or worse, because now he wouldn’t have the chance for either?
Tears burned and she blinked them back, concentrating on her driving and negotiating what seemed an impossibly busy road.
Finally, she made it to Clover Point and pulled into Will’s graveled driveway. The last thing she wanted was to intrude on Will and Helen at a time like this, but what choice did she have if she wanted to find Trent? If he was here and drawing comfort from being with his friend, that was fine. She would leave him be.
As long as he had comfort from somewhere.
She got out of the car and approached the front door. Inhaling a strengthening breath, she lifted her hand and knocked.
Several seconds passed before the door opened and Helen, her eyes red from crying, stood on the threshold. “Oh, Izzy. Hi.”
Despite only really knowing Helen from sight and occasional passing chitchat, Izzy gently touched the other woman’s arm. “Hi. I know what happened today and I’m sorry. Are you okay? How’s Will?”
Helen’s eyes filled with tears and she shook her head. “He’s upstairs. I told him to try to sleep, but I imagine he’s just lying there, blaming himself.”
“He and Trent would’ve done all they could.”
“I know.” She sighed. “But it’s too soon for Will to accept that. He’s cut to pieces. They were so close.”
“I know, they all were. Trent too. I don’t suppose he’s been here, has he?”
Helen frowned, her eyes clouding with worry. “No. Haven’t you seen him? I thought you two were together now. Will told me last week that you’d finally—”
“We did. We are. I saw him, but he wanted to be alone and I stupidly walked away. I should’ve...” Izzy swallowed. “I really need to find him.”
“And you thought he’d be here?” Helen’s shoulders slumped and she tilted her head in sympathy. “I haven’t seen him, I’m so sorry.”
Izzy glanced over Helen’s shoulder toward the staircase behind her. “Would you mind asking Will if he has any idea where Trent could be? I’ve looked everywhere I can think of. One of the firefighters at the station suggested he might be here, and now that he isn’t and I don’t know where else...” Her voice cracked and Izzy blinked, a tear rolling over her cheek. “I have to find him, Helen.”
“Of course you do. Come in and I’ll go check if Will’s awake, okay?”
“Thank you.”
Izzy stepped into the Kents’ light and airy hallway. The wood paneling and beams along the ceiling beautifully complemented the pale cream walls and landscape paintings. Yet grief and shock cloaked everything in gray. Izzy closed her eyes, praying that Will and Trent would find a way to get over Sam’s death and not let the tragedy change them the way losing Robbie had changed her.
Shutting down and shutting people out didn’t help in the long term. She knew that now. The only way through the pain was to live better and harder. Embrace the love people had to offer, not refuse it.
Helen’s footsteps sounded on the stairs and Izzy looked up, hope speeding her heart. “Was he awake?”
“He was. He thinks the only other place he would go if you can’t find him in town is Kingsley.”
Izzy frowned. “Kingsley? But that’s miles away.”
“It’s where his parents live, where Trent grew up.”
“Of course. How could I have forgotten that? Do you have their address? I’ve met his parents a few times, but I’ve never been to their house.”
“When I asked Will for it, he said to tell you that it’s probably for the best that you wait for Trent to come home rather than follow him to his parents’.”
“Surely Will understands I need to be with Trent at a time like this?”
“I couldn’t agree more, but I still think that maybe you should listen to Will. He knows Trent better than most.”
Izzy stared, sickness rolling through her. How was she supposed not to go to Trent when he would be hurting so badly? She exhaled. “Okay. Thanks, anyway.”
She walked from the house, the gravel crunching beneath her feet as the door closed behind her. Now that she’d made that final leap into an intimate relationship with Trent, her feelings for him grew deeper every day. Her heart was opening in a way she’d kept under lock and key for so very long for fear of feeling any sense of loss ever again.
Yet, with Trent gone and rejecting her support, her old feelings of not being needed clutched deep inside her and it hurt deeply.
Izzy fought her tears as sadness pressed down on her, the all-too-familiar fears of abandonment and rejection rising on a nauseating wave. Her feelings were selfish, but they still hit her heart with hard and painful precision.
Getting into her car, she drove toward Kate’s place in an apartment block not far from Funland, the town’s fairground. She needed to see her friend, needed her advice. Should she go to Trent’s parents’ house or leave him be? She had no idea what result her turning up on their doorstep might bring after his brutal summary of the person she was today.
Pulling into a free parking space in the apartments’ lot, Izzy got out of the car and approached the building. She pressed the buzzer to Kate’s apartment.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.”
“Oh, thank God. I’ve been so worried.”
