Magical Ethics for
Teens and Their Parents
by Estelle Daniels
Magic and Wicca are everywhere these days—on TV, in the movies, and in books of fiction and nonfiction. It’s so popular that many people have become very interested in learning more about, and possibly becoming part of, the tradition. Unfortunately, though, having an interest and willingness to learn does not guarantee you will be able to find a good and ethical teacher.
Tips for Beginning Your Studies
The first thing you should know about magic is that what is depicted in popular media is not at all like the real thing. In the years I have been a practitioner, for instance, I have never met anyone who could merely wave their hand and cause things to happen. The truth is magic is much more subtle and slow-acting than would ever serve a Hollywood plot. In the movies, the actors only have a short time to get done what they want to get done, so of course magic is made to appear more dramatic, visual, and quick than it is in real life.
In truth, magic and Wicca are studies that can be pursued and perfected over a lifetime or more. As with most worthwhile things in this life, no one book or secret recipe will be able to make you an instant expert. Becoming a magic-worker takes practice and intensive labor. Of course, there are many aspects of magic that you can master in a short stretch of time—such as learning to read tarot cards, for example, or learning a simple incantation. But these are just small facets of the magical life.
Creating a Magical Life
Many people who choose to become magical find they create a magical life for themselves. They begin to view the world differently, paying attention to things others might miss. Their ideas, values, and priorities change and become somewhat different from more mainstream people.
Of course, a magical person still has to go to school or work in order to bring food to the table, but these workaday trappings of modern life can take a back seat to knowledge and experience in the magical realm.
That said, the most effective way to learn about things magical and Wicca is to find a solid, ethical teacher or become part of a good and nurturing group. Of course, this sounds easier than it is. Few groups advertise for members, and the best groups are relatively small and have little turnover. Classes are available here and there, but not all are accessible in terms of time or sometimes money. Plus, the exchange of money does not necessarily bring ethics into the matter—in fact, often the opposite is true.
Teaching Magic to Teens
A further complication occurs for teenagers who, inspired by what they see on TV perhaps, want to learn about magic and Wicca. Many teachers won’t teach minors; this is not out of prejudice, but rather for solid legal reasons. In the past few years, parents, grandparents, and stepparents have all sued and won cases against people teaching their children about Wicca and magic. The law in our society makes children the sole responsibility of their parents, and if the parents don’t want a child doing something, any adult who helps work against that can be sued or criminally prosecuted. Alternatively, some teachers may have parents or guardians sign a waiver before they take minors on as students. This is for everyone’s protection in the event of a future litigation.
If you are under eighteen and want to learn about magical traditions and the religion of Wicca, your options are somewhat limited as far as finding a teacher. Still, there are many things you can do on your own. First, look to attend any public lectures, seminars, classes, or book signings that you can. If there are psychic fairs in your area, go and watch, ask questions, and observe. Some people are willing to talk in informal settings, even if they refuse to take you on as a student. Any event open to the public is a safe work zone for the exchange of information—in other words, parents will have a hard time suing a teacher for the information they give in a public lecture.
Of course, at these events, you might have to pay an admission price. Do so, and feel free once you are there to talk to people. Be friendly and eager to learn. Don’t be a pest. Respect boundaries but ask questions. Sometimes you can get into conversations and learn things. You may even ask an elder if they might meet you and talk to you over lunch—again, in a public place. Always be sure you can pay your own way.
If people are busy or can’t talk, don’t take it personally. Just move on and keep trying. Occasionally you will find someone who is willing to talk and teach you informally. There is certainly no harm in trying.
If you find a metaphysical bookstore in your area, go there and ask the employees if they know of any classes or open groups. Ask them for help and advice. Sometimes they will be more than willing to share. Furthermore, you can just go and browse the books and listen to the conversations of customers. You might be able to pick up some interesting information; at the very least, you will get some useful reading done. If you can, try to get a part-time job at the store. Working in a place with such materials on hand, and with such customers, is a great way to pick up a magical or Wiccan education.
