9

are you picking and choosing?

On June 6, 1944, the U.S. Army and the Allies stormed the beaches of Normandy, France. If you’ve ever watched the History Channel or thumbed through history books detailing what happened on “the longest day,” then you have an idea of how massive this military invasion was. Operation Overlord was the largest air, land, and sea assault in world history—the biggest one-day invasion in the annals of warfare.

I found my heart racing and my body getting supertense when I viewed Saving Private Ryan, Steven Spielberg’s epic depiction of D-day and the subsequent battles in the Normandy area. I agree with reviewers who declare that Saving Private Ryan is the most realistic war film ever made. The film is rated R for its realism—not raunch. Although certain scenes are drenched in blood and the violence is intense, I recommend that all young men see it sometime, because Saving Private Ryan is the real deal—not some Xbox shooter game.

One hundred fifty thousand real men belonging to the Allied forces (U.S., British, and Canadian) crossed the choppy English Channel and were dropped into hell on earth. German pillboxes manned by machine-gunners on the bluffs overlooking Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno, and Sword beaches picked off thousands of eighteen- and nineteen-year-old soldiers. If your regiment was in the first assault wave, you had about a fifty-fifty chance of surviving the first hour. That’s why guys getting ready to land were puking, praying, and preparing for the worst.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”

Put yourself in that Higgins boat with thirty other men as you approached the beachhead. Look around you. Fifteen of your buddies will end up being buried under white crosses and Stars of David in French soil. As your landing craft gets closer, German cannons open up, and the sounds of war cause the adrenaline in your body to skyrocket. Suddenly your boat ramp drops, and you scramble into a hail of gunfire. The water was supposed to be three or four feet deep, but you step into a crater hole, and now you’re scrambling to get your helmeted head above the surface. You manage to gain a breath, but it’s tough sledding since you’re weighed down by sixty pounds of gear on your back. You strain with everything you’ve got for the shore, but exploding mortar rounds impede your progress. After ten minutes of slogging, you throw yourself on the beach—exhausted, confused, bewildered, and scared out of your wits because the American soldier lying next to you lost his head—

Then you see him—the beach master. He’s the guy they told you to find when you made it to the beach. He’s a hard-boiled navy guy whose job is to guide you along a path cleared of mines so that you make it to the sand berm and cover. He’s waving and pointing you in a certain direction. “Follow those guys,” he screams above the din. You look to see some buddies moving in that direction. It’s your first glimmer of hope. Thank God for the beach master, you think. They told you in training to listen to these guys if you wanted to live. Follow his direction.

Fifteen minutes have passed since the war started for you. You have jumped, swam, crawled, and scampered two hundred yards to cover. Half your unit is dead, but the beach master is pointing you toward safe cover, where you can join up with a group of soldiers from the Twenty-ninth.

You follow the beach master’s directions to a T and meet up with your new buddies. Your new platoon leader gathers you all together to give you instructions. That’s when you notice that he’s holding a helmet filled with some guy’s brains! His steely eyes glare at every man standing around him in a semicircle. “This is what happens to guys who don’t listen to the beach master,” he growls. “This whole area is mined. Go where you are told.”

He didn’t need to say anything more. Apparently the guy whose brains now filling the helmet thought he could break rank and pick his own route—choose his own path to safety. He had been told what to do, but he simply failed to heed the instructions he was given. What that soldier did reminds me of a warning in the Bible: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” (Proverbs 14:12).

SELECTIVE OBEDIENCE KILLS

The story of the soldier who died by not listening to the beach master is true. The lesson is so profound that it nails about 95 percent of the struggles I encounter with younger men: selective obedience to God’s instructions. What does selective obedience look like?

• You hear what you want to hear.

• You reject or discount what’s not in sync with your personal desires.

• You replace God’s clear instructions with your own plan.

• You act out your own plan.

Sometimes God’s commands don’t fit in with your “flow,” your image, your friendships, or the lifestyles that go with them. So you set aside His directions because you want to be free to do what you want rather than what God wants. But just like the soldier who didn’t listen to the beach master, your freedom will be short-lived. I guarantee you that the negative consequences of your decisions will catch up with you.