“Can I come up? I need to talk to you.”
“Of course.”
The buzzer sounded and Izzy pushed open the glass double doors. Indecision and uncertainty had plagued her after Robbie died, but over the last few months they’d lessened to such a degree that she was sure her life was coming to resemble something close to normal.
Now it seemed they would always be there...just beneath the surface and ready to erupt whenever someone walked away from her.
* * *
THE PUB IN KINGSLEY’S town center wasn’t exactly rammed to the rafters with patrons, but to Trent’s current state of mind, it was far too busy and far too noisy. He took a drink of his beer, carefully avoiding his father’s relentless gaze.
“I can sit here for as long as it takes, you know.” His father picked up his glass. “Being out with you is the only time your mother gives me a free pass to spend the evening in the pub.”
Trent placed his pint on the table. “I don’t know what you want me to say. Sam’s dead and I needed to be with you and Mum for a while. I thought you’d be glad.”
“I am, but it’s more than your grief that’s brought you home. I know you better than you think I do.”
Dread twisted a knot in Trent’s stomach. Surely he couldn’t be that transparent? “Sam’s why I’m here, Dad. Nothing else.”
His father lowered his drink next to Trent’s. “It’s more than Sam on your mind, son.”
Trent’s defenses slammed into place. “He died today. Aren’t I entitled not to think about anything else for a few hours other than the fact that I’ve lost one of my closest friends?”
His father’s cheeks mottled with irritation and his dark eyes hardened. “Don’t raise your voice at me. That won’t do either of us any good.”
Trent swiped his hand over his face, further shame adding to the already sky-high pile weighing down his shoulders. “Sorry.”
“Sam’s death is going to be hard on you. I know that. Your mother and I will be here any time you need us. That doesn’t change how well I know you.”
Trent met his father’s gaze. “Meaning?”
“Meaning something in Templeton has spooked you. Most likely what happened with the fire today was the catalyst that set you running in our direction. Not for the comfort we can give you, but as a means of escape. Which makes me think it’s not a something, but a someone, and that someone doesn’t know where we live. Am I getting warm?”
Trent looked to the bar. “You’re wrong.”
“Yeah? Then why can’t you look at me?”
Trent turned as irritation simmered dangerously in the pit of his stomach.
His dad held Trent’s gaze before he slowly smiled, knowledge glinting in his eyes. “What’s her name? And why are you here, instead of with her?”
Trent glared. Was he a frigging plate-glass window? He opened his mouth, closed it...opened it again. “What are you talking about?”
His father leaned back and crossed his arms, his gaze unwavering.
Rare embarrassment brought heat to Trent’s cheeks. He refused to discuss Izzy with his father. Not now. Not when Trent intended to finish things with her before they’d even really started. “You’re wrong. I’m here to get my head straight. To have some time to come to terms with Sam dying.”
His father continued to watch him.
Trent tipped his head back and closed his eyes. How was he supposed to quash his father’s suspicions? He’d never been able to lie to him and he didn’t want to start now. Lowering his chin, he opened his eyes and took a long drink before returning his glass to the table. He looked at his father. “Fine. It’s Izzy Cooper.”
His father grinned and uncrossed his arms. “I knew it. So, after all this time, you two finally worked things out, huh?” He raised his glass in a toast. “I knew the pair of you would see sense in the end.” He touched his pint to Trent’s, took a drink and put it back on the table. “From the few times we’ve seen her and how Robbie used to talk about her, I’ll hedge a bet she’s a beautiful girl. Inside and out. I’m pleased for you. Your mother will be too.”
“There’s no need to tell mum.” Trent closed his eyes and Izzy’s face swam cruelly behind his closed lids. He slowly opened them. “It’s all off after today.”
His father’s smile vanished and his eyes clouded with annoyance. “What are you talking about? You’ve had a thing for that girl for years.”
Trent fought the pain that twisted and pulled like barbed wire in his chest. “After what happened to Sam...” He shook his head. “I can’t do it to her, Dad.” Trent glared, self-defense burning hot through his blood. “If by some miracle, Izzy comes to love me like I love her, I can’t let her down. I promised I’d always be there for her. So that’s it. It’s over.”
“What on God’s good earth are you talking about?”
“She blames me for Robbie, okay? Even after all this time she can’t accept that a falling beam killed him.” Trent placed his forearms on the table and gripped his glass. He lowered his voice. “Add the fact that every day there’s a chance I could be killed. She doesn’t need that kind of endless worry. Not after Robbie.”
“Does she get a say in that? Have you asked her?”