Certainly, as you already must know, you can learn much about magic and Wicca by reading books. But these sources are not intended to be the end of your education. You should also go beyond the books by trying to practice things yourself. Don’t be afraid to experiment. If you cannot find a teacher, get a few friends together and work it out among yourselves. Don’t be worried about looking or sounding strange. Simply keep your activities private. Don’t impose your beliefs or practices upon those who aren’t interested or might be uncomfortable. Wicca and magic are part of your private life, and though they may seem wonderful to you not everybody will feel the same. Cultivate discretion; it will serve you well in the future.
Read magical fiction too. This is not to say that if you read all the Harry Potter books, you can become Harry Potter. We all would love that, but it isn’t possible. You may think fiction is simply at best an interesting and diverting pastime, but you should know too that reading such material does train your mind to think in magical ways. Reading about magic and spells can get your mind used to understanding what it might feel like to do magic and Wicca.
Be careful to choose positive and helpful literature, not the darkly horrific or negative stuff. In your books, look for people who are active, who take care of themselves, and who make a positive mark on their world. If you like Harry Potter, there are many other books in the same vein. Ask your librarian or bookstore clerk. They will probably have a list of other books and authors to read. The genre is called science fantasy, though it covers much more than just magic. Realize that when you read, as when you watch TV or movies, these are fantasy worlds, and things are exaggerated for plot and effect.
Okay, you can also continue to watch your magical movies and TV shows too. Again be careful to choose the positive ones, and be sure not to become dazzled by the special effects and quick plot resolutions. As mentioned before, real-life magic does not reach its fruition so quickly and neatly. Life is a lot less flashy and takes a lot longer to resolve. Sometimes things don’t even get resolved or even solved—that’s life.
Finally, in your studies you will find there is a lot of information on the Internet. Be careful here. The most effective people generally don’t have time to hang around chat rooms, and frequently the people who are the loudest and boast the most know the least. Information on the Internet isn’t always reliable.
Unfortunately there are few restrictions here. If you find a cool website with loads of “secret” information that nobody else has, be cautious. If their stuff is so secret, why are they putting it on a website? If someone says on their website that they know best, and everyone else is wrong, be wary. Do your research; take your time; do not commit to anything—especially if a website asks for money before they dole out the truth. Usually the only truth you learn is that a fool and their money are soon parted. The Internet is anonymous, and many shady people rely on this anonymity to do their shady deals. If it feels wrong or bad, just say no and go elsewhere.
Your Own Ethics
As you begin to learn more, here is a word of advice: be careful about proclaiming yourself to be an expert simply because you have read a book and practiced a bit. There are people who have devoted many years to study and practice, and nothing turns others off faster than the instant expert.
That is, try to keep an open mind about other people and their opinions and practices as you learn more about what you like and what works for you. Just because you read a book that makes one claim, don’t assume all other approaches are wrong. Different people have different ideas. Be open to know different ways of doing and thinking about things. Listen and think about what someone says before automatically saying they are wrong. At the very least, express your thoughts in the form of an opinion: “I think you might be mistaken,” or “I got different information from this book.”
Magic and Wicca should make you feel good about what you do and make your life better. Be patient, and learn what you can. Many of us started the same way, and we are still around. Good luck.
Parents and Wicca
If you are the parent of a teen who has expressed an interest in magic or Wicca, there are many things you can and should do to help your teen. Your key role might well be to check things out to be certain your child is getting good, reliable, and honest information.
My first and best advice to parents is this: do not panic. After all, the majority of teens who are interested in these subjects eventually go on to other pursuits. It’s a fad. If you don’t make a big deal of it, they will either stay with it out of honest interest, or find something else to freak you out.
Next, you might be well served if you do some research. If your teen is reading books about magic and Wicca, read some yourself. How do they seem to you? You will likely be surprised how harmless they are, and how positive and motivating. If they scare you because they clash with the beliefs you were brought up with, take a look at the underlying mindsets. These practices, like most religions or spiritual pursuits, are designed to make a person more self-aware, motivated, thoughtful, helpful, caring, sensitive to others, and interested in making the world a better place. As a result, the practices of magic and Wicca may suddenly seem not as awful to you. You might realize you are simply objecting to the way things are done, rather than the mindsets.
