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ARCHER’S WORDS RING in my ears as I rush through the corridors with Addyson, Della and Finn. I am holding Addyson’s hand and I may never let it go again. I am back with my sister, back at my home. This day has got so much better than it was.
I cannot believe that only this morning my brother tried to kill Will. It seems like a life time ago. Time is strange at the moment. So much has happened since Halfreda took me to the island and I made the river rise. It wasn’t that long ago but I feel like a different person.
A fizz of excitement bubbles through me: Archer is alive; my brother is gone – where I don’t even care. I will be Queen.
I push open the door to my room and I am overcome with pure happiness. I really am home. Safe. Ready to rule.
Della sends Finn to find little maids. I need to be clean and dressed properly to go to the great hall. While I wait, I sit with Addyson, holding her close, as though she is a tiny baby again.
“Are you alright?”
“I am now. I thought you were dead.”
“I thought I would be. I thought Brett was taking me to Millard.”
“I’m glad he didn’t. Poor Ceryn – she’s so sorry she killed Brett. She didn’t know.”
“I know. It’s just horrible, though. Poor Brett. You like Ceryn a lot don’t you.”
“Yes. She’s nice to me. And she gets me. Because of her face.”
“I know. She did what she thought was right. I’m just so sick of how horrible everything is now. I want peace.”
“You can have peace when you are Queen. You can have everything you want.”
“Like cake for breakfast?”
“And a bath of wine.”
“Too sticky. A puppy?”
“Ten puppies and cake for breakfast.”
“New clothes.”
“New shoes.”
“New everything.”
“New anything.”
We laugh and the sound brings tears to my eyes. Poor Addyson. She has been through too much; she’s only eleven. “A wonderful birthday party for you.”
“A coronation for you first.”
“Ah, that’s a nice thought.”
“I’m glad Millard’s gone. And Macsen. I miss father though. Do you think he loved me at all?”
I pull her close to me, so she cannot see the heartbreak written all over my face. “Of course he did.” My voice sounds fierce, angry. I am angry at my father. He was a wonderful father to me and a terrible father to Addyson. I hug her closer as I remember the times when I was younger when I was glad the King liked me the best, glad that I was the favourite princess. I feel sick at the thought. Poor Addyson. The person who loved her the most was glad she was ignored by their father.
“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,” I mumble and hug her, my tears of self-hatred stinging my eyes. I vow to be good to her always. To make life better for her than it was. “Would you like a bath of wine?”
She splutters through her tears and we laugh together. “I’m hungry and I’m tired.”
“I’m sure. I feel the same way. It’s been a long day and a busy few weeks. Life will settle down now. We’ll plan my coronation together and then we’ll plan your birthday party. Twelve is very grown up.”
“It is, isn’t it? Much better than boring old eleven.” Her smile is beaming now, thinking about her party. I envy my sister’s ability to look on the bright side, to have so few worries. I need to guard her, so that she enjoys this innocence for a bit longer. She has lost too much.
Finally, the little maids have filled the bath. Finn steps outside with a smile and a bow. He’s so nice.
I let Addyson bath first and I wash her long hair, brushing it out – relishing looking after her.
Once she’s drying by the fire, I sink into the hot water. It is bliss. I watch Della brush Addyson’s hair. She’s so good for my sister. A lovely woman.
I swirl the water and the petals, the fragrance wafting towards me. I concentrate, staring at one of the petals, and I will it to lift out of the water. It does. I let it drop, grinning. I try it again with another one and this time I spin it around in the air before letting it drop back into the water.
I do it one more time, but I send it across the room, concentrating hugely, and letting it flutter down into Addyson’s hand.
She squeals and turns to me, her eyes dancing, a smile playing on her lips. I remember how young she is, still a baby.
I look at all the petals in the water and one by one I will them up in to the air, until they are dancing all around us, like a storm of petals, a waterfall of flowers.
Addyson is enchanted and I love it. If my powers are good for nothing else, if I cannot control them enough for serious business, I will always be able to make my sister smile. And that can’t be a bad thing.
I let them settle, and Addyson catches as many as she can, smelling them and throwing them back into the air. The floor is a carpet of pink, and I lay back in the water, the heat sinking in to my bones as I close my eyes. Exhausted now, I could sleep for a week.
When I made the river rise and realised that I could rule, I had no idea how hard the road to the throne would be. How could I know? I have led a simple, cosseted life. As a princess and a Kingmaker life was easy. The threat of sacrifice was always hanging over my head, but I was used to it. I knew what would happen and when. I knew what was expected of me.
Things are different now. A princess is different to a Kingmaker is different to a Queen. A Queen rules. She is in charge. And we have never had one in the Realm before. Not one that didn’t have a King sitting beside her.
Will I be a good Queen? I hope so. I’d like to think I’ll be kind and good and fair and sweet and lovely. And then I remember the squirm of pleasure I felt when I realised my father loved me more than he loved Addyson. Maybe I have more to learn than I care to admit.
Does facing your inadequacy, acknowledging it make you a better person?
I do have a lot to learn. I want to know and understand my magic. I want the teacher to help me, advise me, show me what I can do and what I can’t. I’d like to learn how to defend myself. I was so upset that Ceryn killed Brett, but I’m also in awe of her. She’s not like a girl in a lot of ways. She has many qualities that are mostly attributed to men. She’s tough and strong and fearless. I think a Queen should be like that. Tough, strong, fearless. I can’t always expect others to battle on my behalf and hide while they do so. Maybe she can help me. I know she would, if I asked her.
And Archer. I have a lot to learn about him too. About love.
I can still remember how upset I was when my father started searching for love matches for my brothers, for whichever one became King. He didn’t look for a match for me, because I would be dead. I put my hand on my chest and feel the beat of life. I am alive.
It’s the most incredible feeling. Most of us take life for granted. We know death will come, but not for us, not for a long time at least. We cannot think on it or worry about it. I knew it was coming for me. I knew when and I knew how and I had closed myself off from hope.
Now I have life. I have choice. I have hope. I have love.
At least I think I do.
What do I know, really?
When I see Archer my stomach flips, my hands sweat and my heartbeat is not only faster, but louder. I can hear it.
When we kissed in the rain it was as though time had stopped and only we were alive. He makes me forget everyone else. And he is alive.
Both of us alive when we shouldn’t be. Both of us cheating death to be together, because we cannot bear to be apart. That sounds pretty good to me.
I sink my entire head under the water and I’m spluttering when I come up. Laughing, crying, and alive.