The gavel fell. It was finally over. Maddy sighed with relief as she left the courthouse for the final time. Everything that happened to her since January seemed unreal. The months had dragged by, every day bringing a new pain, a new humiliation as she had been forced to sit and watch as others decided her fate. But it had been decided, and she was exonerated. Yet as she listened to the catcalls of the apprentice boys, and saw the way her old friends continued to cross the street, or disappear into stores so they did not have to suffer the indignity of conversing with her, she knew that nothing would change. It was too little, too late.
She clambered into the carriage that awaited her, and accepted Papa’s kiss on her cheek. “Are you quite well?” he asked, concern in his eyes. “You look so pale. Maybe we could send you to the Spa at Bristol Springs? Or why not at Saratoga? Your Mama says it is just the place.”
“Papa, I am quite well, just tired and glad that it is all done. The last place I wish to be is trapped in a Spa with the women who have been gossiping behind my back about all this.”
“You have been ever so brave my darling. We shall punish every newspaper and admonish anyone who has sullied your good name.”
“Papa, no. I would rather just let it all die down, so I can move on with my life.”
“If you insist,” he said pompously. Madelaine knew that tone. It meant he would placate her now, but would ignore her wishes completely. But, if it made him feel better to extract revenge on her behalf, then she could do little to stop him. But, she could do something to ease her own burden. It would be the hardest thing she had ever done, harder even than fighting to clear her name had been. But she was determined. She would never again be responsible for hurting her family so badly.
The carriage pulled up, and she ran inside. She could hear Mama weeping in the drawing room, her heavily pregnant sister comforting her. She would let her Papa inform them of the good news. Maddy had grown weary of her mother’s fits of the vapors, the constant tears – as if everything was happening to her, and not Madelaine. She had no doubt that Papa would be successful in packing Mama off to the Spa for a month or two. She was never happier than when she had teams of doctors fussing over her. As she raced up the grand staircase, she wondered if she sounded somehow ungrateful to her parents. She did love them both very much, but they could be so very exasperating at times. She envied her sister having escaped their clutches, but she would do the same – even if her method was a little more unorthodox.
A trunk sat at the end of her bed. She emptied it of the piles of bed linens it contained, and began to thrust dresses and skirts, books and papers into it, not caring about being neat and tidy. She just wanted to get away from Boston as quickly as she possibly could. She was tired, and it had been the worst time of her life. The sooner she could put it all behind her the better. “Papa told us you...” her sister cried as she burst into the room, “won.”
“Yes,” Maddy said turning to face her. She had kept her plans secret, and was not ready for the confrontation about to come.
“You can’t just run away, without anywhere to go?” Carolynn said angrily, as she took in the evidence of Maddy’s intended flight. “I know you want to hide, to lick your wounds and start again, but where can you go?”
“I don’t know,” Madelaine said sadly, sinking onto the bed. It felt as if she had deflated, as if all of the fight in her had been used up in the past months and there was nothing left to even keep her breathing. She had endured enough, and the idea of having to face Society as if none of it had happened was simply too much for her. “But Boston will not forget this. Oh, they may pretend that nothing happened, because of who you are, who you are married to, who Father is even. But they will not ever let me be, in their own way.”
“I do understand Maddy, but please don’t do anything rash. The girls would miss you terribly, and my time with this one is nigh,” she stroked her heavily pregnant belly and looked at her sister with hopeful eyes. Madelaine loved her, but was not prepared to allow anyone to emotionally blackmail her into staying. The simple truth was that if she stayed all she would ever have would be her nieces. There would be no dynastic marriage for her now, nor even one with a young man of even moderate means. She would be infamous.
“I love you Caro, but I will not stay – not even for that. I cannot. And I will not bring our family into even further disrepute by doing so. You have all had to bear such scrutiny, such unpleasantness, because of me.”
“Not because of you,” Caro exploded. “The charges were dropped. The proof is there that this was some kind of spurious attempt to discredit our family somehow. They chose you, because you... oh I don’t know why they chose you.”
“Because they could. They cannot touch any of the rest of you. But, I am different. I stand out. My work with the slum children hasn’t exactly endeared me to the great and good of the city.”
“I just don’t want you to leave us. We love you, and we need you.”
“I know. But this will not be their first and only attack at us. If I go, I take away their easiest target. Things will settle down for you all. They would not dare come against any of you. And I want a family and a husband one day. I want a quiet life, where what I do is not front page news and a man who is honest and good.”
“There is no such thing,” Caro joked weakly.
“There is, just not in our world. I’m not afraid. I shall write often, and you are more than wealthy enough to visit me whenever you wish once I am settled.”
“So you do have somewhere to go?”
“Not yet, but I will. I replied to this,” she tossed a small pile of newspaper cuttings towards her sister. An advertisement was circled in red on each.