When they selectively obeyed God’s instructions, they were taken to the woodshed for a good old-fashioned butt whipping.

All men I know have felt the punishing blows that selective obedience brings. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you want to become. The Bible is full of stories about great kings who could not bring themselves to complete obedience. On several occasions, good kings could not resist the impulse to fudge on God’s clear instructions regarding the worship of pagan gods among His people. Allowing their subjects to build pagan shrines or “high places” among the people of God was the equivalent of erecting a statue of Osama Bin Laden in downtown Manhattan.

In God’s eyes, the building of shrines to pagan gods was totally offensive, and every king knew this. So while they might not be good kings, God judged their reigns on how they dealt with the issue of idolatry. Then you had situations with kings who would destroy the idols and then felt free to sin in other ways. These kings were timeless poster children for every man who thinks that God has no problem with selective obedience. This is how some of these men are remembered in the pages of Scripture. Pay attention to my italics, which are added for emphasis:

The LORD said to Jehu, “Because you have done well in accomplishing what is right in my eyes … your descendants will sit on the throne of Israel to the fourth generation.” Yet Jehu was not careful to keep the law of the LORD, the God of Israel, with all his heart. He did not turn away from the sins of Jeroboam, which he had caused Israel to commit.

In those days the LORD began to reduce the size of Israel. (2 Kings 10:30-32)

Joash did what was right in the eyes of the LORD all the years Jehoiada the priest had instructed him. The high places, however, were not removed; the people continued to offer sacrifices and burn incense there. (2 Kings 12:2-3)

He [Azariah] did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, just as his father Amaziah had done. The high places, however, were not removed; the people continued to offer sacrifices and burn incense there.

The LORD afflicted the king with leprosy until the day he died. (2 Kings 15:3-5)

You get the picture. These were good guys—God’s men—doing lots of good things, except for going all the way with their obedience. When they selectively obeyed God’s instructions, they were taken to the woodshed for a good old-fashioned butt whipping. God got fed up with these guys, so He shut them down and exiled them to countries who loved evil practices more than they loved God. God’s assessment of these guys and the people who followed their lead went like this:

They followed worthless idols and themselves became worthless.

They imitated the nations around them although the LORD had ordered them, “Do not do as they do,” and they did the things the LORD had forbidden them to do.… So the LORD was very angry with Israel and removed them from his presence. (2 Kings 17:15,18)

All could see that God’s instruction was very clear. But these men obeyed God selectively, and their stupid pride cost them and many others their freedom. On a more personal level, God was totally hurt.

THE PICKING AND CHOOSING SYNDROME

Let’s look at the case histories of three guys your age who are following in the footsteps of those kings from yesteryear.

Case 1: Silence of the Lamb

Brad was comfortable being a Christian and comfortable with the ladies. He was smart, not very athletic, but blessed with his mom’s searing blue eyes and his dad’s six-foot-three-inch DNA. At nineteen, who could ask for more—he was a dating machine.

Her magnetism made Brad skip over one small thing—she was not a believer.

When Brad met Jennifer, he was immediately attracted to her covergirl looks and impressive build. She was not, let’s say, shy about putting her God-given beauty on display, and it seems every outfit she wore was designed to get a rise. Her magnetism made Brad skip over one small thing—she was not a believer. He did think about it but treated those thoughts like smelly socks—he threw them into his mental hamper and quickly forgot about them.

Each Saturday night when they were together, a thought would cross Brad’s mind: Talk to her about your faith. He also felt like he needed to let her know about his convictions regarding sex. He never opened his mouth. Meanwhile, as they kept getting closer, Brad continued to clam up about God.

Case 2: The Fangs Come Out

Jamal loves his band. They play regular gigs at churches in Los Angeles. He is the front man—singing lead vocals, getting the crowd into the concerts, and ministering to the audience. He knows his Bible and dedicates his Sundays to volunteering in a ministry to kids.