“I don’t need to ask her. She told me so herself weeks ago, and then being the egotistical bastard I am, I wore her down until I’d convinced her otherwise.”
“You wouldn’t have convinced her if she wasn’t ready to be convinced. Maybe I don’t know Izzy like I knew Robbie, but from what you’ve told me about their background, they’re tough. You come back here, more often than not to make sure your mother’s okay, but what you’ve also got is somewhere safe to come when the world turns bad. Izzy doesn’t have that and if she’s come to see past the job, it’s because she’s ready to, not because of what you might or might not have said to her. If she sees you for who you are, she doesn’t deserve having you bail out on her.”
“And who am I? The guy who didn’t have the guts to face her when the going got tough. She wanted to come with me, be with me after what happened to Sam, and I said no.” Trent put down his glass. “I know what I’m talking about, Dad. Please, just understand what I’m saying.”
“I’m trying, but all I’ve heard so far is white noise.”
Trent fought to keep a rein on his temper. The longer his father looked at him, the more the pressure of indecision, the difference between doing the right thing and the selfish thing, ripped and tore at his conscience. “One day something might happen to me, and Izzy does not need that kind of pain in her life. Not again.”
His father frowned as he slowly roamed his study over Trent’s face as though what he’d said was complete nonsense.
“Don’t you see?” Trent held his father’s bemused gaze. “I can’t, I won’t, hurt her like that. She doesn’t need a man incapable of saving people, incapable of saving her.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “You know who I am. I’m the son who didn’t save your daughter, my sister, for crying out loud. This isn’t some unfathomable mathematical problem. It’s a fact.”
The silence went on for so long Trent forced his eyes open.
His father glared. “Now, you listen to me. You are my son and you’re one of the bravest, strongest men I know and I’m damn proud to call you mine.” His father’s eyes burned with anger. “Don’t dare you sit there and say you’ll hurt that girl. That you didn’t save our Aimee. That fire took her. Do you hear me? That one particular fire saw fit to take my baby away from you, your mother and me. Yet day in, day out, you risk your life to fight other fires to stop other people from being hurt. You’re not God, son, but you are a man. A man who needs to get his ass back to that Cove and look after the woman he loves. Now, drink up before the woman I love comes looking for us.” He drained his glass and slammed it on the table. “And I don’t want to hear you say those things about yourself ever again. Do you understand?”
Trent opened his mouth to respond as barely contained anger and shock at the intensity of his father’s tone burned and scorched inside. Before he could say anything else, his father rose and stalked from the pub.
“Bloody hell.” Trent drained his glass and stood before storming after his father.
His father was waiting for him outside. “Well?”
Trent met his father’s glare. “You can say what you want, but I won’t risk hurting Izzy any more.”
“Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life? Is that it?” His father came closer, his voice a growl. “Do you? Or do you want a wife who loves you? Kiddies who love you? Cherished people who wait at home and when you walk through the front door at the end of a shift, they greet you with their hugs and kisses. Does any of that appeal to you? Yes or no?”
A hard lump lodged in Trent’s throat and his chest hurt, but he defiantly held his father’s glare. “Of course it does. Doesn’t every man want a family?”
“Then you stay with me and your mother for two nights and two nights only. I’d say one night, but I’m not in the habit of hurting the woman I love either. You tell your mum you’ve been called back to Templeton on an emergency. Anything. Use your imagination.”
“I need longer than two days—”
“You need nothing but that girl who’s probably at her wit’s end wondering what she did to make you turn away from her. I bet my ass you’re hurting her now just by being here. Can’t you see that? You’re telling her she isn’t important enough, isn’t the one you need when you’re hurting. What do you think that says to the woman?”
Trent stared as the truth of his father’s wisdom sliced his soul. Izzy came looking for him the moment she found out about Sam. She’d most likely called him over and over since he left the Cove, but he’d turned off his phone.
His father was right. Trent might be miles away, but the words he’d spoken would be hurting her right now. He pushed his hand into his hair and held it there. “I am such an asshole.”
“I wouldn’t go that far, but you’re being pretty damn stubborn, that’s for sure.” His father put his arm around Trent’s shoulders and tugged him forward. “Now, let’s get those fish and chips, and while we’re eating you can think about what you’re going to do to make things right with Izzy. It’s time to face your fears, son. It’s time for you to risk your heart as well as your life. You need to pass it over to someone else to take care of every now and then.” His father stopped and turned Trent by the shoulders to face him. “Because that, my boy, is what love is to everyone. Love is a gift. Don’t you dare turn your back on it.”