A Gentleman of Montana seeks a good woman to correspond with, for the purpose of matrimony. A gentle disposition, good education and a loving heart are all the subscriber desires. He in turn will offer security, a good home and a bright future. All Replies to Box 38, The Matrimonial Times
“He does not give much away does he,” Caro said wryly as she read the first one.
“No, but neither of us ever expected hearts and flowers. We both knew we would make marriages of expedience. I am just taking matters into my own hands, rather than waiting for Papa to find some horribly ambitious fool, who might be prepared to take me. As you can see, his was not the only advertisement I responded to, but it was as good an example as any.”
“Oh Maddy, any man would be blessed to have you as his wife.”
“I know, but my character and my abilities will never again be a part of the reasons why any man here would ever consider wedding me. I have to make my own luck now.”
Carolynn looked so sad. Madelaine wanted to reassure her that everything would be fine, but everything had changed for her now and she had to face that. Her sister’s happiness had been secondary to the benefits both Papa and her husband, Blake, had gained from the union. She had brought him an old family name, and immediate entry into the highest echelons of East Coast Society. He had brought money, and a mercantile enterprise that had gone from strength to strength because of the merging of the two families. But, Caro had been blessed in that she had fallen madly in love with her betrothed, and he with her. They were an indomitable force, and their futures looked bright, as long as no further scandals were linked to them. It did not take much for Boston’s elite to turn on you, and older and wealthier families than their own had been ruined before and would be again. But, it would not be over her, not if she could help it.
The scandals that had been linked to her name in recent months had threatened to ruin everything, Maddy was wise enough to know that. The flurry of gentleman callers had stopped almost overnight, the possible match between herself and one of the wealthiest bankers in Boston had vanished as if he had not been courting her assiduously for months. But she did not mind any of that. She did not want some preening peacock, who believed what he read in the newspapers and did not have the courage to ask her what was true. But she did not wish to become a lingering embarrassment to her family either. It would be best for everyone if she were to vanish quietly, never to return and so she had made her preparations, ready for when she found the right man.
“But, if you are still waiting to hear from them, however many of them you wrote to, why must you leave now?”
“Because if I don’t I will burst!” Maddy exclaimed. “I have been kept, pent up inside this house for months. My only contact with the outside world has been within a courtroom. I am sick of the sight of everything within these walls. I am sick of the jibes, the snide comments everywhere I go. Even walking from the door to our carriage I have heard the whispers, and even worse at times. One lad called out the most obscene things to me. I am tired of being brave. I cannot pin a smile to my face any longer. I just wish to be somewhere, anywhere, where nobody knows me, or my family, our history. I need to get away before I go mad Caro, can you not even try to understand that?” Her sister sat quietly for a moment, then pulled her in close.
“I do understand. I am sorry, I am being selfish. I had not considered the torment you have been through, or that will continue to be flung at you even though it has been proven to be untrue. I just cannot bear the thought of you being far from me.”
“I know. But I shall write, every day if you wish me to. I shall want to know all your news. I love you Caro and I will miss you.”
“But you have to go and find a new life, one you can live freely and fully.” They clasped each other tightly, tears pouring down both their cheeks.
Once Carolynn had left her, Maddy collapsed onto the bed, sobbing into her pillows. She did not want to leave her family, she loved them all so very much even when they were being infuriating, but the pain she felt every day, the shame and fear she felt when even walking outside of their elegant townhouse was enough to propel her forwards. This was not the way she wished to live her life. She wanted to be back with the children, teaching them their letters and helping them to learn the skills that would help them to escape their poverty and misery. She longed to be assisting gentle Doctor Hailey as he administered to the sick, but she could not do any of that any more.
She gazed down at the pile of advertisements. She had been responding to them for so long. She was beginning to give up hope that anyone would ever write back. Maybe the scandal had made its way out of Boston, and now no man anywhere would consider her? But, as she re-read the words of the Gentleman of Montana she allowed herself to dream. She had only written to him a few weeks ago. He should have received her letter by now. She would have to wait a little while to hear from him, but she still held onto hope that this time she would find the man she needed to save her from her misery.
She pictured him as a rugged type, most at home on the land. His Stetson perched forward to shield his eyes from the sun, a well-bred stallion between his strong thighs. Out on the land from sun up to sun down, he was tanned and lean. But, she also pictured him sat by the fire, reading a book or showing his children how to form their letters. Their home was not luxurious, certainly nothing like the home she had lived in her entire life, but it had everything they needed, and was cozy and warm. She had added a few touches to make it more homely, and they were well liked by everyone nearby. She taught Sunday School and helped the local doctor with his rounds when their two boys were in school.
It was a lovely picture, but it was becoming more and more faded as time went on. Each man who did not respond to her correspondence broke her heart just a little more, making her wonder what her options might be if she could not secure herself a husband. She could always become a governess, but nobody on the East Coast would hire her to care for their children, and she wasn’t sure if she had the courage to head West alone.