Jamal, who told me that his life goal is to serve the Lord and do His will, cannot talk to his parents without what he calls his “fangs” coming out. His parents trigger something inside him for some reason. Even though he is respectful to every other adult in his life, he is defiant and disrespectful to his own mom and dad. “Same ol’, same ol’,” he says, like it’s just another day and his behavior toward them is normal.

Case 3: Faking It and Paying the Price

Mike is an impressive young guy. He also knows how to make an impression on his parents. Listening to his folks talk about him suggests a spiritual maturity way beyond his years. As a dad, I only hope that my son would be as centered in Christ.

One morning in Starbucks I ran into Mike’s mentor, a guy named Phil, while picking up my Frappuccino. Phil and I share Mike’s father as a mutual friend, so it was natural to talk about Mike. That’s when Phil’s face clouded over, and he started shaking his head. He looked at me and said, “Paul and Donna [Mike’s parents] have absolutely no idea what he’s up to.” Phil went on to detail several conversations he had with Mike about his physical relationship with Laura and how he was putting himself out there as a guy working out his faith even though he was sleeping with his girlfriend.

Brad is silent about his faith when he should be opening his mouth. Jamal’s mouth goes from bringing good news to spewing hot lava on his parents. Mike is a joke—believing he could simultaneously host the Holy Spirit while getting naked with his girlfriend. Each young man is called to a higher standard, but in each case God’s clear instruction was set aside like dirty laundry and rationalized away. Each young man picked and chose when and where he would be God’s young man and when and where he would don that mask. Each young man bent God’s Word and muted the Holy Spirit to follow his feelings.

They practice what I call 80/20 obedience, and the problem is that the 20 percent will always take you down. Brad, Jamal, and Mike are exercising freedoms in their faith without checking with God or His Word. They are inviting a trip to the woodshed, and it won’t be pretty:

Every word of God proves true. He defends all who come to him for protection. Do not add to his words, or he may rebuke you, and you will be found a liar. (Proverbs 30:5-6, NLT)

The veteran Paul told the young God’s man Timothy about guys who serve their own interests and who “love pleasure rather than God. They will act as if they are religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. You must stay away from people like that” (2 Timothy 3:4-5, NLT).

The bottom line about 80/20 guys is that their love for God is an act. They consistently put the 20 percent over their love for God. They are like the 80/20 kings of the Old Testament who allowed the high places to exist under their watch when God had said they had to go. Add it all up, and it’s easy to make the argument that your 20 percent is an idol as well.

They practice what I call 80/20 obedience, and the problem is that the 20 percent will always take you down.

Young men know what God says about sex outside of marriage, but they keep unzipping their pants anyway. Sons know when they are ripping apart their mom and dad’s values only because they want to sin—not because their values are wrong. Guys know when they are acting cool to get the acceptance of their friends or their girlfriends because, deep down, they know what separates them from other friends is not acting like them. They are being cliquey and know that Jesus would never go for it.

When a young man who has a strong relationship with God is tempted to become an 80/20 guy, he does what God would have him to do. Over. Done. No-brainer. He doesn’t back off from his 100 percent commitment.

That’s the goal, men. You practice choosing God and not adding your spin to His Word, even if it is less comfortable or costs you a relationship. You do this because you know that more than the obedience, God loves to reward your trusting His way with huge blessings.

PAST CARING

Let me tell you about a guy who knows how to avoid selective obedience. Nelson is a soccer guy—a very successful player and now the coach of female high-school players. Nelson tells me that his biggest struggle as a single young man is masturbation and lusting after being around good-looking babes on the soccer field. It’s quite okay to struggle. It’s not a sin to be tempted. But it is a sin to RSVP to the temptation and mentally taste the delectable hors d’oeuvres. Nelson knows this, which is why he’s seeking ways to tip the scales in his favor by loving God with all his mind and strength.

“Almost all of the soccer coaches I know are single guys, which makes it hard to be God’s man,” he told me. “You travel to tournaments in Las Vegas and other cities. It gets lonely because they’re girls and you’re a guy, and when you get lonely, it usually spells trouble. For many coaches, these trips offer good opportunities to explore the wild side.”