Still, there are bad people everywhere, and Wicca and magic are no exceptions. Focus your attention on the individuals your child is associating with—as opposed to the mindset of the spiritual practice. Be certain to watch for attitudes or practices that are selfish, dominating, nihilistic, destructive, or encouraging of practices that are dangerous to self and others. Separate the individuals from the general practice, and be sure to talk to your child about these things.
If your teen is on the Internet, be sure to monitor their activities. Ask about the websites they have visited, and look at them yourself. Lurk in a few chat rooms and monitor what goes on. Most of the time it’s just boasting and bravado. Be sure to let your child know that you will continue to take an interest and that you will not tolerate any bad practices or behavior.
If your child sends away for materials or goes to classes, look at the materials yourself. If your teen wants to take a class with a private teacher, check the teacher out. Call and ask about what will be taught and what goes on in the class. Ask to sit in. Some teachers won’t teach minors at all. Some teachers require parents to sign a waiver granting permission for a minor to study. If the teacher won’t talk with you or if you get a bad feeling, err on the side of caution. It will be difficult to give your reasons to a teenager, but if you are uncertain about the particular practices of a teacher or group, you will have to tell your child to wait until they reach adulthood and can make the decision alone. The anger and frustrations your child may feel after this is preferable to having him or her get into a bad group and be damaged.
If there is a great deal of money involved, be extremely wary. Most Wiccans for religious reasons cannot charge for teaching the craft—outside of reimbursement for supplies and books. Few people will teach magic for a fee, and if one promises to teach everything quickly, you have special reason to be skeptical. It just doesn’t work that way.
If your teen finds a teacher that you agree may be good, you should ask many questions: what will they be teaching; what books will they use; how long the course will take; what the workload and time commitment will be for your teen; what the rules are, and what your child will have to commit to; what you as a parent will have to commit to; how long the teacher has been teaching; how many students are in the class; and where the class will meet (though rules about secrecy may prevent the teacher from saying exactly). You may even want to ask for references.
You might not get full or understandable answers to these questions, but use your instincts. The teacher may speak in jargon, but listen to their tone and attitude. Are they upset that you are checking up on them? Are they resentful, secretive, misleading, or obfuscating? Those are not good signs. Are they patient and willing to answer your questions? Do they seem knowledgeable, have credentials, and are willing to let you sit in? Those are good signs.
Wicca is a religion, and becoming Wiccan means choosing a religious path. This is of course not something to be taken lightly. If you don’t want your teen changing religions, discuss it. Give your reasons openly, and be fair to your child. Expect the same from him or her.
If you object to magic, examine your reasons. Is it because you are afraid your teen will blow your house up? Are you afraid they will be possessed by demons? You should know this is silly—these things just don’t happen. The worst thing that will happen if a spell is done incorrectly is nothing. Do you object to magic in and of itself? Why? Most magic these days is done for healing or self-help. Prayer itself is a classic form of magic. The practice of Wicca and magic differs very little from the ancient practice of praying—though it is much more involved.
Ask your teen why they want to get into magic. If they want a quick fix or love spells, inform them this is not how magic works. It takes time and energy, and the practitioner also has to put their energy into making the desired outcome happen. Tell your child that you would be much more impressed if he or she focused on becoming more presentable, cultivating some manners and social graces, and being a person people would like to be around.
Both Wicca and magic require work, study, and commitment to be effective and successful. Many teens when confronted with the work involved are less than enthusiastic. It certainly isn’t like it is in the movies and on TV. Harry Potter depicts the amount of work, study, and practice fairly realistically, though the subjects or effects you can achieve are rather heavily exaggerated.
If you let your teen explore and read some books—and there is a whole lot of reading involved in magic and Wicca—chances are they will learn something and will eventually move on. Neither magic nor Wicca has an instant formula for success. Tell your child to be patient and open-minded, and let them know that you intend to do so too. If anything, your tolerance will teach your teen a valuable lesson.