Nelson said what really helped him was opening up to a father of one of his players. “This dad is a Christian man,” he said. “I respect and admire him because I see how he lives out his faith at these tournaments. He’s not down in the bar tying one on with some of the other parents. Instead, he’s hanging out with the kids at the pool or watching a DVD with his daughter and family in the hotel room. Anyway, I asked him to keep an eye out for me on the road, you know, adopt me as a son when we travel so that I don’t get myself into trouble. I didn’t want to do this, but knowing me, I had no choice if I wanted to feel right before God. I had to give someone else permission to be in my life to help me avoid sin.”

Nelson does not pick and choose which parts of God’s commands he will adopt and incorporate into his life.

By looking for ways to put himself out there as a follower of Christ, it makes things a little easier, in a strange sort of way. He talks about his faith, sees the relationships he has with players and families as a ministry, and tries to teach soccer and good values to the girls. Acting on his faith this way has propelled a young man into the adventure of the battle. He’s not shy about having his Bible open around his players, though he never pushes his faith on them or makes anybody pray before games.

I know that Nelson’s partnership with the Holy Spirit—the voice inside that tells him to do what God wants—and his steady diet of God’s Word keep him away from developing 80/20 habits with his faith. Nelson does not pick and choose which parts of God’s commands he will adopt and incorporate into his life. If he’s not sure what to do, he checks the Word first, talks to the soccer dad who’s mentoring him, or calls me. In other words, Nelson has put himself out there on purpose, and by going for it, he’s freer.

NO ONE LIKE HIM

Our ancient spiritual brothers who passed the test of obedience all had their spiritual gut check. They had to face the discomfort that full obedience brings—much like test pilot Chuck Yeager enduring incredible noise and violent shaking before hitting the calm air of mach 1. Our ancient spiritual brothers fought their fear of what others would think. They battled weaknesses in their own character and faith. Some battled huge spiritual opposition. King Hezekiah of the Old Testament overcame them all at the ripe old age of twenty-five! Check this out:

[Hezekiah] did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, just as his father David had done. He removed the high places, smashed the sacred stones and cut down the Asherah poles.…

Hezekiah trusted in the LORD, the God of Israel. There was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before him or after him. He held fast to the LORD and did not cease to follow him; he kept the commands the LORD had given to Moses. And the LORD was with him; he was successful in whatever he undertook.” (2 Kings 18:3-7)

Like I said, Hezekiah was a young man. He saw how his father, King Ahaz, and the other kings handled things. He took notes on his palm (leaf) pilot. He learned from their mistakes and was determined not to imitate their style of selective obedience. When you read how the Bible describes this God’s young man, several things should pop out:

• His focus was not on what people thought.

• He went after the most troubling area of disobedience (idols).

• He was praying and talking to God (“trusted the Lord”).

• He was not budging (“holding fast”).

• He did not selectively obey (“kept all the commands”).

• His commitment made him stand out (“no one like him”).

When he risked wholehearted obedience, God sent a tidal wave of blessing his way.

Hezekiah stormed the hill and took it. When other kings backed off, Hezekiah didn’t hesitate. When the rumor mill kicked in, he looked toward the face of his heavenly Father, where he saw a thumbs-up sign. When others questioned God’s Word, he risked taking every word seriously. When he felt isolated, he chatted up God. When he put himself out there, he got noticed for all the right reasons—by God and by man. When he risked wholehearted obedience, God sent a tidal wave of blessing his way.

In this way King Hezekiah was most like the King of kings: Christ’s one act of righteousness makes all people right in God’s sight and gives them life. Because one person disobeyed God, many people became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many people will be made right in God’s sight. (Romans 5:18-19, NLT)

Neither Hezekiah nor Jesus found obeying God a cakewalk, but what an awesome example of men who went for it. They went for it not because they psyched themselves up or were pressured, but because they humbled themselves before God.

This quality, lacking in so many young men, is the subject of the next chapter.